Wednesday Martin's Blog, page 13
April 7, 2011
Buddhism for Stepmothers
What women with stepchildren can't relate to what Pema Chodron writes: "The saddest thing of all is how we cheat ourselves of the present moment."
Are you angry about the past and anxious about the future?
Many of our stepmothering dilemmas are beyond our control–stressors abound in a repartnership with a man with children. But our responses to stress are, thankfully, something we can take charge of.
What part of your day is given over to ruminating over the past–the way his children and/or ex mistreated you or him, for example–or worrying about what may happen in the future? (What will his daughter's weekend visit be like this time? What horrible thing will his ex wife do to undermine it? Etc.)? How might choosing to focus on living in the present moment help you and improve your marriage or partnership?
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April 4, 2011
Do I Have to Pay for his Kids? in the April Issue of StepMom Magazine
How'd she get so happy?
Money is a big, hot topic in a remarriage with children. Plenty of women feel guilty, confused, and resentful about their own financial well-being after they partner with a man with kids. Read all about it–and topics that matter to you by Mary Kelly-Williams, Lisa Bagshaw, Laura Petherbridge, and other writers who walk the walk–in the April issue of StepMom Magazine. Worth every penny.
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March 30, 2011
Stepmonster/Happy Stepmother Workshop in NYC Saturday April 2!
Support can make all the difference
A reminder: I am co-conducing a workshop with Dr. Rachelle Katz, author of The Happy Stepmother (no, it's not an oxymoron!) If you are a woman in parntership with a man with kids of any age; a divorced dad; a couple in a remarriage with children; a mental health professional who wants to learn more about the dynamics of remarriage or repartnership with children–join us this Saturday, April 2, from 10 a.m. to 1 pm. Details here…hope to see you!
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March 10, 2011
How to say it so he can hear it…talking to your husband about tough topics
In my latest piece for psychology today, how to talk so you your husband will listen, and argue in a way that will strengthen your marriage, rather than sink it. Hope you will have a read…and leave a comment!
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February 24, 2011
Stepmothers on Strike: An Essential Read in Gender on Psychologytoday.com
Doing too much won't win their love
Often, we feel that doing more and trying harder is all it will take to "fix" an unhappy stepfamily situation, or a remarriage with children under strain. In my latest post for psychologytoday.com, I write about why doing less is a better tactic. Hope you will have a read…and leave a comment.
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February 23, 2011
Stepmothers on Strike
Stepmothering is hard work
Coming soon on Psychologytoday.com, Why women with stepkids should stop being unpaid nannies, maids, chefs and drivers right now.
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February 14, 2011
Stepmonster Workshop in NYC April 2nd
I will be conducting a workshop with Rachelle Katz in New York City on April 2nd. You and your partner are welcome to attend! Whether your stepkids are four or 45, we will cover the issues that matter to you. Hope to see you there!
click here for more information and to register:
http://www.thehappystepmother.com/resources.html
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January 31, 2011
Dell v. Lakshmi: What's the Difference between Fathering a Child and Being a Father?
Hope you will check out my latest post on psychologytoday.com and tell me what you think about paternal rights (as distinct from father's rights)….
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January 25, 2011
Permissive Parenting Makes Life Hell for Stepmothers–Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom
Amy Chua has it out for permissive parents. So do I!
What happens to kids when parents are permissive and indulgent? Research suggests that they are lower functioning across several measures–socially, emotionally, and academically–and they certainly aren't much fun to be around. This is a legacy they bring with them into adulthood; many of today's twenty-somethings, researchers like Ron Taffel note, were raised with so much indiscriminate and unwarranted praise, and so few appropriate boundaries and rules, that they have an inflated sense of their own importance and achievements, and unrealistic expectations not only within their own family system, but also in the world (I am reminded of a nanny candidate with a B.A. but zero full-time nanny experience who told me she "required" an outrageous salary–in cash –"in order to be happy")
I hope it's not too confusing that my most recent post was about the Mommy Tiger–and this one is about Amy Chua's Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, wherein she asserts that there is a place for strict, authoritarian parenting.
It's something stepmothers might dream about–parents so firm that stepmom gets to seem fun in comparison. Alas, too often the opposite is the case. Divorced dads are notoriously guilty and permissive parents. Single moms may be so frazzled and busy (or undermining of the child's relationship with dad and stepmom) that they don't do their part to raise responsible and considerate children on their end. And so the stepmom with normal expectations looks draconian and wicked compared to "good time Mom" and "Disney Dad."
Sound familiar? Hope you will read my piece on different parenting styles, and why permissive parenting is for the birds, on psychologytoday.com
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/s...
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January 6, 2011
Mommy Tigers and Celeb "Stepmothers" an Essential Read on psychologytoday.com
Stepmoms and Ex-Wives on psychologytoday.com
If you are interested in wife/ex-wife conflict but haven't yet subscribed to StepMom magazine, where I have an article on the topic, you might have a look at an introduction, heavy on the celebs (LeAnn and Cam), on psychologytoday.com
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