Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 547

The future is apparently now. Ice cream, however, remains a problem.

Last week I declared that the greatest failing of the modern world is our inability to invent a Jetsons-like push-button food machine.

I was wrong.

Apparently we are a lot closer to a Jetsons-like food machine than I thought:

As part of a project at Cornell University, a group of scientists and students built a 3D printer and began testing it out with food. The device attaches to a computer, which works as the "brain" behind the technology.

It doesn't look like a traditional printer; it's more like an industrial fabrication machine. Users load up the printer's syringes with raw food -- anything with a liquid consistency, like soft chocolate, will work. The ingredient-filled syringes will then "print" icing on a cupcake. Or it'll print something more novel (i.e., terrifying) -- like domes of turkey on a cutting board.

"You hand [the computer] three bits of info: a shape that you want, a description of how that shape can be made, and a description of how that material that you want to print with works," says Jeff Lipton, a Cornell grad student working on the project. Lipton is pursuing a Ph.D. in mechanical engineering.

This is great news. Push button food could be just around the corner.

As a result, I'd like to revise my opinion regarding to the greatest failing of the modern world (though it is still food related):

The greatest failing of the modern world is our inability to produce calorie-free ice cream. 

Just imagine how much happier the world would be if we could as much ice cream as we wanted.

I defy you to come up with a better idea.

No one tried to kill me last night. For a change.

I had a dream last night that my friend, Charles (who is a physicist), and I were attempting to disprove Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle.

Just before I awoke, Charles declared that we were "really onto something."

Damn. With a little more sleep, we might have changed the world.  

Not only does this dream make me feel supremely intellectual, but it's a huge improvement on the vast majority of my dreams, in which someone is always trying to kill me. 

Of course, ever since I saw this video, I have always considered physics to be far more terrifying than the bad guys who try to kill me every night.

Watch at your own risk.

Gratitude journal: An abundance of ideas

Tonight I am thankful for the many ideas I have for future books.

My agent has told me many times that I am fortunate to be able to generate so many ideas for books while writers much more talented than me struggle to come up with a single idea for their next book.

For reasons I do not understand, ideas have always been abundant for me. This causes me to have a good problem:

Choosing which of my many book ideas will be next.

While this is not an easy problem to solve, it is certainly preferable to not having anything at all to write about at all.

Has the pie-in-the-window clich ever been put into practice? Even once?

Has any pie, in all of human history, actually been placed on a window sill to cool?

And if so, why?

The narrowness of an average window sill alone should exclude this as an adequate location for cooling.

Add to it the probability of dust and insects contaminating the pie, not to mention the large number of vagabonds, misanthropes, anthropomorphized wolves, and comedic rabbits that literature teaches us are lurking outside every open window, and the window sill seems like the last place in the world where one would want to leave a pie.

Am I wrong?

Resolution update: February 2012

In an effort to hold myself accountable to my yearly goals, I post the monthly progress made at the end of each month. 

Here are the results for February.  Still not impressive.

1. Don't die.

Still good.

2. Lose ten pounds.

As of this morning, I am back to even after my January swoon. Ten pounds to go.

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a day.  Also complete at least two two-minute planks five days per week.

Done. Actually skipped a couple of my days off by mistake.  

4. Practice the flute for at least an hour a week.

I picked up my flute once in the month of February but only because it was inadvertently knocked off the shelf. I never actually produced a flute-like sound. 

5. Complete my fifth novel before the Ides of March.

Progress continues, though the deadline is looking less certain.

6. Complete my sixth novel.

Though I am not currently working on my sixth novel, I have about 12,000 words already written.

7. Sell one children's book to a publisher.

I meet with my writing group on Monday. Barring any major concerns on their part, I will be resubmitting the first of these children's books to my agent. 

8. Complete the book proposal for my non-fiction, photographic  collaborative project.

This project will be tackled during the summer.

9. Complete three chapters of my memoir.

This project continues to take a backseat until the novel is finished, but I came up with a title that my wife likes a lot.

10. Complete at least twelve blog posts on my brother and sister blog.

Still no posts in February. I'm not entirely sure that my sister's computer is fully functional (she has dodged my last two inquiries), but in all likelihood it is working fine now. My sister tends to write in spurts, so the goal of twelve posts is certainly doable, but a regular posting schedule is much better for any blog. I will continue to hassle her this month.

Our brother-sister blog actually led (at least in part) to my unexpected reunion with my previously presumed-dead brother, so writing it has contributed far more to my life than I ever expected.  

11. Become certified to teach high school English by completing two required classes.

Elysha continues to search for a college that is offering the two courses that I need to complete in order to become certified.

Just finding classes that meet the requirements has been a challenge. 

12. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a newspaper.

I submitted one piece to my editor in February and have a list of about a dozen other potential ideas that I will hope to write as part of the promotion for my new book.

13. Attend at least five Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

I will be attending my first Moth event next week in Brooklyn. The theme is Theft. Regrettably, I have many stories from which to choose.

14. Complete the necessary revisions of our rock opera (The Clowns) so that it can be staged as a full production in the fall.

My partner continues to work on securing a commitment from a local playhouse (he sent a terse text today, in fact), and once we have a deadline and my novel is complete, work on this project will re-commence. 

15. Rid Elysha and myself of all education debt before the end of the year.

Incremental progress has been made on this front in February. 

16. Give yoga an honest try.

I have signed up for yoga classes being taught after school by a colleague who also happens to be a yoga instructor. I await the first class.  

