Jon Acuff's Blog, page 120

Christian Video Games

(It's guest post week at SCL since my wife and I are in Vietnam!  Here's a new one from Gyasi Byng.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how!)

Christian Video Games. By – Gyasi Byng

I spent a good part of my childhood learning the nuances of Super Smash Brothers and Mario Kart, but could you imagine how holy I would be now if those hours had been spent playing The Ten Commandants on Nintendo 64? I'm pretty sure that I would be a Super Christian able to see through the world's lies and leap temptation in a single verse.

Because I may some day have kids that may be gamers just like their mother, here's my list of 7 Christian video games I would like to see in the future.

Nintendo, you better get on this stat.

1. Ruth's Great Adventure

Product Description: You'll glean more than just wheat in this exciting take on the tale of Ruth! The more you glean, the more you'll lean on God's wisdom and guidance. The amazing transitions from game play to cinematics will keep you engaged in the story and wondering what on earth is going to happen next! (For some reason I really want to have Boaz carry a bo staff that he hits people with. Or be able to juke like Bo Jackson on Super Tecmo Bowl. Greatest player ever!)

2. Exodus: The Red Sea and Beyond

Product Description: In this unique multiplayer game you can play as Moses, Aaron, or Miriam. Collect Passover points that will get you out of Pharaoh's hands and into the Promise Land! (Bonus levels find you actually surfing the waves as they part like you're Kelly Slater.)

3. Proverbs! (in the style of Jeopardy! or Who Wants to be a Millionaire?)

Product Description: Ever get stumped during sword drills? This challenging trivia game will help you to delve deeper into God's word with every question. With each new level, you'll uncover more and more biblical ideals that will take you from gamer to truth proclaimer! (Oohh that rhyme just got all pastory.)

4. The Lord's Army

Product Description: Just because you can't ride in the Calvary doesn't mean you can't experience the thrill of fighting in the Lord's Army. In this wonderfully mild action/adventure game, you'll play as a soldier in Gideon's Army, ready to take on the Midianites. (At each level, the number of your army gets drastically reduced in size.)

5. Jael: Stake of Truth

      …actually, let me NOT go there. Some scenes in the Bible would make Grand Theft Auto feel tame.

6. Acts of the Apostles

Product Description: You can play your favorite apostle and spread the Gospel through Jerusalem, Judea, and Samaria! With a new multiplayer feature, you can team up with your friends to fulfill the Great Commission! Before you start out, you have to pass a number of levels where all you do is make tents. Not the most exciting game at first, but eventually there's a shipwreck and the constant threat of lions!

And last but certainly not least…

7. Magi: The Road to Bethlehem

Product Description: Discover the true meaning of Christmas in this thrilling game based on the Nativity story! Through 20 levels of star charts, camel rides, meetings with Herod and gift shopping, you'll know what it was really like to be a wise man. Include the whole family in this Bible-based fun! (If you play with your friends, make sure you don't pick the Myrhhhhh character. Very few people actually know what Mryhhhh is and his powers are very, very limited on this game.)

I figure with enough prayer power, we could totally get this going in a year or two.

What Bible story would you turn into a game?

Christian Pickup Lines

(It's guest post week at SCL since my wife and I are in Vietnam!  Here's a new one from Lyndsay Rush, a Freelance Writer/Storyteller.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how!)

Christian Pickup Lines. – By Lyndsay Rush

Oh, dating.

It's beautiful, really: Boy meets girl, boy woos girl, girl falls for boy. Wedding. Babies. Bliss.

Or, if you're a Christian, it may go a little more like this: boy meets girl, boy hangs in groups with girl, girl falls in love, boy sends a text message, girl reads dating book, boy eats pizza, girl writes journal entries to her future husband, boy checks out the new Liam Neeson film, girl asks for prayer from her small group.

And on goes the love story. Clearly we Christians have really got this whole thing on lock, right?

If you're starting to doubt our dating prowess, think again. Don't discount that we've created an entire lexicon of our own words for it. We drop 'pursue' and 'intention' bombs to describe it, we have graphs and charts and Venn diagrams to track it; we have promise rings to commemorate it.

