Thom S. Rainer's Blog, page 62

Six Ways Social Media Toxicity Is Hurting Pastors

“There is a group of former church members in my community,” the pastor said, “that is causing me great pain. They are regularly posting negative and divisive words on Facebook about my church, my family, and me. I have engaged them twice, and it only got worse. When you wrestle with a dirty pig, you get dirty yourself.”

His story is one of many we hear at Church Answers regularly. Pastors of twenty years ago had to deal with the occasional anonymous hate mail, but today, pastors can get hit daily with negative social media posts. While there are many options for these critics on social media, Facebook is the vehicle of choice for most of them.

This toxic behavior hurts churches, and it hurts pastors. Here are just six of the ways pastors are hurt.

1. It discourages the pastor. Criticism usually stings. Criticism on a public forum stings even more.

2. It is an unbiblical way to handle conflict. These presumed Christians are not following biblical paths to discuss differences with the pastor. Matthew 18 is but one example of a biblical principle that could be violated. Also, check Ephesians 4: 29 for further guidelines on how a Christian should communicate.

3. It discourages the church. Church members read these attacks on pastors. Many become discouraged and disillusioned by the vitriol. Those who attack pastors on social media are directly attacking the church, the bride of Christ.

4. It does not allow for a response. Even if pastors do respond, many people do not read their comments. And there is hardly ever a response that does not generate another attack. There is no way pastors can articulate their perspective in a fair and godly context.

5. It hurts the testimony of Christians and the church. The world is watching us Christians on social media. Unfortunately, what the world sees is often a blight on our witness. Just recently, I was getting my hairs cut when the stylist somewhat abruptly commented, “You Christians are mean and nasty on Facebook.” I could not argue otherwise.

6. It is a cowardly act. These critics of pastors don’t often have the courage to speak directly with a pastor. They are keyboard cowards. It is hard to respond to such venom.

What often bothers pastors even more is the unwillingness of church members to defend pastors who are unfairly attacked. Perhaps the best place to offer support and a defense of the pastor is not on social media but in person.

Even more, pastors are often deeply hurt when church members assume the vitriol is true. It is painful to be attacked by a critic. It is even more painful when church members assume the worst in a pastor.

It’s a sad and difficult reality. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on this issue.

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Two Simple Ways to Think about Your Church’s Social Media

There are two simple ways to think about your church’s social media. 

The first is rapid growth. You produce videos, podcasts, images and blog posts with the key goal of generating growth. No social media channel or content is off limits. Of course, over a certain period of time you find yourself eventually doing the following:

Creating unsustainable content creation strategies which ultimately lead to burn out. For example, going live every single day on Instagram or posting a YouTube video every day.Creating click-bait content that generates traffic but adds little value. Using third party tools to of stock photos or pre-prepared social media images. Trying to mimic other churches’ social media strategies and content.

The second way to think about social media is to focus on creating something that’s durable. It’s about finding a rhythm to the work that keeps the work in line with who your church is and is done at a pace that can be kept for a long time. This way of thinking is much more difficult because it means the following:

Saying no to the latest trend or social network that will help your church “enlarge your audience.” It’s not because you’re against growth, but you want to maintain your focus. Coming to the understanding that generating value for an audience isn’t about volume or speed. It’s about building a relationship that helps you understand what they need.Focusing on content that will point your audience to Christ and help them as they work to fulfill the great commission. Finding contentment not from your church’s social media numbers, but from the quality of content that you produce. Knowing that in the end those numbers are meaningless if what you’re producing won’t last.

To be clear this isn’t about being against growth. It’s about rejecting a culture that defines your church’s social media value by arbitrary numbers or lures you into practices that are contradictory to your church’s mission and vision.

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What Will Happen to the All-White Church in America? Ten Trends in the Next Ten Years

Demographics tend to change slowly. You can see the patterns emerging, and, for the most part, you can know what is coming years in advance. Most people do not pay attention to these gradual shifts because it does not have an immediate impact on their lives. 

Then we hit an inflection point, and everyone seems to notice. 

We’re now at an inflection point demographically in the United States. The U.S. Census Bureau recently confirmed two noteworthy milestones.

