Susan Mary Malone's Blog: Happiness is a Story, page 23

I WAS A SPEAR CHUCKER ONCE

Well, that’s not exactly true! I’m actually a spear chucker almost every day.

The psychologist Carl Jung said that while we may be the heroes in our own stories, at the same time we’re also the spear chuckers in someone else’s. Which just means of course that as we pursue our own dreams and goals and the paths to those, we also have a role in a bigger play.

We’re all connected, on some level. All part of the whole that is humanity. And I’ve always loved Jung’s work on the collective unconscious, which we can deeply access, and which speaks to us in dreams and myths and that wisdom we call intuition. The DNA of our ancestors actually does course through our veins.

While I’m a writer at heart—and that gets the beginnings of my days (and then more, at times)—I spend a great deal of my time in a supporting role. One which I love.

My “day job” is helping other writers. I edit, counsel, mentor, and coach writers through all the crazy ins and outs of what makes a great book, and how to navigate the roiling waters of publishing.

Doing so came about in the oddest way—it was never something to which I aspired, or even thought about, actually. But 25 years ago, while in a writer’s workshop, everyone found I had a knack for digging down to the bones of a book and discerning where the holes were, where it failed as per characters and plot and voice, and, well, all things literary   And more importantly, how to fix the flaws.

Through that, my editorial service was born.

Little did I know then where that road would lead me, and the writers with whom I would work.

As I teach scribes about writing, about how to make their books the very best they can be, a funny thing happens. Joy! Unadulterated, complete, beautiful joy.

Because I get the great pleasure of being on the receiving end of calls such as the one that just occurred, from a beautiful writer, who has just been my extreme pleasure to help.

“You taught me how to write,” she said. “Now I see the words, the sentences, the rhythm of the flow, as I never did before.”

And this from a multi-published playwright and poet, about her first novel (which should sell and sell well! Stay tuned and I’ll let you know when it does!).

This is her story. Her hero’s part in her own play. She will reach that brass ring, and we’ll soon all know her name.

How incredibly gratifying to get to play that supporting role. And now to stand by and cheer her on, as all of her dreams come true.

Former First Lady Barbara Bush once said, “Giving frees us from the familiar territory of our own needs by opening our mind to the unexplained worlds occupied by the needs of others.”

And in those worlds, we find parts of our own. We find a richness we would have otherwise missed, and are gratified to the moon for getting to be a part.

I am blessed indeed.

What supporting roles do you play?

 

The post I WAS A SPEAR CHUCKER ONCE appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

HOW I STARTED A JOURNEY ONCE

Of course it was about writing a novel. Mine often are, as, well, that’s what I do!  Just about everything in my life circles back into fiction, one way or another.

It doesn’t matter what the journey focuses on, though; any undertaking follows a similar path, with the litany of pitfalls along the way.  You know the forks in these roads, the trip-ups along the cobblestone street.  We all do.  That’s just part of living life.

This poor novel, though.  I feel such empathy for it.  Never has one been so sorely mistreated in my world.

I actually began this one seven years ago.  At a time when I thought I was “settled” and in the perfect place to take the silence necessary; not only the time but the mindset required to submerse myself in a story, its characters coming from only the gods know where.  As any writer will tell you, that space must exist from which to create.

And I really liked the way this novel was going.  I kept meeting these delightful folks on the pages, the layers circling ever deeper.  Wondering where this was taking them—and me—as we typed along.  Ah, the creative sensations!

And then, wham!  Real life.  And lots of it.  The critical kind.  My parents were in an awful wreck, from which my elderly father never really recovered, and being the daughter (you know that drill!), I was the primary manager of their care.  Hospitals, rehab centers, more hospitals, nursing homes, a dreadful road of dementia, a brutal bout with cancer, more hospitals, and finally, the funeral home.  Twice in five months.  All of which played out over a many-year cycle of heartache.

Over the initial one-year span, after my parents were in said wreck, I went through a major life change of my own, and also lost a six-month-old gorgeous Labrador puppy who took half of my heart with her.

Yep, real life.  Indeed.

Many folks go through these cycles, where it seems only sadness and grief accompany us on the road.  That affects everyone’s job performance.  How can it not?  Many times we’re just good to put one foot in front of the other.

