Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 334

Would it be wrong for me to encourage my students to memorize this?

There are saboteurs in your organization, purposefully damaging productivity and morale. Here are 16 ways to spot them.

In their new book, Simple Sabotage: A Modern Field Manual for Detecting and Rooting Out Everyday Behaviors That Undermine Your Workplace, Robert M. Galford and Cary Greene, examine the "Simple Sabotage Field Manual,” a guide published by the OSS (the predecessor of the CIA) in 1944 to assist European spies undermine the Axis powers from within.

Galford and Greene examine eight techniques outlined in the field manual that are eerily similar to what often goes on in workplaces today.

Here are the eight tactics the OSS recommended for tripping up an Axis agency from the inside:

Insist on doing everything through channels. Never permit short-cuts to be taken to expedite decisions.Make speeches. Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your ‘points’ by long anecdotes and accounts of personal experiences.When possible, refer all matters to committees, for ‘further study and consideration.’ Attempt to make the committees as large as possible — never less than five.Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.Haggle over precise wordings of communications, minutes, and resolutions.Refer back to a matter decided upon at the last meeting and attempt to re-open the question of the advisability of that decision.Advocate ‘caution.’ Be ‘reasonable’ and urge your fellow conferees to be ‘reasonable’ and avoid haste which might result in embarrassments or difficulties later on.Be worried about the propriety of any decision. Raise the question of whether [it] lies within the jurisdiction of the group or whether it might conflict with the policy of some higher echelon.

In my nearly three decades of work in a variety of fields, I have seen these strategies deployed with frightening regularity. 

My own additions to the list would include:

Run meetings and training sessions with PowerPoint decks consisting of dozens of text-filled slides. If possible, read directly from your slides.  Assemble meeting agendas in reverse order of importance, thus placing the most important item last and ensuring that if the meeting is running late, the agenda cannot be cut short.At the beginning of every meeting, require grown adults to review (and if possible read aloud) a set of norms - a list of ways that reasonable adults behave decently - thus treating your meeting attendees like poorly behaved children.  Assign seats in meetings and training sessions, thus reinforcing the idea that you view your meeting attendees like poorly behaved children. Infantilizing your subordinates is a highly effective means of generating discord. Do so whenever possible. Open meetings with meaningless "get to know you" activities. Activities that include sticking post-it notes onto colleagues' backs, tossing playground balls to one another, and scavenger hunts are especially destructive to both productivity and morale.   When responding to email, use "reply all" whenever possible. Add unnecessary people to email distribution lists whenever possible. Before sending an email to subordinates, ask yourself: Could I include this relatively simple piece of information on the agenda of my next meeting, thus prolonging that meeting? If the answer is yes - and it almost always is - delete the email and add the information as an agenda item.Never allow a string of emails to end. Always reply - regardless of the finality of the last email, with anodyne phrases like "Thank you" and "Sounds good" and "I understand." Every additional email sent amounts to productivity lost. 

Have any items that you would like to recommend be added to the list? Please let me know.

It is strange that I love both of these things equally?

This advice may seem trite and fairly obvious, but I also think it's almost always ignored, so it needs to be said as often as possible. 

And yet, at the same time, I love this just as much, despite it being so completely unlike the above statement.

A simple, secret strategy to handling rude people and achieving victory

Weeks ago, I was sitting in a meeting. There were several people sitting at the table with me. As someone near the front of the room began speaking, more than half of the people at my table began speaking as well. They were loud enough to be distracting to me and everyone around them.

It was rude.  

One of the people sitting next to me turned around and flashed this disrespectful mob a look that was meant to say, "Shut the hell up."

The mob continued to talk. 

She turned and flashed a similarly dirty look.

The mob continued to talk.

She tried again. No response. This went on for some time, until finally she leaned close to me and said, "Can you believe these people?"

Here is what I explained to her:

There are only two ways to handle this kind of situation, and flashing them dirty looks is not one of them.

In fact, a dirty look is never a good solution. No one in the history of the planet has ever responded favorably to a dirty look. 

Give someone a dirty look, and you are instantly transformed into the bad guy, regardless of what the target of your dirty look may be doing, because dirty looks are passive aggressive - which is never good - easily ignored, and often dismissed.

They also make you look ridiculous. 

