Jon Acuff's Blog, page 145

When Easter and Candy Collide.

Looking back on almost three years of writing Stuff Christians Like, it's easy to see one thing I've always been clear on:

I love Cadbury Crème Eggs.

Like tiny grenades of happiness and sugar, these delightful chocolate orbs blow up my head and my heart every spring.

Although I refuse to acknowledge sequels like the Orange Crème or Caramel Crème versions (Did "Starship Troopers Part 2" teach us nothing?) I've always welcomed the springtime arrival of my favorite Easter related egg.

But I recently took a photo of what happens when the real reason for Easter and candy collide. And it is not pretty.

I snapped this photo at a drugstore. These chocolate crosses might have existed for years, other blogs may have dissected them for months, but this was the first time I'd seen this particular Easter candy. Here is what I thought:

1. I never expected to see the phrase "May his light shine upon you!" next to "real milk chocolate." I'm almost positive that's exactly what Mary was thinking on Easter morning as well. Real milk chocolate.

2. I can't eat a chocolate cross. I feel weird enough biting off the head of a bunny, but there is no way I can break a cross in half and chew on it.

3. Where does it end? Chocolate crosses today, jawbreakers that represent the stone that was rolled away tomorrow?

4. Am I the weird guy in Walgreens taking photos of candy right now? I am, I really am.

5. When did peeps start coming in neon blue? Peeps are yellow! Am I a "peeps traditionalist?" I think I might be. Focus Jon! This is about the cross, albeit, a chocolate cross at the moment.

6. Is this just the reverse of the world doing what we always do to them? We took "Got Milk?" and turned it into "Got God?" They took something from us and made a milk chocolate version?

7. There are two chocolate cross options, the other one says, "Rejoice in the wonder of the day." I just can't see eating a chocolate cross as me rejoicing in the wonder of the day.

8. Aren't there some chocolate enthusiasts that are going to say "eating chocolate is a spiritual experience?" Could they argue, "Chocolate is one of the ways God speaks to me. If he can use a burning bush to speak to Moses why are you making him so small and saying he can't work through chocolate?" And didn't I write that drinking coffee is now intrinsically linked to my quiet time? Am I being a chocolate hypocrite?

9. I love Walgreens. They sell candy next to snow shovels next to hummingbird feeders. It's like five eighteen wheelers going to different stores crashed together on the highway and their contents landed in these aisles. I bet I could find a chainsaw for sale here if I looked hard enough.

A list with ten items feels a little incomplete but sometimes I think writers take lists to 10 out of obligation and dilute the other 9 points. So I'm done with my thoughts. But what about you?

If you had to add one thought to this list, what would you ad?

What do you think about a chocolate cross?

Pre-judging a church based on the quality of its website.

You've never done this. You've never moved to a new town or visited a new area and formed some instant opinions about a church based on the quality of their website. In fact as soon as you read the title of this post you started to pray for the people that struggle with this. If that's the case, please add me and my friend Trevor to the list because we both have.

I didn't mean too, it just sort of happened. I'm always looking at websites with a fairly critical eye so when it came time to visit a new church, I found myself analyzing their site. Or "pre-judging," if you will, deciding I knew exactly what type of church they were based on their site. In order to pay penance for that ridiculousness I thought I might write a list of 5 things churches need to remember when creating a website and what you need to remember when you get all judgy:

1. Don't make finding your location like navigating a labyrinth.

Your address and directions to your building shouldn't be seven layers deep on your site. Put that on the homepage. (Judgyness = "I looked for their address for 2.2 seconds and couldn't find it. I'll take hours to find things I want to buy on Craigslist, but this is different." Solution = Google the location if you can't find one on their site.)

2. Service times matter more than a crazy intro page.

Don't hide the "boring stuff" like when church starts under an exhausting amount of creative elements. Keep points one and two really simple. (Judgyness = "I guess they don't want me to come because they didn't tell me when the service is. And no, I can't call them and ask. Ugh the phone, connecting with real people. What am I a caveman?" Solution = Pick up the phone Tron, it's going to be OK.)

3. Don't use that font that looks like the letters are on fire.

That one seems pretty self explanatory. (Judgyness = Actually, I think this one might be justified. It's a terrifying font.)