And try as we may to french kiss it goodbye, it's not going anywhere. So in the meantime let's focus on the magical thing that happens before the love story; the thing even the best books, E-harmony commercials, or Women's Conferences can't teach us. That's right: the Christian pickup line.

Didn't know it was a 'thing'? That's probably because it's that subtle and powerful. And while in the past I've discussed such hot topics as parenting, and, oh, dating, it's time we focus on the real issue: hitting on strangers who share your beliefs (I'm ever the hard-hitting investigative journalist).

So without further ado, here is a list of Christian Pickup Lines: Use wisely. Or, more aptly, please, please do not use these at all.

"I would part the Red Sea for you." It's the Bruno Mars of Christian pick up lines.
"What're you doing for the rest of your afterlife?" Hashtag #raptureromance.
"Did you say your name was Esther? Oh, I guess I just think you were chosen for such a time as this." I call this the money shot.
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" This one is has been out there in the real world being used unknowingly by non-believers for dozens of years. Get after it.
"Did I see you at the 12:30?" Great convo starter; risky closer. This is not for the faint of heart because the 12:30 could mean literally dozens of churches. But if she is 26 or under, the chances that she goes to a 12:30 somewhere, are really high. Good luck.
"10% of me is 100% certain that I can give you 10% of my heart forever." This is to be used only during tithe and offering time and is so confusing it just may work.
"I feel like God's telling me to date you." If any of us had a dime.
"Let's be like Noah and do this as a pair." Solid. Gold.
"You must be Egyptian because I'm a slave for you." It's Britney meets B.C.
"You and me, we're like loaves and fishes…we just might be a miracle." Mystery and intrigue are the key to any good relationship. Oh, and raw fish.
"Do you want to be accountability partners?" Oldest trick in the book.
"On first dates, I always take girls to get BBQ ribs. It feels the most biblical considering they came from one." This one is super impressive.
"I know you've already said no once, but call me Joshua because I'm going to break down your walls." I think any woman would love to be referred to as Jericho.
"I'm no Joseph, but I'm having trouble interpreting the dreams I've been having about you." As long as you don't mention skinny or fat cows, you should be golden. Wait, no golden cows either.
"I don't know if you noticed but, when you walked into the room, that was me giving up a clap offering." Points for enthusiasm.
"I may not have a job right now, and I may live in my parent's basement, but I swear to you I'm storing up treasure in heaven and my mansion is gonna rock." If this doesn't get her, nothing else will.
"Wanna come over and watch Left Behind?" Hey, it just might work.

But surely, I'm not the only one who has heard lines like this. Have you ever heard a Christian pickup line?

(For more great stuff from Lyndsay, make sure you check out her blog.)

Developing a Noah Complex.

(It's guest post week at SCL since Jon is in Vietnam! Here's a new one from Callie Dean, a musician and youth minister in Shreveport, Louisiana.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how!)

Developing a Noah Complex. -By Callie Dean

Down here in Louisiana, we had a massive drought all summer long. The water level of our local lakes and rivers was at a record low, while the temperature reached highs of 100-plus degrees.

But all of this changed a few weeks ago. The clouds darkened, the wind howled, and little drops of water began falling from the sky. This lasted for at least half an hour, and our city amassed nearly an inch of rain.

That night, I arrived at church for our midweek worship service. Guess what our Scripture was?

That's right. Genesis 7-8: The Great Flood. And even before we got to the sermon, I overheard not one, but three people mention that "we might need to build an ark!"

Now, I know that an inch of rain is hardly comparable to a deluge that wiped out the entire planet. And I also know that God promised never to flood the earth again, shout out to Rainbow Brite, so none of us should ever need to build an ark. So why do we refer to this story every time there's the slightest hint of precipitation?

I have three theories:

1. It's the Christian equivalent of small talk.

If you're out at the grocery store and it begins to rain, you might start a casual conversation with something like, "Some rain we're having, huh?" But at church, there's pressure to insert relevant Bible verses into all your conversations. When you reference Noah's Ark, you can still keep things light and discuss the weather, while still throwing in a Scripture zinger!

