Corinne A. Gregory's Blog, page 4

How to become the most interesting — and successful — business person around

We are all fighting for attention these days.  There are distractions galore, from technology, to business strategy, to the economy. Content and information flies at us faster and faster and sometimes it leaves us feeling trapped like the proverbial bug in a jar. We want to reach out, connect with people and be memorable so that they have a reason to get back in touch. But, when everyone is competing for the same thing, how do YOU stand out?

You have to have a compelling presence. Something that helps you stand out.

Well and good...but how?  "What do I say," you think. "What do I DO that really separates me from everyone else?"

Oh, here's the trick...it's not about what YOU say, but it is all about what you do...

Listen. No, I mean "listen." That's what you do.  It's a well-known fact the people find those people most interesting who don't talk so much about themselves, but keep other people talking about themselves. Becoming a top conversationalist is more about learning how to make and keep other people talking. And, that involves listening. Really listening, not just going through the motions and saying, "uh, huh" and "oh, yeah" at regular intervals to make it seem like we are paying attention, when, in fact, we are desperately trying to look engaged while we subtly plan our exit strategy.

When you get people talking,  you open communication and keep that channel open.  With every minute that goes by, you are forging a tighter bond.  And, you seem to be an interesting person because YOU are interested in them. So, to that end, for those of you who aren't sure what the steps are to become a fabulously interesting listener, I offer this:

Connect and pay attention. First, when in conversation with others, make eye contact.  When you are looking directly at people, it shows them that you are focused on them, actively engaged in what they are saying.  Now, this doesn't mean you have to stare at them continuously like a psychopath, but you do need to focus on them and their words. When you scan a room or look past someone, it gives the message that you don't really care what is being said. Great "connectors" stay connected with their conversation partners.
Ask open-ended questions. There's nothing that kills a conversation faster than a series of questions that can be answered by "yes" or "no." Open-ended questions lead to answers that better allow you to keep the conversation flowing. For example, instead of asking "Is this your first time here?" you might want to ask "So, what brings you here today?" See how the latter answer can lead you to a follow on question?  If the response is, "well, this is my first time here and I wanted to see what it was about" you could ask something such as "How did you hear about this " Again, your follow-up question can lead to another, and so on.
Listen for keywords. Now, when you are listening to the answer to the open-ended question, see if you can pick up on any words that can lead you to transition to another related topic. For example, if you hear something in the answer about seeing an announcement for the event in an Association calendar, you might ask how long the person has been involved in that particular association.
Find common ground through listening for linkages. It's particularly helpful if some of those keywords you hear have to do with something YOU can relate to.  You can use that to connect your experiences to that of your conversation partner.  For example, the other day I was in an unfamiliar city and I happened to be in a group where I noticed one of the gentleman was wearing a Rotary pin. When there was a break in the conversation I was able to ask him not, "Are you a Rotarian?" (dead-end question) but instead, "Oh, I see you are a Rotarian...which Club do you belong to?" When he mentioned the club, I was able to say that while I had never attended HIS particular club, I had attended a nearby club as a speaker (which I was able to name). Well, guess what happens? I get invited to HIS club to be a speaker! And, I can not only share my message but also offer my book for sale and it turns into workshop opportunities. All because I was able to use "common linkage" by relating my experiences back to that of my conversation partner.
Reflect back what people say. One effective technique for ensuring that you are actively listening is to mirror back what you've heard. One way to do it without seeming like Polly the Parrot is to start your mirroring sentence with "You mean to say that..." or "What you're telling me is..." If someone says something outrageous, you can say, "I can't believe they would..." The great news about these lead-ins is that you don't have to even say whether you are agreeing with a point or not, which is VERY useful when discussing potentially controversial subjects. You are merely mirroring back what the other person said and they can reach their own conclusions as to your position.  Handy when you need to be diplomatic.
Find or make an opportunity to follow up. If you goal in having this conversation is to further a business or personal discussion, ask (after a suitable time) how you might contact that person for a follow-up discussion or to get into greater detail on the topic with them. This is the time to ask for a business card or other contact details. But, link it to the conversation you've just had. You might say, "You know, this topic really is very interesting to me and I don't think this is the best time/place to really get into this. Would it be ok if I contacted you soon to arrange for a time to explore more?" Then, within a few short days or another reasonable interval, do the follow up and remind your partner of your conversation and agreement to reconnect.
Be your authentic self. You have to be genuinely interested in people and in what they have to say for any of this to work.  Most people's "phony radar" is finely tuned and if you are just agreeing with everything your conversation partner is saying, well, you're going to seem like you are just sucking up or manipulating them. If you are just jockeying for a connection or position, it'll be noticeable and you might be labelled as "shallow" or a "player."

