Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 544
March 15, 2012
No recording allowed
This was going to be cute, but my daughter told me to put the phone away so I would be available to clap.
Kind of annoying.
March 14, 2012
Gratitude journal: Readers live-tweeting my book
Tonight I am thankful for the enthusiastic readers who have been engaging in a new form of live tweeting in which they send me tweets as they make their way through my latest book, MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND.
My first two books, SOMETHING MISSING and UNEXPECTEDLY, MILO, were published during Twitter's infancy, so I had decidedly less contact with readers via social media. But today, I am only a tweet away, and readers are taking advantage it.
This afternoon, readers in the UK and Australia tweeted about their experience with novel thus far, letting me in on their thoughts and feelings at that very moment. One reader told me that she was experiencing an overwhelming sense of dread over what might happen next in the story (she was about halfway finished), and the other was nearing the end of the book and was "terrified" by the potential outcome.
She actually stopped reading in order to drink a coffee and calm down before finishing.
I'm hoping it was decaf.
The enthusiasm and excitement of readers like these humbles me. I am so very grateful for their willingness to reach out and allow me to join them on their journey through my book.
It is a brave new world in which readers and authors can so easily comingle, and I like it a lot.
Put yourself out there
About a year ago, I suggested on this blog that I might make an excellent professional best man and offered my services to anyone interested.
Last week I received my first inquiry from someone interested in hiring me in this capacity.
__________________________
Three years ago I decided to become a life coach after listening to a woman with a great deal of training but very little life experience describe how she was graduating from a life coaching training program at a local college and starting her business. Listening to her describe her qualifications, I decided that I was more qualified than she.
Today I have two clients, and this morning, a third inquired about my services.
__________________________
Fifteen years ago, my best friend called and asked if I wanted to become a wedding DJ. We had no experience in the music or wedding industries, nor had I ever considered this line of work, but he had been unhappy with the DJ at his wedding and thought we could do better. I explained that I had a paper to finish for my English class, but sure, I'd give it a shot.
As we prepare for our seventeenth wedding season, Bengi and I have entertained at nearly 400 weddings throughout New England, and I have enough wedding memories to fill three books. The DJ business eventually led me to become an ordained minister in order to marry clients, and to date, I have married a total of twelve couples and officiated three baby naming ceremonies.
One of my closest friends and fellow Patriots season ticket holder is also a former DJ client.
__________________________
Ever since I began listening to their weekly podcast, I had wanted to tell a story for The Moth, a storytelling organization based in New York that features true stories told live in a competitive format. For years, I considered starting my own version of The Moth here in Connecticut rather than facing my fear of a New York City audience. Eventually I realized that I was being stupid and drove to New York one night to compete in one of The Moth's weekly StorySlam competitions.
And I won. I competed in a subsequent GrandSlam championship, where I placed third. I have competed in two more StorySlams and attended two other StorySlams as a member of the audience since then.
Last week I won again.
And just like that I have become a member of The Moth community. I have developed friendships with fellow storytellers that have led to other opportunities to tell stories to live audiences, and I have even become a recognizable figure to Moth audiences.
All I ever wanted to do was take the stage, tell a story and walk away feeling like I had accomplished something. Instead, I feel like a small part of something much bigger and more meaningful. In less than a year, I have become a part of their storytelling community and met some remarkable people in the process.
__________________________
Why am I writing about these things?
Because I almost didn't do any of them.
When my daughter is old enough to understand, I will try my best to impart to her the value of putting yourself out there and trying as many things as possible in life, regardless of how difficult or frightening or absurd they may be. Too many people, myself included, fail to take risks in life and blaze their own trails. I have learned that I find my greatest joy and sense of accomplishment in trying something new, and the more outlandish, frightening or absurd that thing may be, the better.
Not everything that I propose has worked out. My desire to become a double date companion and grave site visitor, for example, has not worked out yet. But I have not given up hope.
After my most recent Moth victory, a friend in the publishing industry suggested that I consider teaching classes on storytelling, for would-be storytellers as well as corporations who need to be able to communicate more effectively. A couple other people in the business world agreed with her suggestion, insisting that there would be a market for this kind of service, and so I am considering giving this a shot.
Do I expect much to come of it? Probably not. I was forced to turn down my first professional best man client because he lives in the UK, and I'm not sure when and if another client will come along, but just knowing that one person was interested in my services is enough for me to push this career path a little more.
So maybe I will make millions becoming a storytelling consultant for corporations around the world who need to communicate clear, meaningful and memorable messages to employees and customers.
More likely, I will end up teaching a few people about effective storytelling for more familiar venues like author appearances and The Moth.
Actually, most likely nothing will come of it.
But I'm putting myself out there, as I have done so often in the past, because when these things work out, it can be a thrilling ride.
Spite is your friend
Bestselling author Ellen Potter's recent interview in The Baltimore Sun featured this gem:
[Encouragement] is important in this field, right?
Oh, yes. One professor in college told me flat-out I wasn't good enough to enter the creative writing program. I saved that letter and promised myself I would send it back to her when my first book came out. And [early on], I got so many rejections. I just submitted and submitted. I did not stop. It was just sheer bulldoggedness.
Boy do I hope she sent that letter back to that professor.
Either way, I admire anyone who is driven by spite, and even better, who is willing to admit to it.
March 13, 2012
Gratitude journal: Portlandia
Tonight I am grateful for Portlandia. Elysha and I watched the season finale of the show tonight.
It's freakin' hilarious.
Happily, IFC has greenlighted a third season of the show, so there is more gratitude to come.
You cant take back slut.
This week's Slate DoubleX Gabfest discussed how Sandra Fluke, the Georgetown Law Student who was called a "slut" by Rush Limbaugh, might be "the new standard bearer for sex-positive feminism."
