Corinne A. Gregory's Blog, page 3

Teen burning victim Michael Brewer's assailants get jail

Last week, the story from Deerfield Beach, Florida was that two of the three teens accused of setting fellow Deerfield Middle School classmate Michael Brewer on fire received jail time for their deeds. (BTW: in case you didn't know, this is the same school that saw the dreadful beating incident of Josie Lou Ratley by Wayne Treacy).

In 2009, Michael was set aflame by three of his classmates to the degree that he had to jump in a nearby pool in order to put out the flames. Michael suffered 2nd and 3rd degree burns over nearly 2/3rd of his body.

According to the story in the Miami Herald, both teens pled "no contest" which means that they are willing to accept whatever punishment the court hands out, but does not admit guilt.  In addition to the jail time they were sentenced to, the perpetrators were given 18-21 YEARS of community service. When you consider that these young men are themselves 18 and 17 years old, you can see that they will be living with the results of their actions for a very long time.

One point I found troublesome in the article: the young men claimed their actions were not premeditated. Apparently, even the prosecutor conceded this point. I wonder how this can be.   I mean, do teens just walk around with flammable liquids in their pockets routinely just so they can throw that on some unsuspecting teen and then flambe them with their trusty Zippo?  How can a prosecutor say this action was spur-of-the moment? According to the Herald, 17-year old Denver Jarvis doused a "flammable liquid" on Brewer at the command of Matthew Bent (18) who was upset about a $40 debt Michael owed him. The third perpetrator, Jesus Mendez was the one who allegedly teased and taunted Michael with the lighter and ultimately ignited the fire that injured Brewer.

If, as the article suggests, Jarvis told the judge before sentencing that had he known this kind of thing could happen, he would have never participated in harassing Brewer. But, there again, I have to ask: what do you THINK could happen when you are pouring something like the rubbing alcohol supposedly used on a person and tease them with an open flame?  Are our young people growing up with so little reasoning skills that they can't foresee simple cause-and-effect?

If that is true, then in addition to the problems of lack of sensitivity and compassion for others, our youth are growing up without the ability to apply basic reason. I just don't get how these young men couldn't see beyond the immediate "how do we get back $40" to the point where they grievously injured someone and could have, frankly, killed him.

I know there are all types in the world. You have to ask where these kids' parents were in the 15+ years of their lives before they committed this crime. But, given the way our society is going, it's even possible that the best of parents produce children who are completely oblivious to the basics of how we treat one another.

It's one of the reasons bullying and other anti-social behavior is so rampant. Kids just don't "get" why this behavior is unacceptable. Heck, when they see discourteous, rude, crass behavior modeled every day of the year, in our neighborhoods, in our schools, on TV and radio, why wouldn't they think this is all "normal?"

While we blame these three "kids" for behavior that was criminal, maybe we need to take a look, at the same time, at the society that has built them. As I've pointed out in my own presentations and otherwise, these kids weren't model citizens for 14 years, and then suddenly one day decided to set a classmate on fire. I'm sure there were signs; I'm sure there were behavior issues before.  Why we don't work more on prevention rather than consequences is another thing I don't "get."

Bottom line: I think it's appropriate that they received adult sentences for crimes that were of adult proportions. I just don't think they should have been allowed to cop-out on "we didn't mean it." That removes all accountability and responsibility for adult thinking that comes with adult behavior.

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For more about bullying, cyber bullying and school violence, grab your copy of the Amazon Best Seller, "Breaking the Bullying Culture." You can find it here: http://www.amazon.com/Education-Reform-Other-Myths-ebook/dp/B00772XLHS/ref=pd_sim_sbs_kstore_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2

“Breaking the Bullying Culture” is Amazon Best-Seller!

Last week I announced that my latest book in the "Education Reform and Other Myths" series was published and available.  Now, a week later, I'm excited to share that "Breaking the Bullying Culture" has become an Amazon #1 best seller in the category of Education Public Policy!

