Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 331

The Patriots lost yesterday. I'm a happy Patriots fan today. You should be, too.

As a Patriots fan who spent yesterday evening in Gillette Stadium, watching his beloved team blunder their way to a second straight loss, you might think that I would be upset today. Depressed. Annoyed. Outraged. Discouraged. Disheartened. Even angry. Enraged. 

You might think that the flood of messages that I received from joyous Giants, Jets, and Philly fans just after the game would have set me on edge. Primed me for sadness or rage.

These would all be reasonable expectations, But you would be wrong.

Perhaps it's because of the way the Patriots lost the game yesterday. They were not dominated on offense or defense. They were not pushed around and overmatched. They may not even have been the worst team on the field yesterday. 

Three plays caused The Patriots to lose yesterday. 

A blocked punt returned for a touchdown. A punt return for a touchdown. A 100 yard interception return for a touchdown. 

Take away one of these plays - unusual plays which you almost never see and truly never see in one game - and the Patriots win easily. Two of the plays resulted in 10 and 14 point swings respectively, and the third play put seven points on the board for the Eagles. 

When your team makes dumb mistakes and loses, it's perhaps easier to feel okay about the loss. It's not a sign that my favorite team is physically inferior or less talented. It's not a signal of things to come. It's simple stupidity. The inability to execute. 

In short, dumb mistakes. 

And perhaps it's easier to accept the loss when your team's record is still 10-2. Had the loss ruined my team's chances to make the playoffs (like the Giant's loss did yesterday), perhaps I would not be feeling as good as I do today.

And perhaps the fact that the Patriots' best receiver, the other best receiver (and one of the best players in all of football), the best running back, the best offensive lineman, and the best linebacker are injured (with three of the five expected back by the playoffs) helps to dampen the pain of the loss. While it's universally acknowledged that all football teams suffer injuries by December, it's also been universally acknowledged that the Patriots rash of injuries this year has been extreme. 

We've lost without some of our best players on the field. Of course we struggled. Just wait until they are back.

All of these reasons may help me to feel better this morning, but here is what I think is the real reason:

I enjoyed the game yesterday. I did not enjoy the final play or the final score, but the game was exciting. The final score was not 35-7 or even 35-14. It was 35-28, and with a minute to go, my team had roared back and was threatening to tie and maybe win. 

It was a thrilling fourth quarter. 

The Patriots scored two touchdowns in the final five minutes.
They recovered an onside kick. 
They forced a fumble with under a minute to play to get the ball back.

They also ran a double reverse which led to stone-footed Tom Brady catching a 36 yard pass. 

This was not a team that laid down and died. They fought. They fought like hell.  

When the Patriots scored on a Tom Brady one yard run with 3:00 minutes to go, the faithful who had not already fled the stadium erupted in cheers. The concrete and steel beneath my feet began to shake. I was jumping in the air, pumping my fist, offering high-fives to anyone I could find. Still down by a touchdown with three minutes to play and only two timeouts, the chances of tying or winning were still slim. The Patriots needed the ball back.

A recovered onside kick. 
A defensive stop.
A turnover.

They got the turnover, but they could not manage to drive the field.

We lost.

But those final five minutes... the joy, the hope, the possibility. It was amazing. It was a feeling that can only be experienced if you have been in the depths of despair. It was like watching a phoenix rising from the ashes. It was hope where there was once none.

These are not everyday feelings. These are momentous emotions.  

When the Patriots scored with three minutes to go, I turned to my friend - a man who once told me that I live in the moment more than anyone he has ever known - and said, "Listen. We probably aren't going to win this game. But please, don't forget this moment. This moment of joy and possibility. Don't let the depression of a loss steal this moment of happiness from you."

I was actually screaming these words to him over the roar of the crowd and the music, and I was holding onto him. Squeezing his shoulders and chest. Trying to force my words into his body.

My friend - who was also attending his first professional football game ever - did not heed my advice. He was not able to hold that moment of joy and hope in his heart. He grumbled on the way home. Told me that it's the end result that matters. That moments of possibility are meaningless when they don't result in a win.

I suspect that many Patriots fans will be feeling similarly today. They will be angry or annoyed or depressed today and perhaps tomorrow and maybe all week. 

I understand that, too. Had the Patriots lost 35-7 in a game that offered nothing by way of excitement and joy, I would be feeling the same way. 