1. The white population declined for the first time since 1790. All the nation’s growth is attributable to people of color. Almost every county in the United States grew in diversity the last ten years. In other words, this trend is occurring in your community whether you choose to see it or not. 

2. The youngest generation is now minority white, meaning white children under 18 make up less than 50% of their respective age group. Around 2040 the entire nation will become minority white. 

As you can see in the above chart, this demographic trend has been in place for some time, but the inflection point is now. I started writing about this reality over ten years ago. We’ve arrived at the place demographers predicted.

Why does this trend matter to the church? 

As the demographics change in the community, the same demographics must be reflected in the local church. You should reach your neighbors! While it may seem like common sense, unfortunately, it is not common practice. Many all-white churches are not ready to be ethnically diverse. My focus is on the all-white church in this article because two generations prior the United States was 87% white. The sheer number of all-white churches means this shift will have a profound impact in the coming decade. 

Is a day of reckoning coming for the all-white church? It’s less about a specific point in time and more about a gradual fading. What do the next ten years look like? Here are ten trends to consider. 

1. Growth in most all-white churches will not occur because the parents are having more children. Biological growth will continue to slow in all-white churches. Not only did the absolute number of white people decline in the United States, but there were also significant declines in the number of white children born here. The birth rates among white families are significantly lower. 

2. All-white churches will become less attractive to the youngest generation. Gen Z will gravitate toward churches that look like their schools. While segregation may be normative for older generations, the opposite is true of the youngest generation. 

3. Most all-white churches will become significantly older. The oldest generations are predominantly white. As such, ethnically diverse churches will tend to get younger while all-white churches will tend to get older. 

4. All-white megachurches based on large campuses in the suburbs will experience the most rapid declines. Not only is the megachurch movement beginning to fade, but many of these churches also grew with the Boomer generation through the 1990s and 2000s. As the Boomer generation ages, all-white suburban megachurches will see steep declines.

5. Some all-white congregations will continue to thrive in areas where they reflect the community. Parts of the country are predominantly white and will remain so for the next ten years. All-white churches in these areas will be the least impacted. 

6. Most multi-ethnic churches will grow gradually, not exponentially. The predominantly white churches that begin an intentional process of becoming more diverse will not grow overnight. However, much progress can be made gradually over a decade. 

7. Healthy multi-ethnic churches will develop because of a purposeful effort to equip, train, and hire people of color. Most all-white churches will not become diverse unless they start with becoming multi-ethnic in leadership.  

8. Healthy neighborhood churches will lead the way with diversity. What new movement will replace the megachurch movement of the past? I’m banking on a revived neighborhood church. And I believe these congregations will lead the way in becoming more diverse. 

9. Geography will matter less in the future than in the past. Diversity was once an urban reality, but it is now everywhere. All-white churches in every community should pay attention to this trend. 

10. Racial tensions will still exist in our churches and in society at large. Racism is a sin, which means it is not going away in the next ten years. Satan will continue to use skin color to divide us. But the church has an opportunity over the next ten years to demonstrate a little taste of heaven. 

Will a massive wave of multi-ethnic churches form in the next decade? It’s possible, but there are headwinds. Many cities are diverse, but the individual neighborhoods within them are still segregated. As mentioned previously, demographic trends change slowly. By the time Gen Z starts having grandchildren, however, I believe the all-white church will be more the exception than the rule in the United States.

Where can you start? How diverse is your community already? Most people are shocked when they look at the data. If you don’t know your community, then you can’t reach your community. Church Answers has created a resource to help. It’s called the Know Your Community report. We offer this incredible demographic and psychographic report to help you reach and love your community.

Know your community. Love your community. Reach your community.  

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10 Questions to Consider if You’re a Pastor Thinking about Leaving Your Church

I love local churches. I know the joy of leading them, and I know the anguish of leaving them at times. If you’re thinking about leaving your church—and the issue is not your own sin failure that necessitates your departure—maybe one of these questions will help you decide:

1. How closely have you been walking with the Lord? Obedience facilitates clarity in knowing God’s will; If you’ve been walking in disobedience, however, it’s hard to hear His voice clearly. You might even deceive yourself in the process.