Which we do. Life does go on, bringing us along on its cresting seas whether we want to be dragged or not.

Pretty much slaughters creative endeavor though.  When the real world is fraught with demons, no need exists to create more in your mind.

But that novel never left me.  Those characters kept whispering softly in the night.  Letting me know they were there and wouldn’t leave me, that when I could wend my way back we could pick up the tale.

Fictional characters are just generous that way.

And we did.  Finally the cobwebs were cleared.  Finally the typing began again.  Hesitantly at first.  An easing back in as you do when meeting an old lover after so long has passed.

Of course the book is vitally changed.  A huge positive about all that ‘real life’ is that it changes us—adds depth and texture and understanding we couldn’t have even fathomed existed before.  And that translates straight to the page.

One thing I believe for true is that even in the midst of heartache and anxiety and sorrow and fear, the richness of life marches on, there for us to grasp and know on ever-deepening levels.  And oh, does that ever translate to the page!

So I’m back on that journey of 10,000 steps, which I started so long ago, listening as the wind soughs through the rows and rows of wine grapes, feeling the hot summer sun on my skin and the cool sweet darkness of the cask room.  And oh so grateful to be there.

We never know where a journey’s going to take us.  But ah, how blessed we are to be on that ride!

 

 

The post HOW I STARTED A JOURNEY ONCE appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

HOW TO FORGE AHEAD WHEN YOU’RE AFRAID

We all get afraid.  That’s just part of being human.  If you feel no fear, you’re deceiving yourself.  Which none of us do, right?  J

Of course we all also know the Victor Hugo quote, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.”  We know that. 

But it’s in that mastery where the demons lie.

Our first response to a fearful situation is to flee.  It’s just encoded in our DNA, and kept us from being eaten by Wooly Mammoths.  At the time that served us well.  But unless you’re in the wilds of Borneo or the African jungle hunting lions, fear probably isn’t in response to some actual beast trying to eat you. 

It lives instead in your mind.

And man, can I ever get afraid.  So many things could go wrong, no?  I have a litter due Easter Sunday.  Gulp!  And while this sounds enchanting to those not used to having puppies, to those of us who are, well, the monsters living down that road seem so menacing with their jagged teeth.  What if we get into trouble?  Of any sort?  Not a vet on the planet (or at least none of those I trust!) will be available.  Nope, they’ll be hiding Easter eggs, or at Sunday service, or dining with their families at the country club, or . . .

See where my mind goes?

And while this isn’t world peace, it’s not someone I love being diagnosed with cancer, it’s not any of the things we normally think of as the “biggies,” my girls are my kids and I love them into my soul.

As my friends can tell you, I worry about them one way or the other anyway.

But what we all know is that we have to face fear, or it grows into a snarling demon in the night.  A “stuffed” fear never dies.  If kept in the dark, locked in the closet, swept under the rug, it feeds like a cockroach to grow into Kafka-like proportions.  Talk about a nightmare coming to life!

So when a fear like this arises, what can we do?  3 things always help me:

 

     Dissect the fear.  How likely is it to occur?  In this very case, not likely.  Anything can   But one thing I know for true is that of the ten fears coming down the road toward you, eight of them will fall in the ditch before reaching you.  At least one will turn out to be a mirage.  And the last one may even be friendly in the end.
   Focus on the one that actually might occur.  Once the likelihood gets figured out, and I can see those nasty contingencies that could occur, I can then better see what’s plain fear, and what’s a possibility.  And that makes me feel calmer.  Because then I can:
   Make a plan.  I mean, we’re not resource less, right?  We’ve faced fears before.  Faced other demons in the night.  Been down a road or two, if not this very one.  Contingency plans can be mapped out. In my case with Siren’s whelping, my vets do know me (probably better than they wish!).  I have their cell-phone numbers.  My wonderful repro vet told me when we confirmed pregnancy that he’ll be around.  Whew!  And I’ll have all the supplies I can possibly use in case the worst happens.  Anything more than that will require a vet!

But having a plan brings calm and resolve.  Which lends itself to clear-headedness.  Which when facing any fear, is simply paramount.

