Horror for Newbies

Wednesday Martin's Blog, page 12

September 15, 2011

September 14, 2011

Workshop on What Matters to YOU

Hope to see you there...


What are your biggest concerns and issues regarding your parntership with a man with kids (and and ex)? Tell me about it. I will be co-conducting a workshop with stepfamily expert Dr. Rachelle Katz on Saturday September 24 in NYC. Register by clicking here…and tell us about your biggest issue in the comments section below…







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Published on September 14, 2011 11:56

September 1, 2011

Stepmothers in History and Prehistory…In Stepmom Magazine

Plus, she probably had stepkids


The September issues of StepMom Magazine has posted! In it you will find all kinds of informative and helpful articles by stepmothers and stepparenting experts who walk the walk. Mary Kelly Williams on the importance of the couple bond. Heather Hetchler on loyalty binds. Susan Swanson on why women with stepkids need social support–and good girlfriends. And Susan Wisdom in stepparenting teens. And much much more. I do recommend you subscribe today because knowledge is power, and can make this gig a lot less insanity-inducing!







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Published on September 01, 2011 09:28

July 13, 2011

June 21, 2011

June 13, 2011

What do Divorced and Repartnered Dads Really Want for Father's Day?

What does father want?



If you're not a subscriber to StepMom Magazine, here is a chance to read a couple of sample articles from the most recent issue. In one, I discuss the dilemmas of divorced dads on Father's Day–and the gift your partner with kids will appreciate most of all. Hope you will have a look!





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Published on June 13, 2011 11:15

May 18, 2011

What to do about a stepchild in a loyalty bind? How about…less!

If his kids are in a loyalty bind, take care of YOU

Joanne Richard wrote this article about stepchildren and adult stepchildren in loyalty binds and what a stepmother "should" do to improve the situation. My answer was…nothing! Joanne also quotes my colleague and good friend Dr. Rachelle Katz, author of The Happy Stepmother, one of the only reasearch-based books out there for stepmothers other than my own. Hope you will have a read…and leave a comment.





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Published on May 18, 2011 08:36

May 8, 2011

Happy Other's Day



No, that's not a typo. Some of you who read my blog are mothers who also have stepchildren. Some of you are straight up stepmothers, and today is likely more complicated for you than it is for those stepmothers who also have kids of their own.


Yes, I just said that, "kids of their own." Because as anyone who reads my blog knows, I am not one of those people who urges you to think of yourself as their "other mother" or a mom figure or like a mom in any way. Unless you want a whole world of trouble, loyalty binds, and resentment heaped upon you. Instead, women with stepkids can feel free to consider the whole range of options available to us–from very involved, if kids and their mom are okay with that, to not very involved at all, just a welcoming presence. There's a whole stepmothering spectrum, and sentimentalizing and romanticizing how the "bond" between women and their stepkids of any age "should" be only sets us up for hurt and disappointment.


If your husband's kids didn't call you for Mother's Day, that might just be the very best development ever. Most likely, they have a mom, and being in touch with you today could make them feel disloyal to her. It's not about your efforts, which have been wonderful, or your personality, which I know is far from wicked. It's just that, since parents and stepparents are not the same, it's different. Happy Other's Day to you. Because you're more than "another mother"–you're a person with the freedom to live this relationship with his kids that way that feels authentic to you.







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Published on May 08, 2011 12:23

April 26, 2011

April 21, 2011