Doug Moe's Blog, page 13
August 7, 2017
manvchild:
Man Vs Child: One Dad’s Guide to the Weirdness of...
Man Vs Child: One Dad’s Guide to the Weirdness of ParentingJust one of the hilarious illustrations by @jordan-awan for my book.
Amazon picked it as one of its “Best Humor and Entertainment Books of 2017.”
Pick it up today if you haven’t yet!
August 2, 2017
NO COMMENTS - Great Parenting Advice from People Who...
NO COMMENTS - Great Parenting Advice from People Who Don’t Understand Jokes
Buzzfeed adapted a piece from my book recently. The piece was called, “19 Hidden Horrors of Parenting,” and it was designed to be a light-hearted list of things that drive you crazy as a parent. Not the worst things about parenting, but the little things. Ya know, “hidden horrors.”
Maybe when you take a piece from my book and plop it elsewhere, it’s missing a little of its context. Like, in the middle of my hilarious book, you’ll know this list is a comedy list. But maybe if you are just a bad person, scrolling through Buzzfeed, you might not understand that, and then you might breezily pass judgment on it.
And even though I KNOW YOU SHOULDN’T READ THE COMMENTS, I did. And ya know what? I learned something.
For instance, one reader tells us:
“Please do NOT throw out your childrens art projects. it tells your kids that you don’t want it, and if you’ve already praised them for their creations, they’ll start telling themselves ‘My parent(s) lied to me’ and if you do this continuously then your kids will stop beliving [sic] in the praise.”
Great advice! So if you want to throw out your children’s art projects, do NOT praise their creations. Stare at your child blankly as you drop the project into the trash, growling “Not worthy” to yourself.
Another reader chimes in on #7 (“You have to buy something for them whenever you go anywhere — better plan an extra $2–$10 kid-junk budget for every outing.”): “#7 is completely wrong, if you always buy a treat then it’s no longer a treat, it’s an expectation. By always giving in you set yourself up for trouble.”
She’s right. #7 is completely wrong. They are ALL wrong - that’s because they are jokes! I know you don’t have to buy something for kids everywhere you go. It’s the KIDS that don’t know that.
Another commenter:
“I feel like I must be parenting wrong? Few of these are relatable ¯_(ツ)_/¯”
Yeah, you got no likes - so I guess you are doing it wrong. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
One reader worries she is old-fashioned:
“Am I just really old fashioned or is a lot of this poor parenting? You’re not supposed to let them do/have everything they want & you really shouldn’t be rewarding tantrums & sulks.”
This is a two-parter: yes and yes. Yes, you are old-fashioned, but the reason you’re old-fashioned is because you don’t understand joke lists! And yes, you’re right that a lot of this is poor parenting. That’s why they are jokes!
The best comments are the ones from non-parents:
Non-parent #1: “Buzzfeed just keeps validating my lack of a desire for kids”
Yeah, but you’re 10 years old, according to your profile picture. Give it time!
Non-parent #2: “Adding to the list of reasons to never procreate…”
Weird list, but okay.
Non-parent #3: “The visible horrors are enough to convince me I don’t want children, thanks. I don’t need the hidden ones.”
You’re welcome! Also, not all Buzzfeed articles are FOR you, believe it or not.
There’s an article right now, next to this one called “Only People Who Were Really Emo Have Listened to 24/36 Of These Songs.” You know what would be a huge waste of everyone’s time? If I went on that article and wrote a comment like “Emo fans are the reason I don’t care about Emo music.”
What if people only commented in a positive manner on the internet? What if they saved their bitter irritation for their journals and criminal manifestos instead of the comments section? Wouldn’t that make the internet a nicer place to be? Huh? Sorry you didn’t like your FREE CONTENT!
Phew. Wow.
Okay, I guess I didn’t really learn anything except that my well of defensive sarcasm is DEEP. Anyway, at least people are interested, right? Maybe I will win them over when they buy my full book!