But that's not what I watched yesterday. I felt joy in that stadium yesterday. Hope filled my heart. I witnessed an almost remarkable comeback by a team of determined football players.

For a short time, I was as happy as a person can be. 

And I got to see a crazy double reserve pass to the quarterback, too.  

Too often we forget the small moments of happiness and hope when the end result is less than we expected or desired.

Perhaps my friend is right. Maybe I am able to live in the moment more than most, but even more important than living in the moment is remembering those moments long after they have passed. It's honoring them. Recognizing them as important and blessed events in our lives. Acknowledging the great fortune to be able to exist in that moment, experiencing the kind of hope and joy that can be so elusive for so many.

I'm okay today. I didn't like the final score, and I wish that the Patriots comeback would have been complete, but the moments along the way were magical. Unforgettable. I'll keep them close to my heart and leave the final score for someone else to wallow over. 

The Book With No Pictures: Best testimonial for the book ever

BJ Novak's The Book With No Pictures is one of those ingenious books that I wish I had written.

 

Same holds true for books like The Day the Crayons Quit, The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs, and The Quiet Book.

Clever ideas brilliantly executed. 

And I am not the only one this thinks The Book with No Pictures is brilliant.

My son can't really read yet, but watching him "read" The Book With No Pictures is testimonial enough.  

Change can happen. Change does happen. You probably don't believe this. So let me show you this bicycle.

I am constantly confronted - most recently on my new podcast Boy vs. Girl - with the belief that large scale change is impossible, and more specifically, that large scale change cannot be started by an individual or even small group.

I am often advocating for change in macro segments of our culture. Most recently on the podcast, I have argued for the elimination of the honorifics Mrs. and Miss. 

In truth, I would like to see all honorifics eliminated, but since it's a podcast about gender and gender stereotypes, I limited the discussion to gender-based honorifics. 

I've also argued on the podcast for the elimination of heels from women's fashion. 

The response that I receive most often when advocating for these changes is that one person taking a stand will not change an entire culture. 

I don't believe this. I believe that from tiny acorns mighty oaks grow. I think that people are simply afraid to be tiny acorns, either because it's scary and difficult to be a tiny acorn in a forest of conformity or because they do not believe in or embrace change as much as they may claim.

I am fond of saying, "Be the change you want to be." This is a slight deviation of the phrase "Be the change you want to see" because I believe that all change - large or small - begins with individuals. Rather than being the change you want to see in others, be the change you want to be and allow others to see it in you.

It's a way of centering change with the self rather than worrying about the likelihood of acceptance or adoption. If I stop using gender-based honorifics or stop wearing heels, I have changed the world. It may only be my world, but that is the one I live within. 

A few years ago I attended a wedding of a friend without a tie. I took a stand against ties about ten years ago and stopped wearing them completely. I find them to be impractical, silly, and a literal (and perhaps metaphorical) noose around my neck. In the crowd of more than 200 people, I was the only man at the wedding not wearing a tie. Over the course of the evening, three different men - all strangers to me - approached me and asked how I managed to avoid wearing a tie.

I explained my position.

All three responded both positively and enviously. All three declared that they would try to wear ties less often. 

Have they followed through? I have no idea. But here's what I do know:

Neckties are on the decline. Necktie manufacturers are going out of business. The idea that you might receive a necktie as a holiday or birthday present - once a staple - is no more. 

Am I responsible? Probably not. More than likely, the casual nature of Silicon Valley companies, as well as a President who is often photographed without a tie while at work - something once unheard of - has more to do with it than me. But I was ahead of the trend. I was being the change I wanted to be. And perhaps I have even convinced some men to abandon the lunacy of the necktie.

Last year I attended an enormous gala honoring Louis CK. Part of my role in the evening was to perform onstage. I chose to wear jeans, a tee shirt, and a jacket, which was by far the most casual choice of every man who I saw at the party save one:

Louis CK. When he arrived, he was dressed just as casually as me. 

Be the change you want to be. And sometimes, a star like Louis will support you.  

Change starts somewhere. I believe that it can start in a single person, deciding that conformity for the sake of conformity is not good.  

I saw this video and realized that it is a perfect visualization of change over a fairly short period of time. It's also change that I am sure people in their own time would have never imagined. But with each transformation, a person or persons imagined the change, and as a result, the world changed. 

