Matthew Dicks's Blog, page 338
October 5, 2015
I hit the greatest golf shot of my life. Then a squirrel did something even more amazing.
Yesterday, while on the golf course, I holed a 100 yard chip for a birdie.
It was perhaps the best golf shot that I have ever made.
On the next two holes, I scored a combined 15, including a 10 on a par 5.
I couldn't help but feel like those three holes encapsulated my life's trajectory almost perfectly.
We also encountered a squirrel, who climbed up a friend's golf bag while he was putting, opened a zippered pocket, removed the bag of nuts that he had been eating, and fled to the trees.
It was amazing. It may have been the most ingenious squirrel on the planet.
The squirrel also stole the nuts just a minute or two after I hit my greatest golf shot ever, thus stealing quite a bit of my thunder. As remarkable as it may be to put a 100 yard chip in the hole, it's exponentially more amazing for a ninja squirrel to ambush a golf bag, open a zippered pocket, and steal a bag of nuts.
Also a fairly apt metaphor for my life.
October 4, 2015
The Gist: My Orange Thong and Lucky Star story
Last week I performed as part of Slate's The Gist first live show at The Bell House in Brooklyn. I told a story about a time when I made a highly questionable decision about a bachelorette party in the crew room of a McDonald's restaurant.
The story begins at the 15:00 mark.
October 3, 2015
I thought I became a teacher because I love kids, but it turns out that the real reason was far more selfish and insidious
It appears that knowledge of your spouse is a highly effective indicator of satisfaction in your relationships.
Knowledge of one’s partner and life skills are much better predictors of average satisfaction across relationships, according to Harvard-trained psychologist Dr. Robert Epstein and student Rachel Smith, who have just presented their study at the Western Psychological Association in Los Angeles. Knowledge of one’s partner includes his or her preferences, dress size, hopes and dreams. Life skills refers to paying the bills on time or managing stress. “To me it shows that therapists need to rethink how they’re working with their clients,” Epstein says.
What shocked researchers the most was that 40% of the couples he studied had no idea about one another’s hopes and dreams.
No idea about one another's hopes and dreams? What the hell are these people talking about? Are they talking at all?
My wife and I have been working together in some capacity - either as elementary school teachers or as founders and producers of Speak Up - for almost 15 years, so in addition to our home life, we have spent an enormous amount of time working together.
I like to think we know each other really, really well.
In fact, I suspect that we sometimes know each other better than we know ourselves.
Six years ago, during a book club presentation, I was asked why I became a teacher. I explained how much I have always loved kids and how my role as the eldest of five siblings probably played an important factor as well. I also explained that when I was growing up, no one ever spoke to me about my future, so my vision of job opportunities were limited to only what I could see, so teacher was a natural landing spot for me.
Elysha - who had joined me for this book club visit - shook her head. "That may all be true," she said. "But a big part of Matt becoming a teacher is much simpler. He doesn't like to be told what to do. So when he's in his classroom all day with his students, no one is there to tell him what he should or shouldn't be doing."
I had never considered this possibility, but as soon as Elysha spoke these words, they felt right. I would prefer to describe myself as wanting a certain degree of autonomy and independence in my work day - which I also get as a writer and a business owner - but boiled down to its essence, Elysha is right:
I can't stand being told what to do.
The surprise of this discovery was quickly replaced by excitement over the idea that my wife might know me better than anyone ever. Since that day, she has proven this fact repeatedly, telling me things about myself that I am apparently too blind or obtuse to notice on my own.
Since our wedding day in July of 2006, Elysha and I have only gotten to know each other better, and happily, we have only grown closer as a result.
It's not often that someone gets to know me better and likes me more.
I chose wisely when it came to my spouse.
October 2, 2015
Resolution update: September 2015
1. Don’t die.
I played football with a few guys the other day and survived, though my shoulder is still killing me.
2. Lose 20 pounds.
Still down 12 pounds. No change for the month of September. Too much traveling. A lot of bad food eaten in cars.
3. Do at least 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups five days a week.
Done.
4. Stop drinking soda from two-liter bottles.
I didn’t drink soda from a two-liter bottle in September. Soda consumption continues to fall dramatically and water consumption is on the increase.
5. Practice yoga at least five days a week.
I continue to practice yoga almost every morning. I have some shoulder pain from the aforementioned football game which has made the last week hard.
6. Learn to cook three good meals for my wife.
I have three recipes to plan for courtesy of a good friend. I have done nothing with them thus far.
WRITING CAREER7. Complete my sixth novel before the end of 2015.
