Afton Rorvik's Blog, page 8

Easter Favorites

As Easter draws near, I return to some of my favorite words and images that draw me back to Jesus, the reason for Easter. May some of these words and images help you this week as you journey toward Easter.

Every year, I reread the biblical account of Easter, often from the Gospel of Mark. I found a wonderful, dramatized audio version here: https://www.biblegateway.com/audio/dramatized/niv/Rev.21

I also return to the music of The Messiah by George F. Handel, specifically the song, “All We Like Sheep”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmeyG5LlFWU

I also love the “Hallelujah Chorus.” We tend to think of it as a Christmas piece, but Handel wrote it for Easter. For an interesting NPR discussion about the inner workings of this piece, click here: http://www.npr.org/2008/12/23/98517850/the-pure-power-of-handels-hallelujah-chorus

If you click on the Listen button, you can hear a recording of the piece after the discussion.

I just discovered a painting at The Art Institute of Chicago that also draws me to worship this Easter. I particularly love the artist’s use of light. You can see The Two Disciples at the Tomb by Henry Ossawa Tanner here: http://www.artic.edu/aic/collections/artwork/87643

Finally, while cleaning my office I discovered a book, The Prayers of John Donne by Herbert U. Umbach, which must have belonged to my mother. It contains a library checkout card and a card pocket that says, “Poudre High School Library.” Wish I knew how Mom ended up with this one.  But as I opened it, I rediscovered an old friend—a poem/prayer that spoke deeply to me in college. So, thanks to Mom and the Poudre High School Library, I leave you with this. Wishing you a blessed, worship-filled Easter.

 

 

Telling the Truth

 

“Can I talk to your manager?”

I don’t ask this question often. Generally, I believe that people are honest and rational and fair and kind

On a recent trip, however, I ran into a situation where I had to talk to a manager. I actually even had to talk to customer service and file a complaint.

On the last day of our trip, driving down a busy highway in Florida, the right back bumper on our rental car came loose and started to flap. I thought something had hit us. Then a bit later the left back bumper also came loose and started to flap. At that point I had visions of loosing the entire bumper in the middle of I-95 and causing a major incident.

Karen (my dear friend from college days) and I pulled off the road to call the rental company and ask for help. (A sidebar here: we pulled off to discover over 200 motorcycle riders. Turned out it was biker week in that town!) The rental company told us the bumper would not fall off because it did have screws in addition to the clips that had broken off.

We managed to get back to the airport after pushing and prodding the bumper back into place and using some tape (!) I drove below the speed limit.

When we finally pulled into the rental agency after our challenging journey, I so wanted some understanding and kindness.

“You’ll have to go downstairs and talk to a manager about the bumper.”

That conversation resulted in a new bill in which I got a “refund,” yet when I checked the bill, my new total was higher than my original total. Go figure!

And then after an additional, lengthy conversation with a customer service representative, I received another bill with a $20 refund for a dirty car.

I’m sad. And it isn’t about the money.

I’m sad that so many people at this company did not tell the truth. We didn’t have a dirty car; we had a broken car. That first “refund” was tricky accounting and meant they actually charged me more. And the car wasn’t “fine” as the attendant told us initially when we first rented the car.

Do I expect too much when I expect people to tell the truth—the whole truth, not a half-truth or a twisted truth?

Should I just start assuming that people don’t tell the truth?

But if I do that, how do I form deep, life-giving relationships? Such relationships depend on truth, don’t they?

And then I think about the reputation that comes with truth-telling or half-truth telling. I will never rent from this company again. Had they told the truth and apologized, even without a refund, I would have thought more highly of them.

All of this leads me to wonder what kind of reputation I am building in the truth department.

Do I tell the truth, the whole story, even when it means I must confess my mistake or inadequacy? Do I keep my word when I tell people I will do something with them or for them? Do friends know they can trust me with a confidence? Do friends know that I will speak a hard truth to them sometimes because I care deeply about them?

Seems that telling the truth should come easily, doesn’t it? And yet, it doesn’t. I have discovered that it takes great effort and intentionality, especially in the little moments of life. I’ve failed many times. But I won’t give up. I do still believe that the truth matters and that it builds storm-strong relationships.

“ Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18. NIV

 

 

 

 

When Kindness Triumphs

Somehow I missed seeing the new version of Cinderella until this week. I guess, truthfully, I thought it would be the same old story with a focus on the ultimate goal of finding true love.

Wrong.

Love figured in the plot, of course, but another word, actually two, took front stage: bravery and kindness.

You have probably all seen the movie, so I won’t elaborate on the gorgeous dress that floats by itself on the dance floor, the glistening glass slipper that feels comfortable (!), or the goose turned carriage driver who shouts, “I’m a goose! I can’t drive!”

