Afton Rorvik's Blog, page 10

Grateful!

Thank you, my friends for encouraging Christy last week. Your comments and prayers reminded me once again of the joy of we—Storm Sister living.  How grateful I am for this connected life—for you.

So to say thank you, enjoy this coloring page. More words next week.

Click here for the printable coloring page.

Loving a Daughter with Special Needs

Today I want to introduce you to Christy, the mother of a special needs daughter. She and her husband serve as missionaries.

Karis, now eleven, has the developmental abilities of a six-month-old girl and is completely dependent on Christy and her husband and other caregivers for everything—changing diapers, pureeing her food, feeding her, and transferring her to her wheelchair or wherever she needs to go since she does not stand or walk, and she cannot see.

Christy, I know how intense life is for you. I ’ m so grateful that you took the time to join me on the blog and help us all understand more about the life of a special needs parent.

Thanks for inviting me to the blog. It helps me to know that my words might help someone else.

So, tell us, what is the hardest part of your role as the primary caregiver for a special needs child?

It is the weight of the constant responsibility that is always on my shoulders. Even if I get a “break” when someone else is caring for my daughter, the weight of responsibility is still on me. Keeping Karis alive and healthy requires twelve or so different medicines and vitamin supplements that can never be allowed to run out. Every day I have to prepare these medicines to mix into her food or go through her g-tube. She is on a medical diet where food has to be pureed and measured to the exact gram. Add to that doctor’s appointments, therapists, changing diapers, and lots of lifting and transferring her to wherever she needs to go. It’s hard to ever get a break because of the extensive training I need to give anyone who would take care of her, and also because, let’s face it, who really wants to volunteer to take care of a 65-pound child who can’t walk or talk and has a lot of seizures. I rarely feel comfortable asking even close friends to care for her because I know how hard it is and that most people are intimidated by even the thought of the task.

In the midst of all the hard days, what do you see that warms your heart?

The best part of my role is hearing my daughter laugh and seeing the rare times when she interacts, in her own small way, with people around her. It is gratifying to understand her grunts, sighs, laughs, and body movements, and to (usually) know what she wants from interpreting her own “language.” She isn’t capable of showing much love, but the times she cuddles with me are wonderful. We usually have a little cuddle time after I feed her, and sometimes she will lean forward in her wheelchair to find me so I can hug her, and sometimes will be calm, rest her head on my shoulder, and go to sleep (she can fall asleep in two seconds.)

Being the parent of a severely handicapped child has also taught me, through experience, about God’s unconditional love.

I struggle to accept that God could love me regardless of how “good” I am or how well I live up to expectations (usually my own expectations rather than God’s.) But I see how profoundly I love my little girl, just because she is mine, not based on anything she can or can’t do, not even based on her showing me love in return. If I, as a deeply flawed human being, love my daughter like that, how much more must God love me just because I am His. I still need this lesson to penetrate more fully into my heart, but having my daughter has helped immensely.

How can a friend best step in and become a Storm Sister to you?

This question is very pertinent in my life right now. After eleven years of the stresses and constant, unrelenting responsibilities of caring for my daughter, my body finally gave in and crashed on me. I was diagnosed about nine months ago with major depression and found that I was not, and still am not, functioning very well at all. So I am very much in need of Storm Sisters to come along side me at this time. I decided to be very open and honest with my friends, coworkers, and boss at work about my struggles because I have known all along that I needed help to get through this, and I wanted a lot of people to be praying and supporting me. I have found very supportive friends, some I was already close to and others that God brought into my life just in the past nine months or so.

One of the main things that they have done for me that has really helped is to stay in consistent communication with me. I’ve found that processing my day through email or texts and having people respond to me, even with very short responses, is one of the most helpful things.

Sometimes I don’t have the energy to take the initiative in communicating so I really value friends who take the initiative to check in and see how things are going. Hugs are really important, too.

I often feel in need of help, but it is hard to ask for it. Having people volunteer without my having to ask is priceless. Even if it is not help with directly caring for my daughter, to have help with making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning the house, or other things like that is still very appreciated.

