Jon Acuff's Blog, page 145

What are the top 10 SCL posts from the first 1,000?

Next week, we'll hit our 1,000th "stuff" on the list of Stuff Christians Like. That is crazy to me because based on my attention span, I'm surprised we made it beyond #32.

I'd love to list out the top 10 favorite posts of the first 1,000. I can certainly pick those by looking at traffic, but I'm not sure that's the best way to determine "favorite."

So this weekend instead of the usual tomfoolery on Stuff Christians Like, let's take a spin through the archives. Try to remember the first post you read. Think about which one you might have sent to a friend or printed out and handed to somebody. Was it a Serious Wednesday post or Metrosexual Worship Leader or something else? Leave a comment with the posts you think deserve to be on the top 10 list of the first 1,000. (I'll post the final list next Tuesday.)

What have been your favorite posts on Stuff Christians Like?

Pew whispering.

(My kids can't pew whisper, they pew yell, the need for silence somehow magnifying their tiny little voices exponentially. But they're only one kind of pew whisperer that guest poster Matt Triemstra identifies in his hilarious first spin behind the wheel of SCL. Enjoy!)

Pew Whispering -By Matt Triemstra

Why do Christians like pew whispering so much? You've all been there trying to listen to the pastor and someone leans over to you and whispers in your ear "How about Swiss Chalet for lunch after church? I know we went last week but let's go again". You of course are too mature for pew whispering during a sermon but you realize that you too have a Swiss Chalet craving and whisper back that it's a deal.

Despite the distraction it must be, I imagine that pastors are grateful for pew whisperers as a good litmus test for their message. "Oh good, I only saw two pew whisperers today so I must have been good" or "shoot, over a dozen pew whisperers…I guess my game is off and I can't compete with Swiss Chalet today."

Do pew whisperers not realize that the pastor can see you? There are only 10 commandments because Moses ran out of room on the tablets…the 11th was "Thou shalt not disrespect thine pastor by pew whispering"

Here are 10 types of pew whisperers I have encountered during my years in the church:

1- The "Right in your ear drum to be as quiet as possible" whisperer – Self explanatory and one of my favorites. "Thank you my ears needed a good cleaning."

2- The "Volume zero" whisperer – The one who is so quiet at whispering that you don't hear them the first 5 times and finally just agree, only to realize later that you agreed to a Pictionary marathon at your house. (Similar to the Seinfeld "Low Talker.")

3- The "Volume 10" whisperer – The opposite of "The volume zero" whisperer. They have no concept of how to whisper and everyone, including the pastor, can hear. "Yes my rash has cleared up, thank you for asking."

4- The "I know my scripture and don't need to pay attention during sermon readings" whisperer – The kid who mastered all his sword drills in Sunday school and immediately starts whispering to you when scripture is read out loud because he's bored and wants you to know that he's holier than thou.

5- The "The Pastor is wrong" whisperer – The one who needs to point out to you every time they think the pastor is wrong.  I always want to reply to this person, "Yes, I'm sure that Wikipedia is better at educating you than his biblical studies degree."

6- The "You child is acting up" whisperer – The childcare worker who forgets about the paging system and comes to get you in the middle of service and whispers to you that your child is out of control. "Yes I know, that's why I left her with you so I could pay attention during the message."

7- The dreaded "I don't care that you are worshipping" whisperer – The one who interrupts you while you are in tears singing 'Draw Me Close To You' and asks about your weekend is going so far.

8- The "Note passer" whisperer – It's just rude to whisper during service so I am going to pass you a less distracting note instead. "Do you think she likes me?"

9- The "Condescending" whisperer – "I can't believe you are checking your phone during a message…oh its biblegateway.com…"

10- And finally one of my favorites: The "Five year old who doesn't want to go to kids church and doesn't know how to whisper" whisperer – "Daddy I'm bored! Can I play angry birds on your phone?"

Now I am just as guilty as the next person about pew whispering but at least I'm subtle, or at least I think so…moral of the story? Don't pew whisper, it's distracting.

What other kind of pew whisperers am I missing? Do you have any funny pew whispering stories from your church?

Trying to teach your kids about helping people.

I want to be honest with you. Prior to moving to Nashville, I never really owned any sort of "skinny jean." I never owned any pairs of pants that seemed like you were trying to deliberately suffocate your legs in denim.