Fear comes down to feeling inadequate.  That we won’t measure up to whatever task lies before us.  And we all have those feelings of inadequacy, whether admitted or not.

 And doing those 3 things helps me to remember that I’ve conquered mountains before, and lived to tell the tale.

I love the poet Tagore’s digging to the depths of it: “Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.”

 In other words, help me to live life.

And wish us luck!

 

 

The post HOW TO FORGE AHEAD WHEN YOU’RE AFRAID appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

STUFFED ANGER MAKES YOU LITERALLY SICK

Anger comes knocking.  We all get stung by its prickly spines now and then.  And ours is justified, no?  I was right, he was wrong, damn it!

Funny thing about that emotion too—you can just think of a situation that made you angry and start to feel the heat rising in your body.  Because anger is a visceral emotion.

Just this morning I was writing a pivotal passage in my new wine novel, where the depths of betrayal became apparent to the protagonist.  You know—the crux of the matter, which we like to deny and cover over with pretty pink ribbons of justification.  So and so really didn’t mean that . . . It’s taken Guinevere (no, this isn’t a midlevel story!  LOL)  ¾ of the novel to finally feel it, to let open that box of Pandora’s she’d held so tightly closed.

And what happens to her is what happens to all of us—all hell breaks loose.

Because anger is like that.  The energy produced is simply mind-boggling.  Mt. Vesuvius has nothing on the human emotion of rage!

And I have to laugh at myself.  Writing it, I felt the intense emotional outburst.  Felt it into my solar plexus, just as Gwyn did.  And it wasn’t even my own anger!  But feel it I did.

The thing is, we can’t gloss over anger with platitudes.  We can’t tell ourselves we’re ‘so spiritual’ that it shouldn’t bother us.  That sort of airy-fairy thinking will dip us right into neurosis.  We can’t justify the other person or event’s actions by false forgiveness (we simply cannot forgive someone while in the throes of white-hot anger).  To do so is to lie to ourselves.

Which always reaps more pain.

The only way out is as with all human emotions, in two parts—to feel them.  That sucky thing we never want to do.  And then to express them.

One of my favorite old books (and where is my copy when I need it?  LOL) is Right Use of Will.   Unlike so many of the “spiritual” books in vogue these days, it pulls no punches.  Not an easy read, this text is serious about healing and spiritual awakening.  And it’s truly not for the faint of heart.  Just reading it triggers those, shall we say, less-than-stellar emotions?  You know, the ones you like to stuff.  Anger being primary among them.

But in essence, it teaches how to successfully get through it.

It says feel your rage and express it.  My way when truly caught in the throes of anger (thank god I live in the country!) is to go shake my fist at the sky and scream.  Don’t have to go to that extreme very often these days.  But I know the tool is right and ready if I need it.

Doing so produces the most cathartic experience.  It channels that anger right out of you.  Gestalt therapy is much the same, although I’ve not gone through that.  But it teaches similar practice.  It’s in essence experiential, focused in the here and now, and forces one to feel.

Because stuffed anger—as with any emotion—makes you literally sick.  And who has time for that?

My anger pretty quickly dissipated this morning.  Because, well, although it came from within me and I did my RUW exercise (sans screaming), this belongs to Gwyn.  We just found it this morning.  We’ll see what she does with it tomorrow!

So, how do you deal with anger?

 

 

 

The post STUFFED ANGER MAKES YOU LITERALLY SICK appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

I DID FIND JOY, AND YOU CAN TOO

We all know that happiness, peace, joy are all things you find within you.  Right? All the gurus in all the world’s traditions tell us that.  From Jesus saying, “The kingdom of heaven is within you,” to Pharrell’s Grammy Winning “Happiness is the truth,” the message is the same.

Heaven is not “out there,” any more than are all those positive things that we strive for.  We want those feelings, the peace of which the sages speak, the laughter and joy in living this life.

And one thing I know for true is that if you give people a choice between attaining the brass ring or living in a state of peace, they always choose the latter.  May not seem that way on the surface, but dig down just a bit and that’s always the answer I receive.  Always.

You don’t have to get banged up too many times in this life to realize that.