I have one friend who is wonderful at this. She will sometimes call me and tell me she is bringing dinner over (not asking if I want her to, or when would be a good day, just telling me she is coming), or offer to come over once a week for two hours and help with whatever I need. She even made my son’s birthday cake last year when I was feeling really overwhelmed and didn’t think I could make the kind of cake he was asking for. Now that she has offered so many times, I feel comfortable asking her for specific things when I need help, because I know she is willing and really wants to help in any way she can.

I’ve also discovered that it is very good for me to be able to help other people in some way. First of all, it takes my focus off of myself, which is really important. Secondly, it makes me feel like I’m useful and needed and can minister to others, even though most of my time is spent caring for my children (we have a six-year-old son too) and keeping the house running.

It is hard always to be the recipient of other people’s help, and constantly to feel indebted to others because of all the help they are giving, even though I need it sometimes. It is humbling to admit that I can’t do it all on my own. That humbling process is a good thing, even though it is painful. But it is also very refreshing to feel like God can use me in others’ lives. So being a Storm Sister can and should involve the help going in both directions.

How does your faith help you navigate each day?

There is NO WAY I could make it through without God’s help! I have been learning (although I’m still not great at it) to lean on Him for His strength when my own is not enough. That is most of the time these days. But I’ve seen how He has given me the strength I need time and time again when I had absolutely nothing left and felt there was no possible way I could keep going with what needed to be done.

The hope of heaven is another thing that helps me through the hard times. That promise seems much more real to me now, and when I’m feeling sad or discouraged, I often try to imagine what it will be like to one day see my precious baby girl as she was meant to be—able to walk, run, and dance; able to see; finally able to understand and express herself in words and reciprocate love to others; never having to live through another seizure.

I talk to her about that time, even though it is likely she doesn’t understand what I am saying, and I often remind her that Jesus loves her.

We also talk to our son about how it will be in heaven, and have done so from the time he was a baby. We want him to look forward to seeing his sister one day in heaven, and we want him to know that she won’t be like she is now forever. And since we don’t know how long she will live down here, we want him to know that, although her death will be sad because we will miss her, it will also be joyous because she will finally be whole.

In fact, he is looking forward to that time so much that he sometimes tells me he wishes he could die and be in heaven now because it is going to be so much better! (I tell him that that is true, but that we’d also like to have him down here for a good long time.)

Thank you, Christy. Your words have so touched my heart and opened my eyes.

Dear Readers, would you join me in encouraging Christy this week? For those of you who pray, please ask God to strengthen and encourage Christy in her struggle with depression. Feel free to leave a comment here for her. Or you can contact her through my website. Let ’ s encourage this dear young woman.

Listening to the Song of a Orphan

What does it feel like to be an orphan? What are the unique challenges and opportunities? And how can we learn to walk as Storm Sisters with friends who are orphans?

These questions have whirled around in my head and heart lately so today I asked a friend to join me on the blog to help us all understand how it feels to be an orphan. Claire (not her real name) is single and has no living siblings or parents or children.

So pull up a chair and a cup of coffee and listen in to our conversation.

Thank you Claire, for joining us on the blog today to share your unique story. I ’ m so grateful for your honesty. I ’ ve learned much from you.

Thanks Afton for including me in your blog project. I am honored.

Let’s jump right in. What is the hardest part of living as an orphan?

I need to take into consideration that I have absolutely no family members to fall back on. As I am getting much older, it is getting harder and harder for me to tackle all my responsibilities, i.e. making all major decisions including remodeling projects, major purchases, etc. It would be nice to have a second opinion sometimes.

I struggle to find honest people to help me do small projects in my house, things like yard work, getting Christmas decorations out of the attic and higher areas in the garage, or watching over my house when I travel.

Especially around the holidays I get really down because almost every year I have to be concerned who is willing to let me spend mainly Thanksgiving and Christmas with their family.

My biggest concern is if I ever had to go to the hospital. Even though people will offer to go with me, I would probably still feel alone because I do not have “a close” relationship with that person like a husband and wife, for example.