2. What have you heard from the Lord in Bible study and prayer? I’m not suggesting we need some mystical experience, but I am saying we need to put ourselves in a place to hear from the Lord. We need to utilize these two disciplines He’s given us to communicate with Him.

3. Are you making a decision in a storm? If you decide in a storm, you might regret it when the clouds are gone. Sometimes you need to weather the storm before you decide – and the situation often doesn’t look so bad when the sun’s out again.

4. Are you physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted? That happens to all of us at some point. My encouragement is first to take a day off, go on a vacation, take a spiritual retreat, or do whatever you need to be renewed before you take the next step. If you don’t do that, you’ll take your exhaustion to your next place of ministry.

5. What does your spouse say? One of the dumbest mistakes I ever made in ministry was going against Pam’s intuition about leaving one church to go to another. I would have saved us much grief if I had just listened to her.

6. What do those pastors who know you best say? It never hurts to hear from someone outside our family—but make sure it’s someone whose walk with the Lord you trust. Get this same person to pray with you about this decision.

7. Do you have a track record of short ministries? If so, it’s possible the Lord has led you in those directions. In other cases, though, recurrent short tenures say something about us and our leadership. Don’t ignore this issue if it characterizes your ministry.

8. Do you feel both a push from one place and a pull toward another? I don’t argue that every person feels both, but there is wisdom in considering this question. One without the other ought to give you pause.

9. Have you already convinced yourself the grass will be greener elsewhere? It seldom is, no matter what you think now. Weeds still grow in the lawn, even if they’re in a different location.

10. Are you willing to give God a blank check? That is, are you ready to do whatever God wants, go wherever He requires, and pay whatever cost He demands? If not, you may still have your own hands on the steering wheel too much. 

Pastors, what other questions would you add? 

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One of the Stupidest Things I Did in 44 Years of Marriage

I’ve already changed the title of this article once.

It was originally “The Stupidest Thing I Did in 44 Years of Marriage.” Then I started thinking of so many dumb things I have done in my married life. I couldn’t be certain which one of the 537 acts of stupidity should be number one. They are all up there.

This issue, though, is near the top, if not the top.

What is that stupid thing I did in marriage? To be clear, I have not done this act of stupidity one time, but many times. Too many times. You would think I would learn by now. The stupid act? I tried to win arguments with my wife.

Don’t ask me how many arguments I incited. That’s not the number one point. The big issue is that I tried to win the arguments. So, why is that so stupid? Let me cite but a few reasons.

1. It makes my wife an object of competition instead of adoration. I have a competitive spirit. Okay, I have a very competitive spirit. But God did not give me my wife to compete with her. He gave me my wife to complement her. When I insist on winning a marital argument, I am saying that my ego is more important than my marriage.

2. Trying to win can bring out the worst in me. It exacerbates my anger. It augments my selfishness. It fulfills the “for better or worse” marriage clause, except it leaves out “better.” I am neither a good nor godly man when I try to win a marital argument.

3. I do not listen when I’m trying to win. I devalue my wife by not really listening to her perspective when I try to win arguments. I am more focused on my next line of argumentation rather than trying to hear her view. My actions communicate clearly to my wife that she is not worth the time to give her my full attention.

4. Most marital arguments are never resolved by rationalization. I know you’ve seen those incessant arguments on social media, particularly Facebook. Many people are convinced that their rational thought pattern will win the day. I’ve never seen it happen. When I try to win an argument with my wife, I see the solution as one in my head instead of one in her heart. Instead of winning her, I want to win the moment for myself.

5. My wife is right more times than I am. That’s one of the stupidest reasons for me to try to win the argument. Can I really win when I am wrong? She is wiser and more godly than I am. Why should I think for a moment I really have something to lord over her?

Okay, it may not be the stupidest thing I’ve done in 44 years of marriage. But it sure is one of the stupidest.

And here is the sad part. Every time I come away from an argument convinced I have the upper hand, I have lost already. I have told my wife that my ego, my selfishness, and my desires are more important than she is.

And if that’s not stupid, I don’t know what is.

