How to become the most interesting — and successful — business person around
We are all fighting for attention these days. There are distractions galore, from technology, to business strategy, to the economy. Content and information flies at us faster and faster and sometimes it leaves us feeling trapped like the proverbial bug in a jar. We want to reach out, connect with people and be memorable so that they have a reason to get back in touch. But, when everyone is competing for the same thing, how do YOU stand out?
You have to have a compelling presence. Something that helps you stand out.
Well and good...but how? "What do I say," you think. "What do I DO that really separates me from everyone else?"
Oh, here's the trick...it's not about what YOU say, but it is all about what you do...
Listen. No, I mean "listen." That's what you do. It's a well-known fact the people find those people most interesting who don't talk so much about themselves, but keep other people talking about themselves. Becoming a top conversationalist is more about learning how to make and keep other people talking. And, that involves listening. Really listening, not just going through the motions and saying, "uh, huh" and "oh, yeah" at regular intervals to make it seem like we are paying attention, when, in fact, we are desperately trying to look engaged while we subtly plan our exit strategy.
When you get people talking, you open communication and keep that channel open. With every minute that goes by, you are forging a tighter bond. And, you seem to be an interesting person because YOU are interested in them. So, to that end, for those of you who aren't sure what the steps are to become a fabulously interesting listener, I offer this:
Connect and pay attention. First, when in conversation with others, make eye contact. When you are looking directly at people, it shows them that you are focused on them, actively engaged in what they are saying. Now, this doesn't mean you have to stare at them continuously like a psychopath, but you do need to focus on them and their words. When you scan a room or look past someone, it gives the message that you don't really care what is being said. Great "connectors" stay connected with their conversation partners.
Ask open-ended questions. There's nothing that kills a conversation faster than a series of questions that can be answered by "yes" or "no." Open-ended questions lead to answers that better allow you to keep the conversation flowing. For example, instead of asking "Is this your first time here?" you might want to ask "So, what brings you here today?" See how the latter answer can lead you to a follow on question? If the response is, "well, this is my first time here and I wanted to see what it was about" you could ask something such as "How did you hear about this " Again, your follow-up question can lead to another, and so on.
Listen for keywords. Now, when you are listening to the answer to the open-ended question, see if you can pick up on any words that can lead you to transition to another related topic. For example, if you hear something in the answer about seeing an announcement for the event in an Association calendar, you might ask how long the person has been involved in that particular association.
Find common ground through listening for linkages. It's particularly helpful if some of those keywords you hear have to do with something YOU can relate to. You can use that to connect your experiences to that of your conversation partner. For example, the other day I was in an unfamiliar city and I happened to be in a group where I noticed one of the gentleman was wearing a Rotary pin. When there was a break in the conversation I was able to ask him not, "Are you a Rotarian?" (dead-end question) but instead, "Oh, I see you are a Rotarian...which Club do you belong to?" When he mentioned the club, I was able to say that while I had never attended HIS particular club, I had attended a nearby club as a speaker (which I was able to name). Well, guess what happens? I get invited to HIS club to be a speaker! And, I can not only share my message but also offer my book for sale and it turns into workshop opportunities. All because I was able to use "common linkage" by relating my experiences back to that of my conversation partner.
Reflect back what people say. One effective technique for ensuring that you are actively listening is to mirror back what you've heard. One way to do it without seeming like Polly the Parrot is to start your mirroring sentence with "You mean to say that..." or "What you're telling me is..." If someone says something outrageous, you can say, "I can't believe they would..." The great news about these lead-ins is that you don't have to even say whether you are agreeing with a point or not, which is VERY useful when discussing potentially controversial subjects. You are merely mirroring back what the other person said and they can reach their own conclusions as to your position. Handy when you need to be diplomatic.
Find or make an opportunity to follow up. If you goal in having this conversation is to further a business or personal discussion, ask (after a suitable time) how you might contact that person for a follow-up discussion or to get into greater detail on the topic with them. This is the time to ask for a business card or other contact details. But, link it to the conversation you've just had. You might say, "You know, this topic really is very interesting to me and I don't think this is the best time/place to really get into this. Would it be ok if I contacted you soon to arrange for a time to explore more?" Then, within a few short days or another reasonable interval, do the follow up and remind your partner of your conversation and agreement to reconnect.
Be your authentic self. You have to be genuinely interested in people and in what they have to say for any of this to work. Most people's "phony radar" is finely tuned and if you are just agreeing with everything your conversation partner is saying, well, you're going to seem like you are just sucking up or manipulating them. If you are just jockeying for a connection or position, it'll be noticeable and you might be labelled as "shallow" or a "player."
One other tip I offer my clients: if you are uncomfortable starting or keeping a conversation going with people you don't know, practice with people you DO know. You can even let them know you are practicing. I also recommend making a list of good, neutral, but compelling one-line conversation starters. Practice using those whenever you can and you'll be surprised how quickly you become the most interesting person in your business niche!
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Like what you have read here and want to learn more? Well, there's much more on business conversation, "magic glue" and more in my acclaimed book -- if you order it from Amazon, you can be reading it on Kindle in minutes.