And what is the best part of living the way you do. Is there a best part?

I am starting to become more content in my situation; however, the occasional loneliness will always be part of my life.

It is nice that when I leave my house in the morning and come home at night, it looks the same so I have more time to study, read, or do some other things that I enjoy.

Living alone, my house is quiet all day so I can devote more time, my thoughts, and soul to God without being distracted by anyone. Since I went on a mission trip with my church this summer, God is giving me the opportunity to be involved in several other people’s lives. It all depends on my attitude and how I communicate with the Lord every day. If I focus on Him first, things will fall into place.

I know that being part of a church matters to you. How can the church join you in your unique journey?

My pastor in two sermons recently talked about including singles in family life and vice versa. He even talked about a family who gave a single young man a key to their house. He did the same. I just sat there and thought, why is it so hard in our society to pay more attention to this matter?

I know quite a few older singles; even though they have family, they are often alone as well.

I can go to Sunday school and attend all kinds of functions, but it will never replace the integration into a family setting. I would suggest that the church create a ministry where willing families are designated to invite singles for dinner once a month or be included in a family outing or function. I don’t remember when I was invited to a family function by anyone in a church.

I am a very active person and try to get involved in many other people’s lives, but by the end of the day, I am still alone and belong to no one.

And how can a friend best step into your world and become a Storm Sister?

I had a friend who did this. When I first told her my story and was really down about being alone or lonely, she willingly invited me to lunch, took me to an appointment I was dreading, and offered to take me to the doctor. Every time I lamented, she listened, and even though she could not take my burden off me, I could tell she cared deeply about me.

That gave me a lot of encouragement and security that I did have a friend who tried very hard to understand, put herself somewhat in my shoes, and did not run away after a couple of times. This, I think, is what a true Storm Sister can do—just listening or spending a couple of hours with a person to comfort them with your presence or jump in with both feet when help is needed.

Of course there are many more ways to be a Storm Sister, depending on the individual situation.

Another thing that I really cherish is when people promise something and they keep their promise. That tells me that this person is serious about his or her caring and help for me. I myself try very hard to do these things because I know how it feels to need help but also get disappointed when the promise is not kept, of course that depends on the reason why.

Years ago I was in a support group after my divorce, and our mentors were an older couple who truly acted as a Storm Sister and Storm Brother. I could call the lady at two in the morning, and she would listen to my cries and comfort me. I always tell my friends, if you need anyone even in the middle of the night, I’ll come to your rescue, and I really mean that.

Finally, a Storm Sister can help someone alone by making a phone call. Sometimes I would just like to talk to someone when I am home all day alone. If I step out for an errand and look at the 0 message upon my return, I can get disappointed that no one thought about me all day. Of course I can also pick up the phone and call someone, but most of us in single situations, especially me without any family, often feel like we would be a burden, an intrusion, or seem needy. Every relationship takes time to develop, but we all need to start somewhere, right?

Thanks so much for your time and your wise words, Claire. I ’ m grateful to have this honest glimpse into your life. As we wrap up the blog today, let me ask you one last question: How does your faith help you navigate each day?  

The mission trip I went on has changed something in me, and I think the little devotional book, Jesus Calling, is really helping me to focus much more on God and His presence every day instead of focusing on myself.

God has opened doors for me to serve Him by bringing people into my life that need my help and that takes the focus off myself. I remind myself that He also controls my every day moves and works all things together. He is just an awesome God! And if I trust Him fully and believe that He is in control, things will work out according to His will and NOT mine. I just hope and pray that this faith of mine will continue to be strong and not waiver in any circumstance.

Through the Eyes of a Widow

For the next three weeks, I want to introduce you to some remarkable women.

One of them has been a widow for decades, one of them lives as a single woman with no living family members, and a third is the parent of a special needs daughter. They all have struggled in ways I can only imagine.

I love living as a Storm Sister (a friend who sticks close when storms hit her friends life), but I know that I have so much to learn about what that really means. And so I asked my friends to tell me about their lives. I want to see. I want to understand.