My ultimate goal may be to see my books on the NY Times Bestseller List.  We all need a prize to strive for!  Would I love that?  You bet.  Would it make me happy?  I don’t know!  I haven’t gotten there yet J  But I do know that reaching that level brings its own headaches along with the satisfaction.

And more to the point, the other thing I know for absolute true is that it couldn’t possibly bring me more joy than a well-turned phrase being typed through my fingers from some place deep in the subconscious about which I was only nominally aware.  Writing is a gift that I never take for granted.  I.e., it’s in the doing of it that the ultimate happiness comes.

Writing is what brings me joy.  Even if nobody reads it but me.

That, again, is the “doing” part.  Because the gist of what I’ve found for true is that’s only a piece (a small piece) of where joy resides.

The real place it lives is in being, rather than doing.  In being Happiness.  In being Peace.  In being Joy.  All of those things are within us.  Hard to see at some junctures, especially in times of trials and tribulations, but they’re there.

I think of the ego (which keeps us ever striving, ever focused on whatever goal) as somewhat like Michelangelo’s blocks of marble out of which he carved breathtaking statues.  Of this he said, “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.” 

We’re like that.  Beneath the ego the true self lives.  The ever-changeless, ever-peaceful, the part of ourselves that remains connected to the Source, whatever you perceive that to be.  All we need do is chip away at the stone pieces of ego until the angel within is revealed.  It’s there in all of us.  It’s the very essence of each of us.

This can be a lifelong process.  Hm.  We can take the qualifier out of that—it is a lifelong process.  Perhaps that’s the entire point of this life—to chisel away until we find that piece of heaven alive under the stone.  And each time we uncover a new layer, ah, the life lessons we’ve learned!

And oh, the joy that’s then unleashed!  And for a time we bask in a happiness, a peace, a joy that passeth all understanding.  We rest in the knowledge that we are alive and that life is perfect, if just for that instant.

Once you grasp even a touch of that, it changes you.  And you know, irrefutably, that you too can find joy.

How do you Be Joy?

 

The post I DID FIND JOY, AND YOU CAN TOO appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

MY READERS ROCK!

We hear all the time about the dumbing down of America.  And that started decades ago.  We’ve seen it progress in publishing through the years.  When my first novel, By the Book, was published, the industry geared its books to an eighth-grade reading level.

Doesn’t that make your ears fly up.

But as time marches on, it gets worse.  Now, publishing is geared to a sixth-grade level.  Of course, I blame a lot of that on Vampire YA.  LOL.  I can pretty much blame that genre for the fall of Western Civilization if I put my mind to it!

Now even that has moved a bit aside for werewolves and zombies.  Me thinks we might be going the wrong direction.  

On the other hand, look at how many folks this Horror genre has gotten into the reading room.  And that always makes me joyful.  I don’t care what you’re reading, but only that you’re doing so!  The back of the Wheaties’ box is better than nothing (and of course, what I’m prone to doing if no other reading material is sitting around at breakfast.

Because the more you read, the more you want to.  And, the higher your level of reading sophistication becomes.  Kinda like lifting weights or any other endeavor.  The more you flex a muscle, the bigger and stronger it grows.

But I don’t hear from folks reading at the lower levels much.  I know they’re out there reading (I can tell by the Bestseller’s List!  LOL).  And again, I’m glad for it.  The folks I hear from however, have been reading for a long time to a lifetime, and can read on as sophisticated a level as anyone can bring.

I’ve had editors in the past say that my fiction was “above the heads of most readers.”  Or that “Readers don’t want to commit as much effort as your writing requires.”  Or my favorite, about Five Keys for Understanding Men, “You have to dumb this down so the average person can understand it.”

These are actual quotes 

And while I believe into my soul that an author’s first priority is to entertain (none of those editors said the books didn’t regale them!), I don’t believe readers, especially my readers, are stupid or ignorant.

Because they express to me huge ideas, concepts, and understandings every single day.  I’m constantly blown away by the scope and breadth and depth of my readers.  These are sophisticated folks indeed!

And I’m honored that people glean any good thing from my work.  Most folks are way ahead of me.  I’m just good at expressing these things on paper, like some folks are good at brain surgery or making banana splits.

