Afton Rorvik's Blog, page 5

How Do You Like to Communicate?

If we want to develop strong, life-giving relationships, we must communicate with each other, right?

Sounds so simple. So straightforward. So easy. Or not.

For many generations people had three main ways to communicate with each other: call on the phone, send a letter, or get together and talk one-on-one.

We now have at least a dozen ways to contact friends and colleagues.

We can still call on the phone, send a letter, and get together in person. But we can also contact people through a text message, a Skype call, a FacetTime call, an email, a Snapchat photo or video, a tweet or direct message on Twitter, a post or message on Facebook, an individual or group instant message on Slack, a message or post through LinkedIn; a message or post on Wattpad, a message or post on on Goodreads, a comment or message on Pinterest, a video message on Marco Polo . . .

I wonder if all these tools actually make it harder for us to communicate. You might really like to text. Maybe your friend prefers Snapchat. These days we have to work hard at figuring out how best to communicate with the people that matter to us. And then we have to communicate.

Recently a friend of mine introduced me to an app called Marco Polo (https://www.marcopolo.me) that lets participants leave short video messages for each other. You can then watch the video at any time, and it doesn’t disappear as do videos on Snapchat. When my friend invited me, I muttered to myself, “Not me. I’ll never use this App.” I would MUCH rather send a written email or text—something I can think through carefully and edit several times so that I don’t say something hurtful or stupid.

But then I started thinking about the friend who invited me. She said she enjoys communicating this way. Perhaps she likes it better than emailing or texting. Go figure! And I like my friend and want to stay connected to her.

So . . . I downloaded the app and sent my friend a video message. (The Chief Furry Officer made a guest appearance.) It took me several days to realize that my friend had sent me a video message in return. Clearly, I’m still learning how to use this app! But when I opened her video, I just smiled. What a delight to see the face of my friend in addition to hearing her words.

And then I discovered that two twenty-something friends had also sent me video messages. So wonderful to see them and hear their voices again, even if it wasn’t around our dining room table.

My point?

I’m glad I stretched my communication muscles a bit and tried Marco Polo. It turned out to be fun. Because we are all wired so differently, we, of course, have different communication styles. I need to remember that and keep stretching my communication muscles. What about you?

Cheering you on as you communicate and grow your friendships!

 

 

 

 

We All Have a Story

 

I raced to the post office late on a Saturday afternoon, hoping to get there before closing time. When I walked through the door, I discovered a line of five people all waiting for one clerk. Aargh! I really wanted to get my package in the mail that day.

My face must have shown my frustration because one of the women waiting in the lobby turned to me and said, “You go ahead of me. Really, it is fine.”

I smiled, took a breath, and hit a mental reset button. Getting this package mailed certainly doesn’t matter so much that it justifies my ignoring the people around me and acting rudely.

“That is so nice of you! Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m actually enjoying the wait.”

“Really?”

“I am.”

“Thank you!” I smiled and continued to stand near her. We made eye contact a few times and exchanged a few more smiles. And then she took a step toward me.

“I’ve been taking care of my parents 24/7 for over a year. My dad passed away recently, and then my mom had a stroke. She seems, finally, to be getting better. Today is the first time I have left her alone. I’m enjoying the peace of standing here waiting. I never thought I would say that. And I can’t believe I’m telling you all of this.”

“You have had quite a journey. I helped take care of my mom before she died. I know how hard and also how wonderful it is.”

Before either of us had time to elaborate, the clerk interrupted our conversation to ask me to step to the counter to mail my package. I reluctantly stepped away from that moment of shared story-telling.

I never expected to receive an invitation into a stranger’s world while standing in the line at the post office. But I did. And she did. For those few brief moments, we looked each other in the eyes, listened, nodded our heads, and gave witness to each other’s lives. What a gift!

We all have a story, don’t we? And we all become more whole by telling it. Oh, may I remember this the next time I feel intent on completing a task and someone shows up at my door, or the person behind me in the grocery store line smiles as I’m hunting for my coupons, or . . .

Cheering you on in this journey to live connected!