Work continues.
In fairness, I've written more than a novel's worth of content this year, spread between three different books, but none are completely finished.
8. Complete my seventh novel.
This book remains more than half finished.
9. Sell one children’s book to a publisher.
My agent is submitting my children's books to editors following the Frankfurt Book Fair.
I also have a meeting with a children's book editor this month to discuss writing middle grade books. She passed on my picture books but feels that I may have the sensibilities for middle grade fiction. I am open minded but skeptical.
10. Sell a memoir to a publisher.
The memoir is written and polished. It will be paired with my book of essays, so it remains on my laptop, waiting for the essays to sell.
11. Sell a book of essays to a publisher.
The essays are revised and the proposal is complete. My agent is reviewing it now.
12. Complete a book proposal for a book on storytelling.
Progress continues. It's now fully outlined. I am currently writing the first of two sample chapters.
13. Write a new screenplay.
Revisions of my first screenplay - based upon film agent’s notes - are nearly complete.
I have decided upon the story for the next screenplay and have the story fairly well outlined (thanks in part to a friend's excellent suggestion).
14. Write 50 pages of a new memoir about the years of 1991-1993.
The collection of essays that I am writing now encompasses this period of time. This book and the book of essays are now one and the same.
15. Write a musical for a summer camp.
Done! I was lucky enough to see it performed onstage in July. The feedback was outstanding. I hope to find a home for it at some point.
The musical that we wrote for last year's summer camp will be produced this fall at schools and other venues in the Hartford area.
16. Publish at least one Op-Ed in a physical newspaper.
I've also written another for the Hartford Courant that will run sometime this month. My dream is to land a weekly column at a newspaper like the Hartford Courant before they disappear forever, but this is probably a hard gig to get.
17. Submit one or more short stories to at least three publishing outlets.
I submitted one of my short stories to a student magazine in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and it was accepted. The bar for acceptance was admittedly quite low, but it counts.
18. Select three behaviors that I am opposed to and adopt them for one week, then write about my experiences on the blog.
I spent a week in July backing into parking spots, which was something I assumed was only done by lunatics of the highest order. I'm in the process of writing about my experience in for a blog post (or perhaps an Op-Ed somewhere).
I'm still on the hunt for my second behavior. Suggestions?
19. Build an author mailing list.
Done! My latest newsletter will be sent today. My mailing list is close to 1,000 subscribers and growing.
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20. Build a new website for matthewdicks.com
Done!
STORYTELLING21. Produce a total of eight Speak Up storytelling events.
Done! We produced our eighth show at the Noah Webster House in September.
We have two more shows scheduled for October and shows scheduled for November and December as well.
22. Deliver my fourth TED Talk.
Done! The recording was released in August. One of the cameras did not record my talk, and the other started about two minutes late. The recording is disappointing and useless. I have the worst TED luck ever.
I may be speaking at another TED conference in November.
23. Build a website for Speak Up.
Done! It’s a single page on my new author website, and it’s not nearly as robust as we want it to eventually be, but Speak Up finally has a webpage where you can find dates of events, ticket information, an opportunity to sign up for the mailing list, and more. You can find our webpage at speakupstorytelling.com.
24. Attend at least 10 Moth events with the intention of telling a story.
Done! I attended two Moth StorySLAMs in September and performed at a Mainstage show in Pittsburgh and told stories at two of the three events (my name sadly remained in the hat in Boston) This brings my total number of Moth events attended in 2015 to 21.
25. Win at least two Moth StorySLAMs.
Done! I won a StorySLAM at The Bell House in Brooklyn on August 3. I won a StorySLAM at Oberon in Cambridge back in April, giving me the two wins needed to achieve this goal.
I'd like to double this win total before the end of the year.
26. Win a Moth GrandSLAM.
Done twice over! I won the New York GrandSLAM at the Music Hall of Williamsburg in April and June.
27. Launch at least one podcast.
We recorded.
We didn't like our recording.
We record again next week.
28. Pitch at least three new projects to two smart people.
Done! I pitched a new writing project to a smart person in September, bringing my total to three new projects to three smart people.
Nothing has come from any of my pitches, but I'll keep trying.
29. Host at least one Shakespeare Circle.
Nothing scheduled yet.
MISCELLANEOUS30. Enroll in the final class needed for certification as a high school English teacher.
No progress.
31. Set a new personal best in golf.
I played golf half a dozen times in September. I tied my personal best of 47 through nine holes. Last Sunday I opened my round with four bogies and ended the round with a bogie. Sandwiched between those holes were three triple bogies.