Many authors tweak me too, and I love not only being treated by them to other characters and worlds, but also by learning something from their works as well.  As Socrates said, “Employ your time in improving yourself by other men’s writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for.”

And isn’t that just the point?  We learn from one another.  And what a great deal to be able to do that while being entertained!

So, dear readers, I believe in you.  I have faith in you.   One thing I know for true—you rock!  I’m just so grateful to know and meet folks who read.

Thank You!

What have you learned from a great book lately?

 

 

 

The post MY READERS ROCK! appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

SOMETIMES I WISH IT WAS NOT MY CALLING

Especially early mornings!  Sometimes I just want to sleep in.  Ya know?

Even when you’re motivated and filled with purpose, when you know why you’re doing what you’re doing, when you truly believe in it, well, sometimes you just get tired.

Enough whining!

 This happens a lot when you’ve committed to a path, to a goal, to a quest, and you get to the middle part.  It’s kinda like when writing a novel and you’re slugging through the mud and the mire, the end still a far shining vision, and you get a bit lost in where you’re going.  Even though you can see the prize at the end, all of a sudden the footing beneath you looks hazy. 

In a novel, we call this the sagging middle.  It’s dreadful!  LOL.  Most folks would rather be basking in that glow of commitment to the journey, or riddling with the Troll at the gate, or fighting some sort of demon, or, falling into that love scene . . .

Or, well, just about anywhere but getting lost in the middle.  That may be the most frustrating part.  It is for me anyway.

 Maybe some chocolate would help . . .

But no, that’s diverting.  Which my Protagonist in the new novel does a lot, although she tends to do it with wine:)   She even calls herself on it.  And we call ourselves on it too.

So what do you do when you’re sinking in the mucky sand?  What gets you going again?

 For me it’s no big bolt from the sky (although it can be, and that’s a blessing indeed!).  We wish for outside inspiration at these places, something to kick our butts and get us back rolling again.  But that’s just wishful thinking mostly . . .

What works for me is to put the next foot forward.   Like Nike says, just do it.  Sometimes motivation isn’t a big thing but a little one.  It’s in the act of doing.

 Funny thing about that too—the next step leads to the next one.  And the next.  As long as I’m still stepping along, that in itself keeps me from whining about not feelin’ it.  Because it’s difficult to whine and walk at the same time.  Oh, I can do that too!  But it’s tougher to complain while moving the tale along.

Successful writers know one thing, and know it well: We can’t wait for inspiration to carry us through the rough waters.  If we waited for inspiration in order to write, we’d all write in fits and spurts.  And novels just don’t come that way.  Yep, there are those wondrous times when the characters race across the page and your fingers flurry to keep up.  And even those times when you’re following along at a more moderate pace and the words just flow.

And then there are those times when, well, that just doesn’t happen.  But we do it anyway.  What’s produced during those times we may or may not end up keeping.  But what I know for true is that they get us across the bridge to where more inspiration will comes.

That’s exactly as life goes too.

 And if you aren’t sitting there manning your station, that won’t happen.

As Pablo Picasso said, “Inspiration exists, but it must find you working.” 

What gets you moving out of the sagging middle?

 

 

 

The post SOMETIMES I WISH IT WAS NOT MY CALLING appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR WITS IN CRAZY TIMES?

Life is just crazy.  Yes, it is.  We all walk through the insanity thinking that we’re the sane ones.  And then, we realize that well, maybe not . . .

Like yours, my life is always filled with running nine ways to Sunday.  My dear friends point this out often.  “If you had any free time you’d just fill it up,” Charlotte tells me regularly.  When a friend’s grown niece with children said she had too much on her plate, and, “I realized I’ll always have too much on my plate.”  Her aunt Suzanne nodded to me and said, “Just like this one.”

It’s not that I mean to fill up all my time.  And I listen to the counsel of friends.  When I then take a hard look at scheduling and time and all that has to get done though, well, what can go?  Where can time be carved out to do other things, such as, perhaps, sleep!

And like you, I manage it as best as possible.  Between writing, writing, and writing, editing and show dogs and keeping up with all that entails, I smile at all the endeavors.  They make me happy.  Not one area truly exists to “cut.”  Someday, maybe, but not now!