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The Four Corners of Sermon Prep

Everyone has their method for preparing a sermon. I’ve read books and talked with many pastors about their approaches to sermon prep and it varies greatly. I’ve taken nuggets from many places and landed on a method of sermon prep that works well for me. If I had to name it, I’d call my method “The Four Corners Method.”

I start my sermon prep by printing out the passage on a single blank sheet of paper. On each corner of the paper, I write the following headings.

Top Left Corner: Big Picture, Big Action, Big Inspiration

Top Right Corner: Verse Groupings

Bottom Right Corner: Illustrations

Bottom Left Corner: Applications

I start with the top right corner. I read through the text several times and find the natural breaks in the text. Each group of verses become their own point in my sermon.

From there, I pour into the text itself. As I read the text repeatedly, I make notes all over the white page. As I study, I put notes from different commentaries on the paper. The result is a page full of notes where the Holy Spirit led my time of study.

I then fill out the top left corner. I seek to answer 3 questions about the passage:

What is the big picture of the passage? What is the main idea? This becomes my central idea for the entire sermon. Each point (which comes from the verse groups) points back and supports this central idea.What is the big action of the passage? I want my congregation to walk away with one action; one thing they are supposed to do.What is the big inspiration of the passage? I try to answer the question: what would happen if everyone carried out the big action of the passage? I use that answer to inspire my congregation.

The bottom two corners typically fill themselves out naturally. As I’m studying, I’ll think of illustrations and applications. I write them down as they come. When I am writing out my final preaching outline, I’ll plug these into the sermon in the appropriate places.

This whole process has not only cut down on the time I previously spent in sermon prep, but it has added a much-needed baseline to my sermons. 

Let me add one more major aspect of my sermon prep: prayer. No matter what approach to sermon prep you use, make prayer the beginning, middle, and ending to your approach. If you miss prayer, then your sermon will miss on Sunday morning.

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Five Often-Missed Questions in Church Revitalization

A new movement is beginning to take shape in North America. More pastors and church leaders are focusing on church revitalization. People are starting to do something with these churches that are on every street corner.

I’m excited.

While it’s too early to tell how widespread a revitalization movement will become, I have high hopes. For the last several decades, we’ve written off too many churches, assuming they are destined to die. We don’t write off individuals in this way, so why would do the same for a congregation of people?

As a pastor and consultant, I’ve been helping to revitalize churches for almost twenty years. There are some clear warning signs in churches pointing to a need for revitalization. A lack of evangelism, inward focus, obsession over facilities, and short-term pastor tenures are obvious indicators a church is in trouble.

But what are some items that are often missed? What questions can you ask to pick up on cues that otherwise may go unnoticed?

1. What is the reputation of the church? Ask people in the community, not those in the church. The community may know nothing about the church. Or people around the church may have a specific view of the church that is attached to a particular event or former leader. Whether good, bad, or ugly, you need to know.

2. What is in the governing documents? Some churches put these documents on the level of Scripture, while others have not read them in decades. All church revitalizations need spiritual help, but many of them also need to update the legal documents governing the church. Don’t attempt to revitalize a church until you understand the constitution, covenant, and bylaws.

3. What can you learn about the physical property? Many revitalization projects involve updating the facility and campus. Before jumping into renovations and updates, make sure you understand where property lines begin and end, what zoning and code restrictions are in place, and if previous projects had any issues.

4. What is in the designated accounts? In my years of consulting and pastoring, I’ve often been surprised at what funds are designated and where. These funds can total well into the six figures in some established churches, if not more. And they can sit there, year-after-year, without being put to use.

5. What history can you learn from previous pastors? If a church is considering you as a lead pastor, then contact previous pastors and talk with them. They will give you a perspective that no one else can give.

The revitalization movement is just beginning. Much work is needed. These five questions will help you get started.  

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Five Reasons the Post-Quarantine Drop In Worship Attendance Is Good

To be clear, church leaders and members should not seek to lower worship attendance.

After all, that would result in fewer people worshipping together and listening to biblical preaching.

But not all losses in attendance are bad. We have heard from church leaders several ways the decline can be healthy for the church. Here are the five most common reasons:

1. Pruning of negative influences. One pastor described the impact of COVID as “pandemic-induced church discipline.” In a somewhat humorous way, the pastor was repeating what we have heard from many church leaders. A number of the divisive and angry members have left the church. Though their departure led to a decline in attendance, it also led to greater joy and unity in the church.