2. We secretly want to be like Noah.

And I'm not just talking about the time he planted a vineyard and got drunk. Noah is the ultimate hero of every illustrated children's Bible; his story has action, adventure, AND animals! The real question is, who doesn't want to be called by God to go on a worldwide cruise with a traveling zoo? That's almost as good as hearing God call you to become a missionary on a beach resort somewhere. (Granted, Noah totally dropped the ball on the whole unicorn thing. Sure, he brought the narwhal, but would it have killed him to acquire the on land equivalent.)

3. Flood insurance, or the "I-told-you-so" factor. 

Whenever we tell the story of Noah's Ark, we like to get in a jab about all those other people who made fun of him while he was building the boat. Certainly, Noah got the last word in that story! So just in case there's any chance God might change his mind about that whole rainbow thing, we don't want to get lumped in with the skeptics. If we bring up the wrath of God every time we see a rain cloud, then no one will ever be able to accuse us of being unfaithful. (And maybe some kind soul will let us climb aboard their ark to wait out the storm!)

What do you think?  Have you ever compared yourself to Noah? If not, what's another Bible character you compare yourself to sometimes?

 

(For more great stuff from Callie, check out her blog!)

Siri is the new church Secretary.

(It's guest post week at SCL since my wife and I are in Vietnam!  Today's post is from Elizabeth Hyndman, an Administrative Assistant and grad student living in Nashville, TN.  She blogs at edyndman.com and tweets @edhyndman. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how!)

Siri is the new church secretary. By Elizabeth Hyndman

I'm sure you've heard all about Siri, the new virtual assistant that comes with the iPhone 4s. She answers questions, researches things, schedules stuff, and even calls and texts people for you. Amazing, right?

It is amazing, but even more amazing is that I'm pretty sure Apple stole this idea from Christians. Christians have had this kind of know-it-all assistant for a while now. We call them church secretaries or "the most powerful person in church."

Think about it. The church secretary not only has access to every church member's address and phone number, she probably has quite a few of them memorized. The church secretary can also find the address and phone number for the pastor-that-was-there-15-years-ago-we-called-him-Brother-Tom?.

The church secretary keeps up with the youth pastor's schedule. He also knows the church calendar for December. If you don't think that's impressive, you have probably never met a youth pastor or seen a church calendar during December (musicals, angel trees, shoeboxes, parties, candlelight services…that month is a mess).

Another thing church secretaries know how to do? Use Google. Just like Siri.

As a church secretary myself, I have often fielded calls and visits from people just looking for answers. They were seeking the truth. They weren't looking for Jesus, though. They were looking for the number of the Seventh Day Baptist Church that meets "somewhere around there" or wondering which doctors are covered under their health insurance plan. The questions were Googled, the answers were given, and the truth set those people free…to call that church and to see a doctor, respectively.

Maybe Siri could answer those questions. Maybe she could provide a map to the church and the doctor as well. But could she also add your name to the church prayer list, offer a "Bless your heart," and let you know if the music minister is available with his truck to move your piano on Thursday? A church secretary can.

Have you ever opted to call the church secretary, rather than use Siri or Google?

If you are a church secretary, what is the strangest request you've received?

 

(For more great stuff from Elizabeth, check out her blog!)

Buying tacky souvenirs on a mission trip.

(It's guest post week at SCL since my wife and I are in Vietnam!  I've asked writer/blogger/friend Jeff Goins to guest host Stuff Christians Like until we get back. For the next week we'll have guest posts from some incredibly funny people and then new SCL will return on Monday, November 28. If you want to guest post, here's how.)

Buying tacky souvenirs on a mission trip. By- Jeff Goins

On every mission trip, there's always "That Guy." You know him. He wears all the inappropriate apparel-wear you were strictly forbidden to bring. He sports all his favorite teams' jerseys and ball caps and high-fives everyone in sight.

That Guy makes inappropriate cultural references that would get you speared in the wrong company. He has a Spanish dictionary in his backpack and knows just enough of the native tongue to get you into trouble with local authorities.

Yeah, That Guy. With a capital "G." (He deserves a proper noun, since we all know him so well.)

Then, just when things get really bad, the worst part comes. The moment you've been dreading since the plane left American soil finally arrives.

It's the last day of the trip. Your team has done a solid week's worth of ministry, and what does That Guy want to do?

Buy souvenirs.