Instead, I want to dwell on those two words: bravery and kindness.

As she is dying, Ella’s mother tells her a great secret that will see her through the trials life has to offer: “Have courage and be kind.”

After watching the movie, I kept mulling over the connection between bravery and kindness. Does one come first? Are they equals? Do they infuse each other and make each other stronger?

In a review of the movie for The Washington Post, author Kristen Page-Kirby writes,

Bravery and kindness make it easier to be hurt. Being hurt makes it harder to be brave and kind. This Cinderella has to make up her mind over and over again to do what is asked of her, and you can see that each time it gets a little harder for her.

The movie also shows what happens when people stop allowing themselves to be vulnerable — Cate Blanchett’s Stepmother isn’t cruel just because the story needs a villain; she’s cruel because she was kind in the past and paid for that kindness in pain.

(You can read the entire review here: http://wpo.st/lknI1.)

Interesting! The stepmother had bravely entered into a relationship, infused with kindness and love, but then she discovered disappointment and pain. At that point she made a choice: no more pain! And that meant no more kindness and therefore no more brave relationships.

Cinderella, on the other hand, chose to pursue kindness, which inevitably led her into brave relationships—with her stepmother and her stepsisters but also with the prince. Her decision brought her many days of an aching heart and moments filled with tears of anguish. But in the end, it gave her the ability to forgive and the ability to accept the love of the prince.

Kindness, in this movie, comes out looking like a powerful, effective tool for building brave, authentic relationships don’t you think? Much stronger than the tool of manipulation, wielded by the stepmother and stepsisters.

For those of us who love God, our call to kindness comes directly through the life and example of Jesus: “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32, NLT).

Let’s be brave together and seek to develop relationships grounded firmly in kindness.

P.S. Just in case you want to see the swirly-twirly dress again, here is the movie trailer: http://wapo.st/1z2xQTd

 

 

Building a Legacy of Kindness

 

Has kindness gone out of fashion like a polyester leisure suit?

I cringe lately when I hear politicians hurling insults at each other. How do parents, trying to raise kind children, explain these random acts of bullying with words?

Part of me longs to return to the days of civility Jane Austen wrote about in her novels. People weighed their words carefully before they spoke for fear of overstepping bounds of propriety. Imagine that in our age of think-it-one-minute-and-spill-it-to-the-world-on-social-media the next?!

Several months ago I wrote about my great-uncle, who lived a life of remarkable kindness:http://aftonrorvik.com/blog/2014/05/26/friendship-ingredients-kindness/. I will always remember pulling into a parking lot in his town and telling the parking lot attendant that we were there to attend the funeral of Allen Raymond. She responded immediately, “He was the nicest man I have ever met.”

A legacy of kindness.

And I just read this in a monthly column from the Door County Civility Project, which seeks to promote a more civil dialogue (doorcountycivilityproject.org http://ow.ly/YSAwj).

At a grocery store in our state, the manager in addressing the entire staff asked that each staff member reach out a little more with kindness. A young man who was a bagger, an individual with special needs, especially took this to heart. He wanted to do something, but he was not sure there really was anything that he could do.

His family in their own act of kindness gave him encouragement. He decided that he wanted to give each person a thought for the day. Each day after work he would work on his message. Once completed his family would type them on the computer and have copies for him to take the next day.

Several weeks later, the manager noticed that his line was almost as long as the length of the store. He went to help people to other lines. None wanted to move. They wanted to stay in that line to get his message. At another time one customer told the manager that she used to shop one a week, but now she comes each day for that message.

Be kind to each other and so many more positives will happen.

Kindness matters. It always will. No matter what the politicians say or do. 

Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!

    Tie them around your neck as a reminder.

    Write them deep within your heart.

Then you will find favor with both God and people,

    and you will earn a good reputation.

                      Proverbs 3:3-4, NLT

 

Each day we build a legacy, conversation by conversation, decision by decision, social media post by social media post. Let us build a legacy of kindness.

 

Before You Say Yes, Say No

When someone asks you to do something for a school committee, a church ministry, or for a needy individual, how do you respond?

I mean, your honest, self-talk response?

Does it go something like this, “I just don’t think I can do this. I just don’t have the energy. I really don’t want to do this. I should say no. But I really like this person who is asking me. I’m flattered to be asked. And this is a big need. Maybe I can find a way to help. I really should.”

I talk to myself in circles like this all the time.

Apparently, so does author Lysa Terkeurst. In her book, The Best Yes she writes with candor and humor about her journey to making good decisions. In Chapter 5 she writes about trying to make a decision to house a friend of a friend for an extended period of time.