P.S. I love this video from the Cleveland Clinic that so vividly reminds me that everyone has a story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDDWvj_q-o8&feature=youtu.be

P.P.S  Just can’t resist passing on a recipe. Thought you might enjoy this recipe for Overnight Steel-Cut Oats: Overnight Steel-Cut Oatmeal

 

 

How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

 

As the landing wheels of our airplane hit the ground at Midway Airport, John’s phone started to blow up with texts. Billy Graham had just died. John’s team began scrambling to provide tech support for a press conference at Wheaton College. You can see it here: https://www.wheaton.edu/billy-graham/

On the way home from the airport, I read aloud a Christianity Today article about this remarkable man. You can read it and several other articles here: https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2018/billy-graham/died-billy-graham-obituary.html

That evening, NBC news played a clip of an interview with Rev. Graham in which he said, “I would like to be remembered as a person who was faithful to God and faithful to my call and did it with integrity and with love.“  I would say that he succeeded in that goal, wouldn’t you? Remarkable! https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/billy-graham-america-s-pastor-dead-age-99-n701276

All of this reading and reflecting on the life of Rev. Billy Graham has made me think about how intentionally he lived his life and how he kept his eyes on Jesus. How I long to do the same! I’ve found myself turning Rev. Graham’s words into a prayer: “Dear God, help me to be faithful to you and faithful to my call and do it with integrity and love.” Join me in this prayer?

Grateful for you! Cheering you on in this connected life with all its bumps.

 

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Grateful for This Day, This Year

 

Over the past few weeks I’ve had so many conversations with women about Christmas and empty nest.

For some of us, the house filled with family and friends, and we could feel the buzz of energy. Granted, we also navigated personalities and preferences. But the dance energized us.

Some of us found ourselves celebrating a quiet Christmas. Life has changed this year, especially family dynamics, so the house seemed to echo this year.

This year, for the first time ever, we did not see our son at Christmas. Part of me kept hoping I would look outside and see his car pulling into the driveway. I missed him. And his girlfriend. We did, of course, love having our daughter here with us for two weeks.

All this holiday angst and empty nest angst converge for me in the taking down of Christmas decorations. I avoid it as long as I can, including posting about it on Facebook. Putting everything away seems so, well, final. That’s it for this year. A wrap. And then the color seems to drain out of the house, almost like a person about to faint. Everything looks and feels stark. Ugh!

This past Sunday I decided I needed to just jump in and take decorations down. And thanks to the discussion on Facebook, I knew I wanted to make it a meaningful moment of some sort. Early that morning, while drinking my coffee, I mentioned my idea to John—a vague concept, nothing concrete.

My organized husband quickly proposed a plan: “How about if we go to the late service at church and take everything down before we leave. That way when we finish, we can worship.”

Yes, oh yes!

So we jumped in. I turned on Fernando Ortega music—mostly hymns—and gathered up Christmas decorations and memories. As I did, I intentionally thanked God for this Christmas, for this version of family, for this year passed, and for this year ahead.

And then we headed for church where our pastor preached on the hope of heaven, based on 1 Peter 1:3-9. He reminded us, “Nothing here, as good as it is, can be compared to what is yet to come [in heaven].”

As 2018 begins, I pray for eyes to see the hope of heaven as well as eyes to see the joy of this day, this season of life.

Join me? Let’s cheer each other on this year as we navigate life whatever the size of our nest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Starting off 2018 with a Bang!

Hi Friends–You just received several blog posts from me in error. Oh, my! In this new year I clearly have so much to learn about so much, including Word Press. Sigh!

Thanks for your patience as I sort this out and likely get professional help–always a good idea, don’t you think?!

Until then hanging on to my favorite word: Grateful! (And, yes, grateful even for my own Word Press inadequacies.)

 

Storm Sisters Blog Returns

 

Hi Friends–I tried doing an email newsletter for many months, but I realized I wasn’t connecting well with you and that my emails often got labeled as spam. So . . .  let’s try the blog again.  This  will have more of the feel of a monthly newsletter with an eclectic mix of bits meant to encourage you. As always, I welcome feedback.

A Christmas Recipe

During junior high I started making Christmas cookies with my friend, Roberta. Mom gave me her favorite recipes and let us take over the kitchen. Lots of laughs and lots of flour everywhere. And, yes, lots of nibbling.

I don’t make as many cookies these days, but I do think of my mom and Roberta when I do. And I recently rediscovered this recipe from a family friend, Ruth Rumley. I remember making these with her one year and think I’ll make them this year for work colleagues. I tell myself they are healthier than traditional cookies because they contain cereal. (I know that isn’t true, but it sounds good!)

Finding Gratitude at Christmas

For the last couple of days I have putzed around my house decorating. I expected to revel in it. I love bringing light and color to my house in the winter. I didn’t expect to find myself awash in memories that brought tears to my eyes.

Mom got sick at Thanksgiving in 2005 and then by Christmas that year she had become so not herself. That Christmas I didn’t know how to help my mom and also celebrate Christmas with my family. I have never felt so stretched and so inadequate.

So, why do I write about this now?

I know that some of you find yourself grieving and missing loved ones this Christmas just as I do. And maybe your kids, like mine, have moved out of the nest and you just miss the noise and joy of celebrating Christmas with them. Maybe you miss the traditions, like making cookies. I know that some of you miss that stocking on the mantle of one that you loved and lost through death or divorce.