You have two choices in a situation like the one confronting my friend and me:

1. You can ask the disrespectful mob to be quiet in a direct and polite manner, which will shame them into silence and achieve the desired goal. And regardless of how they may feel about your request, there is nothing that they can complain about, since you were both direct and correct.  

2. Even better, I explained, do what I am doing. Move your chair (and therefore your body) a foot or two away from the unruly mob. Create physical distance between yourself and them. Then become hyper-focused on the speaker. Establish eye contact. Nod. Smile. Enhance the contrast between yourself and the people acting rudely, and the speaker will notice it and love you for it. You will be perceived as a serious-minded, highly attentive, generous listener."

I do this all the time. When I see people being rude or disrespectful in almost any context, I recognize it as an opportunity to present myself as the exact opposite of their unruly behavior with very little effort. Their rudeness is a contrasting example that I can use to win the hearts and minds of the people around me.

It's funny how so many people don't realize that we are in a constant state of warfare. We are all in an ongoing, ever-present battle for a set of finite resources. These resources vary in import and value, but they are precious nonetheless. They include money, fame, power, attention, affection, admiration, privilege, time, or in this case, a positive perception in the hearts and minds of others.

The people who understand that a war is constantly raging around them are able to take advantage of situations like this. They are able to turn a petty annoyance like disrespectful table mates into an asset that can be exploited.

This may sound cynical, but it's also true. 

And it works. A little while later, the person running the meeting singled me out in front of everyone as a person who had been attentive and engaged throughout the entire meeting. She complimented me for my participation and engagement, when in truth, there were many, many moments in the meeting when I had mentally checked out. Turned to something more interesting to me. Disengaged completely from the learning. In fact, I was probably the least engaged person at my table. 

But I took advantage of a situation (and others like it throughout the day) to convince the speaker that I was on her side, and in the process, was publicly acknowledged as a person of value.

Victory. 

Charlie reads "I Want My Hat Back." And you will melt.

I did. 

The thing my daughter does for which I am most proud

Back in July, my six year-old daughter, Clara, bought a Playmobil dollhouse. It cost $89.

Knowing that Mommy and Daddy would not buy it for her, and knowing how far away her birthday and Christmas were, Clara spent months saving her birthday and allowance money ($1 per week) until she had enough to make the purchase.

I was so proud of her. 

Now she's done it again.

After purchasing the dollhouse, she set her mind on a Playmobil Santa Village. A $40 toy. And after months of saving her allowance (now $1.25 per week) and money occasionally given to her by family members, she finally had enough to make the purchase.

The toy arrived yesterday. She was thrilled. 

Of all the amazing things that my daughter does, I think it's her ability to delay gratification, set a goal, save her money, and then realize that goal that impresses me most. 

That and the ridiculous about of love and patience that she has for her brother.

When I watch Clara pile money into her long term savings jar, avoiding the sticker books and other small items that she could be buying and desperately wants, I can't help but think how so many Americans are incapable of doing what she is doing.   

It makes me certain that she is going to do well in life. As much as she may want stuff, she understands that it must be earned. Patience is required. Hard work pays off. 

She's saving again. She's not sure for what. But she knows that it'll cost money.

Boy Vs. Girl: Episode 1 of our new podcast launches today!

Two years ago, I began thinking about producing a podcast of my own. The combination of my excessive love for podcast and my fundamental (and possibly narcissistic) belief that I have interesting things to say led to my desire to become a podcast host.

Today, my podcast partner Rachel Leventhal-Weiner and I have finally achieved that goal with Boy vs. Girl: a podcast about gender and gender stereotypes from a self-described expert on gender issues (the boy) who has spent the last two decades immersed in female culture and a sociologist (the girl) who is an actual scholar with actual scholarly credentials. 

Basically I'm a guy who thinks he knows something and Rachel is an sociologist and academic with an actual doctorate or something.

 

The origin of the podcast was this:

I have been an elementary school teacher for 17 years, working almost exclusively in the company of women. Prior to that time, I attended an all women's colleges. As a result, I have spent the past two decades immersed in female culture, and as a result, I have a unique and thorough perspective on that culture, in addition to the myriad of differences between men and women. 

My original plan was to write a book on the subject (and that is still in the works), with Rachel - the sociologist, academic, and expert - vetting my claims and ideally declaring me to be a genius. 