As she wrestled with the decision, she talked to herself: “Christians are expected to do nice things. I am a Christian. Therefore I should say yes.” (p.50).

Been there? Oh, I have!

Lisa goes on to evaluate her decision by asking herself some key questions (my paraphrase).

Do I have the physical ability to meet this request?

Do I have the financial resources to meet this request?

How would meeting this request affect my spiritual walk?

Do I have emotional bandwidth to meet this request?

I have read and re-read her processing of this particular decision as she records it on page 53.

Physically: I had a spare bedroom. So, yes, I had this resource. Therefore my approach to this opportunity was realistic and probably wouldn’t have led to bankrupting my family’s space.

Financially: As I said before, her small rent payment would have covered the expenses of having her live with us. Yes, I had the necessary resources. Therefore my approach in this area was realistic and wouldn’t have led us down an irresponsible path with our finances.

Spiritually: Having her live with us wouldn’t drag us down spiritually. It wouldn’t prevent us from staying involved at church, reading our Bibles, or having access to the spiritual resources necessary to continue growing in our relationships with God. Therefore my approach in this area was a healthy one.

Emotionally: This is where my resources started thinning out a bit. Remember, a good approach to something requires enough resources to handle the demands of that activity.

Being a wife and mom to five kids, aged teen to young adult, requiring my attention; a leadership position at Proverbs 31 Ministries requiring my attention; a serving role at my church requiring my attention; and a book deadline requiring my attention left few emotional resources available during this particular season.

 

Lysa eventually said no to the request because she recognized she did not have the emotional resources.  But she did say yes to connecting with this young woman in a less emotionally taxing way.

Hmm . . . the power of saying no.

Earlier in her book (p.4), Lysa writes,

I misuse the two most powerful words, yes and no. I slap purpose across the face and stomp calling into the ground as I blindly live at the mercy of the requests of others that come my way each day. Every assignment feels like my assignment.

You need me? You got me. Because I’m too scared or too cowardly or too busy or too something to just be honest and say, “I can’t this time.”

The theme of this wise, often hilarious book comes down to this: We need to learn to say no to some things so that we have the time, energy, and emotion to say a best yes to taking on those unique roles that only we can fill at home, at work, at church, or in the neighborhood.

Just had to let you know about his great resource. Off to try to finish reading another book!

http://www.amazon.com/The-Best-Yes-Decisions-Endless/dp/1400205859

You can read more about Lysa Terkeurst on her blog: http://lysaterkeurst.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Language Do You Speak?

 

Sometimes building relationships feels a bit like trying to learn to speak a foreign language, doesn’t it?

We all come from a family of origin with lots of quirks.
We all come from a particular region of the country with another set of peculiarities.
Then we all have our unique communication patterns.
We may share similar beliefs about God, or not.
We might draw energy from time alone (introverts) or draw energy for time with people (extroverts) or some of both (ambiverts).
Some of us seem to have inherited a love of tidiness. (I think it is in the Norwegian gene pool.)
Others of us find a certain coziness in piles (especially piles of books).
Some of us reach for people in times of crises; others of us try to go it alone.

I find it quite amazing that any of us actually manage to create life-giving relationships. Don’t you?

Almost once a year, often around Valentine’s Day, I find myself drifting back to a book that helps me understand relationships. (And, yes, I do have to hunt for it a bit in my cozy stack of books.) You’ve probably read the book: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

I just took a quiz on the author’s website: http://www.5lovelanguages.com And I just signed up for a newsletter. Lots of good relationship-building tips here whether you are single or married.

Learning to speak the language of another takes a lot of in-the-field practice, doesn’t it? And lots of humility as we make mistakes. Oh, and large doses of laughter and forgiveness in the midst of those mistakes

Cheering you on as you keep working to understand and strengthen your relationships!

Just have to leave you with this photo too because it makes me think of my Chief Furry Officer, Ringo, who speaks a language all his own.

If I Could Live Today Over

Living grateful. Some days it happens more easily than others, right?

One simple question has helped me live with more gratitude: If I could live today over again, what would I do?

I can’t take credit for this one; I borrowed it from Donald Miller’s Storyline Productivity Schedule (http://www.storylineblog.com/storylin...).

Almost every morning I fill out this Storyline Productivity Schedule and pay particular attention to a section in the top right corner.

If I Could Live Today Over Again I’d

_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________

Confused because I do this in the morning?

I’ll let Donald Miller explain.

