Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 551

Gratitude journal: The cat-saving, stain-removing, near-miraculous SpotBot

Tonight I am grateful for the Bissell SpotBot, which has saved our cat's life on numerous occasions, including today. 

Owen is prone to vomiting, as cats are wont to do, but he chooses to vomit only on soft, easy-to-stain, difficult-to-clean surfaces. 

Our bedroom rug.
Our living room sofa.
Our bath mat.

The SpotBot removes all traces of the vomit from any of these surfaces with the press of a button. Simply fill the tank with cleaning fluid, drop the SpotBot on top of the stain and turn it on. The machine does the rest.

In all sincerity, it is one of the best purchases that my wife and I have ever made, and it might be the only reason that our cat continues to be allowed to live in our home. 

Clara loves him, which helps his cause as well, but without the SpotBot, it would be dicey to say the least.

Why learning to write well matters.

There is a policy in my classroom that requests submitted in writing receive greater consideration than those that are not.  Also, the quality of the writing has a direct impact on the likelihood of a request being granted.

As a result, I receive some very serious letters from very serious students with  very serious requests, and in most cases, I try to at least meet these students halfway. 

I have adopted this policy for several reasons, but primarily, I want my students to understand that regardless of the future that they envision for themselves, they will need to be able to write effectively, and that writing effectively can be a tremendous asset to a person regardless of his or her career choice.

Conversely, the inability to write effectively can be a great determent to a person and his or her career.

Case in point:

Here is a response that my wife received from a local museum that recently changed its policy in regards to member benefits.

__________________________________________

Mrs. Dicks,

My apologies for the email response to your phone call.  As you can imagine, you're not the only member with questions, and responding by email gives me the opportunity to give you more details.

Of all the problems with this response, this paragraph annoys me the most because it makes no sense. Why is responding via email any more conducive to providing a customer with details than a phone conversation? Is the writer implying that the mere act of writing confers special powers of information dissemination that a phone call cannot?

Thank your for valuing your membership with The Children's Museum, apart from of the additional benefits.  We will automatically place you in our new membership program, at the level for your family size (the Scientist $125 level), and send a new card and materials in approximate six weeks.  In the meantime, you can use your current card to visit the museum.  We are also adding a benefit package of vouchers and discounts with the new membership program, a $35 value which is the same amount you paid for the Plus upgrade.  I would be happy to send that to you, if you like.

I had to read this paragraph three times in order to understand what was being said, and I'm still not entirely sure. There are obvious problems with the words your and approximate (which I have highlighted), and I am not sure what "apart from of the additional benefits" is supposed to mean, even if I remove the word of. It makes no sense. Regardless, three typos in a single paragraph are not acceptable.

You can still use the reciprocal admission at science centers and museums that participate in the ASTC program. (As always, call ahead if you are visiting an organization within 90 miles of The Children's Museum, to see if they will accept your membership.)  We are enforcing the 90 mile rule, which, for the most part, we hadn't previously, but the decision on whether or not to enforce the rule is optional, and it is made by each organization.

I'm not a fan of the clunky way that the writer uses parenthesis when they really aren't necessary, but it's the last sentence that is the worst.  It contains a total of 35 words and five commas. FIVE.

We understand the confusion and concern this is causing, but it was a necessary financial decision, and one that was made very recently.

I have more confusion and concern over the quality of the writing in this email than any change made to the museum's benefit package. If the museum is actually receiving as many inquires in regards to this policy change as they claim (and I believe they probably are, since the changes are considerable), you would expect them to have some kind of form letter ready that could be tweaked if needed. Or even better, perhaps someone with a modicum of writing ability could be placed in charge of responding to the flurry of inquiries that this change has generated, because this response is unprofessional and reprehensible.

I'll be showing it to my students next week.  They'll do a little editing and hopefully receive some reinforcement regarding the importance of writing well.

Gratitude journal: The Cadbury Crme Egg

Tonight I am grateful for the Cadbury Crème Egg. It is a perfect piece of candy in terms of its components, composition, and seasonality.

And I take the consumption of a Cadbury Crème Egg seriously. There is a right and a wrong way to eat one of these confectionary perfections. Please review these instructions before eating. 