I want to know how best to live as a Storm Sister to women in unique situations.

Perhaps you do too.

Let me introduce you first to my sister writer, Sandra Aldrich. When her husband died, she faced the challenge of raising a 10-year-old son and an 8-year-old daughter.

Welcome to the blog, Sandra. I am so thrilled to have you with us today. Thank you for giving us a glimpse into your life and talking about the challenges of being a widow and a single mom.

I count it a privilege to be a part of your blog. Thank you!

What is the hardest part of being a window and single mother?

That depends on the day. Some days I grieve the life we had planned. Other days I miss our former friends who fall away because I no longer fit in this two-by-two world. Most days I am weary of having to juggle everything alone. Loneliness creeps in, too—especially when I see traditional families participating in activities we once enjoyed. And in all of this, I try to remind our children that we still are a family!

What is the best part of the role?

Even on the weary days, I can smile because I know I am taking care of our children. My faith and my example of putting one foot in front of the other will encourage our children as they later face their own trials. And even with limited funds, I know how to create special memories that will be carried into adulthood.

What part does faith play in your grief?

Faith often is the only thing that helps me put one foot in front of the other. But please don’t think I’ve lost my faith if I cry. After all, Jesus is our personal example: He wept over Jerusalem, at the tomb of Lazarus and in the Garden before He was to die.

Also, let me know you are praying for me. And when you ask how you can pray specifically this coming week, I am encouraged, and I don’t feel quite as alone.

How can the church encourage you in this journey?

Pray for me! I’m not contagious so please talk to me for a few minutes on Sunday morning. Provide practical help occasionally, such as having a free car-care clinic one Saturday a month or having the men invite our sons to a game. And please don’t think there’s something wrong with me if I have chosen to remain single and raise my children alone.

How can a friend become a Storm Sister to a widow and single mom?

Acknowledge our pain. Too often folks don’t say anything because they don’t “want to remind” us of our grief. Believe me, our very breath is a reminder that someone we love is no longer with us. Offering a sincere, “I’m so sorry” or even stating, “I don’t know what to say, but I care this has happened” will mean much to us.


After you acknowledge our pain, let us guide the conversation. In other words, listen as we talk. Too often well-meaning folks follow the “I’m so sorry” with hollow comments about how God will bring somebody else into our life. Or how a distant relative became a missionary a few months after her widowhood.


Remember special occasions, especially the first year. The spouse’s birthdate, the couple’s anniversary, the planned, but never taken, vacation. A phone call, an invitation for coffee or even a “thinking of you” card will be lovely.


If you are hosting a holiday party, please invite us. Too often we are deleted from guest lists because we are an odd number—one—instead of the former couple number—two. We may not be comfortable attending your party, but we will be encouraged by your thoughtfulness.


Understand that grief is a process that cannot be hurried. We will wade through our pain and come out on the other side of it stronger and better prepared to help the next widow.

Sandra Aldrich has written more about her journey as a widow in her book Will I Ever Be Whole Again? Surviving the Death of Someone You Love.

http://tinyurl.com/bhvgnkh.

She has also written a devotional for all single mothers, whether widowed or divorced: Heart Hugs for Single Moms: 52 Devotions to Encourage You

http://bit.ly/Heart_Hugs

You can read more about her at sandraaldrich.com.

Dancing around Hard Stuff

This week I spent a lot of time thinking about orphans, widows, and those with special needs as part of a writing project for my church. I danced around actually putting words on paper because I felt so inadequate to give voice to these people who struggle with such complicated issues and deep grief. How can I truly know the depth of their pain and what might bring at least a measure of comfort?

Don’t we all feel this way when a friend hits a challenging time? What should we say? What should we not say? What should we do? Sometimes, honestly, don’t we dance around doing anything just as I danced around putting words on paper?

“I’ll call tomorrow.”

“She is probably so overwhelmed that I would just make things harder for her by showing up.”

“I’m sure she has a lot of help from family.”