This idea was first proposed by Dr. Viktor Frankl, a Vienese psychologist who worked with depressed and suicidal patients. Asking them to consider “What they’d do differently the first time around” was a mental trick that allowed them to assess what was really important and learn from their past mistakes even before they made them. You’ll find asking yourself this simple but profound question will keep you from getting caught up in trivial problems and will allow you to focus more on what really matters.

I have discovered that this processes truly does change my perspective. It shines a spotlight on all the good in my life and pulls me away from worry and fear. Let me show you.

If I Could Live Today Over Again I’d

celebrate my marriage
celebrate my Storm Sister friendships
celebrate my personality and the specific gifts God has given me rather than dwelling on my inadequacies
pay more attention to how I feed my heart
trust my instincts
celebrate my faith in God

I want to live with gratitude. Perhaps you do too. Maybe you feel weary from living fearful or living angry or living overwhelmed.

Consider joining me in answering this simple question every morning: If I could live today over again, what would I do?

Breaking Down the Walls of Shame and Rebuilding Your Soul

 

On Goodreads a few months ago, I received a message: “You started reading ______________ 72 days ago. How is it going?” Embarrassing!

I know I have an issue here. I start reading a book and really like it, but then a friend tells me about another really good book so I start reading that one. Sigh!

When it comes to books, I’m like a kid in a candy store. I want to try a piece of that and that and that too.

So, this year I want to break this bad habit. I have set myself the goal of reading and FINISHING two books a month. I posted the goal on Goodreads so I’ll get little motivational pokes. And I’m telling you so you can poke me too.

Today I want to tell you about one of the first books I finished (drumroll, please!) in January.

This book, Overcomer: Breaking Down the Walls of Shame and Rebuilding Your Soul made me laugh and cry and think and pray. Written by a delightful young woman and sister Redbud writer, this book takes on a topic that can be hard to talk about—shame related to sexual abuse. Aubrey Sampson does it with such grace and humor and compassion. And she doesn’t do it from an academic distance; she writes courageously about her own up-and-down battle.

Let me show you. On page 56 she writes:

As I sat on the side of the road that rainy afternoon, I felt that elusive presence in the car with me, and I was so tired of it. Shame was moving out of the shadows and into the foreground of my life, claiming too much emotional territory. Before I even recognized it, shame had become my constant companion, a dark and irritating tenant I couldn’t evict. I felt like an inmate, and shame had become my guard, locking me inside a prison of depression and distraction, and keeping me from true intimacy with my husband, my best friends, and God.

So I screamed at God. “I hate that you’re allowing me to feel this way! I hate that this stuff (definitely not the word I used) is still an issue for me after ten years. I hate that I am sill clinging to my past. And I’m sick of you not doing anything about it. Please, please, please, please, please, release me from my shame. I can’t live like this anymore. Do something!”

How grateful I am for women like Aubrey Sampson who find the courage and words to tell their stories of abuse and journey toward healing.

As I have come to know Aubrey over this past year, I have seen the truth of her words lived out in her life—these words in particular: “It doesn’t matter what has been done to us or what we’ve done to ourselves. There isn’t anything beyond the reach of God’s redemption” (p. 117).

Join me, would you, in encouraging this brave, young author?

You can find her book at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Overcomer-Breaking-Walls-Shame-Rebuilding/dp/0310342589

She is also on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/liveshamelessly/?fref=ts

She blogs regularly here: http://www.aubreysampson.com/blog/

Oh, and I have two copies I would LOVE to give away. Contact me on my website: http://aftonrorvik.com/contact/

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’ll Fly Away”

 

Over the past few weeks, I’ve spent several hours singing hymns. Okay, I confess I did also squeeze in some time at the beach and some time with a few alligators (photos on my author Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Aftonrorvik-675391955878827/?ref=hl)

But back to the hymns. Remember them? Some of you, like me, grew up singing them but haven’t sung them for many years.

Back in college I worked a Saturday dish crew with some friends on my freshman dorm floor, including some boys from our brother floor. We had a goofy routine of singing the national anthem for the lunch crowd before we started our dishes. I think I remember some occasional applause. Maybe. Then, as we took our positions in the back of the dining hall, we turned to, um, well, singing hymns. Really! I know that must sound hard to believe. How many groups of teenagers have you met who like to wash dishes together and sing hymns?

Why hymns?

The words!

As we sang, my mind locked into thoughts of heaven and the God who loved me. My mind drifted away from the fact that I lived 1,000 miles away from home for the first time in my life and wondered if I could handle the academic load and make some friends along the way. These beautiful, poetic words acted as an anchor for my anxious soul. They still do.

So when my mother-in-law, on a recent trip together to Florida, asked if I wanted to go with her to multiple hymn sings, I said, “Yes!”

