Jon Acuff's Blog, page 122

Halloween Costumes

(It's guest post Friday! Here is a special Halloween edition from SCL favorite Some Guy. If you would like to guest post, here's how.)

Halloween Costumes by Some Guy

I've been wondering why we wear costumes on Halloween.  I checked on the World Wide Web, (Have you been on that thing? It's got everything, weather, sports, stock quotes. I mean everything.) And the Internet gave me a couple of different reasons.

Here's why we apparently wear costumes:

1. To prevent ghost home invasions.

The first reason was that, in times long past, people were afraid that ghosts would occupy their houses if the ghosts saw them out and about. People would wear masks so the ghosts wouldn't recognize them.

That explanation doesn't work these days because a lot of people don't wear masks.  The costumes aren't confusing anyone.

And, if that were the case, people would be wearing masks of their enemies, like the guy on the next block who never cleans up after his dog. That way, the ghost will see you out and about and think it's him. Your house stays clean, and he inherits a problem.  But that's not very Christianly, and it requires you to somehow casually get a plaster cast of the face of the neighbor you don't get along with, which is a huge hassle. So I don't think this is a good reason for us to wear costumes anymore.

2. To punk evil spirits.

Are we still using "to punk" as a phrase? That show has been off the air for years. Is it so old that it's retro now? So many questions. But the second reason people started wearing costumes is that they were trying to scare away evil spirits. I'm not really buying that, because the scary masks and costumes look like what I picture an evil spirit to look like. You're not scaring them away if you look like them–they might try to befriend you. Or at the bare minimum follow you on Twitter.

If you want to scare away evil spirits, then why not go dressed as something that actually will scare them?

A. Bible (that'll scare the heaven into them)

B. An angel (gotta be the intimidating type with the flaming sword, not the ceramic figurine type that looks a little like Cupid)

I don't know that I would recommend going as Jesus.

"Trick or treat!"

"Oh, and who are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Jesus!"

Good witnessing opportunity?  Check.

Tough to pull off without being blasphemous?  Check.

Do this one at your own risk.

3. So people can't tell who you are.

Yet another reason for going in disguise is so that your neighbors won't know who you are.  That's only needed if the homeowner doesn't treat, leaving you no choice but to pull a trick on him.  Harmless trick, of course. And Jon's even told us the levels of apology we might need to do depending on the size of the prank.

None of those three reasons makes sense anymore though. Stupid Information Superhighway. So I asked a kid, someone more in tune with the pulse of the elementary schools and got the real answer.

Why do we wear costumes on Halloween?

To get candy. (Really should have seen that one coming.)

Question:

What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid?

SCLQ – Stuff Christians Like, the play.

Didn't buy the Stuff Christians Like book? Feel like books are so 2000 and late? Waiting instead for someone to take the book and reinvent it as a one-person, performance art-type play? Well, your wait is over my friend.

Someone sent me this video a few months ago, and I was blown away. This high school student named Chandler reenacts scenes from the book with intensity, passion and hilarity. Check it out and see SCL through a whole new lens.

 

Great sex! Flat abs! And Jesus!

If Men's Health magazine was true, you would never need to buy more than one issue. If the articles that promised flat abs and less stress and better sex really worked as promised, you'd never need to have a subscription because every issue is the exact same thing. This was the thought I had while standing at the magazine rack at Wal-Mart watching my daughters read My Little Pony books. (Long live Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie by the way. Toola-Roola is a punk. I don't even know what Toola-Roola is into, at least Rainbow Dash is all about rainbows.)

As I stood there, though, I noticed something else kind of weird. The promises that the front cover of men's magazines make were eerily similar to the promises that the back cover of Christian books make. So I thought it might be fun to play a little guessing game and see if you can figure out which is which:

1. "Build your perfect life and strip away stress for good"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

2. "The Secret to Effortless Success"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

3. "Total Health Starts Here"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

4. "967 Secrets of Happiness"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

5. "Supercharge Your Brain"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

6. "Keep Yourself Happy"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

7. "Gain control over your mind"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

8. "Uncover the proven process that will lead to a life of success and total fulfillment"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

9. "The Anatomy of a Successful Life"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

10. "Stress Proof Your Brain"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

11. "Living Life without Limits"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

12. "10 keys to fulfilling your destiny"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

13. "10 Essential Success Secrets"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

14. "Hold on to your hair – 5 new cures"

A. Front Cover of Men's Magazine

B. Back Cover of Christian Book

OK, that last one was easy, but it reminded me of that Richard Marx song, "Hold on to the Night," and I promised myself I'd make at as many Richard Marx references as possible, sooooo one down. (Click here for the answers to the quiz.)

