Jon Acuff's Blog, page 147

Trying to figure out who we are.

I used to think I could quickly grow a mustache.

My beard is always patchy and hole laden and bad. (Not bad meaning good like Run DMC intoned but bad meaning bad.)

But mustaches? The Acuff family mustache is too fast and too furious. I always thought that was the one bit of facial hair I could hang my hat on or at least a mustache comb. Until I met my friend Daniel.

He sits next to me at work and over a weekend is able to grow the thickest, most committed mustache I've ever seen. It is so impressive that when you see his mustache on a Monday, it confuses your sense of time. In your head you think, "Have I fallen asleep for a few weeks or stepped into a parallel universe? I swear I saw him last Friday but the robustness of that mustache would argue otherwise. What year is it? When am I?"

He can grow a quick mustache.

The other thing he's good at is dropping some wisdom, which is exactly what he did a few weeks ago in a conversation we were having about fear.

With my new book Quitter coming out on May 10, one of the questions I have bouncing around in my head is, "What if it fails?" The Stuff Christians Like book did well and there's a part of me that fears that Quitter won't do as well. I know that's a negative thought, but I want to be honest about what's bouncing around in my head right now.

Here's what Daniel told me:

"The problem is that we all start off with an identity. It's who we are and who God made us to be. Then we have some small degree of success and we add that to our identity. That success becomes our identity. So now, when we try something new, we're not just afraid to fail, we're afraid to lose our identity. That's what's terrifying. That's why people are afraid to take risks or try new things. It's not just failure at stake, we think we're going to lose our identity and that's overwhelming."

That mentality is easy to see in a city like Nashville. I have musician friends who released successful first albums and are now afraid to release a second album. Because if success is their identity, if they fail, they've lost their entire identity. But I don't think that's just something artists struggle with. The truth is, I think on some level must of us wrestle with the temptation to let other things become our identity.

You see this in parents who turn the performance of their kids into their identity. Sometimes parents get crazy with pushing kids in sports or school because more than a soccer goal or a spelling test is at stake. Their identity is up for grabs.

You see this in dating relationships. Sometimes we're desperate for them not to end for the wrong reasons. With popular song lyrics telling us, "What am I supposed to do, when the best part of me was always you?" it's so easy to think, "If I lose this boyfriend, I'll lose my whole identity."

You see this at work, when someone scraps and fights for a surprisingly small amount of power and politics inside a cubicle. It's not a bonus at stake or a plaque or a recognition, it's their identity they're fighting for.

Over and over again, whether you're writing a new book, or dating a new girl or applying for a new job, it's so easy to fall into the trap of "identity addition."

But that debate is over. You're identity has been decided. How you perform in a new opportunity will not finalize that.

You are a son or daughter of Christ.

You are an heir to the throne.

No success or failure should become your identity.

No rise or fall can determine who you are.

And though that feels simple and sometimes even impossible to believe, that is what I remind myself of every day. We are God's children.

And you and I can rest in the truth of that and be bold in the risks we take and the hope we have. Because our identity is not at stake.

Blog Reviews

I'm still working through the blog reviews I offered people who purchased my second book on a certain day. To be honest with you, I grossly underestimated the number of people who would respond and grossly overestimated how fast I could review each blog. (This is a running theme in my life, often exhibited in the amount of time I leave myself to drive somewhere. Based on my late arrivals I tend to estimate that my car can travel 180MPH on the way to someone's house for dinner and that it should only take me 10 minutes to travel a 30 minute distance.) I've worked through a bunch of them but have a bunch left and just wanted to apologize and say, I'm sorry it's taken so long. That's not cool. It's not you, it's me. Hopefully you will get an email from me with delightful feedback as I continue to work through the list.

Not knowing whether to add an S to "Psalm."

Is there an S?

Is there not an S?

When you say "I love Psalms 103:5" is that wrong? There's no S? OK, so then what about "The book of Psalm." No S there? Is it "Psalmi?" Is that the plural of Psalm? Or is it "Psalmses?"

I think my confusion started as a child when I got baffled by Psalty, the singing blue Christian superhero. Was he a book of songs or Psalms or a hymnal full of a lot of Psalm? That perplexed me as a young lad and now as an adult, I still never know when to put an S on Psalms.

Honestly, I get that wrong and I'm worried that if I get it wrong in front of other Christians, they'll make me turn in my Christian card. Like the time I dropped my circular hair gel and it rolled under three cars and I had to yell in the rain to my friend Chris while crawling on my hands and knees in the parking lot, "I can't find my hair gel" and he asked for my man card.