Today, you can get your copy of "Breaking the Bullying Culture" for free on Amazon Kindle. Visit the link below to take advantage of the offer.

Of course, if you are an Amazon Prime member, you can get your copy for free anytime -- and you can "borrow" it just like from a library.

http://www.amazon.com/Education-Reform-Other-Myths-ebook/dp/B00772XLHS/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_t_1

Thanks to all of you who have helped make this book #1! I'm looking forward to hearing your feedback and reading your reviews. I hope this helps those of you who are concerned about the problem of bullying in our schools and communities!

"Breaking the Bullying Culture" is Amazon Best-Seller!

Last week I announced that my latest book in the "Education Reform and Other Myths" series was published and available.  Now, a week later, I'm excited to share that "Breaking the Bullying Culture" has become an Amazon #1 best seller in the category of Education Public Policy!

Today, you can get your copy of "Breaking the Bullying Culture" for free on Amazon Kindle. Visit the link below to take advantage of the offer.

Of course, if you are an Amazon Prime member, you can get your copy for free anytime -- and you can "borrow" it just like from a library.

http://www.amazon.com/Education-Reform-Other-Myths-ebook/dp/B00772XLHS/ref=pd_rhf_dp_p_t_1

Thanks to all of you who have helped make this book #1! I'm looking forward to hearing your feedback and reading your reviews. I hope this helps those of you who are concerned about the problem of bullying in our schools and communities!

ebook “Breaking the Bullying Culture” is available now!

Right on the heels of the announcement of the general availability of first book in the "Education Reform and Other Myths" series, now I'm happy to announce that the long-awaited second book is ready on Amazon for Kindle.

"Breaking the Bullying Culture" continues the discussion initiated in the first "Education Reform" book ("The Stumbling Blocks in the System and How to Fix Them") by turning the focus on bullying and school violence.

This book offers an in-depth look at the bullying epidemic, providing details about how extensive the[image error] problem really is, what is being done about it, what doesn't work and why, and what will work to stop it.  Recent high-profile and lesser-known incidents are covered, and there is substantial information about traditional bullying as well as cyber bullying, including an essay by the renowned Information Security Strategist Christopher Burgess on bullycide in America.

"Breaking the Bullying Culture" is now available for purchase and is also available through Kindle's lending program for free. It's my sincere hope that readers will find this a helpful resource in their efforts to end bullying in our schools and community. Every child deserves to be safe and secure and it IS within our means to make that happen!

 

ebook "Breaking the Bullying Culture" is available now!

Right on the heels of the announcement of the general availability of first book in the "Education Reform and Other Myths" series, now I'm happy to announce that the long-awaited second book is ready on Amazon for Kindle.

"Breaking the Bullying Culture" continues the discussion initiated in the first "Education Reform" book ("The Stumbling Blocks in the System and How to Fix Them") by turning the focus on bullying and school violence.

This book offers an in-depth look at the bullying epidemic, providing details about how extensive the[image error] problem really is, what is being done about it, what doesn't work and why, and what will work to stop it.  Recent high-profile and lesser-known incidents are covered, and there is substantial information about traditional bullying as well as cyber bullying, including an essay by the renowned Information Security Strategist Christopher Burgess on bullycide in America.

"Breaking the Bullying Culture" is now available for purchase and is also available through Kindle's lending program for free. It's my sincere hope that readers will find this a helpful resource in their efforts to end bullying in our schools and community. Every child deserves to be safe and secure and it IS within our means to make that happen!

 

Announcing new ebook available on Education Reform

I thought I'd share some exciting news with you.  I've begun a new series of books exploring tough topics in education and suggesting real, practical ways for solving them. The series is entitled "Education Reform and Other Myths" and the first book in the series "Examining the Stumbling Blocks in our System and What to Do About Them" is available TODAY on Amazon Kindle. 

Through Amazon Kindle, you also have the opportunity to participate in their lending library -- I'm really excited about that part, although it's only going to be available for the first 90 days of the book's Kindle publication.