Somehow holidays seem to bring sorrow and loss into hyper focus.

And yet when I sit and read the story of the first Christmas in Luke 2, I see joy. It oozes through the plot twist and turns and it surprises the main characters.

I return to Luke 2 every year during the month of December and read and reread and savor the sights and sounds of that first Christmas. This year I have spent a lot of time thinking about the shepherds. I’ve come to really like these fellows. They probably smelled like the sheep and fields; they didn’t get a lot of respect in their society–just doing a simple job that didn’t require much training or education.

I LOVE that God revealed the birth of the savior of the world to these men.

As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. “Let’s get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us.” They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed.

 Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they’d been told!  (Luke 2: 15-20, MSG)

The shepherds heard the angels, saw the savior, and just had to celebrate, “let loose.”

May we remember these shepherds and their response to the words of the angel: “Don’t be afraid. I’m here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David’s town. . . .” (Luke 2:10, MSG)

In the midst of grief and struggle with change at Christmas, let’s remind ourselves to look for joy and remember that first Christmas, This calendar helps me do that. Every day after I read the Christmas story in Luke 2, I write down a word or two that pulls me back to the joy of Christmas, a joy proclaimed then and now, “FEAR NOT!”

 

Storm Sisters Connection Newsletter Coming

Hi Friends! I’ve so missed connecting with you. I think I’ve come up with a solution that works a bit better for me and should be a bit more interesting for you.

I’m working on a monthly Storm Sisters Connection newsletter. It will contain a variety of bits and pieces each month. Always a Storm Sister story. Sometimes a recipe or book review. Sometimes silly photos of the Chief Furry Officer. Sometimes a question or two to ponder. Sometimes a link to a blogs that helped me understand God and connection.

My hope for the newsletter?

A place for you to find encouragement and community. A place for us all to celebrate God’s good gift to us of connection with other women.

If you’re interested, sign up here or on my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/StormSisters/, or you can shoot me an email if that is easier: stormsistersconnection@gmail.com.

Also, if you have a story or recipe or photo you would like to share, let me know. I would LOVE to make this a community newsletter.

So . . . until we meet again, I’ll leave you with a blog I just wrote for (In)courage. By the way, if you don’t know about this blog, you should. Lots of encouragement here for faith and friendship.

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It happens on the second Friday night of every month. Dinner with three girlfriends.

One of us is single, two of us are married with teenage children, and one of us is married with grown children. We all love Jesus and seek to live for Him. And we have called each other friend for decades.

On a recent Friday night, I came with a heavy heart. Apparently it also showed on my face. My friends asked me to explain and then listened to my story as tears filled their eyes. With my last words still lingering on my tongue, one friend said, “Could we pray for you?”

“Oh, yes. Please!”

So while other diners continued to talk and laugh loudly, we bowed our heads together and started praying out loud.

You can read the rest of the blog here: http://www.incourage.me/?p=183606

See you soon!

Grateful!  Afton Rorvik

See You on Facebook

For several months, I’ve wrestled with the question: “To blog or not to blog” (an infinitely less significant question than Hamlet’s “To be or not to be.”)

I’ve wrestled with my blog content, the purpose of it, the time it takes to write, etc. I see you other writers nodding your heads.

My hope for my blog was always to start a conversation about Storm Sister living and faith and life. I’ve come to see, however, that a blog just isn’t the best way for me to go about developing and sustaining that conversation. My blog, in truth, has become a monologue.

What to do?

I’ve landed on this: I will make conversation-starter posts about Storm Sister living, faith, and life on Facebook.

Why?

First, I think Facebook will facilitate more conversation because of how it is structured. That has always been my goal.

Second, I’ve come to love following some of my favorite authors on Facebook. Their posts talk of everyday life and faith and friendship as if I were sitting with them and chatting over a cup of coffee.

Third, I need to push some of the deadline crunch out of my life and replace it with times of connection. I never thought I’d say this (shh!), but I have come to enjoy and appreciate community living on Facebook—in reasonable doses, of course. (Many of you know how anti-social media I have been.)

So, my friend, thank you for reading my blog. And especially thank you to those of you who have commented and participated. Join me now in closing this chapter of the book and opening a new one on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/StormSisters/

Grateful!

 

 

 

 

 

Regaining Perspective

Hi Friends–Thanks so much to those of you who shared Storm Sister stories in August. I never tire of hearing these friend-helping-friend stories. I hope they encouraged you as they did me.