Movie crusade update

In regards to my crusade to ban infants from all movie theaters comes this small update:

It would appear that AMC Loews closest to my home (Plainville, CT) has policy that bans children under six from R-rated movies shown after 6:00 PM.

I am checking to see if this policy is company wide or theater specific.

While I am not completely satisfied with this policy, it's a start. And this theater will most definitely receive my business over all Rave Motion Pictures theaters, which have no policy regarding infants. 

Ideally, I would like to see all children under two years of age banned from all non-G rated movies except those theaters that show movies specifically designed for mothers and infants.

National Amusements, for example, has a program called Baby Pictures. During these specific movie times, the theater offers "dim lighting to allow for easy child care in the auditorium; lowered movie volume for babies' sensitive hearing; baby changing stations and stroller area."

In my humble opinion, this should be the only time that an infant should be permitted into a non G-rated film.

But again, I'm willing to compromise. Slightly.

If you attend a movie in the near future and would be kind enough to inquire about their policies regarding infants, I would appreciate any information you could provide me. I have inquiries pending at the corporate offices of four major theater chains and will update you when and if I receive a response.  

Not cool.

As I occasionally pick away at my memoir, I stumble upon facts from my life that do not seem as surprising or glaring until they stare back at me from the page.

Here's one from today:

The social worker who assisted my mother in explaining my parent's divorce and presented himself as someone who could help me and my siblings process our feelings was living with us less than a month later and was married to my mother less than a year after that.

Gratitude journal: A lack of sensitivity

Tonight I am grateful for the general lack of sensitivity amongst my closest friends. I have not always been the most careful person when it comes to my words, and yet I have very few friends who become offended by anything I might say.

I'm not sure if this is because all those who might become offended have left for greener pastures, but either way, I'm fortunate to have friends who can handle plain spoken honesty and the occasional disregard for sensitivity altogether. 

Falik took the bathroom. What should Dicks name?

William Falik is my kind of guy.

In honor of his father's 100th birthday, he donated $100,000 dollars to Harvard Law School in order to provide financial assistance to students who are pursuing a less profitable career in public-interest law.

When offered the opportunity to name something at Harvard in honor of his father as well, Falik decided to be unconventional:

"The only thing I ever thought of naming - with my last name - was a men's room,'' says Falik. He proposed that it be called the Falik Gentleman's Lounge, but the powers-that-be at the World's Greatest University didn't go for it, settling instead on the Falik Men's Room. (Falik said his father had an excellent sense of humor and took great pleasure in the naming opportunity.) Remarkably, this isn't the first men's room to bear his name. A few years back, he made a generous donation to the Berkeley Repertory's Roda Theater, and as a result, male patrons spend part of intermission in the Falik Gentlemen's Lounge. "There's humor in this, of course. But, most importantly, it was a donation in honor of my dad as he celebrated his birthday.''

There are few things I admire more than a lack of pretension and the ability to be self-deprecating. William Falik seems to possess these qualities in great measure. 

He also leaves me wondering what I might choose to bear my equally suggestive last name when I make my fortune and become equally philanthropic. Falik has already taken the idea of naming the men's room, so I need something new and original. Something truly befitting this burden of a last name.

Thoughts? Ideas? Please?

Gratitude journal: My daughters illiteracy

Eventually I would like my three-year old daughter to become a more than proficient reader, but tonight I found myself exceedingly grateful that she could not read a single word from the two books that she chose for us to read before bed.

The Little Golden Book versions of Lady and the Tramp and Noah's Ark have an enormous number of words. Far too many for a little girl who was already twenty minutes late for bed. But we had no idea about the word counts when we agreed to read them. This was the first time that Clara had chosen them from her bookshelf. We assumed that these Little Golden Books would live up to their name.

They did not.   

So when she insisted upon the books, my wife simply invented a story that contained considerably fewer words but still matched the pictures on each page.  

Had Clara been able to read, this would not have been possible.

So hooray for my daughter's illiteracy. I won't be able to say this often, but tonight, I was happy that she is still unable to read. 

Weeping, I tell you. WEEPING.