 

One other tip I offer my clients: if  you are uncomfortable starting or keeping a conversation going with people you don't know, practice with people you DO know.  You can even let them know you are practicing. I also recommend making a list of good, neutral, but compelling one-line conversation starters. Practice using those whenever you can and you'll be surprised how quickly you become the most interesting person in your business niche!

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Like what you have read here and want to learn more? Well, there's much more on business conversation, "magic glue" and more in my acclaimed book -- if you order it from Amazon, you can be reading it on Kindle in minutes.

 

 

Rules SHOULD provide boundaries for all

Last week, Alec Baldwin discovered that celebrity doesn't count when you interfere with an airlines' rules. The actor discovered that he was subject to the same policy that applies to other passengers. Because of his failure to comply with the directions of airline crew, he was removed from an American Airlines flight.

American Airlines said its flight attendants followed federal safety regulations regarding electronic devices.

"He loves [the online game] 'Words with Friends' so much that he was willing to leave a plane for it," the actor's spokesman, Matthew Hiltzik said.

Personally, I have no problem if he wants to continue playing the game -- provided he leaves the plane.  That wasn't the case, however. Mr. Baldwin had no intention of leaving the plane to continue playing...he got upset and even locked himself into the lavatory, spewing irate phrases at flight attendants, according to reports.

So, now Mr. Baldwin is ticked off at an airline that merely expected him to follow the same rules that apply to ordinary non-celebrity passengers. For myself, I applaud the airlines.  I'm tired of "status" being the determining factor on whether or not rules apply.

There are so many examples of special treatment when it comes to celebrity -- Lindsay Lohan is one recent (and continual) example. I mean, the girl does 25 seconds of jail time for her repeated violations of DUI/probation/community service. There's no meat to her punishment and so her bad-girl behavior goes on and on. In some cases, violating rules meant for our protection can not only be harmful, it can be deadly. Michael Jackson was able to use privately drugs that normal individuals would never have access to...and that ultimately led to his death.

The point is, generally speaking, rules are there for a reason (ok, don't get on me about the DUMB rules, of which there certainly are many). But, if it is a "rule" then that boundary should apply to everyone, not just the "ordinary" and "un-special" ones. Celebrity, money and status shouldn't buy your way out of a law or rule, particularly if it exists for safety of others. Sure, if you are a big deal celeb, and you want to do something stupid that doesn't affect others...well, fine. But, truly, most things DO affect others and you should not be exempt from those boundaries and consequences for violating them just 'cause you're "all that."

In the case of Mr. Baldwin, he has now promised that he will never fly American Airlines again because of their treatment of him. But, that's ok. I'll feel safer knowing that there's one airline that won't bend their safety rules for one celeb's overblown sense of self and entitlement. I'm sure he'd expect me to obey the rules; I expect nothing less from him.

Interested in more? You might want to check out http://corinnegregory.com/blog/2011/03/08/the-perils-of-rewarding-bad-behavior/

Plenty of money for studies; why not for solutions?

I am really amazed how every day there's another headline in the education media about some study examining this-or-such issue.  Today from EducationWeek alone:

Study: Phys. Ed., Recess Mandates Boost School Physical-Activity Time
Study Tallies a District's Return on Investment
Poor Schools Found to Get Shortchanged
Study Finds Only 13 State Laws Address Off-Campus Bullying
A new study takes a close look at how Hispanic students in urban school systems are faring compared with their non-Hispanic white peers

...and many more articles that reference studies.

These studies all cost money.  So, at a time where we continually hear how strapped education is for funds, where are the funds for these studies coming from?

Well, from various sources.  Independent monies, foundations, universities and colleges. From the government; the US Department of Education is a big supporter, both financially and otherwise, of studies. Special interest groups also have a vested interest in many of these studies, both in terms of financial support and otherwise. Money seems to flow in from the four corners when there's a study to be funded!