As part of my writing project for church, I interviewed a friend who is an orphan, a friend who is a widow, and another friend who is the parent of a special needs daughter. Each one has unique insights, of course, but a common theme or two did emerge.

First, please notice me. See me. Hear me. Offer to let me into your life and family.

Second, I SO appreciate offers of help.

Life can feel so overwhelming sometimes, can’t it? So much to do. So many people to help. So many chores. So many schedules to coordinate.

And now I write about helping orphans, widows, and those with special needs.

Overload?

Maybe a bit. So I think about one small thing I could do this week to reach out with compassion to an orphan, a widow, or someone with special needs.

I could make a phone call. Or extend the invitation for a walk or a breakfast date. Nothing flashy, just an opportunity to say, “I see you. I hear you. I care.”

Interested in hearing more about what my friends had to say about being an orphan, a widow, or the parent of a child with special needs? Let me know by leaving a comment on this blog.

Stop and See

Today I give you a visual blog.

Every day this September I try to do my three things (walk, women, and worship) and perhaps you have joined me in this habit. If you missed the blog last week about three things, you can find it here: http://aftonrorvik.com/blog/2015/09/14/1311/

A few days ago I did my walk at a local park (Cantigny) that has a huge rose garden. What a delight to wander among the roses and stop to smell them.

Let me share some of those roses with you now and encourage you to find a way this week to stop and see the beauty of God’s creation.

Breathe deeply, relax, and enjoy.

Just Three Things

The three little pigs. The three blind mice. The Three Stooges.

Everything comes in threes, right? At least my husband says so. Every time we discuss a topic he says, “It comes down to three things.”

I’ve had this conversation about three so many times with John that when I started to think about how to navigate the September transition that always challenges me, I naturally came up with a three-pronged approach.

I’m not sure why September presents a challenge for me, but it does. Perhaps I miss the buzz of getting kids ready for school (might explain why I went out and bought myself crayons, gel pens, and a coloring book). Perhaps I know winter is coming. Perhaps I miss my friends who go back to school jobs. Whatever the reason, I find I must fight depression with more zeal in September.

So . . . I recently decided to work hard to do three things every day this September. And because I don’t remember as well as I used to, all of these three things start with the same letter—W.

Walk.

Being outside and hearing birds tweet and dogs bark and bumping into a neighbor, her smiley baby, and her just-learned-to-ride-a-tricycle daughter feeds my soul. It slows me down enough to talk to my neighbor, to breathe deeply of the air, to admire the cloudless blue sky. And doing all of that takes my eyes and my thoughts off myself.

Apparently walking also produces endorphins in my brain, which gives me a mental and emotional boost.

Not bad for something free. If only I could move some mountains to Illinois.

Women.

Every day I talk to John on the phone and after dinner. Neither of us would miss our daily conversations and end-of-the-day debrief. And yet, I still need to spend time daily with girlfriends, even if that time is via text, email, or phone.

They help me find perspective. As we listen to each other, I realize that we all have challenges.

They make me laugh at myself and at the silly side of a situation I just couldn’t see.

They challenge me to do what I need to do for myself in the midst of caring for others.

They remind me that God sees and cares.

When I reach the end of the day and sit down with John to debrief, if I have had my girl-time, I meet my husband with more of a “full tank.” I don’t come expecting him to make everything better or meet all my emotional needs. And, really, what one person can do all of that all of the time?

Worship.

Over the past few years, I have discovered the joy of personal, daily worship.

After I walk the Chief Furry Officer, we come home and settle into our favorite chair in the living room with a view of the front garden, a bird feeder, and the morning sun.

Then I grab my phone and tap my Pandora App, specifically my Storm Sisters Soundtrack station. (Here is the link: http://www.pandora.com/station/play/1139667308769314118). Pandora lets you customize your own station and mine is full of Fernando Ortega music, including new versions of hymns. I know many of us don’t sing hymns any more, but I find the words of hymns so life-giving. I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and let my mind focus on the words. I often find myself turning the words of the hymns into prayer. After three or four songs, my brain begins to stop jumping to the to-do list, and I begin to simply worship God. The CFO seems to settle too.