4. Don't let every group at your church create their own presence.

One of the craziest things you can do is ask every ministry you have to design and create their own web experience within your website. Creative freedom is awesome but consistency is such a beautiful gift to give someone who is trying to learn about your church. If a visitor sees a 17 level mini site for the single adults ministry and a one page site for the high school ministry, they might wrongly assume the high school ministry is floundering and small instead of the truth which is that they're too busy to keep their portion of the site updated. Have one central point of contact for the development of the entire site. (Judgyness = "I saw one rotating lighthouse on the Senior Adults Ministry Page. It's safe to assume I know exactly how this church is." Solution = Always forgive the rotating lighthouse.)

5. Don't get overwhelmed thinking you have to have it all right now.

There are a billion options right now that you might think your church needs to have. Do you have a sermon podcast? Are you posting the videos of your sermon? What's your twitter strategy? How about your facebook presence? Are you using linked in? How often do you update your blog? It's overwhelming. Don't get caught up in the lie that you have to be doing everything right this second. Do the things you have the budget for, do the things you have the heart for, do the things your community needs. One size fits all does not work well for church websites and social media plans. (Judgyness = "This church isn't on Twitter? I bet they only read the King James Version of the Bible and make you wear baby blue suits to the service." Solution = Oh stop, anyone can acquire a Twitter account, having one doesn't automatically make them a great church.)

Again, maybe you've never pre-judged a church based on the quality of their website and today was just an exercise in ways to pray for me and Trevor.

But if you ever have, if you've ever pre-judged a church or work at a church that struggles with their website, I implore you to remember one thing:

The church in Acts didn't have a website and they seemed to do all right.

Let's talk about sex today. Wait, what?

Today's short Saturday question is simple

"What would you tell a few hundred students at a Christian college about sex?"

That's what I'll be doing on April 12 and 13 for the first time ever. Greenville College, established in 1892, and located in Greenville, Illinois is bringing me up to speak as part of their "Sextravaganza" series.

I know what you're thinking, it's because I talk about the music of Prince a lot and there's nothing sexier than a blogger who has a unibrow. Actually, they're bringing to campus to talk about a post I wrote about 4 ways we Christians mess up sex. CNN.com picked up the post which prompted friends who we hadn't heard from in years to email my wife and say, "I think I saw your sex life on CNN.com today." Which in turn prompted Jenny to say, "Thanks for writing that article Jon." Go figure. (You can read the post here.)

But if you were going to talk to a bunch of college students about sex, what would you tell them?

What do you think are the misconceptions about it?

What are mistakes you wish you didn't make in college?

What would you say?

The Power Key Change in Worship Songs

(I took piano lessons for about three weeks when I was a kid. I bought a really nice guitar and played that about four times. I have absolutely no skills when it comes to musical awesomeness. But fortunately, guest poster Philip Aguinaga does and is about to point out something musically at church that I know you've experienced.)

The Power Key Change – by Philip Aguinaga

Christian worship services sometimes use a defining feature that my friend and I have for years called "The Power Key Change" (It doesn't matter whether the worship is contemporary or otherwise (What is otherwise, you ask? Use your imagination (and yes, this is a side note within a side note within a side note. I saw Inception recently. Can you tell?))).

I know you've heard it, most likely in a Power Ballad. The song will suddenly shift a half step or so higher in pitch to a different key for much more dramatic effect. The Power key change happens when the worship leader (using piano, guitar, or maybe even a harmonica) wants to really let you know that "Yes, we are worshiping Holy God, Mighty and Everlasting". I guess the intent is to mirror His power by kicking the entire worship session up a notch (Yes, like Emeril. You just know the leader is thinking "BAM!" in his/her head every time the key change happens).

By the way, the orchestral master of this is John Williams. Believe me, listen to the Indiana Jones theme sometime and you'll understand. Kenny G is a close second, but much more annoying.

That said, in any worship service, there are two people that love the Power key change, and two people that really don't.

2 People that Love the Power Key Change:

1. Worship leaders

I think they usually love it because it shows off their vocal range, especially the male tenor worship leaders. But to me, I always think, "Look, I love that you have the voice of David. I really appreciate that. Listening to you sing is wonderful. You even have the audacity to dance while you sing, as David did, and in front of tons of people. I wish I lived that boldly. But sadly, my voice is more like I believe Boaz's was. You know that a guy named 'Boaz' could not sing. Yeah, that's me. Do you really have to sing higher now?"

2. Drummers

Next time you see a key change happen, watch the drummer start to build up, attempting to hit every drum/cymbal twice in the three seconds before the change. I imagine a little dream cloud creeping out of the drummer's head at these times, and it definitely has a picture of Animal from the Muppets in it. (Another member of the band who I enjoy watching: the bassist. Whenever someone who usually plays the most boring part in worship songs can get into the song, I believe there is hope for all of us.)