I think the problem I have is that Proverbs is just Proverbs. There's no singular or plural. It's the "book of Proverbs" and Proverbs 4:10. All S, all the time. Plus, you don't pluralize other books. It's not the "book of Joels," although that would be awesome. Just a bunch of Joels kicking it, loving on people, solving crimes maybe or jumping through time trying to get back home like Scott Bakula.

Whenever I have to write words on a whiteboard in a meeting in front of people, I have a "spelling trick" I like to do. If I don't know how to spell the word, I'll just abbreviate it right in the middle. Say I was writing the word "occasionally" and panicked that there might be a double s in the middle. On the board I'd just write, "Occ." as in "I'm so busy right now I don't have time to write the whole word. BTW we need to get things done ASAP, by EOD, so I abbreviated the word as a time saving technique not because I have 'speller's nerves' while writing in front of other people."

Should I do that? When I mention Psalms should I just say, "I love PS103:5?" That kind of sounds like I'm talking about my favorite element from the periodic table of elements though. (And everyone knows Selenium is actually my favorite.)

Please tell me I'm not the only who has ever had an "S" issue when it comes to Psalms.

Or maybe you use the table of contents to look up books of the Bible and you need to confess the shame of that?

Is there a really obvious Biblical twist you're afraid to admit you get backwards sometimes?

Running into famous Christians. (AKA, the "Michael W. Smith Incident.")

If you follow me on Twitter @jonacuff, and really should because it's a pretty delightful experience, you know that last Friday, Christian recording legend Michael W. Smith was on my flight to Denver. I was literally "going west young man" with Michael W. Smith.

He lives probably 6 minutes from me in Franklin, but I've never actually met him. I like to pretend I'm cool and not impressed by famous people, but I got really nervous when I saw him.

Because we were both on Southwest, I had a chance to sit in the row next to him. I actually asked an elderly woman on the aisle to stand up so that I could sit in the middle of the row across from him. She struggled to her feet, at which point I wussed out, told her to sit back down and took a seat two rows behind Michael W. Smith.

I had a copy of the Stuff Christian Like book in my bag and started to debate whether I should give it to him. I told the mom next to me what was going on and she started plotting too. Here are a few things that went through my head:

1. Is he asleep? I can't tell if he's asleep. His seat is reclined, am I about to be the guy who wakes someone up on the plane?

2. Oh no, he's wearing sunglasses, even if I walk to the front of the plane, for a fake bathroom run just to do reconnaissance, I won't be able to tell if he's awake.

3. The lady next to me just offered that her 10 year old could walk by him, bump him and wake him up for me. Would it be weird if I took her up on that offer? That's probably weird.

4. What if I hand him the Stuff Christian Like and he thinks it's a mockery of Christianity, not a celebration of it? Do I have to craft the perfect sentence to explain the entire heart of the book and then deliver that sentence crouched in the aisle of an airplane at 30,000 feet?

5. I need to make sure to mention that "Zondervan" published the book. They also publish the Bible, he'll definitely have heard of them and will be less likely to refuse the book.

6. Should I hand it to the lady in front of me and ask her to pass it up to him? Is that crazy?

7. The lady next to me's son is crying because he's afraid of flying. Should I send the crying kid to deliver the book? Nobody would refuse a book from a crying kid.

8. Am I the worst person on the planet for thinking about having a crying kid deliver my book? Definitely.

9. If this experience becomes a blog post, should I edit out that last part so that people think I'm a better person than I really am? Nope.

10. The lady next to me just offered to go up to him and say, "Are you Michael W. Smith? What are the chances, I just met the author Jon Acuff two rows behind you. He wrote a great book." Would that work?

11. How great is this lady next to me?

12. Speaking of great, how great is it that Michael W. Smith is flying Southwest? Legit.

13. What if I hand him the book and he leg sweeps me or punches me right in the breadbox. If he's seated and I'm standing, would he have access to the breadbox?

14. Did the idea about "Always singing friends are friends forever on the last night of camp" make it into the Stuff Christians Like book? (Flip, flip, flip.) Nope.

15. What if I just started singing that instead? Would other people on the plane join in? Would that be awkward or would I "find my place in this world?"

16. It would be better if I had a synthesizer with me. I wish I had a travel synthesizer with me. I bet I can get one in Sky Mall.