I didn't use the titles of the books because I'm not trying to denigrate those authors. I haven't read what's inside the books and, ultimately, those are often just marketing sentences written by someone other than the author. But standing there that day in the midst of My Little Pony land, seeing how similar the two types of headlines were, I wasn't convicted about the books. I was convicted about my own motivations.

Am I that different from the world?

I've got God, the very power of Christ inside of me, so why are my own desires so interchangeable with what the world says are the most important things in life?

Do I ever go to God with a laundry list of better demands? Give me a better marriage, a better ministry, a better life, a better job, a better everything?

Do I chase the blessings of God sometimes more than the presence of God?

Do I ever treat God like a really good self-help guru who is there to meet my needs?

Do I look weird scribbling this all down in a small moleskine notebook by the magazine rack in Wal-Mart?

Yes, yes I do. But I don't want God to simply be a vehicle for the things I want. I want God to be who I want.

I want Him to be enough.

 

(This post originally appeared on SCL on January 7, 2009)

Adding an S to the book of Revelation.

It is with much shame that I confess that I am down with the S.

I didn't know I was. Three years into writing a blog about faith and Christianity, you would think I knew better. I mean I wrote a book with Zondervan, the people who publish the Bible, and I still didn't know.

For the life of me, I thought it was "The Book of Revelations."

A few weeks ago, when I used the word "Revelations" in a post, someone called me out on it in the comments. They said "referring to the last book of the bible as 'Revelations' is nails on a chalkboard to me."

I scoffed in my head. Oh you misinformed grammarian you! Of course there's an S! What do you think: there's only one Revelation in the whole book? That it's a single Revelation? Poppycock! Or dare I say fiddlesticks, your logic is so cattywampus.

Then I googled it. Then I actually looked it up in the Bible and what?? Are you serious? When did we get rid of the S? Is that a new thing? Did we all vote on that? Better check the K to the J to the V for the real deal. Or what's my man Douay Rheims have to say about the whole thing. EuPete help me out on this one, what does The Message have?

No S.

Good to know.

So how did I respond to the person who called me out? I didn't at first. I just deleted the S all sneaky like and then went about my day. But when I checked the site later, someone had defended me and said "I think Jon was making a joke." (I wish I was that smart.) And then someone else said "Not sure where it is referred to as Revelations in the story" since I had deleted the reference. Then I sent out a tweet that had said "Revelations" and someone responded, "Revelation is singular. Pretty basic and fraught w/theological implications, so I hope that was a typo."

So, to recap, some folks thought I was smart enough to do it as a joke and others thought that I had never done it in the first place. And then when I kept the S in my tweet to see if people would get up in arms, some in fact did. All in all, a pretty good day.

I'm coming clean. I always "s-ify" Revelation. But now, much like those lovable kids at the end of the GI Joe cartoon public service announcements, I know better. And knowing is half the battle.

Questions:

Have you ever added an S to Revelation? Is there another Bible grammar pet peeve that drives you crazy?

People who pray with British accents.

Dear people who pray out loud with British accents,

Thank you.

I know that your prayers don't travel on a more direct route to God than mine. I am well aware that there is not an "express prayer lane," that gets prayers to heaven faster. But every time I'm in a prayer group and someone prays something with the "Queen's English," I'm pretty sure that prayer gets heard by God first.

Why do I think that way?

Maybe it's because, whenever I hear a British accent, I just naturally assume that person is smarter than me. When someone says, "I took the lift to the top floor because the queue for the loo was so long," I automatically think, "Probably a professor at Oxford. Teaches a class on British Colonial Times if I had to guess. Bet they have a butler named Jeeves and they hunt fox. On horses. Probably have tea every afternoon and use words that I don't even know about to talk about topics that would make my head hurt. And they subscribe to The Economist. Just the headlines on the cover make me confused. I had to Google how to spell the word "queue." People with British accents are smarter than me!

Is that why I'm such a huge fan of people who pray with British accents?