Which is fine and totally understandable. Except that he's been buying souvenirs and snacks and all kinds of superfluous trinkets the whole trip. And he's not even buying the good ones — you know, the ones you're pretty sure were made by actual natives?

Who knew you could find a Nintendo Gameboy knock-off in Ecuador? That Guy.

Who spends all his missionary money on pirated DVDs and Gatorade? Well, That Guy.

And who has a knack for finding the ugliest, tackiest, made-in-Malaysia flamingo wind chimes? Right. That Guy, again. The one who buys sombreros in Africa and drops his hard-earned cash on shot glasses at the airport.

And the worst part is that we can all be That Guy.

After all, how will people know you were building houses in Mexico if you don't return with a tie-dyed hammock?

What will St. Peter do with you if you're not wearing a beaded necklace from Tanzania (but made in Taiwan)? Nothing. He will have absolutely nothing to do with you. Do not pass through the pearly gates. Do not collect $200. The beads are essential (especially if one looks like a fish).

And let's not forget about your church — all those elderly ladies who forked up thousands of bucks from their retirement funds to send you to Kazakhstan.

Do you know how to make those old ladies cry? Come home without a single souvenir. Not a ceramic bowl nor walking stick. Just show up with your stories, and you will see first-hand what it means to grieve the Holy Spirit.

When you think about it, life ultimately comes down to crucial moments. And this is one of them — that final day of a mission trip — when you will have to ask yourself, "Will I be like the widow who gave her last mite to that which mattered most?"

I hope you will.

I hope you'll show those old ladies their investment wasn't for naught.

I hope you'll come back with evidence of a true kingdom impact, showing your friends, family, and the Almighty himself that you were a wise steward.

Of course, I'm talking about the only souvenir that matters — the only thing worth a trip to the Third World. That's right: a hand-painted, bobble-head turtle that sits on the dashboard of your car.

In light of eternity, everything else is just dross.

What's the worst souvenir you ever brought back from a mission trip?

 

(Jeff Goins lives in Nashville and works for Adventures in Missions. You can follow his blog and connect with him on Twitter.)

Tomorrow, we leave for Vietnam.

In less than 24 hours, my wife Jenny and I will be on a flight to Vietnam.

Well, actually a flight to Atlanta. And then Seoul, Korea. And then Hanoi.

If you told me three years ago that we'd be flying to the jungles of North Vietnam to visit two kindergartens that the readers of Stuff Christians Like built, I would have said you're crazy.

But yet, here we go. It seemed fitting today to share the metrosexual worship leader mascot that talented artist Wes Molebash created when we completed our $60,000 goal. (You guys raised $30,000 in 18 hours! I'm still so proud to tell people about what God did through your generosity!)

The group we're going with is Samaritan's Purse. We've worked with them for years and love what they do. If you want to check them out, this is the perfect time of year to do it because Operation Christmas Child is in full swing. It's incredibly easy to pack a shoebox for a child and change the world from right where you are.

In Vietnam I'm going to do my best to document the trip, so that all of us can go on it together. I'll tweet with the hashtag #SCLVietnam from my account on Twitter @jonacuff. Click here to follow me. And I'll try to add some stuff to my facebook page, which you can find right here.

I'll also send back posts and photos that can hopefully be uploaded in real time. If it doesn't work out, which is possible given AT&T's bad coverage in jungles, we'll tell you all about it when we get back. (Here's a link to the video we made about the trip if you missed it.)

In the meantime, I've asked writer/blogger/friend Jeff Goins to guest host Stuff Christians Like until we get back. For the next week, we'll have guest posts from some incredibly funny people, then new SCL will return on Monday, November 28.

If you ever find yourself willing to pray for bloggers who possess ridiculous breakdancing skills and are going to Vietnam with their wives, this is your lucky day.

We'd love prayer for safe travel, open hearts and that our kids would know that their mom and dad are crazy about them while we're gone.

Thanks for being part of a big, awesome adventure from our big, awesome God.

Side hugs and Jesus Jukes,

Jon & Jenny Acuff

SCLQ – 1,000 words or 9 ideas.