17. Why did I think of the breadbox? Isn't that an old timey, vaudeville term for gut? Why is that word in my head?

18. Would it be better to give the book to the lady next to me? She asked where she could buy it. Should I give it to her? Celebrities are just people too, this lady is every bit as special as Michael W. Smith in God's eyes.

19. Did I just Jesus Juke myself?

So what did I do?

After the stewardess took his drink order I sprang from my seat like a slightly awkward panther.

I said something like "I just wanted to thank you for using the gifts God gave you so faithfully and so consistently. I wrote a book with Zondervan. It's a satire of all the funny things we do within the context of Christianity and faith. I'd love to give you a copy. Thanks!"

And then I retreated to my seat. 3 feet away. He was super kind, incredibly gracious and the whole thing took about 14 seconds.

Here is what I thought next:

1. The lady next to me just said that he's reading the book. Is he?

2. In a few minutes he's going to start laughing so loud that the pilot is probably going to need to make an announcement asking him to quiet down.

3. We'll probably become best friends by the end of this flight.

4. I wonder if he owns horses? I bet he owns horses. Man, it's going to be so fun to ride horses with Michael W. Smith when we're best friends.

5. He's standing up and getting something out of the overhead compartment. Is he putting the book away cause he hated it? Or is he getting out some highlighters and a notebook so that he can really soak in the deep wisdom I've written? It's definitely one of those two options.

6. I should write this down right now because it's a great example of how crazy I am.

That's the internal dialogue I experienced in approximately 11 minutes. And I wrote this post on the plane right after I gave him the book. When I share these kind of thoughts with my wife she often says, "It must be exhausting to be you" and it is.

But is that weird?

Have you ever bumped into a Christian celebrity?

If so, who?

If not, whom would you like to meet?

Come see me at the NOW Conference!

I'm really excited about speaking at the NOW conference for young adults on April 15-17. Why?

Like most other things on this blog, allow me to express that in the form of a list

1. Aaron Keyes, one of my favorite worship leaders of all time will be there.

2. Pete Wilson, Ben Arment, Jeremy Cowart, Ed Stetzer and a ridiculous collection of really honest, challenging people will be there.

3. It's cheap. It's only $99.

4. I'll be talking about some of the hardest lessons I've learned about what it means to step into a big dream God has called you to.

5. It's at Brentwood Baptist in Nashville and they have free Galaga. That's right Free Galaga.

I'd love you to come and say hey. I'm sure I'll have a book signing table and will hang out after I speak. Click here to register!

And, below is a video they did with me about the event. A few warnings:

1. I am wearing a double V-neck

2. There are several moments where I awkwardly stare at the camera because I didn't know it was on.

3. I play Galaga during the video.

4. I confess I'm old school when it comes to living missionally.

NOW Conference – Jon Acuff from Threads on Vimeo.

The question of the day, the short Saturday question if you will is this:

What's your favorite part of a conference?

Kissing Metaphors in Worship Music

(Over the years, Bryan Allain has written some fantastic guest posts on SCL. He's one of my friends who I hope gets to publish a book someday because he's a funny, smart honest writer. He's also just started BlogRocket.com to help other bloggers blow their blogs up. Today he shares, a brilliant post about a song most of us know and love. Enjoy.)

Kissing Metaphors in Worship Music

If you're not familiar with John Mark McMillan's song "How He Loves", first off tell me what it's like to live in a cave. Do you pee in one corner of the cave or do you go outside to do your business and risk being mauled by a jaguar with your pants down?

Either way, "How He Loves" is a popular song in churches right now, and one of the more memorable lines in the song goes something like this:

So heaven meets earth like a sloppy, wet kiss

Now, you're gonna be shocked to hear this (I hope you're sitting down in the urine-free corner of your cave), but some artists and congregations aren't comfortable throwing in imagery more commonly associated with a 7th grade make-out party into their worship songs.

As a result, another version of the song has been recorded that describes the heaven-earth collision as a slightly different lip lock:

So heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss

I bring all this up because a few months ago I was speaking at a youth retreat and i overheard the following conversation between one of the youth leaders and the guest worship band:

Youth Leader: You guys did a great job tonight, but I wanted to let you know if you do "How He Loves" again, our kids are cool with the "sloppy wet kiss version".

Worship Leader: Oh, are they? Okay, cool. I forgot to ask you about that, so we just did "unforeseen kiss".

YL: No, our kids like the "sloppy wet kiss" way better.

WL: Yeah, so do we!!! Good to know for next time.