2. An opportunity to re-focus. Several of us have referred to the post-quarantine era as a “blank slate.” During the pause of the quarantine, church leaders were able to think about what matters in their churches. For most of them, it meant focusing more on the most critical issues while eliminating some of the less-than-meaningful activities.

3. Clarity on the core membership. The pandemic has given many church leaders a clear picture of who the healthy and contributing church members are. They now know more than ever those upon whom they can depend. They know who their “go-to” members are.

4. A move toward simplicity. The simple church is being discovered or re-discovered. Many pastors and other church leaders have dared to eliminate many church activities. And, in doing so, they have led their churches to develop a clear and robust process of discipleship.

5. Returning evangelism to its rightful priority. Jesus’ last words in his earthly ministry were commands to be witnesses and to make disciples. Evangelism mattered to Jesus. It should matter to our churches. Unfortunately, many churches have little to no emphasis on reaching their communities with the gospel. The pandemic has given church leaders a fresh start on leading their churches to Great Commission obedience.

At the risk of redundancy, let us repeat it. We should not celebrate worship attendance declines. There is too much at stake for fewer people to join the gathered church. But the pandemic has changed things. Among those changes is a decline in attendance in most churches. At this point, the median reduction is about 20 percent.

Now, we have the opportunity to build on a new and more robust foundation. In God’s power, we have the opportunity to lead our churches to be stronger and healthier than ever.

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10 Safeguards for Church Nurseries and Children’s Ministry

Tragic sexual abuse stories appear daily in the news. Although sexual abuse has existed for centuries, the media and the #metoo and #churchtoo movements have thankfully exposed it. The darkness of abuse needed to be brought into the light.

Sexual abuse is prevalent, and that doesn’t simply dissipate because someone attends church. Sexual abuse survivors and sexual abuse offenders span across age, socioeconomic status, gender, education level, ethnicity, and religion. At any given time, a pastor is likely shepherding in the congregation both a sexual abuse survivor and a sexual abuse offender.

It is hard to think of a more vulnerable population for abuse than churches’ youngest members: babies and children. Approximately one in four girls and one in 13 boys will experience childhood sexual abuse (Center for Disease Control; https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childsexualabuse/fastfact.html) In approximately 90% of sexual abuse cases, the survivor knew the offender. Coaches, teachers, parents, grandparents, and yes, even pastors, are amongst the identities of sexual abuse offenders.

These sobering statistics are more than just numbers: they represent children that have been harmed. Now the church has the opportunity to respond. Although the local church cannot end sexual abuse altogether, churches can take preventive measures to ensure the safety of their youngest members during church events. Below are ten recommendations to help reduce the likelihood that sexual abuse will occur in your church’s nursery and kids ministry areas.

1. Use background checks for staff and volunteers

Background checks will not weed out future offenders or unreported sexual abuse offenders, but background checks can potentially catch questionable offenses, show red flags, or ward off individuals with criminal charges. Do not skip the background checks.

2. Provide sexual abuse training

Each church should provide sexual abuse training to all volunteers working with youth and to all staff members. Provide clear-cut definitions and examples of abuse, as well as procedures for reporting abuse to the church and local authorities. Partner with local authorities and other churches for education and training. 

3. Establish abuse protocols

Plan ahead, develop, and document a course of action for handling abuse situations in your church. Include a system of reporting, disciplinary action, and mandatory reporting to local officials. Make sure the church can easily communicate its protocols and policies.

4. Reduce access to potential “hiding” places

When children are present, reduce access to unused rooms, closets, and locked spaces. Make it difficult to find an “alone” place. If your church uses video surveillance, place cameras near these areas to help provide monitoring. Some churches may even use security surveillance in the nursery rooms.

5. Maintain more than one childcare provider per childcare room

When considering volunteers or staff for youth events and Sunday mornings, have multiple adults work together. Since over 9 percent of child sexual abuse offenders are men, consider having females present alongside male volunteers. Do not leave an adult alone with children.  

