Jon Acuff's Blog, page 146

High tech prayers.

"I need to make a copy of this document before I fax it because I only have one copy and don't want to lose it."

I wish that was a quote I got from the show "Matlock" or perhaps an episode of "Murder She Wrote," or a website called, "Crazy things old people who don't understand technology say."

But it's not. That's something I said ten years ago when I was about to send one of my first faxes.

I'm not sure why I thought that if I faxed a piece of paper it would be forever gone. Maybe I thought the fax machine was a magical device full of elves that chopped up that paper into tiny pieces. Then they fed those pieces through a series of tubes that eventually connected to another fax machine on the other side of the country at which other elves would reassemble it for the recipient. I'm not sure what my logic was there, but despite having gotten over my fear of fax machines, technology still baffles me.

And lately, in addition to all the office prayers I confessed to, I've found myself making some high tech prayers as well. Here are three tech-flavored prayers I tend to say:

1. The Outlook Recall Prayer

Outlook has a feature where you can "recall" or take back an email you sent to someone. This is theoretically useful if you sent an error out or sent the wrong thing to the wrong person. But, this never, ever works. What usually happens is that you're not able to recall it and by sending a recall, you've now tempted everyone who got it to go read it. Immediately. Sending a recall out is like yelling, "EVERYONE GO CHECK THAT EMAIL RIGHT NOW." If you really need to recall a message you have a better shot sending up a prayer than pressing that button in Outlook.

2. The Synch My Music Prayer

Sometimes, I'll try to buy a song from iTunes on my iPhone and it will tell me, "You already own that song." But then I'll look in my iPhone and realize it's not there. The song is trapped somewhere on a computer or in a file or in outer space. (See my fax story for the level of my high tech intelligence.) I am terrified to synch my iPhone with my two computers because I always feel like I am one wrong move away from completely losing all my music forever.

3. The Tweet & Facebook Reply All Prayer

If you use Twitter, then you know the sweaty horror of sending out a personal direct message to a friend and then thinking, "wait, did I DM my friend or tweet that out to everyone on Twitter?" That's a horrible feeling, forcing you to immediately go to your list of tweets to calm your panic as you pray it was a DM. Facebook is even worse because their default on messages is reply to all. The button literally says "Reply All" but it's still easy to hit that by accident. A few weeks ago someone sent me and possibly dozens of other people a really personal email about owing a friend money, a girl he wasn't dating but planned on marrying and just about every other situation you wouldn't want strangers receiving thinking it was for them. This is a prayer I often think about, the reply to everyone prayer.

If you read that list and laughed at my Luddite like tech skills, don't laugh, help fix. I own more copies of Babyface's song "Whip Appeal" than a person really should but can't find any of them in the mysterious forest that is my music collection. I feel like sometimes my laptop, desktop and iPhone are playing keep away from me, passing the song I'm looking for back and forth over my head as I scramble around like a third grader on the playground.

Maybe you've got iTunes figured out. But are there any other areas of technology you find yourself tempted to send up a high tech prayer about?

Hiding the things that hurt.

I do not remember the day that I got my rejection letter from the University of North Carolina. That moment did not crystallize, me standing at a cold Massachusetts mailbox with a much too thin envelope clutched in my teenage fist as I cursed the clouds above. That would have been dramatic, but I am not sure that's how it happened.

My father went to UNC. My mother went to UNC. My uncle went to UNC. My younger brother went to UNC. My little sister went to UNC. I was supposed to go to UNC. I grew up loving the UNC basketball team, throwing frisbee on the Carolina campus and dreaming about wearing that shade of blue for four perfect years. But then I got rejected.

Situations like that force me to deal with a harsh reality—there are some things I want that I will simply never have. Experiences or possessions or friendships that will for a host of reasons never really be mine. And I have a hard time rectifying that limited reality with my limitless God.

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever realized that a dream you have is sunsetting instead of sunrising? Ending instead of beginning? Maybe it's a job promotion you killed yourself for that slipped through your fingers. It was yours. It was meant to be. You had sacrificed so much and then it just disappeared.

More than likely though, it was a moment of love unreturned. Have you ever loved someone that would not love you back? Maybe it was that guy you were supposed to be with. When you were around him you felt this strange mixture of being stirred up inside but at the same time feeling as if you were home.

He was the one in a world full of not the ones. But it didn't happen.

He fell in love with someone else. Someone not named you. And despite your best hopes that particular dream ended.

What then? Where does that leave God? What if that desire wasn't something you hid from him? What if it were something you prayed about fervently and patiently? What then?