In the podcast, the notion of taking back the word slut is mentioned, much the same way the homosexual community has taken back the word queer or parts of the African American community have taken back the N word.
But this line of reasoning is flawed and stupid. I can't tell you how much it annoyed me.
The homosexual community was able to take back queer because at worst, queer means "odd or different." The definition of the word is not a problem for the gay community because it does not possess any strong negative connotations. In many ways, the actual definition of the word has ceased to matter to the gay community. The word queer had become a signifier for gay (this definition can actually be found in the dictionary), so taking it back merely meant stripping the word of its negativity without any need to change the word's actual meaning.
Taking back the N word was similar. Though it is so vile that I hesitate to use it on this blog, the word, by pure definition, is a derogatory signifier for a specific race of race of people. It is hateful and offensive, but it has no other meaning other than to signify African Americans. Taking back the word did not require the African American community to change the definition of the word. They only needed to strip the word of its negative connotation.
But the word slut has a definition, and it is not a good one. A slut is "a slovenly or promiscuous woman."
Synonyms for the word include trollop, strumpet, harlot and streetwalker.
This is not a mere signifier of the word woman, nor does it describe a woman who uses birth control regularly (as Limbaugh implied) or engages in regular sex. Instead, it describes a person (usually a woman but not always) who lacks discrimination and/or judgment when choosing sexual partners. It speaks to a person's standards for choosing a sexual partner and the number of sexual partners. Taking back the word slut not only means stripping the word of a negative connotation but also changing the definition as well.
Doing so would be akin to bald men taking back the word bald or short women taking back the word short. These words have have actual definitions. They describe a specific type of person in the same way that the word slut describes a specific type of behavior.
Slut is a word that possesses negative connotations because it describes behavior that is generally considered less than admirable. No one stole the word for nefarious purposes. It is and always has been a signifier for a person who has sex with a large number of people absent any thought or consideration.
In this way, it is actually a rather useful word. It effectively describes a type of person. Though it is often used pejoratively, that does not make the word vile or offensive, unless you are an idiot like Rush Limbaugh.
As the father of a three-year old girl, I would prefer that she grow up in a world where slut has not been taken back for the sake of feminism.
Seriously. We don't need it.
Jessica Gross, one of the podcast hosts, describes a time in middle school when she and her friends would jokingly refer to one another as sluts, unaware of what the word even meant.
I'd prefer that my daughter grow up without anyone calling her a slut, in jest or otherwise.
March 12, 2012
Gratitude journal: A good sleeper
So many parents have such a hard time getting their children to sleep at night.
Some can't stand the thought of listening to their child crying in the crib during the process of sleep training.
Others end up with a child sleeping in their bedroom for months and even years. I know parents who have actually placed their child's bed in their own bedroom. I know others who trade beds with their child in the middle of the night so their little one can sleep with Mommy or Daddy in the parent's bed when the mood strikes.
I've known parents who allow their child to fall asleep to the television and parents who haven't had a decent night of sleep in years.
I was actually one of these difficult children. My mother once told me that she could hardly remember a time when I fell asleep before she did, and she couldn't remember a single morning when I was still asleep when she awoke.
But to her credit, I was never permitted to sleep in her bedroom. When I was six months old, I was moved into my own room, never to return to my parent's bedroom.
My mother believed that if your child isn't going to sleep, at least keep the kid out of your bedroom.
Smart woman.
Tonight I am grateful that my daughter is such a good sleeper.
She's not the best sleeper. It's quite common for Clara to play in her crib well after she's been put to bed, and though she naps at school everyday, she has a reputation for being the worst sleeper in her class.
Last asleep, first awake. Just like her Daddy.
But Clara sleeps. We put her to bed before 8:00 PM on most nights and don't see her again until 7:00 AM. And since she was four months old, she has been sleeping in her own room. The first week or so wasn't easy, but we knew that it was important to stay strong and enduring her crying so that she could learn to become a good sleeper.
She did.
This weekend Clara spent the night with her grandparents, and she slept in a regular bed for the first time in her life. She went to bed much later than usual and had more difficulty falling asleep than usual, but once asleep, she slept all night.
And looked damn cute doing it.
Tonight I am grateful that my daughter is a good sleeper. I'm not sure whether my wife and I should take the credit (which I prefer) or Clara deserves the bulk of the recognition, but either way, it's so nice to have a kid who sleeps through the night, every night, without fail.
Keep Calm and Carry On
The history behind the poster and phrase "Keep Calm and Carry On" is a good one, but the most intriguing thing about this video is the bookstore where the original poster is kept.
Have you ever seen a more beautiful bookstore?
It's beautiful enough that I may plan a vacation someday just to visit this store.
And since the store is located in the UK, I find myself dying to know if MEMOIRS OF AN IMAGINARY FRIEND has made its way onto its pristine shelves.
I truly hope so.
Our romantic evening with the engineer
Yesterday, I detailed our unfortunate experience on Saturday night in our NYC hotel room.
After many queries regarding the end result of our evening with the engineer, I thought I'd briefly update you.
The hotel handled the situation well. The woman with whom we spoke would have been more than happy to refund the full amount of our stay, but we booked the room through a third party website, making that impossible. Instead, she removed the parking, Internet and room service charges from our bill, which totaled $100.
She also gave us her card and offered to upgrade our room and "take care of us in every possible way" the next time we stayed with them, which we are likely to do.
We still have the option of pursuing a full refund through the third party website but will probably not. We feel that the hotel did as much as it possibly could, and while the situation was unfortunate and disappointing (and bizarre), it was not caused by any neglect on the hotel's part.
We're still disappointed with the results of our evening (this was supposed to be Elysha's birthday present), but it just gives us an excuse to return to the city sooner than originally planned for another weekend of fun.