A few months ago though, I found myself buying a pair of "skinnier jeans." Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's different than skinny jeans. They're kind of in between normal jeans and skinny jeans. They are like the pants equivalent of the vegetarian friend you have who still eats fish occasionally. (Fish always lose out when it comes to casual vegetarians.) These jeans are straddling the middle. Not quite skinny, not quite relaxed fit.

And in many ways, I blame Nashville for this pants development. They practically greet you at the city limits with skinny jeans, Jack White accouterments and a tool to have two discernible eyebrows instead of one. This town will change you.

But I'm loving it here. It's like a smaller, more musical version of Atlanta. Less traffic, more songwriters, an abundance of the color of UT orange. Nashville is a great city. One other thing I've noticed is one of the cool things they do with the homeless population.

They have a street newspaper called "The Contributor." To combat homelessness and give people a step toward advancement, they have people who have fallen on hard times sell the paper for a dollar. A lot of the articles are written by the homeless community here and in addition to creating jobs, it helps create a voice for an often voiceless group of people.

Two weeks ago, when we were driving home from church, I saw someone selling the Contributor on a corner at a red light. You have to be lightning fast to flag the person down, get out your money, and make the newspaper exchange before the light turns green. I was hanging out with my two daughters alone and thought, "ahhh, a teachable moment."

I rolled my driver's side window down, the side of the car my 5-year-old McRae sits on in the backseat and told the guy:

"I'll take two please, one for each daughter."

Now clearly, they weren't going to read it. They weren't going to dig into the "Hoboscope," what the Contributor calls their horoscope section. McRae can't read yet and L.E. sees the newspaper as a dinosaur of a medium and refuses to sully her hands with newsprint when she could read updates on the iPad. But again, teachable moment.

As the gentleman with the papers leaned in, McRae looked up from coloring a Tinkerbell picture in her car seat in the back, made eye contact with the guy, raised her hand and said, "No thanks."

She then went back to coloring, leaving me and my two dollars and the guy with the papers in a bit of shock.

I wanted to yell out, "She doesn't hate the homeless!" But the light turned green, and so instead, I gave him my money, took the papers and sped away.

So if you ever pray for the Acuff family, you can add that to your list. My 5-year-old apparently hates social justice.

Have you ever had a moment like that, when you tried to teach your kids a lesson and it backfired?

Or have you had the opposite experience, when you got your kids involved in a mission or a community activity and it really changed they way they look at serving?

Did your own parents ever try anything like that with you?

Grace Spots.

A few weeks ago, my family and I went out to dinner together on a Friday night. The goal was to have a family meal, hang out, and possibly even enter into the Q realm. Quality Time.

Apparently every person in the greater Nashville are also had the same idea.

At the first restaurant we went to, we couldn't even find a parking place. We circled a few times and then tried a second restaurant. When they told us the wait time was 45 minutes, I groaned and set the timer on my iPhone.

I'm a little OCD about numbers and sometimes watching the time helps keep me focused on something other than waiting in the lobby. I'd like to say that while waiting there I realized our goal of hanging out as a family was already being accomplished, that we didn't need food to bond together as a family, we had each other! This was why we came out in the first place. The night was already a success as we talked and laughed about our week in a moment that would have made even Norman Rockwell jealous. I want to say that, but that would be a lie.

In moments like that, I tend to become a jerk. I don't know if it's because I'm competitive and want to "beat other people to dinner" or maybe it's because I'm impatient. But I started to get really frustrated and tired of waiting and angry that I did not possess the super powers to force the little beeper we were holding to go off. Flash red already!

When it finally did go off, I walked up to the hostess and said, "I feel like I won the lottery. I'm so happy I want to give you a hug." Her response?

"That would be great, I had a really tough day with my teenager."

Slap in the face. Stomach punch. Throat chop. However you want to say it, she misinterpreted my passive aggressive/whiny statement as genuine thankfulness. And that was pretty convicting.

It made me realize that there are some moments in life where people aren't getting any grace. There are some places where people aren't being shown any kindness, ever. There are some times in the day where people aren't getting any love. And although I might like to think I am graceful in those situations, I'm not.

But what if showing grace to someone was like anything else in life, you had to be deliberate? What if I could consciously pick ahead of time "Grace Spots" where no matter what, I was going to do my best to throw out wild amounts of grace? Would that change somebody's day? Would that show someone Christ in a really unexpected way? Maybe, so here are three I identified:

1. At the airport.

Flight attendants, the TSA guards, the gate attendants, these folks are constantly surrounded by the most impatient, frustrated people on the planet. What if every time I flew, I went out of my way to treat the airport like a grace spot?