To check it out for yourself, visit http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0071NAX2O

I'm eager to see what you think of it. For the first 25 people who read this book and write a review of it, I'll give you a copy of the next book in the series "Breaking the Bully Culture" for FREE.  Drop me an email when your review is posted and I'll put you on the list to get your complimentary copy of "Breaking the Bully Cycle!"

Evaluating the “content of our character”

Many of us know the epic words of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s famous "I have a dream..." speech.  It's probably the most famous of the many he made on the topic of civil rights and equality, and it's the one most frequently shown on media clips.  Most people know the "I have a dream..." part of the speech, but how many really know what comes after the popular soundbyte?  I think, today, on the day we remember him, it's appropriate that we stop and consider the message he shared.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

Hopefully, we have made progress in judging based on color of skin -- although one could certainly argue that we are often as polarized by race today as we were nearly 50 years ago (but that's a topic best left for another day).

But, let's analyze the second part. If we are to be judged by the "content of [our] character," what does that mean for us today?  I think it's interesting to consider what Dr. King would see, were he alive today. What has happened to our individual -- not to mention, collective -- character?

Not a day goes by where we don't hear of some scandal in the media -- sports heroes and political leaders are caught in flagrantly adulterous relationships; business leaders lie, cheat and steal their way to prosperity on the backs of unsuspecting victims. Our entitlement mentality has blossomed to such a point that for many, it's easier and preferable to remain on the government dole than it is to take any job that is offered to them.  We criticize our legislators, but then fail to let our voices and votes be heard when it's time to elect new representation.

Again, as I write this, I realize that not everyone falls into this general mold. But, in today's culture, self-centeredness and selfishness is more the rule than the exception. "Character" is less valued today than it was in Dr. King's era, yet should be even more important now than ever.  As we become more global, more diverse as a society and marketplace, it's increasingly important that there is some common ground where we can come together. Core principles such as mutual respect, consideration, empathy, compassion are those values that should guide us all and connect us when cultures and experiences don't.  "Treating others the way we want to be treated" really isn't such a hard concept to understand; why is it so difficult, then, to practice?  If we placed as much value in our moral account than we do in our bank accounts, our world would be a much different and happier place.

I've been accused of having a "Pollyanna" outlook on life before, but truly I understand how challenging it is to do right.  It's not so much that I'm unrealistic or idealistic; I choose to believe in, and campaign for, the best in people.  It's what motivates me to speak to groups on the importance of positive social skills and character, to consult with schools and business professionals on effective "SocialSmarts." I want people to rise out of the status quo and push themselves to be kinder, be more considerate and treat others like they matter. If I didn't think it could be done, I would have given up long ago, but I've seen enough change in those I've had the pleasure to work with that I know we have a chance.

Dr. King dedicated his work -- and his life -- to trying to change the world.  While we ourselves may not have the chance to make the same sort of national or global impact, we do have the ability to make smaller, but no less significant impacts in our families and communities. If just a few people would return to a place where character mattered, over time that would influence others.

It's great that we have seen fit to honor Dr. King and his message by establishing a holiday in his memory. But, rather than just celebrate his mission and memory by hosting parades once a year, we'd do better by practicing and living the principles he preached.

---

Did you find this post interesting? Find more content on character and positive social skills by purchasing the Kindle version of "It's Not Who You Know, It's How You Treat Them" at http://www.amazon.com/Its-Know-Treat-Them-ebook/dp/B005XARZW8/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1326733846&sr=1-2

Evaluating the "content of our character"

Many of us know the epic words of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s famous "I have a dream..." speech.  It's probably the most famous of the many he made on the topic of civil rights and equality, and it's the one most frequently shown on media clips.  Most people know the "I have a dream..." part of the speech, but how many really know what comes after the popular soundbyte?  I think, today, on the day we remember him, it's appropriate that we stop and consider the message he shared.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

Hopefully, we have made progress in judging based on color of skin -- although one could certainly argue that we are often as polarized by race today as we were nearly 50 years ago (but that's a topic best left for another day).