Worship, like walking, pulls me out of myself and gives me perspective. It reminds me that God sees and hears and cares. Nothing is impossible with God. I am not alone.

If I have a particularly challenging day and find myself churning in guilt, anger, frustration, or despair, I often return to that Pandora App and take a worship break.

Simple, right? Just three things. And they all start with W.

Want to join me in trying the three-W approach this September? Or perhaps you have developed your own three-pronged approach to coping with transition and times of stress.

A Coloring Contest

As some of you know, I recently bought myself an adult coloring book (Secret Garden by Johanna Basford).  And then I wandered over to the school supply aisle and bought a box of 64 Crayons and a pack of 24 gel pens (neon, glitter, and metallic). Just for the record, I did not buy the pack of gel pens that smelled like candy. Very grown up of me, don’t you think?!

Not quite sure what swept over me standing in Target.

A. Missing my kids and our annual pilgrimage to Target to buy school supplies?

B. Longing to do something artistic when I just don’t know how?

C. Worried about my daughter’s upcoming jaw surgery and looking for stress relief?

D. All of the above

Probably D.

And so I color. And I feel better. Oh, and the surgery went just fine.

So, I wonder if you would like to join me in a coloring project?

I would love to create some Storm Sister bookmarks—something that readers can color themselves. I tried to create one myself, but. . . . Let’s just say I can write, but I can’t draw.

So, would some of you like to help me?

I have prizes. Target gift cards. So you could go buy your own gel pens!

Questions? Feel free to contact me via my website: http://aftonrorvik.com or my public author Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Aftonrorvik/675391955878827?ref=hl

If you need a template, try this one.

I’ll publish the winners in an upcoming blog, and then we can all color.

Thanks!

Talking to God

I spent this past week immersed in the Lord’s Prayer while working on a writing project for my church to use with new believers who have completed our Alpha course. Thought I would share this with you.    

Think about your good friends. How many conversations have you had over the last year? How many events have you attended together? In each conversation or at each event, you learned a bit more about your friend, right?

Prayer, at its core, is a relationship-building tool—a way to build and sustain a friendship with God.  The more we do it, the more we know Him.

The Gospel of Luke tells us that one day Jesus’ disciples, who had just observed Jesus praying, approached him and said, “Teach us to pray.”

He started His instructional conversation with them by saying, “When you pray. . . . “

Interestingly, Jesus didn’t say, “If you pray.”  His opening statement to the disciples assumed that prayer mattered and should happen consistently.

Jesus, by making this statement, simply put words to the way He lived. The Gospels record multiple mentions of Jesus slipping away to have a time of prayer, including as He faced death on the cross.

Now if the Son of God felt the urgency of regularly speaking to God the Father in prayer, should not we also feel the urgency?

But how? How do we pray?

Many of us grew us reciting a prayer found in Luke 11:2-4 and in Matthew 6:9-13. It has become known as The Lord’s Prayer, the model Jesus gave His disciples who wanted to learn to pray.

Our Father who is in heaven,

Hallowed by thy name.

Thy kingdom come.

Thy will be done,

On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread;

Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors;

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from evil.

For thine is the Kingdom

And the Power

And the Glory forever

Amen

As we learn together how to pray, let’s look more closely at The Lord’s Prayer. And let’s also look at a way of putting that prayer into your own words through an easy-to-remember format: Adore, Admit, Ask.

Looking at God’s Character — Adore

Our Father who is in heaven,

Hallowed by thy name.

Thy kingdom come. 

The Lord’s Prayer begins with the pronoun, our and uses the words us and we throughout. Interesting, don’t you think? Right from the beginning of this prayer lesson, Jesus seeks to remind us that prayer is not all about I or me.

When we give our hearts to God, we become one of his adopted children and part of His family. We now have the privilege of calling him “Father.” The word Jesus used here actually translates well as “Daddy.”

So, when we start to pray, we remember first our family identity—we belong to God. What a cause for praise!