My latest appearance on Mom and Dad Are Fighting: Discussing violent tragedy with children

I made another appearance on Slate's parenting podcast Mom and Dad Are Fighting, talking about how to handle discussions with children about horrific tragedies like the terrorist attacks in Paris or the mass shooting in San Bernardino (which was actually taking place while we recorded my segment).  

Perspective

A simple test to determine if a food is objectively tasty

My friends, Kim and Andrew, were kind enough to include a dish of canned jellied cranberry sauce on their Thanksgiving table for me.

I love canned jellied cranberry sauce.

I also brought canned jellied cranberry sauce to my class's annual Thanksgiving feast and was shocked to learn that 13 of the 18 students present had never seen the stuff. They were fascinated by the sloughing sound the cranberry sauce made as it left the can, as well as the way to retained the can's shape, right down to the ridges.

Despite their fascination, only a handful of kids tried my cranberry sauce. Most thought it looked disgusting. One kid said it looked "processed and fake." None liked it very much.

But I understand why:

Canned jellied cranberry sauce not very good. I think it's delicious, but I know objectively that it's not. I have a nostalgic affection for the food, but in reality, there are far better cranberry sauces in the world.

How do I know it's not good? I apply the test that I apply to all foods to determine if they are actually tasty or only nostalgically or culturally tasty:

How difficult would it be for me to find this food in a restaurant?

Restaurants are the perfect labs for determining the tastiness of a food. If consumers objectively love a food, I will find it on a menu somewhere, and with relative ease. Restaurants want to make money, and they make money by satisfying their customers. The best foods will eventually land on menus.  

I can't find canned jellied cranberry sauce anywhere. Therefore, it ain't good.

The same can be applied to many nostalgically or culturally appreciated foods. My wife, for example, is Jewish. Foods like kugel and gefilte fish are beloved by her people. 

I happen to know that neither of these foods are particularly tasty, however, because you cannot find either of them in restaurants. No one wants to eat kugel or gefilte fish unless they have been eating them on religious holidays or family gatherings all of their lives, because these foods are nostalgically tasty. 

Not actually tasty.

Actually, in my experience, most Jews don't like gefilte fish either, but perhaps my sample size is small.

The opposite is true for a food like challah, a bread traditionally eaten by Jews. I can find challah on many menus. It is served as French toast in chain restaurants as ubiquitous as IHOP. It's used for sandwiches in many diners and sandwich shops. Challah is an objectively delicious food, and I know this because it has found its way off the Jewish holiday table and into the mainstream diet because it actually tastes good. 

Matzo ball soup is similar. It's little more than chicken soup with a matzo ball in it, but still, I see it on menus. It's a food that non-Jewish people love.

I have a friend who likes to bring green bean casserole to potluck gatherings. She says it's delicious. When probed, I quickly determined that she has been eating green bean casserole all her life. It's her grandmother's recipe. Of course she likes green bean casserole. I's nostalgically delicious. 

But is it actually good?

I have never seen green bean casserole on a restaurant menu. So no. It's not actually tasty. It's only nostalgically tasty. 

Besides, of all the things you could put in a casserole, why green beans?

By the way, if you look into the history of green bean casserole, you'll discover that it was invented by the Campbell's Soup Company in 1955.

Convenient since cream of mushroom soup is one of the primary ingredients.  

The inspiration for the dish was "to create a quick and easy recipe around two things most Americans always had on hand in the 1950s: green beans and Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup."

So the bar was pretty low when green bean casserole was invented:

Find two things that most Americans have in the pantry and mix them together.

Not exactly the makings of a delicious dish.

There will be people who push back against my test for objectively delicious food. They will argue that food need not be in restaurants to be objectively tasty. I understand why they feel this way. It's difficult to come to terms with the idea that the noodle pudding or green bean casserole that you and your family adore is not very tasty. 

I get it. I feel the same way about canned cranberry sauce. It's what my mother and her mother served at Thanksgiving every year, and it's fantastic. I love it. My whole family loves it. I told my wife that I want to eat it more often.

It's delicious.  

Nostalgically delicious. But that's okay. It doesn't make me like it any less, and on Thanksgiving, there is always more than enough for me.

Boy Vs. Girl: Episode 4: Barbie, Heels, and Penis Doodles

Episode 4 of our new podcast, Boy Vs. Girl, is now available. In the episode, Rachel the Sociologist and I debate the new Barbie television ad, heels, and the reasons why men doodle penises in restrooms and other public location.