32. Post my progress in terms of these resolutions on this blog on the first day of every month.
Two days late.
September 30, 2015
Unfair assumption #21: John Smith is not a good name
If your last name is Smith and you name your son John - and John is not a family name of any significance - then I have to assume that you're not even trying.
Right?
September 29, 2015
Rumspringa: If only every parent possessed the open mindedness of the bad ass Amish
I admire the hell out of the Amish.
Not for their rejection of modern day technology. That’s insane. When humankind deflects the next planet-killing asteroid from striking the Earth, the Amish can thank their lucky stars that most people moved beyond the horse and buggy a while ago.
No, my admiration is born from the way that they impart their religion and culture onto the young:
The straight-up, bad ass, open mined confidence of the Rumspringa.
The Rumspringa normally begins around the age of 14 to 16 and ends when a youth chooses baptism within the Amish church, or instead leaves the community.
While the majority choose baptism and remain in the church, some Amish youth do indeed separate themselves from the community, even going to live among the "English", or non-Amish North Americans, experiencing modern technology and perhaps even experimenting with sex, alcohol, and recreational drugs. Their behavior during this time represents no necessary bar to returning for adult baptism into the Amish church if they choose to one day return to the community.
Allowing the youth to choose baptism in the church?
Encouraging the youth - practically requiring them - to go experience other cultures and beliefs?
Feeling confident enough in your own way of life and respectful enough of personal choice to allow your children to choose their own path in terms of religion, and community?
That is seriously progressive for a people who can't even listen to a podcast.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard stories about dumb ass, intolerant parents who disowned their son or daughter for leaving the religion or refusing to attend their child's interfaith marriage or believing they have any say at all over their child who is now a fully grown adult.
These Amish have it right:
We've offered you a religion and a way of life that we love and embrace. We hope you will love and embrace it, too. Now go forth. Explore the world. See what other possibilities exist in the great unknown. And then come back to us if you so choose.
The degree of courage, respect, understanding, and open mindedness required to do such a thing is astounding.
If only every intolerant, dumb ass parent would offer the same choice to their children.
September 28, 2015
My unconventional advice for the expecting parent (or the less experienced parent)
My friend is expecting her first baby next month. She asked me for my thoughts on parenting.
Here is my truth.
When Elysha was pregnant, people warned us about how difficult parenting an infant would be. We wouldn't sleep for the next two years. We wouldn't see a movie for the next five years. We wouldn't have sex for at least a decade. We would be exhausted at all times.
None of this happened.
I was warned of the horrors of a thousand diaper changes. I was told that visits to restaurants would be impossible (or at least no fun) for years.
This didn't happen.
Then I was told that as soon as Clara started walking (or even crawling), all hell would break loose. That was when things would get really hard.
That didn't happen, either.
I was told by a friend that my children would be sleeping in our bedroom and probably in our bed - off and on - for years.
That never happened.
Then I was told that the second child would be the straw that breaks the camel's back. He would be the one to make parenting hard.
That didn't happen either.
I was told that parenting would strain our marriage. Strip away our opportunities to be alone. Deprive us of any free time. Make us feel like slaves to little people.
None of this happened, either.
I've been told that my children will grow up in the blink of an eye. That time will fly by faster than I thought possible. That childhood would be ephemeral.
This has not happened.
Now I've been told that the middle school years will be terrible. High school will be the worst. I've been warned that my children will stop speaking to me. Stop sharing their thoughts and feelings. Become sullen and surly. I've been told that they will become emotionally unstable, akin to little hormone bombs capable of blowing up at any given moment. I've been told that homework will become the bane of our existence. That driving our kids to athletic events will become like second jobs. That our children will eat us out of house and home.
I've been told that I will worry all of the time.
As far as I am concerned, no one has spoken the truth to me yet.
Here's what I know:
My children are healthy and typical. No illnesses. No learning disabilities. No cognitive impairment. We are blessed. If our kids weren't healthy or typical, I suspect that parenting would be hard.
I also know that I am gainfully employed. We may not always have all the money we need, but my wife and I are both capable of finding work and making a good living. Someday soon my wife will return to work and things will be easier, but until then, we have enough to get by. I suspect that if this weren't the case, parenting would be hard.
As a result, parenting has been a joyous ride. A goddamn dream come true. It's been remarkable. Unbelievable. Indescribable. It has been the greatest thing I have ever done and will ever do. I love my children more than I thought possible. They bring me more happiness than I thought possible. Parenting has not been miserable. It has not been soul crushing. On most days, it's not even hard.