But, let's analyze the second part. If we are to be judged by the "content of [our] character," what does that mean for us today?  I think it's interesting to consider what Dr. King would see, were he alive today. What has happened to our individual -- not to mention, collective -- character?

Not a day goes by where we don't hear of some scandal in the media -- sports heroes and political leaders are caught in flagrantly adulterous relationships; business leaders lie, cheat and steal their way to prosperity on the backs of unsuspecting victims. Our entitlement mentality has blossomed to such a point that for many, it's easier and preferable to remain on the government dole than it is to take any job that is offered to them.  We criticize our legislators, but then fail to let our voices and votes be heard when it's time to elect new representation.

Again, as I write this, I realize that not everyone falls into this general mold. But, in today's culture, self-centeredness and selfishness is more the rule than the exception. "Character" is less valued today than it was in Dr. King's era, yet should be even more important now than ever.  As we become more global, more diverse as a society and marketplace, it's increasingly important that there is some common ground where we can come together. Core principles such as mutual respect, consideration, empathy, compassion are those values that should guide us all and connect us when cultures and experiences don't.  "Treating others the way we want to be treated" really isn't such a hard concept to understand; why is it so difficult, then, to practice?  If we placed as much value in our moral account than we do in our bank accounts, our world would be a much different and happier place.

I've been accused of having a "Pollyanna" outlook on life before, but truly I understand how challenging it is to do right.  It's not so much that I'm unrealistic or idealistic; I choose to believe in, and campaign for, the best in people.  It's what motivates me to speak to groups on the importance of positive social skills and character, to consult with schools and business professionals on effective "SocialSmarts." I want people to rise out of the status quo and push themselves to be kinder, be more considerate and treat others like they matter. If I didn't think it could be done, I would have given up long ago, but I've seen enough change in those I've had the pleasure to work with that I know we have a chance.

Dr. King dedicated his work -- and his life -- to trying to change the world.  While we ourselves may not have the chance to make the same sort of national impact, we do have the ability to make smaller, but no less significant impacts in our families and communities. If just a few people would return to a place where character mattered, over time that would influence others.

It's great that we have seen fit to honor Dr. King and his message by establishing a holiday in his memory. But, rather than just celebrate his mission and memory by hosting parades once a year, we'd do better by practicing and living the principles he preached.

---

Did you find this post interesting? Find more content on character and positive social skills by purchasing the Kindle version of "It's Not Who You Know, It's How You Treat Them" at http://www.amazon.com/Its-Know-Treat-Them-ebook/dp/B005XARZW8/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1326733846&sr=1-2

Corinne's Top 10 Posts of 2011

I guess I have succumbed to the popular tendency to look back at the year just past and create a "top 10" list.  I did this in 2011, when I did a review of my top 10 after I reached 100 posts. It turned out to be popular, so maybe I'll make it a regular thing.

What's interesting to me is that the "Top 10" of my posts turned out differently from what I expected.  I was SURE that the piece "To End Bullying Requires a Cultural Change" would be in the #1 position. But, it appeared third on the list and not even CLOSE in readership to posts #1 and #2.

Without further ado, here's the list of Top 10 -- for those of you who are regular followers, I'd love to hear what you think about this list and are there any that surprise you...or would you recommend any that should have made the list?

Leadership and the Iceberg
"Change" requires DOING something different
To end bullying requires a cultural change
Got the back to school blues
Rotary 4-Way Test: Don't just recite it — live it
Bullying in the movies
What if schools were run like a business?
"Congress Must Pass Law to Prevent Teenage Bullying in School" – Say WHAT??
Academics + Social Skills = Better Results
How would YOU like to be remembered?

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Corinne Gregory is an author, speaker, and frequent media resource on all things related to social skills, civility, positive character and how that relates to education and business. Invite her as a speaker or coach to your event or for your organization and see how "SocialSmarts" leads to better success.