It turned out that Rachel not only disagreed with some of my assertions, but oddly enough, she also had strong opinions of her own on gender and gender stereotypes.

Who knew?

Thus Boy Vs. Girl was born.

Each week one of us will bring a gender-based topic to the table for debate, and then we will discuss a mystery topic, provided by the listeners, that we will open while recording.  

Episode #1 topics include the modern day Tupperware party, children's Halloween costumes, and panty hose.

You can listen to Boy Vs. Girl in Soundcloud (and subscribe to the podcast there to listen to on your computer) or click on the link below to listen right here on the blog, but if you're a podcast listener, you can listen (and hopefully subscribe) to our podcast in all of your favorite podcast apps, including iTunes, Stitcher, Overcast, and more.   

We hope you'll listen.
We hope that you'll tell your friends and family and random strangers to listen.
We hope that you'll let us know what you think.
You can send us an email at boyvgirlpodcast@gmail.com
You can Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/boyvgirlpodcast
You can follow us on Twitter at twitter.com/boyvgirlpodcast
You can leave us a review in iTunes.

Thanks, and happy listening!

The most difficult (and possibly inappropriate) question asked on book tour thus far

If you've ever attended one of my author talks, you'll know that I encourage strange, difficult, inappropriate, and challenging questions during the Q&A portion of the evening.

I even award a prize for the most challenging of questions: foreign editions of my books, books I have read and will never read again, and once $2 because I had forgotten to bring a prize. 

This tradition was started in honor of a woman at my very first author talk who asked, "How do your ex-girlfriends play a role in your fiction?"

Surprised by the question, I responded, "Why do you ask that question?"

Her answer: "You look like the kind of guy with a lot of ex-girlfriends."

I'm still not sure if that was meant to be a compliment or an insult.

Either way, her question gave me the opportunity to tell a couple of funny stories about my ex-girlfriends, which is what I always do when asked a question. I tell a story.

During the most recent book tour for The Perfect Comeback of Caroline Jacobs, I've been asked a fair number of challenging questions, including, "How many of your students have been inspired enough by your success to become writers themselves?"

I think the answer is none, though in fairness, the oldest of my former students are still in their early twenties. I didn't become a published author until I was 37.

But the most surprising, challenging, and possibly inappropriate question asked so far came a couple of weeks ago at a bookstore when a woman said, "You're such a sarcastic person. Do you ever make people cry?"

Sadly, the answer was yes, followed by a couple of funny stories about times when I ended up in trouble because of my mouth.

A lesson on the importance of stakes in storytelling - Plus the story of the day I posed as a charity worker for nefarious reasons

On my most recent appearance on Slate's The Gist, I discuss the importance of stakes in storytelling and some of the tricks that I use to build and maintain them throughout the story.

Plus I tell the story of a time when I posed as a charity worker for less-than-charitable reasons and got a lot more than I bargained for. 

Resolution Update: October 2015

PERSONAL HEALTH

1. Don’t die.

I didn't even come close to dying last month. 

2. Lose 20 pounds.

I gained two pounds in October, so now I'm only down ten for the year. Ten more pounds in the next two months will be tough. Not impossible.  

3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a week.

Done. 

4. Stop drinking soda from two-liter bottles.

I didn’t drink soda from a two-liter bottle in October. Soda consumption continues to fall dramatically. 

5. Practice yoga at least five days a week.

I continue to practice yoga almost every morning. My shoulder and collarbone still hurt from last month's football game, which makes it difficult, and I must find some time for a refresher course, but I'm trying. 

6. Learn to cook three good meals for my wife.

I have three recipes to plan for courtesy of a good friend. I have done nothing with them thus far, and I am running out of time. 

WRITING CAREER

7. Complete my sixth novel before the end of 2015.

Work continues. I have signed a new, two book contract with my publisher, and the due date for the next book is February 28, 2016. So my end of year target date has been moved back two months.  

Also, in fairness, I've written more than a novel's worth of content this year, spread between three different books, but none are completely finished.   

8. Complete my seventh novel.

This book remains more than half finished.   

9. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.

My agent is submitting three of my children's books and a satire of a children's book to editors this month. Fingers crossed. 

10. Sell a memoir to a publisher.

The memoir will be paired with my book of essays, and both will be pitched by my agent before the end of the year.