That is my truth.
That is what I told my pregnant friend because I am quite certain that she is going to hear from an army of nattering nabobs of negativity, spewing forth their warning of pain and suffering at every turn. Parents love to complain. They love to speculate about the disasters that await less experienced parent just around the corner. They love to project their own struggles onto others. Assume that their experiences are universal. It often seems as if it's their mission to strip all happiness and joy from their descriptions of parenting at all costs.
So as I make my way through this world, meeting expecting or less experienced parents, I speak my truth.
So far, parenting has been great. The naysayers have been wrong. My children are the best, and being their father is the best. Beyond joyous.
I tell parents to love every minute, because if you are as blessed as me and Elysha, it's entirely possible.
September 27, 2015
Owl hunters interrupt fiction writer's flow
In case you didn't know what an owl hunter looked like, here are two are in the flesh. Note the uniform:
Pajamas. Straw hat or beach pail worn as helmets. Rain boots.
Each is also equipped with a mode of transport (scooter or tricycle) and a flashlight.
In this training run, I served as the owl. Lights in the house were turned off because the taller of the two hunters noted that owls are not diurnal. They are nocturnal.
You never know what is going to interrupt my attempt to get a little writing done.
September 26, 2015
My six-year old daughter understands the nature of religious texts better than many Republican candidates
On Yom Kippur, my six year-old daughter attended services at the local synagogue. As part of the service, the rabbi gathered the children and told them the story of Jonah and the whale. This is actually a story that can be found in Jewish, Christian, and Muslim texts.
The rabbi told the story as if Jonah's encounter with the whale really happened. It was accompanied by a song which she and her brother sang all day.
When I asked my daughter if the story of Jonah and the whale was real, she said, "Of course not."
"But the rabbi made it sound like it really happened," I said.
"Daddy... don't be ridiculous. I don't care if he said it was real. It was just a story. People don't get stuck inside whales."
"What about a blue whale," I asked. "They're huge."
"Daddy, blue whales are baleen whales. They can't even eat fish."
I laughed. "Then why would the rabbi tell the story of Jonah and the whale if it didn't really happen?"
"Because it was just a fun story. And maybe it was supposed to teach me something, but I can't remember what."
About 50% of Americans believe that the Earth was created by God less than 10,000 years ago despite the mountains of physical evidence indicating otherwise because it the Bible says so.
These are the same people who believe that Noah built an ark that housed two of every animal on the planet during a worldwide flood because the Bible says so.
And presumably, these are the dame people who believe that there once lived a man named Jonah who was swallowed by a large fish or whale and survived for three days in its belly because the Bible says so.
How is it that my six year-old daughter can see the ridiculousness of this story and so many others cannot? She's in first grade and understands that a literal interpretation of religious texts makes no sense.
I was so proud of her, and yet at the same time, her conclusion seems fairly obvious,.
At least for her.
September 25, 2015
A character from The Perfect Comeback of Caroline Jacobs comes alive. Seriously.
If you've read my latest novel, The Perfect Comeback of Caroline Jacobs, you'll know that the book opens on a memorable scene in a PTO meeting. What you might not know is that there is a nonfictional character living within that scene.
Eric Feeney, identified in the book as a father of twins daughters and a New York Giants fan, is attending the PTO meeting on the same night that his beloved team is playing on Thursday night football. He is wearing his Giants jersey to the meeting in hopes of reminding the PTO chairperson to wrap up the proceedings quickly so he can catch the game.
Eric Feeney is a real person. He's a teacher at my school. He has twin daughters and is a rabid New York Giants fan. And at last night's PTO meeting - on a night when the New York Giants were playing the Washington Redskins on Thursday night football - he showed up with wearing his New York Giants jersey, thus bringing this fictional sliver of my novel to life.
Sadly, I had to leave the PTO meeting a little early, but Feeney is never one to miss an opportunity to garner a little attention. After the PTO meeting was finished, he gathered a bunch of parents and teachers and had a photo taken with my book, which he sent to me.
Feeney is not the first real person who I have embedded in one of my novels. In Memoirs of an Imaginary Friend, another teacher from my school - Mrs. Gosk - plays a prominent role, and over the years, real people have occasionally occupied small roles in my books.
Feeney is just the first one to revel in his inclusion in fiction to this degree. On the night of my book launch, he was there, hoping to have a table set up beside mine in order to sign books. When that didn't happen, he offered to sign books for several people but was declined each time.
Still, I love his enthusiasm. He has me considering making him a reoccurring character, which would pretty much blow his mind, I think.