The irony is that, while there's apparently always money to fund a study, actually doing something about the problem or situation being studied isn't quite as easy. Take for example:

"Funding a Problem for Va. Virtual Schools"

So we have a study to explore the issue of funding for these virtual schools. Conclusion: funding for the actual schools is a problem, but funding for the study apparently wasn't. This study was conducted by the Thomas Jefferson Institute for Public Policy, listed as "a Virginia-based nonpartisan research group."

Moreover, I find that frequently the conclusions published in the study are something we pretty much already knew.  Perhaps we didn't know the exact number or percentage, but we already had a good handle on the issue to be studied.

Here are a couple that should be interesting:

"Substance Abuse Greater Problem Among Rural Youth" (Nov 30, 2011)

Conclusion: Substance abuse is a bigger problem among rural youth than among their non-rural peers, with rural teens having higher rates of alcohol consumption and usage of drugs such as cocaine, marijuana, and heroin. And that problem is influenced in part by rural communities limited expectations for students' futures, according to a new study.

Well, we probably could have predicted that, right? When you have lowered expectations for your future, what else is there to do but escape through drugs and alcohol?

"Youth Soccer 'Headers' May Lead to Brain Injuries, Study Suggests" (November 29, 2011)

Conclusion: Athletes who often "head" soccer balls were found to have brain abnormalities similar to those found in patients with traumatic brain injuries (TBIs), according to a study being presented today at the annual meeting of the Radiological Society of North America.

My goodness, that came out of left-field (to mix my sports-related metaphors)! When we are coached by pediatricians and other experts that we need to take any bump on the head that our kids experience as potentially serious, why in heck are we now teaching them the fine art of "headers" in soccer?  I guess deliberately hitting the ball with your head is less risky than an accidental blow to the head by a ball?

I liken these kinds of studies to the government-mandated label on the jar of peanuts that says: "Caution: May contain peanuts."  Really?

But, then there are the ones that REALLY get to me, because I wonder how much better it would have been if the money that went into the study actually was allocated to solutions.  Here's one recent headline that got me riled:

"Bullying Climate Linked to Lower Test Scores, Study Suggests" (August 12, 2011)

Conclusion: Bullying can affect a student's academic performance, but a school's bullying climate may be linked with lower overall test scores, a study finds.

The study, presented recently at the American Psychological Assn.'s recent annual convention in Washington, D.C., surveyed 7,304 ninth-grade students and 2,918 teachers who were randomly chosen from 284 high schools in Virginia. Students and teachers were asked about incidents of bullying and teasing at the school. Ninth-grade students were chosen because researchers felt this first year of high school was a critical adjustment period, and because poor test scores in this grade may be linked with a higher drop-out rate.

Now, here's several reasons why I have a MAJOR issue with this study:

How much do you think it cost to study nearly 10,000 individuals in Virginia alone?
Is this information something we didn't previously know?  Absolutely NOT. We have studied this problem ad nauseam and we know, for example, that over 160,000 kids miss school each and every day because of bullying. And those are only the ones we know that 'fess up to bullying being the reason. We have done study after study that shows bullying, anti-social behavior, respect has an effect on test scores. Did we really need another one to tell us what we already knew? One quote from Dewey Cornell, University of Virginia psychologist was quoted in one report of the study that:

"[he] and his colleagues theorize that bullying could distract students who are more worried about surviving the day than passing a test. Alternatively, schools with more bullies might be more dysfunctional in general. Teachers might also be distracted from classroom time by having to discipline bullies."

"...theorize?"  They "theorize?"  Seriously...did it take this much money and time to jump to that far-fetched conclusion?

 Did this study move us closer to the goal of addressing the problem? No. I don't see how this study has miraculously made more dollars available to Virginia schools to now do something with this breaking news. Schools routinely state as a reason they don't do more about bullying that they simply can't afford it.  So, instead of spending all this money on studies that continue to reaffirm what we already know, why are we not applying those funds to solutions?

I just don't understand it. Perhaps I'm missing some key element that justifies why more and varied studies are really making a difference? If so, I'd love for someone to enlighten me.  I know it's important to understand an issue and a problem, but then the next logical step is for us to take action to DO something with that information.  Information is there to be used; it shouldn't just stand there on a shelf making us feel good because the end-result report weighs 3.5 lbs.

I guess this is where the phrase analysis paralysis comes from.  Or, is it from somewhere else?  Maybe I need to do a study to figure out where it comes from, what it means, and why it continues to proliferate. I'm pretty sure I can get that funded.