Success strategies: Changing is hard — but "change" doesn't have to be

Craig Duswalt, who toured with Air Supply and was the former manager of Guns & Roses' Axl Rose, once shared the following story with me at one of his Rockstar System for Success bootcamps which he conducts twice a year. The significance of the story was not lost on me and made its point very quickly -- see if it does the same for you:

A [2006] medical study reveals just how difficult change is for people. Roughly 600,000 people have heart bypasses each year in America.  These people are told that, after their bypass surgery, they must change their lifestyle. The surgery they are having is just a temporary fix.  In order to live productive lives after the surgery, they will need to change their diet. They have to quit smoking and drinking.  They must exercise regularly and lower their stress. Essentially, what the doctors are telling them is, "Change or die."

Now, you'd think that having a near-death experience would get patients' attention. You'd think they would be all for any change that kept them from this experience again. You'd think this "change or die" message would be so compelling that they would make whatever change was necessary to get them healthy.  Unfortunately, this is not the case.

90% of these heart patients do not change. They remain the same, living their same status quo lives.  Repeated studies show that two years after their surgery, these patients have not altered their behavior. Instead of making changes for health, they choose death. For them, change is that difficult. Rather than make the changes that promote life, they continue on the path toward death.

 

The moral of this story is obvious, but amazing: change is hard.  The "difficulty" of change overcomes the benefits of that change.

What does this mean for us?  The New Year is traditionally a time where we all make promises to ourselves -- and sometimes others -- that we are going to make changes in our lives.  Whether it's to lose weight, eat less/exercise more, stop smoking, stop drinking, spend more time with family instead of late nights at your desk, make more money, get more clients...whatever it is...we start the year out saying to ourselves, "This is it, Bullwinkle! This time I'll really change!"

Yeah, right?  If 90% of heart patients don't change their lifestyle after being told they must do it to live, how likely is it that we will be able to fulfill our plans for change when it's not life-or-death?

The odds don't look very good from that perspective, do they?

But, there is good news here, really.  Tony Robbins once explained how change happens. Essentially, we keep doing something over and over again because, on some level, it works for us.  For example, say we are addicted to junk food. We keep eating junk food, even when we know it's bad for us, because the pleasure of eating it outweighs (no pun intended) the negative effects -- weight gain, poor health, cavities from excess sugar, etc. It's the "pain vs. pleasure" scenario.  If, at some point, "pain" (or negative effects) outweigh the "pleasure" point, that's when we decide to change.  We hit a tipping point where we just can't stand how flabby we have become, or a child says to grandpa or grandma that they don't want a kiss because they stink from cigarettes. Something really hits us that says, "I'm not going to do this anymore."

Everyone's "pain threshold" is different and individual, however. It might take one person who gets a hangover after over-indulging alcohol to decide to stop drinking, while someone else's DUI arrest isn't enough to spark the change. And, once that point is reached, just making the commitment to change isn't always sufficient to keep it going. There must be a new "win" from the change that keeps reinforcing that change -- a new pleasure.

So, let's say that you have decided, like so many out there, to exercise regularly to get into shape and lose weight. What typically happens? You get a gym membership, hit the weights or the aerobics daily at first. You get up the next day and what...your muscles are SORE.  Parts of your anatomy you didn't even knew existed are screaming!  And, that pain registers in your brain as a negative. You decide to take a few days off, but get back into it. Again, more soreness..more pain. You decide to take it a bit easier. Then, after a month of this kind of cycle, you decide that, overall, this isn't worth it. Not only did this hurt, but it cost you time, it may have cost you money...and you've seen no improvement in your shape, your condition, or your weight!  It's not worth it, right? Negative, negative, negative.  And then the worst...there's more negative because, once again, you've failed in your resolution to get healthier.

Sound familiar? We've ALL been there.

What, then, can we do to see success in change rather than failure, you ask?  Actually, it's really not all that hard. Let's explore how to make change stick.