So in the midst of all of that, what do I do?  Add another piece (okay, another whole pie) to the mix.  Yeah, that’s the ticket!

But this one I couldn’t refuse.  A new publisher has acquired the rights to publish I Just Came Here to Dance.  There will be a splash.  A promotional campaign is in the works.  I am of course thrilled to the tips of my hair follicles!  What fun!

Did I just bury the lead?  LOL.

But that’s how things fit in my world.  Though excited and surging with energy and so very happy my baby will have life breathed back into her, a place must be carved out for the birthing.  And that place is . . . well?

It’s kinda like having a real baby though.  Once it’s baking in the creative oven, you can’t exactly send it back.  I.e., it’s coming, one way or another.  And the only thing one can do is sit down and begin to change time-management so the blessed event emerges into our world in the best way possible.

I think I need some chocolate here.  Too early for wine . . .  Although as blogging coach Renee Groskreutz says, “It is never too early for wine on a cruise ship.”

But that’s what the stark realization does to me.  The okay, first let me take a deep breath, find some sustenance, clear my mind, and then think about things.  One of these decades I’m gonna sit like Buddha the majority of the day.  Now, though, those times are carved out (regularly if I want to stay sane!) as bits of the schedule, albeit the most vital bits.

Because unless that happens, the entire planet I inhabit tilts on its access and the whole stuffing of Pandora’s Box comes blustering out.

It’s a real paradox that the crazier life is, the antidote is to sit quietly alone and breathe.  Doesn’t make rational sense, but then, the rational mind is just part of the process.  The subconscious rules us, like the rest of the iceberg submerged in the roiling sea.  We can see the sharp tip that sticks out, but the real substance lives in the deep.

So before I go entirely insane, I’m off to meditate!

Because a novel whispers in the night to be finished.  And another I love will have a resurgence of life this year.  And keeping my psyche sane is a great project for that rational mind.  Might as well put it to good use!

How do you keep your wits in crazy times?

 

 

The post HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR WITS IN CRAZY TIMES? appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

I HAVE EXCUSES, YES I DO

Billions of them.  About, well, just about everything I set out to do!  I had those negative tapes circling around my head for so long, they think they live there.

And anytime I set out on a new endeavor (or an old one I’ve picked back up again), the first thing that comes up is the barrage of reasons why I can’t do it.  Or at least, can’t do it today.  Or this week, or . . .

It’s like when we started the Quest, whatever that was, heard the call to adventure, thought about it, wanted to go, and then . . . well, every reason in the world why it won’t work bubbles smooth up.

I’m facing that right now this very morning.  A new publisher has acquired the rights to I Just Came Here to Dance, and we’re facing a big re-launch.  Great idea!  What fun!  I just love breathing new life into a novel that’s close to my heart!

And along with all of that come the inevitable glitches.  Is the cover right?  That just reared up this morning.  Do we have the correct paths carved out?  Ugh oh, we forgot . . .

 And questions, doubts, little memes of negativity jump right into the road.

Why do they do that?

Because right behind them surge those reasons we can’t get it done.  Those excuses.

 And that’s exactly what happens when one begins a new Quest.  And it’s to show you where the cracks in your own psyche are—the ones that have held you back before.

Excuses come from fear.

Hate when that realization hits!  LOL.  But then I remember that fear arises in order to face it. To sort through what’s rational thought about choices, and what’s irrational and plain old self-doubt.

 Because I know where excuses lead—to lack of growth, to regrets, to pessimism and self-limiting thoughts.  And yes, to bad judgment.  And worst of all (for me anyway!) to a stifling of creativity.  Can’t have that!

One thing I’ve learned (I’ve had lots of practice J  is the moment an excuse enters my head, to stop and ask these 3 seminal questions:

     HOW BADLY DO I REALLY WANT THIS?

Because if the desire isn’t there—the true desire—not enough energy exists to make it through the journey.  These Quests can be daunting indeed!

The next question follows:

     WHY HAVEN’T I ACHIEVED THIS BEFORE?