You can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts, or you can listen to this episode and all previous episodes on our Soundcloud channel. And if you like what you hear, please consider leaving a rating and review in iTunes. It helps listeners find us and makes us feel like better human beings. 

You can also like us on Facebook to see links to all of the things that we talk in the episode.

The Barbie ad that we debate on the episode can be seen here. It's lovely. Isn't it?  

The Moth: The Great Stargazing Betrayal

On December 29, 2014, I took the stage at The Moth StorySLAM at The Bitter End in Manhattan to tell a story. The theme of the night was Rewards. I told a story about an evening of stargazing with my students that went terrible wrong. 

I finished in first place. 

Here a recording of the story I told that night.

You can find all of my stories on my YouTube channel. 

Resolution Update: November 2015

One month to go, so I decided to take a measure of my progress so far in terms of percentage of goals completed.

Of the 32 goals set for the year:

19 have already been accomplished.  3 will not be accomplished regardless of my efforts. 19 may or may not be completed with varying degrees of difficulty. 

It appears as if 2015 has a chance to be a record year in terms of my yearly goals.
Or not.

Here are the specifics:

PERSONAL HEALTH

1. Don’t die.

I spit in death's face last month. 

2. Lose 20 pounds.

I gained one more pound in November (thank you, Thanksgiving), so now I'm only down nine for the year. Eleven more pounds in the next month is probably not going to happen.  

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a week.

Done. 

4. Stop drinking soda from two-liter bottles.

My friend brought a two-liter bottle of Diet Coke to brunch for me, even though water and juice were perfectly fine for me. I drank about one-third of the bottle. This was the first soda from a two-liter bottle that I drank so far in 2015.   

5. Practice yoga at least five days a week.

My shoulder and collarbone pain has only increased since last month, but I am still attempting - albeit poorly - to practice yoga almost daily, including a sunrise yoga class while teaching at Kripalu in November.  

6. Learn to cook three good meals for my wife.

No progress. It is going to be terrible if I fail to achieve this goal. 

WRITING CAREER

7. Complete my sixth novel before February 28, 2015.

Work continues. I have signed a new, two book contract with my publisher, and the due date for the next book is February 28, 2016, which explains the change in target date.

Also, in fairness, I've written more than a novel's worth of content this year, spread between three different books, but none are completely finished.   

8. Complete my seventh novel.

This book remains more than half finished.   

9. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

Three books are currently being considered by publishers, as well as a satire of a children's book. Fingers remain crossed. 

10. Sell a memoir to a publisher.

The memoir is in the hands of my agent. It goes on submission this month. More finger crossing. 

11. Sell a book of essays to a publisher.

The book of essays is in the hands of my agent. It also goes on submission this month. I am running out of fingers to cross.  

12. Complete a book proposal for a book on storytelling.

Progress continues. Completion of the proposal is still possible but will be challenging. 

13. Write a new screenplay.

Revisions of my first screenplay - based upon film agent’s notes - are nearly complete.  

I fully intend on writing a rough and fast first draft this month and will polish in 2016. 

14. Write 50 pages of a new memoir about the years of 1991-1993.

The collection of essays that I am writing now encompasses this period of time. This book and the book of essays are now one and the same.   

15. Write a musical for a summer camp.

Done! I was lucky enough to see it performed onstage in July. 

The musical that we wrote for last year's summer camp (Caught in the Middle) will be produced in 2016 at schools and other venues in the Hartford area.  

16. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a physical newspaper.

Done! I published an Op-Ed in the Hartford Courant in July on why I choose to write in McDonald's restaurants.

Done again! I published an Op-Ed in the Hartford Courant in November about my high school girlfriend, Laura, and a promise I failed to keep. 

My dream is to land a weekly column at a newspaper like the Hartford Courant before they disappear forever, but this is probably a hard gig to get. 

17. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

I submitted one of my short stories to a student magazine in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and it was accepted.  

18. Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

I spent a week in July backing into parking spots, which was something I assumed was only done by lunatics of the highest order. I'm in the process of writing about my experience in for a blog post

I'm still on the hunt for my second behavior and running out of time. 

19. Build an author mailing list.

Done! My latest newsletter will be sent today. My mailing list is close to 1,000 subscribers and growing.