Maybe it's a C.S. Lewis thing? Isn't he Welsh? Is Wales part of Great Britain? It's all Great Britain, right? England is England and Ireland is Ireland and Scotland is Braveheart. Right? I'm not positive. I would know this if I was smarter. And had a British accent.

When I hear someone pray with a British accent, they sound like it's coming out of their mouth in cursive. Long flowing, tangled up letters elegantly dancing through the air. Not the awkward, "just"-laden prayers I pray. "Lord just hear us, just show us your way, just, just, just." British prayers unfold like the elfin language J.R.R. Tolkien invented. That's how smart British people are. They get bored with the English language and create new ones. Wish I could pray with a British accent!

That's how I felt when I heard author Sheila Walsh pray. Her prayer came out in King James Version. Not New either, I'm talking Old School King James. She's Scottish and has a direct line to Jesus. I'm pretty sure that's true.

If I'm in a "prayer circle" and someone with a British accent prays, I never pray after them. I consider the circle closed at that point. It's like the prayer equivalent of Eminem throwing down the mic in the 8 Mile. Boom! It's over. I just get up and walk away. You can't follow that!

Am I weird? Am I the only one who's ever felt like someone who prays with a British accent just took the prayer to a whole new level?

Anyone?

SCLQ – 10 things I look at when I buy a new book.

I love books.

When I was a kid, I used to bring books to read at sleepovers.

I can recognize the sound a UPS truck makes from a mile away because they've delivered so many Amazon packages to my house.

When I travel, my backpack weighs 97 pounds because I stuff it so full of books.

But I have a problem.

So many books are available these days that it's hard to pick one to read. And maybe you've had that problem before too. You go to Barnes & Noble and there's just this ocean of options. So how do you choose which book to read? Here are the 10 things I look for when I buy a new nonfiction book:

1. The title

It's next to impossible to cram an entire book into a title. Did they do a good job with this book, or does the title sound like a photocopy of every other book on the market right now? (Example of one I love:  Start with Why.)

2. The Subtitle

What's the promise of the book? What are they saying in the subtitle? Does it overpromise, "The story of how one cat saved an entire town and taught the world how to love again?" Is it as strong as the title?

3. Back cover description

Does it sound interesting? Does it say something that couldn't be said on the back of another book because it's so original? Is it emotionally manipulative? "This book will change your life in 4 seconds!"

4. Endorsements

What are other people I like saying about this book? Who else was willing to put their name on it? Does that endorser endorse every single book they put in front of him/her? Or do they rarely emerge from their own writing cave and endorse a book, which makes this endorsement a big deal?

5. The feel of the book

This is completely dumb, but how does the book feel in my hand? What type of paper did they use? Is it heavy? Does it feel right? (Insert mockery from Kindle owners right here.)

6. The length

Did the book need to be this long? Or, is the first chapter the whole idea and the rest of the book is just supporting material? Could it have been a magazine article instead of a book? Do I feel like they played with the font size to stretch out the page count?

7. The cover

Is the cover original? Or is it simply a stock photo like a million other stock photos of people looking wistful and hopeful, as if perhaps the contents of this book I am holding just changed their lives and would change mine as well despite my penchant for run on sentences? (Example of a good cover: Rework.)

8. Recommendation

Did a friend recommend the book to me? Was their recommendation positive but not so positive that they've put a tremendous amount of pressure on me to have a life-changing experience via this book. And if I don't, we'll have to have an awkward conversation?

9. Author's life

Has the author accomplished something? It's hard for me to buy a business/leadership/creative/marketing/Christian nonfiction book about a big idea if the only thing the author has accomplished is writing the book about the big idea. Have they lived the big idea? Are they pulling from real-life, true experiences or just theories? When Seth Godin writes about Tribes, for instance, you believe him because he's built a huge Tribe. When Francis Chan writes about Crazy Love, you believe him because that's how he's living.

10. Sample

Can I sample the book first? Can I read the first chapter or the author's blog to get a sense of what the book is really about? Is there a trailer I could watch to understand the heart of the book? (This is a big part of why we give away the first chapter of Quitter for free.)

Those are the 10 things I think about when buying a new non-fiction book.

How about you?

What do you look for in a new book?