First, be reasonable in the change you desire

There are "better" types of goals than others.  For example, if I decided I wanted to be 5'6" tall, that is completely unrealistic (impossible, in fact, as I'm 5'3"!) That's not a goal I can achieve no matter what I do. What if you decide you want to make a million dollars by the end of this year.  Is that reasonable?  Well, it depends. Assess where you are now.  If your path to the million is to self-publish a book, and sell it for $10 a piece, you have to sell 100,000 of those books in order to make your million. Is that reasonable? It might be, depending on your outlet and distribution opportunities.  Now, say you have this book, but also do professional speaking promoting your message. Say you charge $1000 per speaking engagement. You now have to only "sell" 10,000 "units" of your product (your speech) to make your million in a year. Oh, but since you'll also likely sell books at your speeches, maybe you only have to give 9,000 speeches because you'll make up the rest in book sales. BUT, now think if you "sold" coaching to your clients at $10,000 a "program," you only have to have 100 of those clients in order to reach your goal of $1M a year.

Next, set realistic goals.

In the example above, maybe, after you've looked at the numbers, making a million dollars in the first year isn't realistic.  I mean, you might be able to get 100 new clients for your coaching program, but is it likely you can do that, particularly at the beginning?  No, not really. You might not even have the bandwidth to get those 100 clients.  Maybe you need to lower your initial goals and say you'll shoot for 20 clients this year and maybe that will allow you to hire an assistant who can offload some of your other work so that next year you can focus on new coaching clients and maybe increase them to 50 a year.

Now, start the new activities you'll need to realize those initial goals

In the $1M example, once you're set those goals you'll pursue initially, start taking the action that will get you to those goals.  If you are looking for more clients, how will you get them? Maybe you have to join a trade association. Perhaps you'll get the clients through networking -- make your list and start "connecting." Perhaps you'll have to change a negative behavior -- stop wasting so much time playing "Angry Birds" -- so that you have more time to do the things that you need to do to reach your goals. Whatever it is, take a step. In spite of what you hear in so many "self-help" books, "change" doesn't occur merely by sitting in your living room visualizing a million dollars. You can visualize, but you must take action.

When you have taken action, reward yourself for the change

To replace the earlier "pleasure" you got from the undesired tendency or habit you used to have, give yourself a pleasurable reward when you have done the positive thing you are looking to do. When you get a new client, reward yourself with a movie, for example. If you have lost 5 lbs on your new diet, maybe go out shopping for a new sweater (food, by the way, is a powerful, but not also advisable reward!)  With each accomplishment, give yourself a figurative "pat on the back" in the way of a reward.  Remember human psychology 101: we are more likely to be motivated by positive recognition for positive behavior. Give yourself the positive reinforcement of your new behavior that will motivate you to continue.

Finally, don't give up if things aren't happening right away

Sociologists will tell you that it takes 8 new "actions" for every iteration of an old action that we want to change.  What that means is, the more entrenched and "normal" our previous behaviors are, the longer it takes to change them. This is why we tend to give up too quickly when making life changes: we don't see immediate results. We don't get the six-pack from our crunches right away so we decide these exercises aren't working for us.  We haven't lost the urge to smoke after 3 weeks so we give in -- then decide we're a failure and we're right back into two packs a day.  We haven't made $.3M by April, so we decide there's no way we're going to hit our target of $1M by December. So we quit. And, often that "pain" threshold where we give up is just at that point where we are about to make a breakthrough...

Remember the point at the beginning where 90% of the people told they must make changes or die didn't do it? You have to decide if you want to be in the 90% of those who can't -- or won't -- or if the change you are looking for is important enough to you to commit to the discomfort of making the change.  If so, then set yourself up for success by making a plan for the changes you want to make, work the plan, then celebrate your little successes.

Yes, I know, change is hard. But, if it were easy, anyone can do it. How 'bout you? Will you be in the 10% that does -- that's up to you!

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- Corinne Gregory is a motivational speaker covering topics of social skills and personal/professional success and the author of "It's Not Who You Know, It's How You Treat Them." To book her for your group or for individual coaching, drop her an email at corinne@corinnegregory.com