Some of you know that I went back to work full-time a few months ago. After 25 years of working as a freelancer with occasional part-time jobs, this has felt like a big change for me. Most days it feels like a really good change. I love the chance to work with people of all ages and stages to create books. Some days, however, I struggle to keep perspective. I get swept up in all the work to-dos, and my brain just can’t seem to shut down. I loose perspective. Life gets out of balance. I need to recalculate and remember what matters, and I know it isn’t just that work to-do list.

So . .. as I write today I’m trying to regain my perspective. I went back to a blog I wrote last September and let myself talk to myself (!) about some things I need to change in my hunt for perspective. (I’ll add that blog at the end of this one.)

Myself said to myself, “You need to go back to the three Ws–Walk, Women, and Worship.”

Myself said to myself, “I know you are right. I have let some important bits of my life slip away. I haven’t seen my best friend for more than a few hours all summer.”

I know better. I read about the value of friendship in some book called Storm Sisters.  But I let myself slip into thinking of friendship as optional, something I pursue once all the “important” work stuff gets done. Again, I know better. I know that my friendships give me strength, courage, perspective, and joy, and I know that matters more than a completed to-do list.

So, today in my little chat with myself I said, “You have to make some changes. You have to make time for friends.” So, I’m sending some emails and texts to set up some friend dates. I just can’t let that work to-do list become more important than my peeps.

Thanks for listening and cheering me on. Know that I’m doing the same for you.

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Just Three Things

The three little pigs. The three blind mice. The three stooges.

Everything comes in threes, right? At least my husband says so. Every time we discuss a topic he says, “It comes down to three things.”

I’ve had this conversation about three so many times with John that when I started to think about how to navigate the September transition that always challenges me, I naturally came up with a three-pronged approach.

I’m not sure why September presents a challenge for me, but it does. Perhaps I miss the buzz of getting kids ready for school (might explain why I went out and bought myself crayons, gel pens, and a coloring book). Perhaps I know winter is coming. Perhaps I miss my friends who go back to school jobs. Whatever the reason, I find I must fight depression with more zeal in September.

So . . . I recently decided to work hard to do three things every day this September. And because I don’t remember as well as I used to, all of these three things start with the same letter—W.

Walk.

Being outside and hearing birds tweet and dogs bark and bumping into a neighbor, her smiley baby, and her just-learned-to-ride-a-tricycle daughter feeds my soul. It slows me down enough to talk to my neighbor, to breathe deeply of the air, to admire the cloudless blue sky. And doing all of that takes my eyes and my thoughts off myself.

Apparently walking also produces endorphins in my brain, which gives me a mental and emotional boost.

Not bad for something free. If only I could move some mountains to Illinois.

Women.

Every day I talk to John on the phone and after dinner. Neither of us would miss our daily conversations and end-of-the-day debrief. And yet, I still need to spend time daily with girlfriends, even if that time is via text, email, or phone.

They help me find perspective. As we listen to each other, I realize that we all have challenges. They make me laugh at myself and at the silly side of a situation I just couldn’t see.

They challenge me to do what I need to do for myself in the midst of caring for others.

They remind me that God sees and cares.

When I reach the end of the day and sit down with John to debrief, if I have had my girl-time, I meet my husband with more of a “full tank.” I don’t come expecting him to make everything better or meet all my emotional needs. And, really, what one person can do all of that all of the time?

Worship.

Over the past few years, I have discovered the joy of personal, daily worship.

After I walk the Chief Furry Officer, we come home and settle into our favorite chair in the living room with a view of the front garden, a bird feeder, and the morning sun.

 

Then I grab my phone and tap my Pandora App, specifically my Storm Sisters Soundtrack station. (Here is the link: http://www.pandora.com/station/play/1139667308769314118). Pandora lets you customize your own station and mine is full of Fernando Ortega music, including new versions of hymns. I know many of us don’t sing hymns any more, but I find the words of hymns so life-giving. I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and let my mind focus on the words. I often find myself turning the words of the hymns into prayer. After three or four songs, my brain begins to stop jumping to the to-do list, and I begin to simply worship God. The CFO seems to settle too.

Worship, like walking, pulls me out of myself and gives me perspective. It reminds me that God sees and hears and cares. Nothing is impossible with God. I am not alone.

If I have a particularly challenging day and find myself churning in guilt, anger, frustration, or despair, I often return to that Pandora App and take a worship break.

Simple, right? Just three things. And they all start with W.

 

Want to join me in trying the three-W approach this September? Or perhaps you have developed your own three-pronged approach to coping with transition and times of stress.

 

 

Category: Depression

Tags: just three things, walk, women, worship, September, transition, Pandora,  Storm Sisters Soundtrack

 

 

 

 

 

Tina