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Grocery Store Makeovers

(It's guest post Friday! Today's post is from Robert Bruce.  Robert is a writer for the Dave Ramsey team, a blogger and a marathon runner. His blog about reading through the Time Magazine's 100 greatest novels is brilliant. You can also find him on Twitter. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here's how.)

Grocery Store Makeovers – By Robert Bruce

Rob Bell started it. Or maybe it was Andy Stanley.

Twenty years ago, the abandoned Krogers and Kmarts of the world were a community eyesore—a harsh reminder of once-thriving businesses that served fresh zucchini, abundant nutmeg, and a wide variety of colorful, sugar-laden cereal.

But one day some ingenious pastor was walking down the deodorant aisle and said, "Hmmm. I wonder what a set of drums and a bass guitar would sound like about right here," as he eyeballed a veritable potpourri of ocean-scented fragrances. (My Old Spice says it smells like "Freedom!") Or maybe he glanced over to the paper products aisle and envisioned a pack of three-year-olds sitting in a circle and singing "Father Abraham." Do the kids still sing that? They should, because that dude had many, many sons.

Whoever started it and however it happened, churches everywhere have taken notice and large retail stores are now prime real estate for many congregations. In the last six years, I've been a member of two churches—one met in a renovated Harris Teeter and my current church meets in what used to be a Circuit City.

As much as I love my church, I've got to admit that sometimes it's a little odd taking communion in the same spot that I once purchased a couple of two-foot USB cords, some overpriced printer cartridges, and a copy of Elf. Or at my old church in Atlanta, I might have proofread my bulletin in the same spot that I once sampled a Swedish meatball on a toothpick from a friendly, elderly woman.

There's something mysterious about these types of church spaces, like an old house that was built in the late 19th century and housed dozens of families over the years. What stories could it tell?

And what stories could that Kroger, that Circuit City, pass on to the churchgoers who wander the aisles these days? Like the Great Spinach Scare of 2006, the mad cow hysteria of 2004, or Black Friday in 2007 when 14 middle-aged parents were arrested for brawling over a couple of Nintendo Wiis. If only those walls could talk.

But these days, instead of generic Michael Bolton songs on lame, whispery speakers, this one-time retail mecca now blasts the melodic praise and worship tunes of Chris Tomlin and David Crowder. Instead of hearing "Clean up. Aisle 9" on those same speakers, you might see "Child 14"—which is code for "Clean Up. Nursery. Bring the scented wipes."—in digital numbers next to the video screen.

Some people might not like this fairly new phenomenon, but it's grown on me, despite my initial feelings of weirdness. These renovated giant retail stores have some personality, some spunk, some Jello pudding stains, that the traditional, formal churches can't match—at least in this guy's meager opinion.

Sure, in the end, the church really isn't about the building, but maybe these renovated retail behemoths-turned-churches communicate that we're moving past our self-created Christian fortresses and taking the church out there—out where the asparagus gets a little funky and the peaches ends up smelling like stale cheese.

Now that's what I call the fruit of the spirit.

Question:

Have you ever attended church in a building that wasn't originally designed to be a church?

(For more great stuff from Robert, check out his blog, 101 Books!)

SCLQ – Sunday School Teachers

Dear Sunday School teachers,

You were the first lyric in a song that took 25 years to unfold in my life.

Sometimes, it's hard to teach a 5 year old or an 8 year old because you never get to hear the end of the song. We're such a "progress" and "productivity" and "results"-focused culture. And with kids, sometimes the second verse in the song God is writing doesn't roll around until college, or maybe not even until your students bring children of their own to Sunday School decades later.

It's easy to feel like you're not making an impact. But you are! You are loving the very people Christ called all of us to be like. And I can't thank you enough for that, in my own life and the lives of my own two daughters.

Keep singing. Little ears listen.

Jon

Question:

Sue Barnes was my amazing Sunday School teacher. Who was yours?

 

Wondering if you should wait on God?

A few weeks ago, my wife made Thai soup. I don't know the exact name, but I do know it was delicious. I'm not just saying that because she reads this blog and I find her incredibly attractive. The soup was honestly good.

I'd never had it before, but it had some sort of coconut milk, pepper, curry, flavor explosion thing going on. In the middle of the meal, I saw a thin, innocent looking red pepper in my spoon. As with most times I've eaten a meal, I then took the spoon and put the contents of it in my mouth. (Are you eating differently? Not putting the concave end of the spoon in your mouth? Interesting.)

