Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 543

Inexplicable stupidity

Who are the idiots who haven't figured this out yet?

Gratitude journal: She loves dinosaurs!

My daughter freakin' loves dinosaurs.

I don't know if this is normal for little girls, but if it is, please don't tell me. I'd like to think that it's highly abnormal. And permanent. And special. 

I'd like to think that my geeky, childhood love for dinosaurs has somehow rubbed off on my daughter or been genetically transferred to her in some unexpected, inexplicable, magical way.  

 

He ruined my iPhone.

A friend, Tony, was asking about apps for his new iPad. I asked if he finally got rid of his featureless phone and purchased an iPhone as well.

His response made it difficult for me to continue to love my iPhone:

Whenever making a purchasing decision, I try to look at the long range cost, or in this case, how much additional savings I would have by NOT doing it. In this case, $720 (the yearly cost of an iPhone data plan) at 5% return (conservative 10.1% long term market) for 20 years is $24,000. There are just too many purchases with long tails, which is why I own Verizon stock (5.17% dividend) but not the service. Just a basic phone.

I hate when my friends start sounding like grownups. 

Pandering or positivity?

I do not like being repeatedly told that a question I asked is a good one. I find this unnecessary, condescending and disingenuous.

I told this to a friend and she said that she felt exactly the opposite. When someone tells her that a question she asked is good, she feels validated and encouraged to ask another.

I think this illustrates the difference in our personalities perfectly.

Gratitude journal: My kids

Tonight I am grateful for my students. They aren't always perfectly behaved, and there are days when they can be more than challenging, but they are a cohesive group of kids who genuinely like one another and do not suffer from the drama that can afflict the lives of so many ten and eleven year old kids.

It's rare to see a group of kids come together so completely as this year's class has, and while I'm not exactly sure how or why it has happened (I have theories), I am supremely grateful to them for this unusual level of maturity.

I love my job, but somehow this year's class has helped me to love it even more.  

Why you will fail to have a great career

Earlier this week, I suggested that the best advice I have to offer is to put yourself out there. Take risks. Dare to be different.

This guy has a similar message, except that he is more eloquent, more amusing and more accomplished than me.

So listen to him. Listen now. Heed his warning.

SOMETHING MISSING: Asian style

The Korean and Chinese editions of my first novel, SOMETHING MISSING, arrived yesterday.

Three years after it first published, the book is still exciting me. 

 

Elysha Dicks is cool.

My wife has many amazing qualities, but best of all, she's just cool.

Last night she spent an hour watching The Walking Dead with me. She loves the show. She also enjoys Comic Book Men, the show that follows The Walking Dead starring Kevin Smith and his band of comic book loving friends, even though she has never read a comic book.

She is also a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, South Park, The Simpsons, 24, The Sopranos, Battlestar Galactica and a lot of other television shows that many women I know disdain.

On our first date, in the midst of a meaningful and deep conversation, she asked if we could stop talking, turn on the TV and watch The Simpsons instead.

At that moment, the Heavens opened, the angels sang and I knew that I had found my future wife.

I received an email from Elysha around 6:30 this morning. I had been up for a few hours, working downstairs, and she had just awakened and started reading on her iPad in bed.

The first email was for a The Nest, a self-regulating thermostat that uses motion detection to learn your family's lifestyle and adjust the heat accordingly. She had heard about this marvel of technology a few months ago and had registered to receive an email alert when the product was available to consumers.

Five minutes later I received a second email, this one linking to a video that explained how to install a USB wall socket into an electrical outlet. 

The woman had started her day by reading about thermostats and USB wall sockets.

And yet when you meet her, you'd never expect that she is the woman who enjoys watching zombie, vampire and science fiction. You'd never think of her as a person who might get excited over the idea of a USB socket in the wall. She's also extremely knowledgeable about art, design and fashion and is an excellent cook.

She really is the best of every world.

My friend, Kim, has always said that the most important decision a person makes is choosing a spouse.

Until I met Elysha, I don't think I would have agreed.

Now I can't imagine how awful life would have been if I had never met her. Elysha has taught me that when is comes to choosing a spouse, there is no second best. 

Gratitude journal: Clara in the morning

Tonight I am grateful that my daughter has finally adjusted to Daylight Savings Time. She awoke at 7:15 this morning, which meant that for the first time this week, I was able to spend some time  with her before heading off to work.

I cannot tell you how difficult it is to leave for work without spending even a couple minutes with her. Just a squeeze and a kiss is enough to get me through the day.

This is especially important on nights like tonight, when a book event keeps me away from home at bedtime, forcing me to miss out on cuteness the likes of this:

She had better wake up tomorrow morning, too.

When it comes to a pregnant womans size, ladies, please just shut the hell up.

New rule:

No more commenting on a pregnant woman's physical appearance.

If my wife comes home with one more story of some idiot woman (and yes, it is always a woman) commenting on her size, I'm going to personally hunt that woman down and compose a treatise on every one of her physical imperfections.

Most recent was the woman in Starbucks who asked Elysha how many weeks along she was and then remarked that even when she was pregnant with twins, she didn't think she was ever that big.

The woman should be forbidden from ever entering a Starbucks again. She probably shouldn't be allowed in public anymore. 

But there have been plenty of others.

There was the woman who asked Elysha if she is much larger during this pregnancy than her previous one.

There are the hordes of attention-seeking narcissists who love to tell pregnant women about how little weight they gained during their own pregnancies and how quickly and easily they shed those extra few pounds after the delivery.

There are the women who mistake pregnant women for walking, talking carnival games, trying to guess how far along they are and always guessing too far.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Elysha averages about one insensitive comment per week, and these can come from friends, coworkers, family members and even complete strangers, who for reasons that escape me see a pregnant woman and feel the need to immediately engage in conversation.

My advice:

Just shut the hell up. All of you. Stop commenting on a pregnant woman's physical appearance completely. I'd like to say that compliments are still permitted, but I feel like you've exercised such poor judgment already that you cannot be trusted to offer a compliment without accidentally insulting the woman at the same time. 

So just shut up completely.

And yes, I am certain that in all of human history, men have made these type of dumbass comments as well, but of the eight recently pregnant women who I polled over the past two days, all reported that comments like these, while entirely too frequent, are never made by men.

Men learned a long time ago to never comment on a woman's size.

Take a page from our playbook, ladies, and shut the hell up.

Seriously.