For more on effective solutions to the problem of bullying and other anti-social behavior, click http://cyberbullyingsolutions.com/order/ to view the free preview of "7 Steps to Eliminating Bullying in Schools, an Inside-Out Approach" or order the on-demand webinar. 

Thanksgiving – Just a "drive by" holiday?

Pop quiz: what was the most significant thing about this last weekend?

If you said "Black Friday" and the beginning of the Christmas shopping rush, you're not alone.  It seems the actual holiday formerly known as "Thanksgiving" is becoming merely an excuse for a day off, football and an event that creates leftovers.

Does anyone even really remember what Thanksgiving is all about?  Halloween was only minutes into the history books when many radio stations switched to "all holiday music" formats.  The stores broke out their "winter holiday" decorations (I'm afraid that we really can't use "Christmas" without seeming politically insensitive, so I'll try to refrain from offending anyone). And, the shopping flurry was on!

This weekend alone, there's been the "Beat the rush" 4-day sale in the days before Black Friday. Then, "Black Friday" itself began as soon as 8pm (or earlier) on Thanksgiving Day itself, much to the consternation of many retail employees who really wanted the day off to spend with their families. I heard yesterday being referred to as "Black Saturday" (guess we can still help retailers with profits the day after Black Friday) as well as "Shop Small Saturday."  Tomorrow, of course is "Cyber Monday" where the online world gets a special day to do its very best in the sales and specials department.

So, what happened to Thanksgiving?  Oh, right...that was the day we spent glued to the TV, watching football game after football game until they all seemed to blend together.  They were only briefly, but regularly interrupted by commercials telling us to hurry up and SAVE before the best deals are gone.

The original meaning of Thanksgiving and why we celebrate it at all is all but lost. While the Pilgrims spent the day feasting and giving thanks for survival and for the little that remained to them after a grueling journey and harrowing first months in the New World, we spend more time thinking about what we will acquire, give and get in the month leading up to the "winter" holiday.  Now, I'm not going to insist that everyone spend the day on their knees singing hymns and prayers to the Almighty (after all, not everyone believes in the same deity or a deity at all), but I do have a problem with the wholesale worship of the Almighty Dollar.

Why can't we just stop for one day, take stock of where we are and what we have and just be thankful? Gratitude is a equal-opportunity virtue.  I know that not everyone has it "great" right now: whether you are suffering from the tough economy, ill or disabled, have loved ones who are hurting or have passed on, or are going through other tribulations, it can be really hard to be thankful. But it can be even harder when we are constantly bombarded with messages that we must have MORE and we can't start soon enough to get it.

Maybe the days of spending Thanksgiving with family and friends, taking time to appreciate one another is just so...yesterday and old-fashioned. Certainly the holidays are a time where we give gifts to show the people in our lives that we care about them, but it shouldn't mean that "spending more" equals "caring more."  Often the best tangible sign of caring is just a hug, a kindly word, being together. And, I'm afraid that this is quickly going out of style as we get busier, crazier, and more obsessed with materialism and "the next big thing."

In my way of thinking, that's the biggest turkey of them all...and I'm having a tough time digesting it.

 

 

 

 

"Sermo interruptus" — please let me finish!

Is it just me, or does the general level of discourtesy in the media and elsewhere get to you?

I enjoy being an informed viewer/listener when it comes to news and talk shows, but lately I've had a lot of trouble with the increasing levels of rudeness shown by hosts and guests of these programs. While their proclaimed mission is to keep us informed, the reality is that the way this "information" is presented prevents ANYONE from hearing what's attempting to be said.

Now, when I mention talk show hosts that interrupt, many people will jump immediately to the interview by Fox News' Bill O'Reilly where he repeatedly interrupts President Barack Obama.  O'Reilly himself explains these interruptions. "The truth is that TV interviewers who want to get answers must--must--interrupt their guests," he said in an interview shortly thereafter.