I wrestle with this sometimes but what I am starting to think is that disappointment, sunset moments, only point to how bright my sunrise really is. Throughout the bible, we are told that God knows our true desires, those things we really need above all else. And in his midst alone, do we find our satisfaction. So when I experience something that hurts, an expectation that was unmet, maybe what I should think is, "If that felt good at first and that's not the thing that God has planned for me, how amazing is that thing going to be?"

There's a verse in Psalm 103 that kind of makes me think about that. It describes God as he "who satisfies your desires with good things." So when I got rejected from UNC, a place I thought was a good thing, I can't help but think, "If that wasn't the good thing, just imagine what is?" And I ask that question confidently because we know, that God is in the business of good. In Romans 8:28 we're told "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." It's not "in some things" or "in the things we understand" or "the things we dictate to God." The verse says, "all things" according to "his purpose." If it were my things and my purpose, I would have told God "We're going to UNC," and then missed Samford University. And my wife Jenny. And ultimately, my children L.E. and McRae.

The challenge in all that though is being honest about the things that burn. The good things that turned out to not be the good things after all. I think God wants to dialogue about the desires we have that didn't get met. I don't think he wants us to fake it and shine up our hurts as if they didn't. I think he wants to hear you say, "God, I want to die when I see Bill and his fiancée. That should be me." I think he wants us to be honest about those things so that in those moments he can hold us, he can comfort us and he can reveal our true good things.

There will be things you think are good, that you don't get. God is not an ATM or a genie who grants wishes. He doesn't take orders from us or fulfill our hopes in the shape and size and speed we demand.

Why not?

Because He's bigger than that. He's better than that. And above all, he loves us much, much more than that.

Wishing you could find your missionary souvenir machete when something goes bump in the night.

Last week, the alarm system in our house started going off at 5 in the morning. It was still dark out or otherwise I would have been fine. Let's get that straight right now. If it was bright out, I probably would have just rolled right out of bed onto the massive pile of pillows my wife insists belong on our bed when we're not in it and then just punched whoever set off the alarm right in the face.

Then I would have kicked him for telling me I write run on sentences like that last one, which would have been an oddly specific thing for a cat burglar to know about me.

But it was dark, so here, in a rambletastic list are the things that went through my head:

1. What's that beeping noise? I hope it's not the alarm system. I hope it's the smoke detector.

2. Really? I'd rather the house be filling with smoke instead of having the house alarm triggered by a bird hitting the window? That's surprising given how terrified I am of the smoke monster from Lost.

3. I should really go watch that clip of Sawyer and Juliet holding hands at the snack machine. Such a good scene.

4. Focus! There's probably some sort of jewel thief in the house right now.

5. Alright, where are my mission trip machetes? As a boy, you're required by Christian law to get one whenever you go on a mission trip, where are they?

6. I bet we haven't unpacked them yet from moving to Nashville. Have we needed them for anything else? Have I been chopping down underbrush or scaling jungle trees to crack open coconuts with my machete since we moved here? Nope. Not that I can remember. They're probably still in a box somewhere.

7. I'd feel safer if my wife and kids were here and not out of town. Why though? What sort of burglar assistance am I expecting from my 5 year old? Why does that make me feel safe? I know I pretend that she can pick me up, but between you and me, I'm jumping a little every time she tries just to make her feel strong.

8. If the burglar is 30 pounds or less she's got a fighting chance, otherwise, she's not going to be any help.

9. At what age do bumps in the night stop freaking you out?

10. Wait, our alarm system isn't even hooked up. We've never connected it. Is that reassuring or even more frightening?

11. Is it possible that someone reconnected the alarm system so they could set it off again just to mess with me? Am I in the middle of one of the Saw movies, which I have not seen cause the trailer is scary enough? What kind of madman am I dealing with here?

12. Let me look at the alarm system. (Open box on wall). OK, there's one light blinking, let's see what the instructions say that means. "One light = trouble." Oh, OK.

13. Wait, what? What is that supposed to mean? How terrifyingly vague is that thing? "Trouble." Why don't they just say, "You're screwed," or "The call is coming from inside the house." I need details! Trouble could be anything.

14. Where is that stupid mission trip machete? I've got to find a use around the house for that thing so that I can justify having it out to my wife. Letter opener for any massive letters we get? Obligatory mission trip art we hang near the wooden giraffe or elephant everyone gets?

Much like the Michael W. Smith run in, these thoughts cascaded in my head in about 4 minutes. Then I called my wife and asked her what I should do. She suggested I hit reset on the alarm. I did. It stopped beeping immediately. But …it could have been an intruder or a smoke monster.