Is it due to excuses having derailed me the first time?  Or the second?  Is it due to lack of effort or not choosing wisely in the past?  Sorting through this helps me to focus on exactly where those cracks lie.

And then finally:

     WHAT SPECIFIC EXCUSE IS DERAILING ME NOW?

With me anyway, this usually involves time.  Specifically, not having enough of it! In this instance what looked like an easy re-launch may need to go back to the drawing board . . .

 But as I write this some of those answers have cleared up   I sort through a lot while working with words on a page!

Will the re-launch get done?  Yep.  Decisions loom.  Will they be made?  Yep.  Will more excuses arise?  Probably!  But I know what to do with them 

Made me just think of Benjamin Franklin’s saying: “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” 

A bit harsh in the early-morning office, but obviously what my brain brought up in this circumstance!

How do you deal with excuses?

 

 

 

 

 

The post I HAVE EXCUSES, YES I DO appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.

4 TIPS TO EXERCISE JOYFUL THINKING Right Now

I am really into joy.  I just love it, don’t you?  Even the most crudgemudgian among us—which we all can be at times!—loves to experience joy.

Yesterday while driving to the repro vet (sometimes I think all I ever do is go to the vet!) I heard the coolest thing on NPR’s Fresh Air.  Neuroscientist David Linden  talked about how the brain works in relation to pleasure and pain. 

He talked mainly about our touch sensations.  Linden writes about this in Touch, his latest book, and the “weird, complex and often counterintuitive system” of touch circuits involving the skin, nerves, and brain that create pleasure and pain.

Fascinating, indeed!  But what struck me most was his discussion about chronic pain and how that destroys one’s ability to experience pleasure.  And with so many folks feeling constant pain, what a bummer!

 But how do some in that situation still seem to have a joyful heart?  I watched my own father go down a long winding road of advanced dementia and physical pain.  And yep, the depression that comes with that.  But the odd thing was he never lost his sense of humor (which was legendary J.

So how do we do this?  And when we’re in pain of any kind, how can we live life joyfully again, even for a minute?

1.       Find something to laugh about.  My dad excelled at this.  He told jokes all the time (repeatedly, and to my mother’s ceaseless chagrin!).  Many of them were even funny the first time he told them.  Everyone got a big kick out of them.  But no one did nearly as much as Dad himself.  It kept him joyfully engaged with those around him.    Which brings me to

2.       Engage with those around you.  Even if it’s the clerk at the grocery store.  Dad stayed engaged with folks at the nursing home ‘til the end.  Of course, by that time, he was making new friends everyday—including me!  This even works on social networking.  Who knew!  But the thing is, you have to engage, rather than passively peruse.  A study done by Carnegie Mellon University  found that “direct communication is associated with greater feelings of bonding social capital and lower loneliness.”  Interestingly, they found the converse to be true—users who monitored and consumed more on social networks without engaging reported reduced bonding and increased loneliness.

The point being, the more you engage—despite your pain—the more you feel connected and joyful.

        Create!  It doesn’t matter if you’re not Monet or Alice Walker, dive into the creative pursuit that tweaks you.

Paul Silvia of the University of North Carolina-Greensboro writes in the journal Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts, that “people who reported feeling happy and active were more likely to be doing something creative at the time.”

No wonder writing makes me joyful!  Dad played the guitar.  Which always made him happy 

And as all writers know, and it works for you too, just thinking about part of a plot twist while driving down the road lights up your happy center.  So, if nothing else, think about creating!

    Get Politically Involved.  Sounds like an oxymoron, no?  Most folks are so disgusted with politics these days, which is anti-joy.  But, it seems that when you actually engage in politics in a meaningful way, the opposite is true!  My dad, ‘til the end, could tell you who was President and what he stood for . . .

Tim Kasser, Ph.D, wrote in his article for Yes! Magazine, that political activism causes a “sense of satisfaction, the experience of pleasant emotions and of connection with others, and a feeling of aliveness.”

Which spells joy to me.

And yes, these are “doing” exercises.  But all lead to joyful thinking.  And isn’t that the way we want to live?

How do you think joyfully?

 

 

 

 

 

The post 4 TIPS TO EXERCISE JOYFUL THINKING Right Now appeared first on Susan Mary Malone.