Then, as the prayer goes on Jesus reminds us of God’s holy character. That word hallowed means “holy and set apart.” God, who reigns in heaven created all. He sees all. He knows all. He never changes. He always existed. He defies complete description with mere words. Again, more cause to adore God.

And then Jesus reminded his disciples (and us) to focus on the promise of God’s kingdom. In a world that seems so bent on self-destruction and self-indulgence, what a comfort to remember that this world, this earthy kingdom, is no match for God’s kingdom. We may think of that kingdom as heaven, but that kingdom also describes what happens in our hearts the moment we accept God’s gracious gift of salvation. Life becomes all about Him. Thank you, Jesus, for calling us to a new kingdom—your kingdom!

Looking within Our Hearts — Admit

Thy will be done,

On earth as it is in heaven.

Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors;

When we pray, we can so easily slip into saying, “Dear God, give me ____________ and help me with _________________. And PLEASE fix this difficult situation!”

Certainly God wants us to talk honestly to Him and tell Him what weighs on our hearts. But, as we see in this next section of The Lord’s Prayer, He also urges us to examine our motives and our hearts.

Praying, “Thy will be done” forces some honest introspection, doesn’t it?

Do I really want to submit my will to God’s will?
Have I truly surrendered to God what I hold most dear?
Does my daily schedule reflect the priority of putting God’s kingdom first?

Admitting the true nature of my conflicted heart hurts my pride, certainly, but it also helps me move out some of the junk I have stored in boxes throughout my heart and make room for God to fill me with His love and grace and mercy.

When I look honestly at my heart, I must also consider my relationships. Ouch. Who of us does not have a challenging relationship or two or three?

Again, this requires some honest introspection.

What have I done that hurt someone?
What have I not done that I should have done for someone?
With whom am I angry at the moment and what should I do about it?
Who has hurt me so deeply that I cringe when the name comes to mind?
Whom do I routinely try to avoid?

We, who have given our lives to God, know that He washed our sin away with the blood of Jesus. And yet, if we are honest with ourselves, we also know that we do not live sinless lives. Indeed, we cannot this side of heaven. So . . . when we sin (as we all do daily) we must confess it to God and keep the lines of communication open with Him. If we do not make confession of sin part of our daily prayer, we begin to put a distance between ourselves and God, almost like building a wall, brick by brick.

As adopted children of God, our Daddy invites us to come to Him any time and say, “Sorry! Please forgive me.”  And that ends it. No need to wallow in guilt or shame. Our hearts now bear the fresh stamp: FORGIVEN!

Looking to Him to Meet Our Needs—Ask

Give us this day our daily bread;

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from evil.

Now that we have adored God and cleared out the junk in our hearts through admitting our sin and asking forgiveness, we can move on to ask God for what we need.

We know from reading the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ life that He understood the physical needs of people. He fed thousands of hungry people; He healed countless people. . . . We do not bother God when we go to him with what we need to get through the day—our daily bread. That might be money to buy food or to pay a mortgage. It might be finding a reliable car. It might be finding a wise doctor or counselor.

Sometimes, we can become so anxious about a particular need that we get into sort of a loop. We tell God over and over about the situation, and as we do our blood pressure rises.

Consider these helpful words from pastor and author Bill Hybels in his book Too Busy NOT to Pray:

I challenge you to shift the focus of your prayer. Don’t spend a lot of time describing your mountain to the Lord. He knows what it is. Instead, focus your attention on the mountain mover—his glory, power and faithfulness. Then start walking in faith, following his leading, and watch that mountain step aside (p. 85).

In addition to asking God for our daily bread, we must also ask him to protect us from the evil within us as well as the Evil One.

Throughout the Bible we read about men and women who faced temptation to disobey God. In fact, the first book in the Bible opens with a story of temptation. Who are we to think that we will escape temptation?

And so we must ask God to help us recognize temptation and find the courage to avoid it.

As Jesus urged, we also need to ask God to deliver us from evil—the evil within us that threatens to overcome our hearts and the Evil One, who constantly seeks to pull us from God.