11. Sell a book of essays to a publisher.

The essays are revised and the proposal is complete. It will be pitched by my agent before the end of the year. 

12. Complete a book proposal for a book on storytelling.

Progress continues. It's now fully outlined. I am currently polishing the two sample chapters.  

13. Write a new screenplay.

Revisions of my first screenplay - based upon film agent’s notes - are nearly complete.  

I have decided upon the story for the next screenplay and have the story fairly well outlined (thanks in part to a friend's excellent suggestion). I haven't made any progress on it. This is going to be a tough goal to accomplish given time constraints.

Then again, a rough draft satisfies the goal and would be a great start.     

14. Write 50 pages of a new memoir about the years of 1991-1993.

The collection of essays that I am writing now encompasses this period of time. This book and the book of essays are now one and the same.   

15. Write a musical for a summer camp.

Done! I was lucky enough to see it performed onstage in July. 

The musical that we wrote for last year's summer camp (Caught in the Middle) will be produced in 2016 at schools and other venues in the Hartford area.  

16. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a physical newspaper.

Done! I published an Op-Ed in the Hartford Courant in July on why I choose to write in McDonald's restaurants.

I've also written another Op-Ed for the Hartford Courant that will run sometime this month.

My dream is to land a weekly column at a newspaper like the Hartford Courant before they disappear forever, but this is probably a hard gig to get. 

17. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.

I submitted one of my short stories to a student magazine in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and it was accepted. 

18. Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.

I spent a week in July backing into parking spots, which was something I assumed was only done by lunatics of the highest order. I'm in the process of writing about my experience in for a blog post

I'm still on the hunt for my second behavior and running out of time. 

19. Build an author mailing list.

Done! My latest newsletter will be sent today. My mailing list is close to 1,000 subscribers and growing.

If you're not signed up for my mailing list, you can do so here:

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20. Build a new website for matthewdicks.com

Done!  

STORYTELLING

21. Produce a total of eight Speak Up storytelling events.

Done! We produced our ninth and tenth shows in October at the Noah Webster House and the Connecticut Historical Society. We still have shows scheduled for November at the Farmington Library and December at Real Art Ways as well.

22. Deliver my fourth TED Talk.

Done! The recording was released in August. One of the cameras did not record my talk, and the other started recording about two minutes late. The recording is disappointing and useless. I have the worst TED luck ever.

I will be speaking at another TED conference in November. I am hoping for better luck. 

23. Build a website for Speak Up.

Done! It’s a single page on my new author website, and it’s not nearly as robust as we want it to eventually be, but Speak Up finally has a webpage where you can find dates of events, ticket information, an opportunity to sign up for the mailing list, and more. You can find our webpage at speakupstorytelling.com.

24. Attend at least 10 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.

Done! I attended one Moth StorySLAM at The Bitter End in NYC in October. This brings my total number of Moth events attended in 2015 to 22. 

25. Win at least two Moth StorySLAMs.

Done! I won another Moth StorySLAM in October at The Bitter End, bringing my total number of wins in 2015 to three.   

I won a StorySLAM at The Bell House in Brooklyn in August.
I won a StorySLAM at Oberon in Cambridge back in April.

I would like to squeeze in one more before the year ends.

26. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.

Done twice over! I won the New York GrandSLAM at the Music Hall of Williamsburg in April and June.      

I compete in another GrandSLAM in November. 

27. Launch at least one podcast.

We recorded. We edited. We published to Sound Cloud. We submitted it to iTunes. They are reviewing it now. Any second now and we are launched. 

NEW PROJECTS

28. Pitch at least three new projects to two smart people.

Done! I pitched a new writing project to a smart person in September, bringing my total to three new projects to three smart people.

Nothing has come from any of my pitches, but I'll keep trying.    

29. Host at least one Shakespeare Circle.

Nothing scheduled yet. I'd better schedule something. 

MISCELLANEOUS

30. Enroll in the final class needed for certification as a high school English teacher.

No progress. This is not going to happen, but more importantly, I no longer want it to happen. Why the hell would I ever want to become a high school English teacher?

31. Set a new personal best in golf.

I tied my personal best of 47 through nine holes again. I'm not sure how many more chances I'll have this year to break it. I play this afternoon, but the days are getting shorter and colder, and my swing is not improving.    

32. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.

Done.