But, while pesky, I would say that this particular interview of Mr. O'Reilly's was still "garden-variety interruption."  What really puts me over the top is the continual, constant, shout-fest where neither host (sometimes multiples) and guest (also sometimes multiple) cannot get a word in edge-wise.  Political debates used to be the preferred forum for this kind of "Interrupt-itis," and that arena is still alive-and-well for politicians who try to out-talk each other. But, sadly, the problem has leaked into every nook and cranny of our media world: Click on the clip below to get a taste of what I'm talking about:

 

This goes on every day, every night, on every TV and radio talk channel. It appears that the person who can out-shout, out-humiliate the other is the "winner."  Most of the time, I can't even understand what they are trying to say through their tirades. If getting their point across was the aim of this "news/information program" -- well, that mission failed entirely. When I experience this type of behavior, I just want to turn the TV/Radio OFF. It's like listening to a room full of 20 pre-schoolers, or, to bring to mind another visual, the horde of seagulls in Disney's Finding Nemo who are all clamoring "Mine, Mine, Mine!!!"  for a lonely crab. Sorry, folks; you are supposed to be adults who have some basic form of self-control.

 

In the spirit of helpfulness, I'd like to offer a few tips that might make this process go a little more smoothly and help those of us who are trying to pay attention to what you have to say...

If you disagree with something someone else is saying, take notes, come back to it, and debate -- not debase.
If you'd like to show us how intelligent you are, use language civily, don't abuse it.
And, don't make an idiot of yourself by calling your opponent an idiot or something similar.
Hosts, for you...remember these are "guests" you have invited to your show, not "victims" though you certainly often extend that invitation so you can pick them apart, not just pick their brains.

I will be extending a challenge to a well-known news network in the next few days suggesting that they take on the banner of being civil in their formats.  I don't know if they'll take it seriously, but in this day and age of "ratings" and being different, maybe that will be a good differentiator for them. After all, it's November and we're in ratings time.

Ultimately, I guess there's one final note I would offer. I can't take credit for it, but it's a well-known quote by Abraham Lincoln that I think sums up this post fairly well:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."  When you shout and rant over the top of your fellow participants and don't let them finish, you have just made  yourself a fool, regardless of your mission, your celebrity, or your compensation. Thanks for letting me finish.

Want more business? Use "honey!"

Remember that old saying "You can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar?" Well, that is a GREAT concept to take to heart if you are interested in generating more business. And, not only more business in general, but more profitable business.

What exactly are we talking about when we mean "honey" in business?  I'm not talking about paying off a vendor or supplier, nor do I mean sleeping with the boss (or his/her assistant). Not THAT kind of honey. What I'm talking about is plain old-fashioned "being decent" to people. Being nice...considerate, courteous.

Look, the reality is, business has become a very competitive, often cut-throat world.  You always have to watch your back, and it's hard to develop trust. But trust is really the basis of long-term business success. In general, we are very uncomfortable doing business with people we don't trust -- we really have to have major incentive to overcome our natural distrust and part with money or other resources if we are sure who we are dealing with or what they have to offer. So, if you are trying to do business with someone else, you have to be aware of that challenge. You have to be aware of that psychological hurdle in order to overcome it.

So, what kind of "honey" could make a difference in your business interactions? Consider a few scenarios:

When was the last time you received some kind of "thank you" or kudos for your work or how you've helped someone? It's probably something you look at over and over again, not because you are a closet narcissist, but because it happens so rarely. And it makes you feel good. How can you use that idea and put it into practice to make a positive connection with a colleague, business partner, or prospect?
Too often, we are ruled by our own agendas. We have a quota to make, deadlines to meet. Unexpected phonecalls, emails or communication is an "interruption" in our busy day. Instead of seeing it as an impediment, look at connections with others as "investments."  Each time you have a positive interaction with someone, you are making a positive impression. Don't treat it as an imposition -- use it as an opportunity to deliver above and beyond the "sender's" expectations. In other words, don't just respond to what they need -- find out what else, if anything, you can do to help. Go the extra mile. Trust me, it's time well spent.
Get personal: Man, we are SOOOO busy. It's hard to spend cycles with "meaningless chit-chat" when we have too much to get done in a day. We wake up behind..how in heck do we have time to just "chat?" (I do NOT mean the electronic, IM type, BTW...nothing "personal" about that!) But, so few people take the time to really connect, that you can literally differentiate yourself by having tried to know more about your "business contact" than just their business need.
Courtesy: Yes, folks, "please" and "thank you" are not just platitudes our parents drilled into us. The "magic words" really do work magic, particularly in a time where they are so rarely used. When you need someone to do something for you, recognize that the other person has their own schedule, so use that mutual consideration in your request of them: "I'm sorry to trouble you, but would you be able to...in your spare time" is going to set the other person up much more readily to a positive response.  How about, "I know you're really busy, but could you spare five/ten/fifteen minutes of your precious time to answer a few questions. If this isn't a good time, may I get on your schedule for some time that's more convenient?"  You'd be surprised how far a little old-fashioned courtesy will get you!  People have a tough time blowing off someone who is being...well, nice.