Help me prove these dummies wrong by buying my book “Man Vs Child”
July 31, 2017
Man Vs Child: One Dad’s Guide to the Weirdness of ParentingJust...
Man Vs Child: One Dad’s Guide to the Weirdness of Parenting
Just one of the hilarious illustrations by @jordan-awan for my book.
Amazon picked it as one of its “Best Humor and Entertainment Books of 2017.”
Pick it up today if you haven’t yet!
July 26, 2017
manvchild:
This dog keeps trying to hump my daughter, which she...
This dog keeps trying to hump my daughter, which she thinks is hilarious.
Guys, I’m not ready for “The Talk.”
Daughter is visiting her grandparents and her favorite dog - hope the dog is not still doing this.
July 24, 2017
July 21, 2017
What does your wife think of the book?
I’ve been asked this question a few different times and I haven’t had a really good answer prepared. She’s read it, but she didn’t go into a whole bunch of effusive praise about it. She did tell me that she laughed a lot. I think it was basically a good review!
But I think it’s sort of a weird question. “What does my wife think of my book?” Why are people interested in that?
My first (admittedly overblown) reaction is: “What does your husband think of you working outside of the home?” Isn’t it a bit of reverse-sexism? Like I said, that is a bit of an over-reaction.
But the nut of the question IS about what my wife thinks about my child-rearing advice. Okay fine. But that is a big point in the book: dads can be competent caregivers, dads are parents too and by virtue of that - they are allowed to LAUGH at being a parent too. And look, this book is a humor book about being a parent, with some real advice in there too, so I’m not pretending to be some kind of expert.
There’s a danger in being too grandiose, and I’ll be the first to point out that I’m no oppressed minority here. I’m still an old white guy, so I have dibs in basically everything.
So what would be a good answer to this question?
“My wife couldn’t BELIEVE the insane advice I gave! Moms beware, this dad’s perspective will SHOCK you.”
“My wife thought it was funny! We love each other and even though the book isn’t called Man and My Wife vs Child, she was totally involved in the parenting too!”
I think people want it to be #1 - they expect me to say things like “Dude, drink a beer with your baby while you’re at the game.” But that’s not my book!
My book is “The shit that drives moms crazy, also drives dads crazy. And dads can relate to parenting humor too, because they are PARENTS.”
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Hope you’ll check it out. You can buy it at Amazon or at your wonderful local bookseller.
July 19, 2017
July 16, 2017
Insights On 'The Weirdness Of Parenting' With Actor, Comedian Doug Moe
Andrea Grymes interviewed me on CBS New York about my book - here’s the interview in case you missed it!
I have to come up with a better answer to “what did my wife think about the book?”
July 12, 2017
Registration is Closed
Registration is Closed - for everything.
Pre-registration for the Spring 2016 Ballet Class was open to alumni families on June 14, 1968 and was sold out in 10 minutes. The waitlist is primarily for those expecting to expect children in 2060 or afterwards.
Young People’s Fun Camp held its open house two months ago, though it was something of a formality. All camp classes are full and always were.
Robot Builders Summer Camp registration was determined by algorithm from a pool of applicants pre-selected by lottery. The lottery was secret, open only to non-human, artificial intelligence.
Stick N Mud Park Explorers registration was available by geocache on whatever yesterday was. One lucky excavator and 200 of their closest friends have priority registration. In the event of a cave-in, a wait-list will be announced.
Bike Camp has pedaled away.
Sail-Away Camp has shipped off.
Philosophical Journeys was only ever theoretical.
Junior Scouts is free, openings are plentiful but your kid will refuse to attend so we have closed registration, for you only.
Due to popular demand, Two Teens/Five Bucks Camp is back again this summer. Two surly teens will keep an eye on your kid, sort of - for five bucks. This is not technically a camp, nor is it safe or advised, but please register soon due to limited openings.
Uh-oh, did you register for camp?