The moment I heard that conversation, I knew it HAD to be a Stuff Christians Like post. So many points to be made here.

1. Worship Bands need to start putting the Sloppy Wet Kiss Clause (SWK) into their riders.

SECTION 4C, NON-NEGOTIABLE ISSUES

"We've got four non-negotiables: 1) We need in-ear monitors (no wedges), 2) we need three pounds of unsalted cashews in a wicker basket, 3) we need a high-ceiling closet to drape our scarf collection, and 4) we will ONLY do the 'sloppy wet kiss' version of How He Loves."

2. Why an "unforeseen kiss"? Doesn't it feel like the person who rewrote that line just made a list of 3-syllable phrases/words to pair up with "kiss" and in the end "unforeseen" was the best they could do?

I'm guessing the list looked something like this:

#1 – So heaven meets earth like a hollywood kiss (sounds great but Christians are never gonna go for it)

#2 – So heaven meets earth like a butterfly kiss (perfect, but Bob Carlisle refuses to sell us the rights)

#3 – So heaven meets earth like a pantomime kiss (only if we want to creep out the entire congregation)

#4 – So heaven meets earth like a tongue-on-tongue kiss (somehow we've found something grosser than "sloppy, wet")

#5 – So heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss (it makes no sense, but it's the best we've got. Let's do it.)

3. Never thought I'd see the day when a youth leader would say "our kids like the sloppy, wet kiss way better" with a big smile on his face.

I mean, having been one years ago I always knew junior high kids preferred sloppy, wet kisses…I just didn't think Youth Pastors would ever find a context in which they'd be cool with it, too.

4. Why limit it to kissing? If we're going to rewrite the song and use romantic language, let's really open up the palette. Some suggestions…

So heaven meets earth like…

…some tender light petting

…a gentle ear nibble

…some married foreplay

…a playful butt grab

…the Song of Solomon

Let's stop there before I get myself in trouble.

5. I'm calling it now: a Worship Leader will get fired in the next 12 months for refusing to sing the "unforeseen" version. I can already see the story…

Disagreements between worship leaders and pastors are nothing new, but twitter was abuzz today when a rogue song leader was fired for singing his favorite version of the song, How He Loves, against his Senior Pastor's wishes. Mitch Veeneck, a worship pastor at Firepond Church in Central Iowa, sang the "Sloppy, Wet kiss" version of the song at both the 9am AND 11am services yesterday after being warned he would be removed from his position for continuing to do so.

While initial public support was strongly behind Veeneck, a new development in the story has swung the pendulum the other way. In an article posted on the church's blog late last night, slow motion stills show the crooner flicking his tongue in and out of his mouth like a snake while singing the controversial line. More details as they emerge…

So what's your take on the "sloppy, wet kiss" line in How He Loves? Do you like the original, prefer the toned down version, or don't really care either way?

And by all means, if you have your own (non-vulgar) suggestions on how to rewrite that "heaven meets earth" line, pucker up and fire away.

(For more great stuff from Bryan, check out his blog or twitter feed. If you're a blogger don't miss his new site blogrocket.com)

Using NCAA brackets as a form of witnessing.

The other day at lunch, my friend Chris Thomas called me out in the middle of our conversation. I was telling him about how Kanye West's hamburger restaurant closed. He actually owns his own company called "Kanye West Foods LLC." I made a joke about how that's the new status symbol. Forget a clothing line or a cologne, you're not ballin' until you're able to release your own reasonably priced frozen vegetable medley.

As I was saying this, he stopped me and said, "Wait a second, are you doing material right now?"

I was so caught off guard that I lied. (Why lie about something that silly? I'm not sure, but unfortunately after years of dishonest living, sometimes I still catch myself lying about stuff that doesn't even matter.) But the truth is that I was doing material. I had a tweet in my head and wanted to see if folks thought it was funny before I posted it.

That's how life is sometimes. I kick around Stuff Christians Like posts or tweets for a few days or weeks before they see the light of day. They bounce and bounce until I finally sit down to write them out. Other times, though, they arrive in my email like delicious digital nougat. (Not to be confused with the Digital Underground, purveyors of the Humpty Dance.)

Such was the case last week when someone sent me an email about their pastor using NCAA brackets as an outreach method to non-Christians. I am not making this up, despite paragraph three in which I admitted a struggle with lying. There are really pastors who use filling out an NCAA March Madness Brackett as a way to build community. Bumping into that, I was struck with a few questions:

1. Is that an outreach method that is also a form of gambling?

Every bracket pool I've been part of has involved an entry fee that the winner earns if they score the highest points. I know we give NCAA brackets a free pass, so maybe it's not gambling.