17. Meditate for at least five minutes every day.

I have mediated for five minutes a day for the last eight days, or more accurately, I have tried to meditate. I have yet to be able to truly clear my mind. I have mediated with and without the aid of music, and neither method has produced meaningful results. I have been told that this will take time. 

18. Agree to try at least one new dish per month, even if it contains ingredients that I wouldn't normally consider palatable.

In February, I tried (and liked) rice with lentils.

19. Conduct the ninth No-Longer-Annual A-Mattzing Race in 2012.

No date for the next race has been set, but I would like to target early May if possible. If this is the case, I must set the date soon. 

20. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

I am two days late posting. I blame the launch of my new book in the UK and Australia. It has made for a very busy 48 hours.

Gratitude journal: Dr. Seuss

Tonight I am grateful to Dr. Seuss for bringing this extreme level of joy to my daughter.

Frankly, I think the book is kind of stupid, but Clara loves it (and on Dr. Seuss' birthday no less), so the man was clearly onto something.

Long lost ex-step-siblings and reincarnated brothers

This recent Facebook post by my sister captures the essence of dysfuction that consumes my family perfectly:

So my ex-step-brother, who I haven't seen since our parents divorced when I was seventeen, friended and messaged me on Facebook. My biological brother, who went into hiding for several years and was presumed dead, has resurfaced and has had dinner with my other brother hasn't even attempted to call me. Really?

Pole vaulting, mailbox baseball and going to the prom are just a few of my ideas.

I was a pole vaulter in high school, and a fairly good one at that. I was a district champion my junior year, but my senior season was wiped out by a serious car accident.

As a result, I was never able to take note of my final vault. When I walked off the pitch at the end of my junior season, I thought I still had another season of pole vaulting ahead of me. 

Sadly, pole vaulting is not a sport like basketball or baseball that you can continue playing well after high school. Pole vaulting is one of those sports typically relegated to a vaulter's high school or college career.

Nevertheless, I want to vault again. One more time. And I want to do it before it's too late. At 41, I am in excellent shape, but I know that my window on pole vaulting is closing fast. There will come a time in the not-so-near future when pole vaulting will be a physical impossibility for me.

I have to try it one more time before that day comes.

This got me thinking that my window of opportunity is probably closing on other things from my past as well, and that perhaps this might make for an interesting book:

A 40-something man attempts to recapture and relive moments from his youth one more time before it's too late.

Pole vaulting would be a perfect subject for the book. I could spend the spring working out with a local high school track team, relearning and re-mastering the skills required to execute a successful vault. I would gather amusing anecdotes about interacting with kids half my age and coaxing my body to do things it probably shouldn't be doing, and I could recount stories from my own vaulting past, all while attempting to successfully clear opening height, which was 8'6'' when I was vaulting. 

It might actually make a decent book in its own right, but I think it could also serve as the heart of a book that deals with my attempts to foolishly recapture other meaningful moments from my life as well as I fail to come to terms with getting older.  

Coming up with those other subjects for the book is the next step. So far I have two:

1.  Marching and playing the drums in a competitive marching band.

I played and marched with my high school's drum corps from seventh grade through my senior year.  In that time, our band won a number of Massachusetts state championships and two New England championships. We also marched in the Rose Bowl, the Macy's Day Parade, halftime at several Patriots home games, and down the streets of Disneyland. Marching competitively again would require that relearn to play the drums at a proficient enough level, which would probably mean spending a full season with a local marching band. I could document my struggles and successes as I attempt to integrate myself into a marching band filled with people half my age, and at the same time share the plethora of amusing, heartbreaking and even tragic stories that I have from my days with the marching band.

2. Mailbox baseball

While my wife is supportive about most things I do, she has made it clear that this would be a non-sanctioned activity. Growing up, a friend and I played a lot of mailbox baseball. Though I realize how destructive and dangerous this game was, it was incredibly thrilling at the time. To hang out of a car window just one more time with a baseball bat and obliterate just one more mailbox with a single crushing blow might make my life complete.

I have a few other ideas as well, but none nearly as good. 

Attending one more prom is a possibility (I attended many of them while in high school), but there might be a serious creep factor involved with taking some high school girl to the prom (if I could even find one willing to go).

If you have ideas or suggestions that you think might work well, please let me know.

Gratitude journal: Lunch with a pretty girl

Tonight I am grateful for the opportunity to eat lunch with my wife. Elysha and I work together in the same school, and a few times a week, our lunch schedules coincide, allowing us to sit down together.

Today was one of those days. 

In June, our second child will be born, and with that baby will come an end to these lunchtime meetings. Elysha will take the following school year off to stay at home with our new baby, and there is a good chance that when she returns to work the following year, we will no longer be teaching in the same school.

Elysha and I have worked together for nearly a decade, and I have loved every minute of our time together. It's hard to believe it's coming to an end. As a result, I cherish the time that we still have together, even as I am ever cognizant of how quickly it is slipping away.  

International pub day for MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND!

It's pub day for MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND in places well outside my immediate reach: The UK, Australia and New Zealand.

While it's a thrilling day for me, it's also a little sad that my wife and I can't stop by every bookstore in the area, looking for my book, posing with my book, and signing my book, as we did on the days that my two previous novels were published.  

That will have to wait until August, when the book publishes in the US. I cannot wait. 

But still, this pub day is not without its fun and excitement.

A bookstore in Australia tweeted me last night to tell me that they had just sold their first copy of the book.

Reviews have been coming in and are thus far better than I could have ever imagined.

Best of all, the the lovely ladies at the Australian and New Zealand bookseller Dymocks Adelaide sent me this photo, perhaps knowing how much I wish I could pop into their store and see the book on the shelves for myself.