That was apparently the wrong thing to do, because the second I bit into that pepper, a small fire erupted in my mouth.

I've eaten hot stuff before. I giggle at wasabi at sushi restaurants. I laugh at hot salsa at Mexican restaurants. But this was like something I've never experienced. I didn't have the mental will power to physically beat this pepper. My eyes immediately started pouring tears that I can only assume were made of fire. My tongue felt like lightning, and my lips started to debate with each other whether they should blister or not.

With the only words I could muster while running to the kitchen to see if we had any liquid nitrogen, I said to my wife, "Do you eat the peppers?"

She immediately responded, "No way! Why would you do that?"

With my face aflame, I responded, "They were in the bowl! I eat things that are in the bowl!"

Not the best response, but in my defense, I was not aware that our meals were now coming with booby traps. If it was on the side of a plate and looked all garnishy I would have ignored it. But it was sitting in the bowl peacefully, and in the last 10 years of marriage, I was led to believe there are not demon peppers hidden in the things we eat.

I drank milk. I ate as many pieces of bread that I could find. I got the bag the peppers came in out of the trash to make sure there wasn't some sort of baking soda I should be pouring on my tongue. And then, twenty minutes later when things cooled down, I asked my wife, "Why didn't you tell me I wasn't supposed to eat the peppers?"

I forget what she said back. I had a heatstroke and that night is fuzzy. But she could have easily said, "Cause you're 35 and I assume you eat at restaurants when I'm not around and know how to eat meals on your own." She didn't say that, but it would have been justified given the question I asked her.

I don't know what questions you ask your wife or your husband or your boyfriend or your girlfriend. I don't know what questions you ask professors or friends or bosses or anyone else. But I do know one question you ask God. It's one of the most popular questions we Christians ask. Here it is:

"Do you want me to wait on you right now God?"

Waiting on God is one of the hardest things to figure out. I've written about it a bunch before because it's a question we all ask at some point.

Does God want me to look for a new job, or be still and wait where he has me?

Does God want me to date more if I'm interested in being married, or does he want me to wait on him?

Does God want us to buy a new house or wait on him?

Does God want me to quit my job and join the mission field or wait on him?

The variety of wait-or-go situations is endless. And confusing.

But I have discovered one tiny verse that's challenged how I view the waiting dilemma.

The verse is Mark 15:43, and it's really simple. It's such a fragment of a fragment of a much bigger story that it's easy to overlook it. But it does speak to waiting in an interesting way.

Here is what it says:

Joseph of Arimathea, a prominent member of the Council, who was himself waiting for the kingdom of God, went boldly to Pilate and asked for Jesus' body.

On the one hand, Joseph is noted as someone who was "waiting for the kingdom of God." He is identified as a man of faith, as someone waiting. But then, within the confines of the same exact sentence, he is described as someone that "went boldly."

He didn't do one or the other; he did both. Waiting and action were not mutually exclusive in his life. But most of the time, I act like they are. I usually think it's a one or the other type of world we're living in. I either wait on God, or I run with God. But Joseph did both.

He waited and he sprinted.

He was calm and bold.

Peaceful and busy. (Insert your own two words that feel weird together.)

Maybe the answer to the question we all keep asking isn't what we thought it would be.

Maybe the answer to the question, "Should I wait on God or hustle as hard as I can?" is actually "Yes."

SCLQ – Seryn

Prior to going to the Catalyst Conference a few weeks ago, I had not heard of this band.

After going to the Catalyst Conference a few weeks ago, I can't stop listening to this band.

Seryn is from Denton, a mythical land in Texas that Matt Chandler says "hello" to often at the start of sermons. They remind me a little of Mumford & Sons. Each member of the band can play approximately 17 instruments proficiently. Seriously, during their set, the drummer would stand up, grab a guitar play that, then walk over to some sort of instrument I've never seen in my life and then absolutely kill that too. It was amazing, and they played with that kind of unabashed joy and gusto I've written about before. Someday, I hope to throw an event and invite them to be the music.

Here's one of their songs. It breaks in a big, beautiful wave at the 2:15 mark. I'm a huge fan of Seryn. (Which I think is Greek for "We play an amazing amount of instruments well.")