6. Generate open sightlines in the children’s ministry space

Promote accountability with open sightlines. Dutch doors, windows, proper lighting, and open spaces, allow others to easily view the children from the hallway.

7. Rethink diaper changing and bathroom breaks

Limit the number of nursery volunteers changing diapers. Have diapers changed in the open room, not a bathroom. If supervision is needed in a children’s restroom during bathroom breaks, make sure at least two adults are present.

8. Prioritize a check-in/check-out system

Every adult checking-in a child should receive a pair of matching guardian and child tickets. The tickets should be verified when an adult is picking up a child. Do not let a child leave the room without the matching guardian ticket.

9. Communicate policies to parents

Conveying the church’s abuse policies and precautionary measures to parents communicates that the church considers abuse as a priority. By telling parents about the correct policies, it helps parents recognize if a behavior or event does not align with the safeguards. A parent provides another invaluable “set of eyes” in reporting inappropriate or concerning behaviors.

10. Pray

Be a church that prays specifically about abuse. Pray for sexual abuse survivors and for sexual abuse offenders. Pray for protection against Satan’s schemes to bring abuse into the church. Pray with staff and with volunteers. Praying communicates a dependency on Christ and also communicates a church’s concerns and priorities.

Childhood sexual abuse is not an easy topic to discuss, but it’s necessary. Shepherding and discipling children involves protecting them. Putting safeguards against abuse is essential. Believers in Christ cannot and should not ignore abuse. Be a church that is proactive in making its community a safe haven for the most vulnerable of people.

 

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One of the Most Overlooked Ways to Get Your Church to Solve Community Problems

The call to shepherd a church is a call to shepherd the community. The responsibility of pastoring a church comes with the mission of serving the community. Churches are not islands in the community, set up to isolate believers from the ails of society. The walls of the church are not protective barriers to community problems. Quite the opposite—the church should be the vehicle by which people are sent into the hardest, darkest parts of the neighborhood.

But how? Most will agree the church should be part of the solution, at least in theory. You can get a lot of head nods and amens when you preach about solving community problems. Many churches have good intentions but do not where to start. The hard part is putting the sermon into action. How does a church become part of the solution to improve a community?

The list of ideas is long. While each community will have neighborhood-specific problems, one issue stands out as a neglected nationwide solution most churches are not considering. Fostering is one of the most overlooked ways to get your church to solve community problems.

Fostering connects you to the heart of community problems. Do you want to jump into the thick of evil? Whatever issues are producing foster children are often the core of a community’s sins. Take a foster child into your home, and you are immediately connected to some of the most difficult issues in your community. In Bradenton, where I live, drug addiction, specifically heroin, is ravaging the city. We are the top county in child removal rates in all of Florida, due mainly to heroin addiction of parents.

Fostering is a way for pastors to lead by example. At any given time, we will have a dozen or more foster children in our church. The foster movement at our church began with a couple of families. Now several families are fostering, including some of our staff. Do you want to practice what you preach? Then foster. You will live several sermons a week.

Fostering gets churches taking care of the most vulnerable. Fostering is one way to be both pro-life and pro-justice. A pro-life ethic and a pro-justice ethic are not diametrically opposed. When James wrote of widows and orphans, both life and justice are present in the text. When you foster a child, you are championing both ethics.

Fostering creates a culture of sacrifice. Foster parents lose privacy, money, security, and a whole lot of sleep. Sacrifice is required from the moment you start going through the certification process. Get enough people fostering in your church, and a culture of sacrifice will form.

Fostering supports the biblical notion of church as family. While rules vary by state, many of the adults in your church will qualify to foster. You can be single and foster. You don’t have to have biological children to foster. Other options, like providing respite care, are also available if you don’t want to take on the full responsibility of fostering. Frankly, you will need the support of your church to foster. When a church has several foster children, the idea of a church being family becomes quite real.

Fostering gets people off the church island. Do you want to free your people from the concept of the church offering protective isolation? Start a movement of fostering. The church is not a fallout shelter from a radioactive world. You can’t be salt and light hunkered down in isolation.

My family forever changed when we started fostering. We adopted one of our foster sons. Our foster children bring joy, frustration, confusion, and contentment—sometimes all emotions at once. It’s not easy, but I’m thankful.

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