2. The Post Office

I've never had a fast experience at the post office. I've never walked out and thought, "that sure was easy." But the one guy running the counter while 80 of us wait in line with packages didn't demand, "I want to be understaffed today. I'd prefer to not have any help with me today." That guy needs grace.

3. The DMV

You're going to want to work your way up to this one. Don't start with the DMV. Practice grace on a few Friday nights at restaurants first. Fly a few times and make a TSA guard laugh or smile before you practice grace at the Department of Motor Vehicles. This is PhD level grace and kindness, but they deserve it too. Lots of it.

There's a chance that you are a fountain of grace and the idea about deliberately labeling and praying about grace spots is silly to you. You already show grace everywhere. The planet is your grace spot. I wish I could say the same thing about my life, but I can't. I need to keep grace spots in mind and I've already seen it change things.

When I was in the ninth grade my mom made me write an apology note to the dentist. He swore he'd never see me again as a patient because I was such a jerk to him. So when we moved to Nashville, I determined I'd pick the dentist's office as a grace spot. After a few visits of showering everyone in that office with grace, a new hygienist handled my appointment. She said, "I was so excited to finally meet you today. Everyone was talking this morning about how much they enjoy when you come in for a visit and I hadn't met you yet." Then a few days later she sent me the first hand written thank you note I've ever received from a dentist's office.

Why?

Because the dentist's office is one of my grace spots.

What would you say is one of the places you have a seemingly impossible time extending grace?

What grace spots could you pick?

When Easter and Candy Collide.

Looking back on almost three years of writing Stuff Christians Like, it's easy to see one thing I've always been clear on:

I love Cadbury Crème Eggs.

Like tiny grenades of happiness and sugar, these delightful chocolate orbs blow up my head and my heart every spring.

Although I refuse to acknowledge sequels like the Orange Crème or Caramel Crème versions (Did "Starship Troopers Part 2" teach us nothing?) I've always welcomed the springtime arrival of my favorite Easter related egg.

But I recently took a photo of what happens when the real reason for Easter and candy collide. And it is not pretty.

I snapped this photo at a drugstore. These chocolate crosses might have existed for years, other blogs may have dissected them for months, but this was the first time I'd seen this particular Easter candy. Here is what I thought:

1. I never expected to see the phrase "May his light shine upon you!" next to "real milk chocolate." I'm almost positive that's exactly what Mary was thinking on Easter morning as well. Real milk chocolate.

2. I can't eat a chocolate cross. I feel weird enough biting off the head of a bunny, but there is no way I can break a cross in half and chew on it.

3. Where does it end? Chocolate crosses today, jawbreakers that represent the stone that was rolled away tomorrow?

4. Am I the weird guy in Walgreens taking photos of candy right now? I am, I really am.

5. When did peeps start coming in neon blue? Peeps are yellow! Am I a "peeps traditionalist?" I think I might be. Focus Jon! This is about the cross, albeit, a chocolate cross at the moment.

6. Is this just the reverse of the world doing what we always do to them? We took "Got Milk?" and turned it into "Got God?" They took something from us and made a milk chocolate version?

7. There are two chocolate cross options, the other one says, "Rejoice in the wonder of the day." I just can't see eating a chocolate cross as me rejoicing in the wonder of the day.

8. Aren't there some chocolate enthusiasts that are going to say "eating chocolate is a spiritual experience?" Could they argue, "Chocolate is one of the ways God speaks to me. If he can use a burning bush to speak to Moses why are you making him so small and saying he can't work through chocolate?" And didn't I write that drinking coffee is now intrinsically linked to my quiet time? Am I being a chocolate hypocrite?

9. I love Walgreens. They sell candy next to snow shovels next to hummingbird feeders. It's like five eighteen wheelers going to different stores crashed together on the highway and their contents landed in these aisles. I bet I could find a chainsaw for sale here if I looked hard enough.

A list with ten items feels a little incomplete but sometimes I think writers take lists to 10 out of obligation and dilute the other 9 points. So I'm done with my thoughts. But what about you?

If you had to add one thought to this list, what would you ad?

What do you think about a chocolate cross?

Pre-judging a church based on the quality of its website.

You've never done this. You've never moved to a new town or visited a new area and formed some instant opinions about a church based on the quality of their website. In fact as soon as you read the title of this post you started to pray for the people that struggle with this. If that's the case, please add me and my friend Trevor to the list because we both have.