Fighting evil sounds like something from an epic film, doesn’t it? And yet, as those who seek to live for God, this will be our daily task. But we do not need to look for a light saber; we have the weapon we need to fight evil—prayer.

As author and theologian J.I. Packer writes in Praying the Lord’s Prayer, “The moment we cry ‘deliver,’ God’s rescue operation will start; help will be on the way to cope with whatever form of evil threatens us” (p. 102).

Responding with Gratitude

For thine is the Kingdom

And the Power

And the Glory forever

Amen

Although the NIV and NLT translations of the Bible do not contain this last phrase, it represents a fabulous way to end any time of prayer. These words bring us full circle, back to where we began in adoring God.

We can praise Him for His kingdom that He willingly shares with us, We can praise Him for His power that keeps us safe and His glory that reminds us to look up and beyond our daily struggles and set our eyes on God.

Making the Lord’s Prayer Your Own

Certainly, you may choose to pray the Lord’s Prayer in your daily time with God. But just as you would find your own vocabulary for conversing with a friend, you will likely find yourself wanting to use your own words to talk to God, as friend to friend.

This easy-to-use AAA method will help you remember the key ingredients of the Lord’s Prayer and make it your own.

Adore God for who He is—your loving heavenly father, sovereign Lord of the universe, benevolent king.  Tell the Lord you love Him. Praise Him by recounting His qualities. After a time of adoration and praise, thank Him for specific ways you have seen Him work in your life. Thank Him for specific answers to prayer. Even thank Him for hardships that have drawn you near to Him.



Admit your need for the grace of Christ by confessing your sins. Ask God to bring to mind anything in your life that is displeasing to Him. Ask for the power to turn from it completely. Pray for the strength to resist temptation and to recognize the deceiving voice of the evil one that can guide you down the wrong path. At the end of your confession, thank God for His protection and forgiveness.



Ask God to meet your needs and the needs of others. Humbly go before God and submit your requests before Him. Pray for physical provision, emotional needs, relationship challenges, and health concerns. Pray in line with God’s Word by turning Scripture verses into prayers.  

At the end of your prayer time, return to where you started—adoration. Thank God for your time with Him. Thank Him for hearing and responding to your prayers.

Remember, the goal of prayer is relationship building. Not an item on a checklist to merely check off.

J. I. Packer says it well in his book Praying the Lord’s Prayer: “Conversations with parents or wise friends whom we love and respect, and who are ready to help us by advice and action, feel neither pointless nor tedious, and we gladly give time to them—indeed, schedule time for them—because we value them, and gain from them. This is how we should think of times of communion with God in prayer” (p. 14).

Let’s pray!

Anything I Can Do to Help?

“Anything I can do to help?” How many times have you asked a hurting friend some version of this question?

Seems like such a nice collection of words, doesn’t it? And full of compassion. And concern.

Or not.

During the seasons of heartache in my own life, I have discovered that I do not think well about a lot of things. I have washed clothes in the washing machine with no detergent. I have driven my daughter to school only to realize halfway there that she wasn’t actually in my minivan but still at home. I have felt overwhelmed with the thought of going to the grocery store and making decisions about food.

I’m sure you could tell many similar stories.

So . . .  when someone says to me, as I wander in the fog of stress and sorrow, “What can I do to help?” I become tongue-tied. I honestly don’t know. Often I can’t think beyond the moment.

And then I don’t know what time commitment my friend wants to make. Does she want to help me every day? Once a week? Just this once as an emergency intervention?

And I also don’t know if my friend minds getting messy. Does she mind pulling weeds in my garden? Does she mind changing the dressing on my stitches that I can’t reach? Does she mind handling my dirty laundry that has piled up for days?

What would happen, I wonder, if we learned to speak in more specifics when we offer help?   

How would a friend react if I dropped this note in her mailbox and followed it with a phone call to set up a time?

I wonder how a friend who just went back to work full-time would feel about getting this text:  “At Costco. Buying U a chicken and salad for dinner tonight. Drop off at 5.”

Seems like these specific statements might make giving and receiving help so much easier.

Do you agree? What creative ways have you found to offer specific help?