If you're not signed up for my mailing list, you can do so here:

Subscribe

Sign up with your email address to receive news and updates.

Email Address













Sign Up

We respect your privacy.

Thank you!

20. Build a new website for matthewdicks.com

Done!  

STORYTELLING

21. Produce a total of eight Speak Up storytelling events.

Done! We produced our eleventh show in November at the Farmington Library. It was our first time at this venue, and it was a great success. We still have a show scheduled for December at Real Art Ways as well. The theme of the show is Nightlife. Tickets available here.

22. Deliver my fourth TED Talk.

Done! The recording was released in August. One of the cameras did not record my talk, and the other started recording about two minutes late. The recording is disappointing and useless.

 I have the worst TED luck ever.

I also spoke at my fifth TED event in November at TEDxBerkshires. I am hoping that this recording turns out better. 

23. Build a website for Speak Up.

Done! It’s a single page on my new author website, and it’s not nearly as robust as we want it to eventually be, but Speak Up finally has a webpage where you can find dates of events, ticket information, an opportunity to sign up for the mailing list, and more. You can find our webpage at speakupstorytelling.com.

24. Attend at least 10 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

Done! I attended one Moth StorySLAM at Flushing Town Hall and one GrandSLAM at the Music Hall of Williamsburg in November and told stories in both shows (placing second both times. This brings my total number of Moth events attended in 2015 to 24. 

25. Win at least two Moth StorySLAMs.

Done! My total number of wins in 2015 is three.   

I won a StorySLAM at The Bitter End in October.  
I won a StorySLAM at The Bell House in Brooklyn in August.
I won a StorySLAM at Oberon in Cambridge back in April.

I would like to squeeze in one or two more before the year ends.

26. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

Done twice over! I won the New York GrandSLAM at the Music Hall of Williamsburg in April and June.       

27. Launch at least one podcast.

Done! Boy Vs. Girl is releasing its fourth episode today! Subscribe to the podcast in iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts, or listen to the episodes on our Soundcloud page:

NEW PROJECTS

28. Pitch at least three new projects to two smart people.

Done! I pitched a new writing project to a smart person in September, bringing my total to three new projects to three smart people.

Nothing has come from any of my pitches, but I'll keep trying.    

29. Host at least one Shakespeare Circle.

Nothing scheduled yet.

MISCELLANEOUS

30. Enroll in the final class needed for certification as a high school English teacher.

No progress. This is not going to happen, but more importantly, I no longer want it to happen. Why the hell would I ever want to become a high school English teacher?

31. Set a new personal best in golf.

I played golf three times in November, which is a miracle considering there was snow on the ground last year throughout much of November. 

My scores were less than miraculous.  

32. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Done.

Naked booby traps: It's apparently a thing. Sadly, my wife is not involved.

My kids and I have been playing Monster, It's a game that I played with my brothers and sister when we were young, and it's a game our father played with us before the divorce forced him from our home.

In the game, I am the monster. I chase my kids. That's essentially it, though recently, Clara and Charlie have begun to add twists to the game.

They each have a ball that they can throw at me, which according to them, should make me stop if they hit me.  

They have declared the area an the living room "the Monster's lair" even though I didn't ask for a lair. 

They use flashlights to blind me.

They bury me in pillows and declare me captured. 

Last week, they added booby traps to the game. I have no idea where they learned this word.

Essentially, they plan traps for me. They put pillows on the floor, hoping that I will trip on them and fall. They reposition furniture in hopes that I won't notice the chair or couch and will run into it and fall down. They use paper and scissors and tape to make nets and snares.

They don't keep the preparation of these booby traps a secret. I hear them plotting in the other room, mostly because they are incapable of whispering. Sometimes they will tell me to stay away until their booby trap is ready. I am never surprised by what they have planned.

Until yesterday.

I heard them plotting a booby trap in the living room, so I waited in the kitchen, giving them time to finish whatever devious plan they had in mind. When they got quiet, I knew it was time. I ran around the corner, roaring and screaming, arms flailing, and found them both standing in the middle of the room, completely naked.

"Naked booby trap!" they screamed and ran towards me. Like any good father who wants to positively reinforce his children's creativity (and because I was honestly so surprised that I was a little frightened), I ran away, chased by two, small, naked children.

Naked booby traps. Who knew?

If only I could get my wife to set a naked booby trap for me.