Sometimes when I go speak places, folks on SCL or Twitter will say, "Is there a video of that speech anywhere?" And usually there's not. Or there is, but I look sweaty and awkward in it and not at all like the lithe breakdancer I imagined I looked like while giving the speech, and who wants to post that online?

But, recently when I spoke at Catalyst in Atlanta, someone in the crowd made a visual representation of the speech. I thought it was a brilliant way to capture a bunch of ideas, because after all, a picture is worth a 1,000 words.

Here's what the notes looked like, and the ideas I shared. (If you drew this, let me know so I can give you credit, I didn't catch your name.)

SiteOrganic, Part Deux.

A few weeks ago, I recommended SiteOrganic as a great solution for church websites. As the son of a pastor who understands the need to stretch a church budget, it was easy to recommend SiteOrganic.

There was just one problem.

None of the links I put in the post worked.

Oh Alanis Morissette, you were so right. It is indeed ironic.

I posted about SiteOrganic, who are amazing at helping people create amazing websites. And in the post I wrote about them, I included a bunch of broken links, thus creating a less than amazing website.

So for all those churches that tried to click the links to SiteOrganic, my apologies. My recommendation still stands, they are awesome and are having two webinars on 11/14 and 11/29 that you don't want to miss. My ineptitude? That, too still stands.

One ring of grace.

A church I used to attend wanted to encourage you to turn your cell phone off during the service. But because they were smart, they didn't say that. Instead, they had a slide shown before church that said:

"Please remember to turn your cell phone back on after church."

See what they did there? Back when I was a 1920s pugilist, we called that the "ole rope a dope." They weren't really concerned that you turn it back on after church.

They were saying, "Turn your phone off before church." Or more specifically, "Please don't have your 'Cee-Lo Green 'Forget You' personalized ring tone burst to life during the middle of communion.'"

But even with what I thought was a brilliant approach to requesting people to turn off their phones, sometimes we forget. Or rather we forget to mute them, because we sometimes take notes or look up Bible verses on them. Then a phone rings during the middle of a service, and it's always in the deepest, most unreachable part of your purse or your pocket. It takes approximately 19 rings to locate, which I am fine with. It happens, but do you know what goes down next?

One Ring of Grace.

The One Ring Of Grace or OROG is what happens when a second phone rings in the sanctuary. We're all cool with that first guy's phone. We'll extend him compassion like crazy. We'll give him "One Ring of Grace." But the second guy, who heard the first guy's phone and didn't immediately check his own phone to make sure his "God bless the rains down in Africa" by Toto ring tone doesn't go off, he's getting no love.

And let's be honest, if you hear someone's phone go off in church, what's the first thing you do? Check your own phone. That's church law, son!

And, if 15 minutes later, someone else's phone goes off, what's the first thing you do?

Judge him.

In times like this, upon making deep observations and bumping into things like the One Ring Of Grace, I always check the Bible. What does God's word say about this particular issue? You might think it doesn't address church cell phone interruptions, but you'd be mistaken, my friend. It does.

In Acts 20:9, a guy falls asleep during a long sermon in church and falls out of a window and dies. Let me repeat that, he DIES. (He was later brought back to life, but for drama's sake, let's say he DIES.) And unless you're a Hebrew scholar like me, you might not know that, in ancient times, sleeping in church was considered to be the Aramaic equivalent of letting your cell phone ring, even after someone else's did. Look it up. I'm almost positive that's how The Message translates that passage. Could be wrong, but I doubt it.

So if you're even a little tempted right now to write a comment like, "This is why people don't like going to church! We're so judgmental! We're so unwelcoming. I hate you, Jon Acuff," slow your roll. The One Ring of Grace isn't about judging people; it's about saving lives. Are you saying you want people to fall out of windows? Is that what you want?

Not me.

So let's keep at it. First phone goes off? That's a freebie.

Second phone that rings? Probably going to have a worship eagle come confiscate that one with talons of justice. Seems about right.

Question:

Has your phone ever gone off during church?

SCLQ – Waiting for my real life to begin.

I've always loved this song. It reminds me of a million conversations I've had with God. Me, full of my own plans, frantically trying to build my life into a certain shape, trying to "get it right this time." God, saying be still.

Here's Colin Hay's "Waiting for my real life to begin."