2 People that Aren't so Happy about the Power Key Change

1. Sound/PowerPoint Guy

Whenever a Power key change happens, all order and reason seem to break loose in worship. Now, that could be good, because I guess we are "out of control for Jesus". But the guy running the slides with the words is frantically clicking to keep up ("Wait, he's going back to the second line of the chorus?? Didn't he just sing that?"). Meanwhile, the person controlling the sound board is merely trying to keep the speakers from emitting that annoying screech that is an emergency brake to any Power key change (You see, singing higher usually means singing louder). And if there is only one person controlling the sound and the slides? My heart goes out to this guy. He needs prayer. And an intern.

2. Men

Yes, finally we get to the awkward man-worshipper-voice. First of all, I always appreciate when I hear a man struggling with the Power key change, because that means he is actually singing, instead of mouthing the words. He's made the effort to make a fool of himself. Why do men seem like fools when they follow a Power key change? Because there is a great struggle within men when the key goes higher: "Do I try to sing as high as everyone else, risking vocal injury? I guess it's kind of cool to say I lost my voice praising God. Or maybe it's lame. I don't know. What I could do instead is sing down an octave. But then I stick out considerably. And I sound less enthusiastic. And maybe I sound like I'm trying to impress everyone. I'm really not. I'm being humble in acknowledging that I can't sing as high as 'David' up there on the stage."

Or it's possible I'm the only one who thinks of these things. Maybe so, because sometimes I get distracted by my own thoughts.

Have you ever noticed a power key change?

Winners of 3 different SCL contests.

We've got a bunch of fun stuff to giveaway today. If you see your name below, please email your mailing address with "Winner" in the subject line.

Here are the winners of the :

Kyle – Your comment was "You're an elvish impersonator!"

And

Bonnie – Your comment was "Four words… You are my Cheeseburger!"

Here are two other prizes we need to give out:

North Point CD

#1 Jennifer Tricarico

#2 Lindsey – You said the comment "ELF!!! Even my (almost) 2 year old daughter and 4 year old son can appreciate that much funny!!! I love it when he screams, "SANTA!!! I know him!" LOL"

#3 Craig Shreiner

For Billy Coffey Snow Day book:

#1 Cynthia Lopez

#2 Bethany D.

#3 Brian Mitnick

Read a FREE Chapter of Quitter!

"The trick to removing your clothes in a bathroom stall is to start with your shirt."

That's the very first line of my new book Quitter.

And you can read the entire first chapter for free. If you like it and want to check out the whole book, you can order on Amazon, get  it on DaveRamsey.com (and get audio book for free) or pick it up on Books-a-Million. Inside this chapter, I'll answer the following questions:

Why is quitting your day job often the best way to kill your dream?

Why do people with jobs tend to have more creative freedom than people without?

What's one word you have to fight to hang on to when you chase a dream?

Click here to read the first chapter.

High tech prayers.

"I need to make a copy of this document before I fax it because I only have one copy and don't want to lose it."

I wish that was a quote I got from the show "Matlock" or perhaps an episode of "Murder She Wrote," or a website called, "Crazy things old people who don't understand technology say."

But it's not. That's something I said ten years ago when I was about to send one of my first faxes.

I'm not sure why I thought that if I faxed a piece of paper it would be forever gone. Maybe I thought the fax machine was a magical device full of elves that chopped up that paper into tiny pieces. Then they fed those pieces through a series of tubes that eventually connected to another fax machine on the other side of the country at which other elves would reassemble it for the recipient. I'm not sure what my logic was there, but despite having gotten over my fear of fax machines, technology still baffles me.

And lately, in addition to all the office prayers I confessed to, I've found myself making some high tech prayers as well. Here are three tech-flavored prayers I tend to say:

1. The Outlook Recall Prayer

Outlook has a feature where you can "recall" or take back an email you sent to someone. This is theoretically useful if you sent an error out or sent the wrong thing to the wrong person. But, this never, ever works. What usually happens is that you're not able to recall it and by sending a recall, you've now tempted everyone who got it to go read it. Immediately. Sending a recall out is like yelling, "EVERYONE GO CHECK THAT EMAIL RIGHT NOW." If you really need to recall a message you have a better shot sending up a prayer than pressing that button in Outlook.