What about you? Do you have a mission trip souvenir that doubles as a weapon for things that go bump in the night?

Thank you! And a few answers to Quitter questions.

Yesterday was awesome! You guys were incredibly supportive of my new book Quitter and it actually reached #89 on the bestsellers list of Amazon. Thank you for pre-ordering it!

There were a few questions people asked:

1. Will it be on Kindle?

Yes! It will be and I'll announce that on SCL when it's up. It will be on iBooks too and should be on the Nook as well.

2. Where can I pre-order to help you most?

Really kind question. Big thank you to the folks who asked it. The truth is, anywhere you preorder the book is awesome. Whatever is easiest for you is great for me. For some people, that's Amazon. For folks who want a free copy of the audio book, ordering on DaveRamsey.com makes the most sense. For other people, Books-A-Million or Barnes & Noble. Really, it's up to you.

3. Would you describe your hands as Ralph Macchio in Karate Kid or a mime in the Quitter trailer?

Both.

4. Is it OK if I buy 10 copies so that I can give them to my friends who need this book?

OK, no one asked this question. But some folks did buy 5 copies for that very purpose. If you've got the question in your heart and are debating whether it's OK to buy 10 or a case for that matter, I'd like to be the first one to say, "yes, yes it is OK to do that."

I think we're going to have a lot of fun this year with Quitter. Thank you again for the constant support and encouragement.

Side hugs and Jesus Jukes,

Jon

Hear me on the radio with Dave Ramsey Today!

Today at 3:30PM Central, I'll be on the radio with Dave Ramsey talking about my new book "Quitter, Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job and Your Dream Job."

To find a radio station near you that carries the show click here.

After the show, at 4:00, we'll be doing a live chat. I'd love for you to sit in and say hey.

Here's the info for that.

Quitter Pre-Orders Start Today!

The day I've been thinking about/praying about/sweating nervously about is finally here! Today, you can pre-order my new book "Quitter, Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job and Your Dream Job." What's it about?

Check out the book trailer the team at Dave Ramsey made:

I lived this book for 12 years and it covers everything from figuring out what your dream is to falling in like with a job you don't love to understanding how to quit your day job in a way that protects your dream. This is the book I wish someone had handed me in college because it could have helped save me more than a decade of job jumping and dream ignoring.

Why should you pre-order it today?

1. It's on sale and it's super cheap.

2. If you buy it on DaveRamsey.com right now you'll get the audio download read by me for FREE!

3. It's hardcover and when it arrives on your doorstep on May 10 you'll be pleasantly surprised.

4. You've ever thought "I can't do this job for the rest of my life" and want to take one ridiculously first step to exploring your dream.

Buy Quitter at DaveRamsey.com

Buy Quitter at Books-A-Million.com

Buy Quitter at Amazon.com

Win some VeggieTales Awesomeness.

I've always heard that you should never partner with advertisers who make a product you and your family wouldn't personally use. That's the #1 reason that I refuse to work with the automatic robot head massager they sell in the Sky Mall catalog.

It's also the # 1 reason I can honestly say, "Ta Da! Here's something I love!"

A few weeks ago, Find It Games gave me and my family one of their new "" games. I've spent the last few weeks going crazy with this thing.

The concept is simple and awesome. Inside a tube of tiny colorful beads are hidden tons of small VeggieTales toys. Everything from the slushy cup and Viking helmet to Bob the Tomato and Madame Blueberry are in there. The object is to go on a scavenger hunt and check off which ones you see. Sounds easy, right? That's what I thought too, until we started passing around this game at our dinner table. It's easy to find Larry, he's a big green cucumber. But the water buffalo? That thing is elusive! And to this day, after weeks of playing, I have still not found the penny.

My family has loved this game and it's provided a fun alternative to video games and iPhones on long road trips. My kids zone out if there's anything electric going on and this game has provided some great family moments.

Find It Games has been an awesome sponsor and their game "!" is a blast too. I don't play a ton of board games but this one is fun. We played it a few nights ago and it was funny to see what it revealed about what each member of our family really thought about certain ideas.

Check out both games at their site. But please know, you will never find that penny. That thing makes the water buffalo look like a cakewalk.

I've got 2 copies of the Find It VeggieTales to give away. Just comment by Monday, April 4 with an answer to this question to enter:

What's your favorite VeggieTales moment?

The Message Disclaimer.

(Curtis Honeycutt is one of the few guest posters on SCL that I've had the chance to hang out with in 3D. He's hilarious, he's got a huge heart for God and recently read an early copy of my new book Quitter. That book didn't come with a disclaimer, but in a great guest post, Curtis talks about one that does sometimes. Enjoy!)