While you are looking over this list, I want to stress one critical point: you have to be sincere and authentic. If  you are just going through the motions, and just "acting" nice, most people will sense this through a highly developed "BS" meter.  If you have to suck up to someone just because you want something, then my advice is...don't go there. Not only will your efforts fail, but you'll generate a reputation for being a player, someone who is to be avoided. You'll contradict ev.erything you are trying to accomplish. Most people will spot a phony in a heartbeat.

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I have more suggestions I'll share with you in coming posts, but I'd love to hear your stories of how "honey" got you more than "vinegar" and how you have incorporated these practices into business success. For more  "socially smart" secrets to business success, check out www.itsnotwhoyouknowitshowyoutreatthe...."  I'm also happy to answer individual questions so email me at corinne@corinnegregory.com. To your success!

 

News: "7 Steps to Eliminating Bullying in Schools" now available on-demand

I recently sent an announcement about offering my acclaimed presentation on what it really takes to end bullying in schools as an online webinar. We not only had a really great response to the first-ever online presentation, even more people were interested in participating but unable to do so because of schedule constraints.

Once again, technology makes it easy for us to have things when WE need it. So, the webinar was recorded and as of yesterday is live online as an on-demand offering.

I want to be able to share this information with as many people as can benefit from it, so I'm making it available for even LESS than the online live webinar (although, the live session did allow for Q&A -- I'll be announcing more of those live webinars soon, or, for a custom online presentation, email me directly).  You can order access to the webinar (and view when you want) at http://cyberbullyingsolutions.com/order/. I hope this use of technology is helpful to you...after all, we don't choose when bullying affects our kids, but we can choose to take a stand to end it!

 

P.S. If you're in Iowa October 12-14th, come check out some of my presentations or pre-conference workshop at the Iowa Library Association's Annual Conference.  I'd love to meet you and learn what you are doing to end bullying in your schools and communities.

Where will we go after 48 Hours' bullying special "Words Can Kill?"

Tonight CBS' 48 Hours airs its hourlong special on bullying and cyber bullying "Words Can Kill." You can be sure I'll be watching.

Even though SocialSmarts wasn't included in the segment, I did provide quite a bit of background information to the producers last Spring that I hope was helpful in developing the special. We are also included in the companion "Resources" page CBS has published.

What I think is going to be important is what schools and parents DO after they see this program. As I frequently point out, I don't think we need more awareness.  It's pretty clear, particularly given the media emphasis over the past 2 years or so, that we KNOW we have a problem. The question is, what will we DO about it?  Where will we go for answers, and how do we take effective steps to cure this epidemic?

To that end, I announced yesterday a new site www.cyberbullyingsolutions.com which is a highly targeted site bringing information, resources and solutions to schools and communities. While it's still "new" we will be continuing to work on it, develop it and bring "best of breed" solutions to the public. There are opportunities for inclusion by other content and products/service providers and we'll be building that list of partners over time.

I encourage you to visit the site and provide your feedback. It's time to stop wringing our hands and talking about how tragic this all is. It's time to take action and do things that WORK so that no more tragedies like this occur.

Answering the broader need for bullying solutions

Another school year has begun. For many kids this means the beginning of a new year of nightmarish teasing, harrassment and taunting.  Maybe it even means physical violence. For an unknown number, they won't even see the end of the school year because it'll just be too much and they'll choose to take their lives rather than continue in their own personal hell. 

While I spend a great deal of time talking to parents, educators and students across the country about bullying, I realized this week it was time to take the message of how to stop it more broadly. This is where technology can help!

This coming Tuesday, I'll be offering "7 Steps to Eliminating Bullying in Schools: An Inside Out Approach" for the first time as a live online webinar.  I will discuss the various types of bullying -- including cyber bullying -- as well as who bullies and why.  We'll talk about the profiles of a typical victim and how the "culture" of the school tends to propagate the problem. Finally, we'll also get into a detailed 7-Step plan that ANY school can follow to drastically reduce bullying and other anti-social behavior.