2. What if we donated the winnings to a non-profit?

Is there a way we could use the prize purse, the bag of cabbage if you will, for social justice? Does that make it extra right? Or extra wrong?

3. What does your approach to filling out the bracket say about your heart?

Is automatically siding with the experts and picking all the safe picks mean you're not like Gideon and willing to take long shots? Are the number 1 ranked teams like Ohio State automatically "Goliaths" and to pick one of those is to turn your back on the Davids, like Butler?

4. What's the transition plan from NCAA Bracket to Romans Road?

I've heard of weirder outreach methods and with a God who used a talking donkey and a burning bush, I never want to be in a position to say what things God can't use to reach someone's heart. But how do you make that transition between a bracket that VCU has clearly wrecked and the undying love of Christ? Do you build a church ministries bracket that pits the youth group against the elders? Maybe the number one seed is "The church van will break down" and the number 16 is "No one will critique the sermon at lunch."

I'm torn on this issue. Not because of the theological implications, but because I didn't fill out a bracket this year. Not on purpose, I just got really busy and don't yet have a core group of guys in Nashville that are doing that. Maybe I need that outreach. Maybe I need some Bracket Baptist to extend the right arm of fellowship or at least the left hand of "Are the Richmond Spiders really still in the tourney?"

How about you, did you fill out a bracket this year?

Is that a form of fellowship your church does?

The problem with a platform.

It only takes about three followers on twitter to become a punk. I know this, because I did.

When Stuff Christians Like took off three years ago I went off the deep end a bit with my ego. I got cocky. I got arrogant. I got extra handsome.

See? That just slipped out. Even in describing my narcissism I proved my narcissism. It's a problem. I'm working on it.

But when you get a few followers on Twitter or start a blog or open a facebook account, something weird happens – you get a platform.

It's true, you might just post photos of your cat water skiing or flowers you think look like former president Grover Cleveland, but the reality is that we all have platforms. They might be small, they might be large, but a platform is just a place where you share ideas from. That might mean speaking at main stage Catalyst to 13,000 people or beside your mailbox, speaking to your neighbor. They're both platforms.

And I think one of the biggest reasons people don't want to hear what's being said from Christian platforms is that they think we're hypocrites.

And I think hypocrisy is a form of arrogance.

The definition of arrogance is "having or showing an exaggerated opinion of one's own importance, merit, ability, etc." Arrogance is about pretending.

The definition of hypocrisy is, "a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess." Hypocrisy is about pretending.

Whether you label it arrogance or hypocrisy, it's easy to pretend when you find yourself with a platform. The problem is that platforms are such great places to "perform" from. It's easy to just be you when no one is watching but on a platform there's a great temptation to manufacture the best version of you. For a while, I wasn't that concerned about it until I saw something in a familiar verse that I'd never noticed before.

In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul talks about his famous "thorn in the flesh." I say famous because it's practically Christian law that you have to assume his thorn was also the exact same thing you struggle with personally. We've all read those verses, but what I missed was the reason Paul said he had the thorn in the flesh. Here's what 2 Corinthians 12:7 says:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me."

That is terrifying.

Paul just said that in order to keep him from becoming conceited God allowed a messenger of Satan to torment him. Conceit is so high on the list of things God is against that would sooner have Paul tormented by a messenger of Satan. Of the two, judo chop by Satan's minion or Paul becomes conceited, God went with the judo chop.

That's crazy, right?

Of all the things we focus on, of all the sins we shine a critical light upon, I think arrogance sometimes gets a free pass. We talk about pride every now and then, but I personally haven't looked at it like I think our God does.

I don't have a neat wrap up. I wish I did because I think most blog posts should. And it's more fun to write the ones that end with grace than it is the ones that end with a groan. But that's where I'm at.

I want to be humble.

I want to be real.

Instead of people saying "Christians are so hypocritical" I want them to say, "Christians are so honest." And I think that starts with you and I and the way we live on the platforms we're given by a God whose heart breaks when we get swallowed up by conceit.

Wondering why God created allergies.

Ahh, spring is upon us. Bluebirds are singing jaunty tunes. Pastel flowers are poking their heads out after long winter naps. Woodland creatures are dancing about.

And I am sneezing.

And sniffling.