The Message Disclaimer – By Curtis Honeycutt

How many times have you been sitting in a Sunday morning worship service and heard this line: "Now I'm going to re-read that section from The Message, which is a paraphrase written by a guy named Eugene Peterson. It's not the official pew Bible you have in the cool utility slots in front of you, or if you're in the front row, the Bibles that are floating on a magical shelf under your seat. The Message is like Gnomeo and Juliet…you get the idea. So now that I've explained this into oblivion, here goes…"

The Message disclaimer is so prevalent, it has become a staple of the obligatory info slides that shuffle before the service starts. Right after "Please silence your cell phones and children", you see the one that says, "At some point during the next 90 minutes, someone may or may not read from The Message, which was written by The Eugene Peterson. While we don't believe it quite counts as The Bible, reading from it is a lot of fun. For your convenience, we will Auto-Tune any references read from The Message."

Explaining The Message to people is like trying to explain Twitter to your parents—you've told them a thousand times, and the best way they understand it is that Twitter is like having a pager for the internet…except that, with The Message, we get it. It's a lot like The Sixth Sense. Most of us understand it after the second time, and that's just because we had to go to the bathroom during the ending.

But I get why we have to explain it: The Bible's a tricky book. It doesn't have an author listed on the front cover, but if it did, it would say "Various Artists Under The Influence of The Spirit" (which sounds like a crazy party where the cops show up at the end and say "Everybody out! Party's over!"). With The Message, it's right there on the spine. Boom: Eugene Peterson wrote this. Wait, he did? I'm confused. Can you explain that to me again?

What I would like pastors to explain instead of what the Message is, is a question I've struggled with since childhood,  "what color are pew cushions?" I had the 96-pack caboodle of Crayolas in school, and I can't match your pew hue to any of them. Are the pews light blurple with flecks of seared salmon? Are they magentreuse (a majestic offspring of magenta+chartreuse)? Do I sense a subtle paisleyflage (paisley camouflage) pattern? If I squint just right, will I see a Magic Eye picture of dinosaurs missing The Ark?

If you are like me and wish pastors would spend less time explaining The Message and more time interpreting pew cushions, leave your comment.

(For more great stuff from Curtis, check out www.getcompelled.com.)

The hardest part of writing Stuff Christians Like.

Last week, the Stuff Christians Like blog turned 3. (I got it something made of tin which I think is what you give a blog on its 3rd anniversary.) In a couple of weeks we'll hit idea #1,000 on this site. One thing I've learned in the last few years is that the hardest part of writing Stuff Christians Like is writing Stuff Christians Like. Creating new content day after day is the biggest challenge. That's also the number 1 reason most blogs die.

I recently recorded a 3 minute video explaining one of the tricks I use to push through writer's block when it comes to blogging.

Check out the video!

The friend who brags about not owning a TV, but watches Hulu.

Dear Hulu, YouTube, Netflix, etc.,

Life used to be easy before you came along.

I know you've set us free from the constraints of "must see TV." When I was in college you had to be in front of a television on Thursday night to watch the Hamptons episode of Seinfeld (best episode ever) or you missed it.

It was gone. Your window was 30 minutes long and then it closed, forever leaving you hoping to catch an episode you missed on reruns. That's why NBC could use the tag line, "Must See TV!" Because it was, oh it was.

But now, you offer episodes online. I'm no longer a slave to the television or their schedule. I can catch full episodes on Hulu, clips on YouTube or whole series online on Netflix. Freedom!

Ahh, but there's a catch. Now, if I want to be that guy who gets rid of his television and then finds a way to work that into every conversation he has at dinner parties, do I have to break up with you too? Does the H in Hulu stand for "Hypocrite," because I fear I'm about to become one.

Can I still smugly say, "Oh your son plays soccer, that reminds me, I don't watch television," or "Pass the chili, and by the way, I got rid of cable," if I'm watching all my shows online?

If I can, then what was I railing against all those years, the actual television? The physical box that was delivering the content or the content itself? Do I hate plasma screens or the things that are on them? Surely I can't call the TV, the "boobtube" and then act like the Internet is devoid of that issue?

We're moving to a new house in two weeks and I caught myself recently saying to my wife, "Let's not even get cable at the new house. Television is not important to us!" And then inside I thought, "Plus we can watch all the stuff we want online anyway!" That can't be right. I love my friends who deliberately don't watch any television, but my version of that is what Chris Isaak warned about all those years ago, "A wicked game."

Oh Hulu, YouTube and Netflix, you've made life easier, but in some ways, you've made being judgmental so much more difficult.

Sincerely,

Jon Acuff