I didn't mean too, it just sort of happened. I'm always looking at websites with a fairly critical eye so when it came time to visit a new church, I found myself analyzing their site. Or "pre-judging," if you will, deciding I knew exactly what type of church they were based on their site. In order to pay penance for that ridiculousness I thought I might write a list of 5 things churches need to remember when creating a website and what you need to remember when you get all judgy:

1. Don't make finding your location like navigating a labyrinth.

Your address and directions to your building shouldn't be seven layers deep on your site. Put that on the homepage. (Judgyness = "I looked for their address for 2.2 seconds and couldn't find it. I'll take hours to find things I want to buy on Craigslist, but this is different." Solution = Google the location if you can't find one on their site.)

2. Service times matter more than a crazy intro page.

Don't hide the "boring stuff" like when church starts under an exhausting amount of creative elements. Keep points one and two really simple. (Judgyness = "I guess they don't want me to come because they didn't tell me when the service is. And no, I can't call them and ask. Ugh the phone, connecting with real people. What am I a caveman?" Solution = Pick up the phone Tron, it's going to be OK.)

3. Don't use that font that looks like the letters are on fire.

That one seems pretty self explanatory. (Judgyness = Actually, I think this one might be justified. It's a terrifying font.)

4. Don't let every group at your church create their own presence.

One of the craziest things you can do is ask every ministry you have to design and create their own web experience within your website. Creative freedom is awesome but consistency is such a beautiful gift to give someone who is trying to learn about your church. If a visitor sees a 17 level mini site for the single adults ministry and a one page site for the high school ministry, they might wrongly assume the high school ministry is floundering and small instead of the truth which is that they're too busy to keep their portion of the site updated. Have one central point of contact for the development of the entire site. (Judgyness = "I saw one rotating lighthouse on the Senior Adults Ministry Page. It's safe to assume I know exactly how this church is." Solution = Always forgive the rotating lighthouse.)

5. Don't get overwhelmed thinking you have to have it all right now.

There are a billion options right now that you might think your church needs to have. Do you have a sermon podcast? Are you posting the videos of your sermon? What's your twitter strategy? How about your facebook presence? Are you using linked in? How often do you update your blog? It's overwhelming. Don't get caught up in the lie that you have to be doing everything right this second. Do the things you have the budget for, do the things you have the heart for, do the things your community needs. One size fits all does not work well for church websites and social media plans. (Judgyness = "This church isn't on Twitter? I bet they only read the King James Version of the Bible and make you wear baby blue suits to the service." Solution = Oh stop, anyone can acquire a Twitter account, having one doesn't automatically make them a great church.)

Again, maybe you've never pre-judged a church based on the quality of their website and today was just an exercise in ways to pray for me and Trevor.

But if you ever have, if you've ever pre-judged a church or work at a church that struggles with their website, I implore you to remember one thing:

The church in Acts didn't have a website and they seemed to do all right.

Let's talk about sex today. Wait, what?

Today's short Saturday question is simple

"What would you tell a few hundred students at a Christian college about sex?"

That's what I'll be doing on April 12 and 13 for the first time ever. Greenville College, established in 1892, and located in Greenville, Illinois is bringing me up to speak as part of their "Sextravaganza" series.

I know what you're thinking, it's because I talk about the music of Prince a lot and there's nothing sexier than a blogger who has a unibrow. Actually, they're bringing to campus to talk about a post I wrote about 4 ways we Christians mess up sex. CNN.com picked up the post which prompted friends who we hadn't heard from in years to email my wife and say, "I think I saw your sex life on CNN.com today." Which in turn prompted Jenny to say, "Thanks for writing that article Jon." Go figure. (You can read the post here.)

But if you were going to talk to a bunch of college students about sex, what would you tell them?

What do you think are the misconceptions about it?

What are mistakes you wish you didn't make in college?

What would you say?

The Power Key Change in Worship Songs

(I took piano lessons for about three weeks when I was a kid. I bought a really nice guitar and played that about four times. I have absolutely no skills when it comes to musical awesomeness. But fortunately, guest poster Philip Aguinaga does and is about to point out something musically at church that I know you've experienced.)

The Power Key Change – by Philip Aguinaga

Christian worship services sometimes use a defining feature that my friend and I have for years called "The Power Key Change" (It doesn't matter whether the worship is contemporary or otherwise (What is otherwise, you ask? Use your imagination (and yes, this is a side note within a side note within a side note. I saw Inception recently. Can you tell?))).