At one of the events, no one had a hymn book, and no one had a printed sheet with words. The room did not have a big screen proclaiming large print words. Just memory. You would think that might derail things a bit. No! This largely gray and white-haired crowd sang multiple verses of each hymn with gusto.

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! O, what a foretaste of glory divine!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless free! Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me

You see, these words had accompanied them through many decades of both joy and sorrow. They had become part of the fabric that held their lives together. The words came easily, almost like conversation between lifelong friends.

“Does anyone have a request?” asked the leader of the hymn sing as our evening drew to a close.

Someone shouted out, “I’ll Fly Away.”

After the piano introduction, I managed to sing a few words, but then I got this funny lump in my throat and my eyes started to tear up. All around me I heard earnest voices singing of a highly anticipated, maybe-tomorrow-journey to a beloved place they held in highest regard: heaven.

Some glad morning when this life is o’er,

I’ll fly away;

To a home on God’s celestial shore,

I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

Chorus

I’ll fly away, Oh Glory

I’ll fly away; (in the morning)

When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,

I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away).

When the shadows of this life have gone,

I’ll fly away;

Like a bird from prison bars has flown,

I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away)

Chorus

Just a few more weary days and then,

I’ll fly away;

To a land where joy shall never end,

I’ll fly away (I’ll fly away)

Thank you, dear God, for these profound words that fill our hearts with the boundless hope of heaven.

 

 

I Really Should . . .

January. Time to buy a new mattress. Right? All the ads proclaim it.

Truthfully, I don’t need a new mattress. Or do I?

I surprise myself by how easily I entertain the thought of buying a new mattress  just become some advertising executives decided to launch a buy-a-mattress-now campaign. Scary! And why January? Did my current mattress suddenly become unfit on January 1?

I have to force myself try to take a step back and evaluate. Do I really need a new mattress?

No.

Apparently January should also be the month I start exercising and dieting. Not a bad idea. And, frankly, I know this will do me more good than a new mattress.

Back in March I wrote a blog titled Let’s Together in which I wrote about my friend  encouraging me to start exercising: http://aftonrorvik.com/blog/2015/03/09/lets-together/ .Linda and I agreed to work on it together by using a fitness app called My Fitness Pal: https://www.myfitnesspal.com.

So, last March (not January, mind you) I started. I set a goal for weight loss and recorded the food I ate every day. I also increased the steps I took every day. My goal was modest—lose one pound a week. Linda and I regularly messaged each other through the app to cheer each other on or offer a word of congratulations.

I didn’t do it because some ad told me I should; I did it because I knew I needed to do it. True confession here—at my annual checkup that month, my doctor handed me a sheet of information about a low-fat diet. Hint! Hint!

So, my friend and I got to work.

And several months ago, I met my goal. Yahoo!!! What I didn’t anticipate was that in the process I established healthier eating and exercise patterns. Truthfully, I didn’t feel like I worked that hard at it. I just got smarter about what I ate and how I exercised.

In her new book, Love and Care for the One and Only You (http://ow.ly/X4Awy), Michelle Medlock Adams describes her fitness journey, one similar to mine. She also connects the dots between faith and fitness as do I. Finally, she offers practical suggestions, based on her many years as a fitness trainer.

In one of her Healthy Hints sections (p. 126) Michelle writes,

One tip that can help you stay on track with healthy eating is to simply record what you’re eating, following the rule: “If you bite it, you write it.” By keeping a food diary, you can chart your progress and learn from your patterns. In fact, recent studies reveal that people who kept a food diary six days a week lost about twice as much weight as those who only kept records one day a week or less.

She also writes about the importance of discovering the reason behind our eating patterns. I discovered that I stress-eat. My fitness journey has involved learning to recognize and acknowledge the stress in my life and then find ways to address it that don’t involve eating—prayer, coffee with a friend, journaling, walking, watching a Hallmark movie. . . .

Michelle explains it well.

Emotional eating, which we use as a distraction from stress, sorrow, emptiness, pain, and boredom, is always a speedy satisfier but never a permanent solution. The reason we turn to food, even when we’re not hungry, is because our souls are weary and discouraged, and food is tangible. Or, possibly, we associate food with pleasant memories so we automatically go back to what we know.

Whatever the reason for emotional eating, whenever you find yourself going down that road, stop and think: What am I really craving right now? Am I really craving ice cream, or am I truly craving something more permanent or satisfying?

When we are able to identify that we’re not really hungry for food but rather for God, we have won the battle (p. 156).

So, may I encourage you this January, whether or not you decide to buy a mattress, to consider setting an eating/fitness goal? After all, your body will last longer than a mattress.

Cheering you on!