One more note on my Valentines Day movie experience:

The trailer for the new 3-D release of Titanic preceded our film. Halfway through the trailer, I heard a sudden weeping to my right.

It was Elysha. Weeping. Crying hysterically. Balling her eyes out. Doing that odd flutter-her-hands-in-front-of-her-face gesture that she does when she cries, as if she is attempting to brush away the paralyzing emotions with her hands. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, thinking she was feeling ill. Thinking there might be something wrong with the baby. After all, how could anyone weep over the trailer to a movie that she has already seen more than once? 

But no, it was the trailer.

"Is it pregnancy hormones?" I asked. "Is that the problem?" 

"No," she repeated. "It's the movie. It's just so sad." 

I could barely understand what she was saying between the gut-wrenching sobs. 

"I don't think I can ever watch that movie again," she said, tears streaming down her cheeks. 

I can't imagine what it must have been like the first time she saw the movie.

Baby-in-the-movie follow-up and the start of a new crusade

I contacted the manager of the theater where my wife and I saw The Descendants on Valentines Day. I explained our experience in detail and spoke for quite a while about it.

In summary:

1. Rave, the company that owns the theater, does not have a policy prohibiting infants in any movies, regardless of time or subject matter.

2. Children under three do not pay for seats in the theater.

3. If a patron reports that a baby is disturbing the film, a manager will request that the parent remove the baby from the theater until he or she has quieted down. When I explained to the manager that all babies make some noise, even if it's a cooing or a babbling, he said that some noises are more disturbing to patrons than others. 

4. He also admitted that requesting that a baby be removed from the theater is a potentially volatile encounter. Just in the past week, he had been accused of racism and sexism in two separate incidents when asking a customer to remove a baby. 

5. He rejected the idea of a policy against babies in the theater under any circumstances, claiming that the theater would receive too many complaints to make the policy sustainable. When I suggested that the fifty people who shared a theater with me on Tuesday night also had a complaint about the policy of allowing babies in the theater, he said, "But no one actually complained." 

Yes, I admitted, but only because people who leave their babies at home with babysitters are more civilized and rationale than those who bring their babies into movies. We sit in our seats, not wanting to miss a second of the film, hoping that a fellow audience member will compromise their viewing experience in order to complain. We pray that the baby will remain silent throughout the film. We rationalize our inaction by assuming that this is a once-in-a-lifetime event, thereby making any complaint after the fact irrelevant. We rush out of the theater with no time to seek out a manager because we have a babysitter at home and the clock is ticking.  

We do not complain, but when we find out that this happens with regularity (as it apparently does based upon the manager's comments), we don't come back.

6. The manager offered me free passes, popcorn and soda to our next film. I asked if he would also reimburse the cost of babysitting. He declined.

In general, the manager handled the phone call well. The only time I became irate was when he rejected the notion that a no-baby policy would make his job easier.

Paraphrasing, he said that I am fortunate because I have the means to hire a babysitter and know people responsible enough to watch my child.  But not everyone has the means to hire a babysitter or knows a capable babysitter who they trust, but they still have the right to attend a movie.   

"Yes," I said. "I have the means and access to a babysitter, but attending a movie is not a Constitutional right. If you cannot afford a babysitter or cannot find a babysitter, then you rent a movie at home. You don't make fifty people suffer so that you can see The Descendants on the big screen."

After hanging up the phone, I told my wife that this is not the end.

It's only the beginning of my new crusade to expunge infants from movie theaters. 

My first step is to contact the other movie theaters in the area and determine if they have policies regarding babies in the theater. 

Next, I plan to contact the corporate headquarters of these companies and speak to someone in a position to change policy. I will argue my case and attempt to affect change.

I will also transform this blog post and the previous blog post into a piece that I will attempt to get published in print.

Yes, I have enough to do already, but this is a cause that is just and right. Excluding infants from movie theaters, even if the ban is predicated on the show time or rating of the film, will not only benefit moviegoers but will also help these infants, who do not need to be bouncing on parents laps at 9:00 PM, watching and listening to a rated R film. 

The movie lover in me wants this policy changed.

The parent in me wants this policy changed.

The teacher in me wants this policy changed.

And I suspect that a great majority of moviegoers want this policy changed, too.