2. The Synch My Music Prayer

Sometimes, I'll try to buy a song from iTunes on my iPhone and it will tell me, "You already own that song." But then I'll look in my iPhone and realize it's not there. The song is trapped somewhere on a computer or in a file or in outer space. (See my fax story for the level of my high tech intelligence.) I am terrified to synch my iPhone with my two computers because I always feel like I am one wrong move away from completely losing all my music forever.

3. The Tweet & Facebook Reply All Prayer

If you use Twitter, then you know the sweaty horror of sending out a personal direct message to a friend and then thinking, "wait, did I DM my friend or tweet that out to everyone on Twitter?" That's a horrible feeling, forcing you to immediately go to your list of tweets to calm your panic as you pray it was a DM. Facebook is even worse because their default on messages is reply to all. The button literally says "Reply All" but it's still easy to hit that by accident. A few weeks ago someone sent me and possibly dozens of other people a really personal email about owing a friend money, a girl he wasn't dating but planned on marrying and just about every other situation you wouldn't want strangers receiving thinking it was for them. This is a prayer I often think about, the reply to everyone prayer.

If you read that list and laughed at my Luddite like tech skills, don't laugh, help fix. I own more copies of Babyface's song "Whip Appeal" than a person really should but can't find any of them in the mysterious forest that is my music collection. I feel like sometimes my laptop, desktop and iPhone are playing keep away from me, passing the song I'm looking for back and forth over my head as I scramble around like a third grader on the playground.

Maybe you've got iTunes figured out. But are there any other areas of technology you find yourself tempted to send up a high tech prayer about?

Hiding the things that hurt.

I do not remember the day that I got my rejection letter from the University of North Carolina. That moment did not crystallize, me standing at a cold Massachusetts mailbox with a much too thin envelope clutched in my teenage fist as I cursed the clouds above. That would have been dramatic, but I am not sure that's how it happened.

My father went to UNC. My mother went to UNC. My uncle went to UNC. My younger brother went to UNC. My little sister went to UNC. I was supposed to go to UNC. I grew up loving the UNC basketball team, throwing frisbee on the Carolina campus and dreaming about wearing that shade of blue for four perfect years. But then I got rejected.

Situations like that force me to deal with a harsh reality—there are some things I want that I will simply never have. Experiences or possessions or friendships that will for a host of reasons never really be mine. And I have a hard time rectifying that limited reality with my limitless God.

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever realized that a dream you have is sunsetting instead of sunrising? Ending instead of beginning? Maybe it's a job promotion you killed yourself for that slipped through your fingers. It was yours. It was meant to be. You had sacrificed so much and then it just disappeared.

More than likely though, it was a moment of love unreturned. Have you ever loved someone that would not love you back? Maybe it was that guy you were supposed to be with. When you were around him you felt this strange mixture of being stirred up inside but at the same time feeling as if you were home.

He was the one in a world full of not the ones. But it didn't happen.

He fell in love with someone else. Someone not named you. And despite your best hopes that particular dream ended.

What then? Where does that leave God? What if that desire wasn't something you hid from him? What if it were something you prayed about fervently and patiently? What then?

I wrestle with this sometimes but what I am starting to think is that disappointment, sunset moments, only point to how bright my sunrise really is. Throughout the bible, we are told that God knows our true desires, those things we really need above all else. And in his midst alone, do we find our satisfaction. So when I experience something that hurts, an expectation that was unmet, maybe what I should think is, "If that felt good at first and that's not the thing that God has planned for me, how amazing is that thing going to be?"

There's a verse in Psalm 103 that kind of makes me think about that. It describes God as he "who satisfies your desires with good things." So when I got rejected from UNC, a place I thought was a good thing, I can't help but think, "If that wasn't the good thing, just imagine what is?" And I ask that question confidently because we know, that God is in the business of good. In Romans 8:28 we're told "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." It's not "in some things" or "in the things we understand" or "the things we dictate to God." The verse says, "all things" according to "his purpose." If it were my things and my purpose, I would have told God "We're going to UNC," and then missed Samford University. And my wife Jenny. And ultimately, my children L.E. and McRae.

The challenge in all that though is being honest about the things that burn. The good things that turned out to not be the good things after all. I think God wants to dialogue about the desires we have that didn't get met. I don't think he wants us to fake it and shine up our hurts as if they didn't. I think he wants to hear you say, "God, I want to die when I see Bill and his fiancée. That should be me." I think he wants us to be honest about those things so that in those moments he can hold us, he can comfort us and he can reveal our true good things.

There will be things you think are good, that you don't get. God is not an ATM or a genie who grants wishes. He doesn't take orders from us or fulfill our hopes in the shape and size and speed we demand.

