Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 546
March 8, 2012
Does the television weatherman serve any useful purpose anymore? I think not.
"Is this the end to the mild weather? Find out at 11:00."
This is what I heard tonight on television during an exceptionally rare viewing of live, non-sports related television.
Actually, that's not even true. We were watching The Office, but it had actually aired about an hour earlier. But this is as close as Elysha and I get to live TV these days, so the weatherman's words at least made sense for once. They actually matched the weather outside.
When I heard the guy, who looked about seventeen years old, I thought:
Really, dude? You think that tease that works anymore? Find out at 11:00? How about, "Find out in 11 seconds by checking the app on my phone or on the Internet?" Does anyone actually wait until 11:00 PM to listen to a weatherman read the weather to you when you have the forecast at your fingertips at all times?
I hope not. I'd hate to think anyone is encouraging him.
My book has gone abroad
It's difficult to launch a book internationally while sitting at home, thousands of miles away, waiting until August for your book to publish here in the US.
The reviews of the book have thus far been amazing, and I am thrilled by all the reader response I am already receiving, but I also feel so disconnected from my book and the places it has gone.
At the same time, I cannot express the joy in knowing that a story I made up in my head, filled with characters who I love, is now sitting on bookshelves halfway around the world in places I have never been. Apparently aware of this, the booksellers of the UK, Australia and New Zealand have been kind enough to offer me a peek into the their stores with photos of MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND on their shelves.
It makes me want to hop on a plane and fly overseas immediately, just to drop by these fabulous bookshops and meet some of these generous booksellers.
March 7, 2012
In My Life I have never seen anything better
Yes, having children can make life more complicated and expensive, but you get a moment like this and you can't believe how lucky you are to have this little person in your life.
March 6, 2012
Gratitude journal: Idiot cat knows one important thing
He doesn't know his own name.
He eats and then vomits in the most inconvenient places.
He eats dog food. He eats cashmere. He eats plastic bags. He eats the entire string off a balloon. He eats shoelaces. He eats paper.
He mistakes our feet for playthings at 3:00 AM.
He bites. He bites hard. And he bites most often when we are petting him. The more love we give this cat, the more likely he is to bite.
One might classify them as love bites except they hurt like hell.
But regardless of his utter stupidity, Owen has never comes close to biting Clara. Despite her unbridled love and questionable treatment of him, he has never even shown the inclination to bite her.
He doesn't know his own name and he will devour an entire sweater in one sitting. but somehow the idiot cat knows to leave Clara alone.
That is what I am grateful for tonight.
Baby Lily is an orphan and I shouldnt give a damn.
It breaks my heart every time my daughter tells me that one of her babies is upset and crying because the baby doesn't have a Mommy and Daddy.
"But Clara, you can be her Mommy," I'll say.
Then Clara will look at me as if I have two heads and reply, "I'm not a Mommy. I'm Clara."
Don't most kids take on the role of mother in these situations?
In order to mitigate some of their suffering, Clara has begun reconfiguring the relationship web amongst her babies, assigning the role of mother to the larger dolls and connecting each large doll to a small one.
Still, some of her babies are still orphans, including Baby Lily, who Clara told me this morning is "so sad that she doesn't have a Mommy or Daddy. What will she do, Daddy?"
What the hell am I supposed to do? Run out and buy a Mommy doll for Baby Lily?
If Clara keeps this up, I just might.
March 5, 2012
Gratitude journal: No gestational diabetes
Tonight I am grateful that my wife does not have gestational diabetes.
With three months to go before this baby is born, a case of gestational diabetes would have meant a lot of under-the-radar ice cream eating on my part.
Always better to eat ice cream out in the open.
That does suck.
We're not quite sure where she learned this, but we're not happy.
I showed my daughter a photo of her Uncle Jeremy's cat, Mr. Woo Woo, drinking from the toilet, and I asked you what she thought of the idea of drinking toilet water.
"It's gross!" she said. "Yucky."
And then, "That sucks."
Then she repeated the word again and again. Enough for me to capture the tail end of her diatribe on video.
She also added that an octopus has suction cups, which was a well stated scientific fact but did not mitigate the use of this language.
When we explained that those were not nice words, she seemed suitably chastened. We hope.
Near-death understanding
At the risk of sounding condescending, I'm not sure to what degree anyone can live every day as if it's their last unless they have actually faced death firsthand.
Having survived two near-death experiences and a robbery at gunpoint that included the firing of an empty gun into my head, I truly believe that I come as close as possible to living every day as if it's my last. Literally not a single hour goes by that I do not think about my mortality and strategize ways of extending my life while making as much of an impact on the world as possible during my short time here.
One of my life coach clients knows a near-death survivor, and he once told me that I have a great deal in common with this person. "You both talk and act so much alike," he said. "You both live the same way. You're always on." He went on to say that he wished that he could have a little bit of whatever we have.
This made a great deal of sense to me.
I know that many people would like to live their lives as if today will be their last, and I know that some even try to do so. And to a degree, I believe that many people accomplish this goal.
But unless you have actually experienced the prospect of death firsthand, I don't think you can ever truly understand what someone like me feels on a constant, ongoing, unrelenting basis.
March 4, 2012
Gratitude journal: Exceptionally practical friends who understand that brevity is the soul of wit
Tonight I am grateful for the infinitesimal amount of time I spend on the phone thanks to my friends who also have no desire to use this device on a regular basis. I am blessed with many close friends, but thankfully none of them think that chatting on the phone for any length of time is a good idea.
With three days left in the monthly billing cycle, I have used a total of 41 minutes of talk time on my phone, which amounts to an average of a little more than a minute per day.
Even this seems slightly excessive.
I am more than willing to take phone calls for specific topics that extend beyond the capabilities of a simple text message, but thankfully these occasions are the exception rather than the rule.
This makes me very happy.