And constantly looking like I'm crying from watching a particularly heart-wrenching Lifetime Channel Movie.

I have allergies and am discovering that in Nashville spring blooms like a big bowl of pollen covered frosted mini wheats.

I'm taking Claritin D. I've scheduled an appointment with an allergist. I'm drinking throat coat before I speak on stage because my voice kind of sounds like a smoky lounge singer right now. But why?

Why did God create allergies? Have you ever stopped to think about that? Why do they exist? Here are four possible explanations I came up with:

Reasons God Created Allergies

1. Keep me humble.

One Sunday at church, I was snorting so much that the lady next to me just handed me a tissue. She didn't ask if I needed one, I didn't ask her for one, she just thrust it in my hand, which is church aisle language for "Shut up, please shut up already with that nose of yours." Maybe God created allergies to keep me humble. It's my thorn in the flesh or thorn in the sinus if you will. Seems a little extreme that he would create a planet impacting form of pollen just to keep me humble, but me even thinking that probably proves why he needed to do it.

2. Support pharmacies and pharmacists

My sister in law Marci is studying to be a pharmacist. I have friends who are drug reps. I'm sure someone I know worked on one of the bajillion allergy commercials you see this time of year. There are tens of thousands of people with families and kids and lives supported by people who have allergies. Maybe that's why God invented them.

3. Teach me patience.

Have you tried to buy allergy medicine lately? In order to prevent illegal purchases, you now have to fill out a form, show your driver's license, buy one small box at a time, submit to a retinal scan and write a 300 word essay on why you feel you deserve the Claritin D. Maybe this is all just a lesson in patience.

4. Bees need pollen.

In the current issue of National Geographic there's a story about pollen and bees. I didn't read it because just looking at the photos made me sneeze and there was an article on kung fu that I found very distracting/awesome. I like honey. Maybe that's the tradeoff. God created allergies because honey is so fantastic. I think I can get down with that.

5. In all things God works for the good

Is this a Romans 8:28 situation? "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Should I recite that verse every time I feel my itchy red eyes tearing up?

It has to be one of those reasons. Or maybe allergies are part of the fall? Was the Garden of Eden hypoallergenic and then when Adam and Eve got kicked out they were expelled to a pollen filled land of woe? Am I overthinking this? Probably.

Why do you think God created allergies?

Do you have any allergies?

Reacting in Christian Love When Your Spouse "Out Parents" You.

I love my wife. She is the reason I've been able to write three books. She's the smartest, kindest person I know. And though it's a prerequisite that as a Christian husband you're required by law to say that you "married over your head," this is actually true with me. That's not an exaggeration. Ask John Ortberg. When he signed a copy of his fantastic book "The Me I Want to Be" for Jenny he wrote, "Jenny, you married way beneath you."

That's just gospel truth. But recently I've faced a new dilemma.

We've started to get competitive with our parenting.

Not in a bad way. Not in a sad way. Not in a "whoa this is serious Wednesday on Monday" way. We've just gotten very competitive on one silly thing:

My daughter's spelling tests.

Every Friday, our 7 year old L.E. has a spelling test in the first grade. There are five words she has to know how to spell and then five bonus words. So the best she can score is a "5+," indicating that in addition to the mandatory words, she got all the bonus ones right too.

My wife works on the words with her each afternoon after she gets off the bus before I get home from work. For the entire year, she scored 5+ on every test …

until Jenny went out of town.

One Thursday, Jenny was out of town and I was the one running the show. L.E. and I practiced the words a little and then she said that was enough practice. It felt short to me and so I said, "Is that how long you and your mom normally practice?" L.E. brilliantly responded, "I'll do my best dad. That's what matters most, that I do my best."

That felt like good logic to me. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking they have to earn my love or attention with performance. I like that idea. That seemed right.

At the time I didn't know I was getting played by a 7 year old.

How did she do on the test?

Her best that week was a 3+.

My wife came home and laughed about it, but since then, on most Friday afternoons my wife or my daughter will call me on the phone. They'll say, "5+" and then hang up. They're talking trash, spelling test trash.

I always react in Christian love, but if they're not careful at some point I'm probably going to juke em. Not L.E. of course, Jesus Juking a kid is like dunking on an 8 foot hoop. You shouldn't do it, but Jenny? It is on like Hong Kong. (The fun of that statement was really sucked out when Nintendo trademarked the phrase "On like Donkey Kong.")

Have you and your spouse ever been competitive on the way you parent?