I know you've heard it, most likely in a Power Ballad. The song will suddenly shift a half step or so higher in pitch to a different key for much more dramatic effect. The Power key change happens when the worship leader (using piano, guitar, or maybe even a harmonica) wants to really let you know that "Yes, we are worshiping Holy God, Mighty and Everlasting". I guess the intent is to mirror His power by kicking the entire worship session up a notch (Yes, like Emeril. You just know the leader is thinking "BAM!" in his/her head every time the key change happens).

By the way, the orchestral master of this is John Williams. Believe me, listen to the Indiana Jones theme sometime and you'll understand. Kenny G is a close second, but much more annoying.

That said, in any worship service, there are two people that love the Power key change, and two people that really don't.

2 People that Love the Power Key Change:

1. Worship leaders

I think they usually love it because it shows off their vocal range, especially the male tenor worship leaders. But to me, I always think, "Look, I love that you have the voice of David. I really appreciate that. Listening to you sing is wonderful. You even have the audacity to dance while you sing, as David did, and in front of tons of people. I wish I lived that boldly. But sadly, my voice is more like I believe Boaz's was. You know that a guy named 'Boaz' could not sing. Yeah, that's me. Do you really have to sing higher now?"

2. Drummers

Next time you see a key change happen, watch the drummer start to build up, attempting to hit every drum/cymbal twice in the three seconds before the change. I imagine a little dream cloud creeping out of the drummer's head at these times, and it definitely has a picture of Animal from the Muppets in it. (Another member of the band who I enjoy watching: the bassist. Whenever someone who usually plays the most boring part in worship songs can get into the song, I believe there is hope for all of us.)

2 People that Aren't so Happy about the Power Key Change

1. Sound/PowerPoint Guy

Whenever a Power key change happens, all order and reason seem to break loose in worship. Now, that could be good, because I guess we are "out of control for Jesus". But the guy running the slides with the words is frantically clicking to keep up ("Wait, he's going back to the second line of the chorus?? Didn't he just sing that?"). Meanwhile, the person controlling the sound board is merely trying to keep the speakers from emitting that annoying screech that is an emergency brake to any Power key change (You see, singing higher usually means singing louder). And if there is only one person controlling the sound and the slides? My heart goes out to this guy. He needs prayer. And an intern.

2. Men

Yes, finally we get to the awkward man-worshipper-voice. First of all, I always appreciate when I hear a man struggling with the Power key change, because that means he is actually singing, instead of mouthing the words. He's made the effort to make a fool of himself. Why do men seem like fools when they follow a Power key change? Because there is a great struggle within men when the key goes higher: "Do I try to sing as high as everyone else, risking vocal injury? I guess it's kind of cool to say I lost my voice praising God. Or maybe it's lame. I don't know. What I could do instead is sing down an octave. But then I stick out considerably. And I sound less enthusiastic. And maybe I sound like I'm trying to impress everyone. I'm really not. I'm being humble in acknowledging that I can't sing as high as 'David' up there on the stage."

Or it's possible I'm the only one who thinks of these things. Maybe so, because sometimes I get distracted by my own thoughts.

Have you ever noticed a power key change?

Winners of 3 different SCL contests.

We've got a bunch of fun stuff to giveaway today. If you see your name below, please email your mailing address with "Winner" in the subject line.

Here are the winners of the :

Kyle – Your comment was "You're an elvish impersonator!"

And

Bonnie – Your comment was "Four words… You are my Cheeseburger!"

Here are two other prizes we need to give out:

North Point CD

#1 Jennifer Tricarico

#2 Lindsey – You said the comment "ELF!!! Even my (almost) 2 year old daughter and 4 year old son can appreciate that much funny!!! I love it when he screams, "SANTA!!! I know him!" LOL"

#3 Craig Shreiner

For Billy Coffey Snow Day book:

#1 Cynthia Lopez

#2 Bethany D.

#3 Brian Mitnick

Read a FREE Chapter of Quitter!

"The trick to removing your clothes in a bathroom stall is to start with your shirt."

That's the very first line of my new book Quitter.

And you can read the entire first chapter for free. If you like it and want to check out the whole book, you can order on Amazon, get  it on DaveRamsey.com (and get audio book for free) or pick it up on Books-a-Million. Inside this chapter, I'll answer the following questions:

Why is quitting your day job often the best way to kill your dream?

Why do people with jobs tend to have more creative freedom than people without?

What's one word you have to fight to hang on to when you chase a dream?

Click here to read the first chapter.