Why not?

Because He's bigger than that. He's better than that. And above all, he loves us much, much more than that.

Wishing you could find your missionary souvenir machete when something goes bump in the night.

Last week, the alarm system in our house started going off at 5 in the morning. It was still dark out or otherwise I would have been fine. Let's get that straight right now. If it was bright out, I probably would have just rolled right out of bed onto the massive pile of pillows my wife insists belong on our bed when we're not in it and then just punched whoever set off the alarm right in the face.

Then I would have kicked him for telling me I write run on sentences like that last one, which would have been an oddly specific thing for a cat burglar to know about me.

But it was dark, so here, in a rambletastic list are the things that went through my head:

1. What's that beeping noise? I hope it's not the alarm system. I hope it's the smoke detector.

2. Really? I'd rather the house be filling with smoke instead of having the house alarm triggered by a bird hitting the window? That's surprising given how terrified I am of the smoke monster from Lost.

3. I should really go watch that clip of Sawyer and Juliet holding hands at the snack machine. Such a good scene.

4. Focus! There's probably some sort of jewel thief in the house right now.

5. Alright, where are my mission trip machetes? As a boy, you're required by Christian law to get one whenever you go on a mission trip, where are they?

6. I bet we haven't unpacked them yet from moving to Nashville. Have we needed them for anything else? Have I been chopping down underbrush or scaling jungle trees to crack open coconuts with my machete since we moved here? Nope. Not that I can remember. They're probably still in a box somewhere.

7. I'd feel safer if my wife and kids were here and not out of town. Why though? What sort of burglar assistance am I expecting from my 5 year old? Why does that make me feel safe? I know I pretend that she can pick me up, but between you and me, I'm jumping a little every time she tries just to make her feel strong.

8. If the burglar is 30 pounds or less she's got a fighting chance, otherwise, she's not going to be any help.

9. At what age do bumps in the night stop freaking you out?

10. Wait, our alarm system isn't even hooked up. We've never connected it. Is that reassuring or even more frightening?

11. Is it possible that someone reconnected the alarm system so they could set it off again just to mess with me? Am I in the middle of one of the Saw movies, which I have not seen cause the trailer is scary enough? What kind of madman am I dealing with here?

12. Let me look at the alarm system. (Open box on wall). OK, there's one light blinking, let's see what the instructions say that means. "One light = trouble." Oh, OK.

13. Wait, what? What is that supposed to mean? How terrifyingly vague is that thing? "Trouble." Why don't they just say, "You're screwed," or "The call is coming from inside the house." I need details! Trouble could be anything.

14. Where is that stupid mission trip machete? I've got to find a use around the house for that thing so that I can justify having it out to my wife. Letter opener for any massive letters we get? Obligatory mission trip art we hang near the wooden giraffe or elephant everyone gets?

Much like the Michael W. Smith run in, these thoughts cascaded in my head in about 4 minutes. Then I called my wife and asked her what I should do. She suggested I hit reset on the alarm. I did. It stopped beeping immediately. But …it could have been an intruder or a smoke monster.

What about you? Do you have a mission trip souvenir that doubles as a weapon for things that go bump in the night?

Thank you! And a few answers to Quitter questions.

Yesterday was awesome! You guys were incredibly supportive of my new book Quitter and it actually reached #89 on the bestsellers list of Amazon. Thank you for pre-ordering it!

There were a few questions people asked:

1. Will it be on Kindle?

Yes! It will be and I'll announce that on SCL when it's up. It will be on iBooks too and should be on the Nook as well.

2. Where can I pre-order to help you most?

Really kind question. Big thank you to the folks who asked it. The truth is, anywhere you preorder the book is awesome. Whatever is easiest for you is great for me. For some people, that's Amazon. For folks who want a free copy of the audio book, ordering on DaveRamsey.com makes the most sense. For other people, Books-A-Million or Barnes & Noble. Really, it's up to you.

3. Would you describe your hands as Ralph Macchio in Karate Kid or a mime in the Quitter trailer?

Both.

4. Is it OK if I buy 10 copies so that I can give them to my friends who need this book?

OK, no one asked this question. But some folks did buy 5 copies for that very purpose. If you've got the question in your heart and are debating whether it's OK to buy 10 or a case for that matter, I'd like to be the first one to say, "yes, yes it is OK to do that."

I think we're going to have a lot of fun this year with Quitter. Thank you again for the constant support and encouragement.

Side hugs and Jesus Jukes,

Jon