I hope you'll join me for this informative talk -- and I'll stay on the call for a while afterwards to answer specific questions you may have. Here's the link for more information and to register:

http://events.constantcontact.com/register/event?llr=68ww4neab&oeidk=a07e4sutzp4ff8f8b43

Look forward to seeing you there...and feel free to pass this on to anyone you think would benefiit!

Classroom Behavior Management: the big story no one wants to cover

I wish education professionals would have told us that behavior management is probably the most important and challenging issue you'll face in the classroom. It would have been nice to have been given a variety of solutions, tools, books, and websites to use once you are working in a classroom.

—Susan Jamieson

I came across this remark, and several similar, in a recent eSchoolNews article entitled "Ten things every new teacher should know."  I think it's particularly interesting because, now that back-to-school stories are cropping up all over, there isn't much emphasis on this aspect of education. Right now, there is much being said on the impacts of budget cuts and how that's leading to larger classroom sizes, or how schools are considering lengthening the school day or year to help narrow the achievement gap, or how parents will have to chip in more this year because of tough financial times.

Yet, to actually discuss what goes on in the classroom and how that affects learning (never mind waste of time and dollars) just must not be a sexy enough issue to make the 6 o'clock news because you rarely hear about it.

Oh, sure...we hear about it when it's out of control. Last year, THE hot topic in education, bar none, was bullying. Certainly that is a behavior management and discipline problem, but at its extreme end. It was tragic and gut-wrenching to hear all these stories of kids harassed in person and through social media, often with tragic and fatal results. And, of course, the visuals were great, so it made for good news. But how about the everyday tragedy of what's going on too many classrooms across our country? Teachers who spend more time "babysitting" than they do teaching, or end the day frustrated again because they had too many kids who wouldn't sit down, be quiet and pay attention.

It's natural to assume that, if a teacher has behavior issues with her students, it must be his or her fault. That is not a fair assessment of the situation, however. Many teachers never receive formal education on how to manage student discipline and behavior before they are thrust into the classroom environment.  As a result, many have to learn on the job, or hope they get a mentor who can support them for the first few years of teaching until they get it all hammered out.

The other problem with the "teacher needs better classroom management skills" is that it overlooks a hugely important part of the teaching/learning equation -- that of the students. I have a great graphic that I use in several of my professional educator presentations and seminars where I show how "The Perfect Storm" is created in a classroom when an inexperienced teacher, or one who has not received adequate classroom management training, is combined with students who lack the social skills or emotional/character development they need that allows them to be "managed." It's no wonder we lose so much learning time! It doesn't have to be the whole classroom either.  Just one or two unruly, disrespectful students will ruin it for everyone.

So a typical "solution" that only offers training for the teacher in classroom management isn't enough because it does nothing to improve the social skills and manageability of the students. Broad-based social skills education, on the other hand, has proven to be effective in reducing classroom issues because it provides the students with social-emotional skills and character development that they so sorely need.  At the same time, the right kind of social skills curriculum can also provide the teachers with a framework for managing their classrooms, and when you implement it at a whole-school level, there is continuity from classroom to classroom, from teacher to teacher. This way, expectations for students' behavior are supported school-wide and enforced consistently, regardless of where they are and what they are doing.

It's not an unrealistic expectation -- on the part of parents, teachers or staff -- that there is order and discipline in the classroom. It's the only way learning can get done.  As a final note, consider that the students, themselves, have a right to expect it.  In a 2004 study by Public Agenda, 7 out of 10 students reported that discipline and behavior issues were a problem at their school. If 70% of your "customers" reported that there was a problem with your processes or product, you'd believe there was a problem, too.  The students are the "customers" of the education system; they recognize there is a problem.

When we have such a wide-spread problem with behavior in the classroom, you have to ask why isn't more being done about it? To fix it would be a benefit to everyone -- the teachers, the administration, and the students -- and would pay for itself in terms of time regained, dollars put back to best use, and improvements in achievement. Our children would get the education they deserve, and teachers would feel proud to be doing that job. Now that would be a story worth reporting on, don't you agree?

 

Speaking of Classroom Management, did you miss our recent series of interactive webinars on the subject? If so, you might want to check out our Classroom Management for Success 2-CD product. Order it today and we'll ship it tomorrow!