Tedder's Blog, page 7

Fear Not Friday | Do you fear your mother?

On the discussion of fear, ask yourself why you wouldn’t fear someone who didn’t protect you when it was there job to protect you.

In my podcast The Pedophile Huntress https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jodie-tedder, I often hear from those that had their father as the abuser that they often struggle with the mother relationship, too. Why wouldn’t they?

A mother is defined by Oxford as “a woman in relation to her child or children.” That’s the defintion and rightfully so. The definition does not include words like protector, caregiver, or even nurse. It is simply a relational position between two human beings.

Now, the heart of humans want to define a mother as something very different — a compasion being that nurtures and cares deeply for her offspring. I know plenty of people that had lousy mothers. Deeper still those mothers that were complicit in the abuse through their actions or through their silence.

That’s devestating to a child. When a father begins his abuse a mother’s job is to protect, isn’t it? When a mother fails to protect her innocent offspring fear is born in the heart of that child. Isolation chills out love and fear resides in its place.

Do you rightfully have a fear for the person you called mother?

God is always available and looking for ways to love us. Cry out to him in your pain. Let him ease your burden by releasing it to his capable hands.

#UCU

Eye of the Needle

That god had pulled her through a needle’s eye so narrow that this thread in front of them was all that remained.

The hurt burrowed deeper than anything shed ever felt, deep enough to change from the thing she felt to the thing she was.

That god had pulled her through a needles eye so narrow that this thread in front of them was all that remained.

And all that mattered.

She just kept following the thread, letting it guide her without letting go, or giving up or asking too many questions.

She learned to trust. To feel with her hands instead of her head.

The thread lead her home. Lead her back to herself and to places she couln’t have imagined in her dreams.

B

Words of Wisdom | Angels Among Us

Angels eat. Did you ever think about that? When God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening to accompany Lot. Here’s the story.

20 Then the Lord said, “The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is so great and their sin so grievous 21 that I will go down and see if what they have done is as bad as the outcry that has reached me. If not, I will know.”

genesis 18 (niv)

Abraham pleads with God to save the city. He speaks to God and asks him to find 50 righteous people in the city. God says he’ll see if he can find 50 righteous people. If he does he will spare the city. Abraham continues until he reduces the number of righteous people to 10:

32 Then he said, “May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak just once more. What if only ten can be found there?”
He answered, “For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it.”
33 When the Lord had finished speaking with Abraham, he left, and Abraham returned home.

God cannot find even 10 people who live a decent life, so he sends his angels to destroy the city. These are God’s angel – not fallen angels. The fallen angels have made the city inhabitable by the deeds they’d encouraged.

The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city.
. . .
He prepared a meal for them, baking bread without yeast, and they ate.

Genesis 19:1-3 (NIV)

As the story continues, “Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom—both young and old—surrounded the house. 5 They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.” Genesis 19:4-5.

Well, that didn’t go very well for them. Angels are fierce warriors fighting for the Kingdom of Light. The two angels said, hey – if you have any family here “Get them out of here, 13 because we are going to destroy this place. The outcry to the Lord against its people is so great that he has sent us to destroy it.” Genesis 19:12-13.

Angels are among us all the time to help deliver us, to teach us, to warn us, and to help save us. Look for them.

Angels eat.

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Creativity requires vulnerability.

Creativity requires vulnerability. It also requires courage and honesty… the ability to expose hard, truths, peep back layers that others miss or refused to acknowledge.

Every time you create, there is risk of misunderstanding, lack of appreciation, or rejection. This is why so many give up on trying to write a book, make a movie or embark on any creative endeavor.

There is no way around this and no road to great success that avoids vulnerability.

It occurred to me today – God was vulnerable in His creation too!

God was fine without us, without the animals, water, land and universe. He didn’t create out of need. He created because he desires something that required risk- He wanted community with men and women made in His Image. His creativity required vulnerability too.

We must have the courage to be vulnerable, to risk sharing our creative truth.

For, in the words of Brené Brown, 

“Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.”

B

Mirror Mirror | To Kill a Mockingbird

Introspection — what better way to start a week.

The title of To Kill a Mockingbird has very little literal connection to the plot, but it carries a great deal of symbolic weight in the book. In this story of innocents destroyed by evil, the “mockingbird” comes to represent the idea of innocence. Thus, to kill a mockingbird is to destroy innocence.

For those of us that walked through a childhood where our innocence was destroyed, I pray a tremendous release and blessing over your new year. May 2024 restore to you what was taken. My new innocence be birthed in you. I pray that your eyes will see innocence in the beauty of a flower, in the smell of a rose — in baking of a fresh loaf of bread.

I see a miracle of restoration for you in 2024!

Today I pray that you may reflect on the purity of things as God created them to be. His design is delicate in nature and is birthed through the faith of understanding his love.

Peace be with you in this New Year!

New Year, New Beginnings

At the close of every year, I like to glance back through the year and take stock of what the year held, good and hard.  Some years we have big changes.  What changed for you?  Other years just seem to blend into each other with a lot of normal routines and only subtle changes.  What stayed the same for you? 

When I ponder the incoming year, I celebrate Jesus’s faithfulness again. What will 2024 hold? We can’t know the answer now, but we know one thing for certain: Jesus holds us. Just as He demonstrated His goodness to us daily during this last year, so He promises to express it throughout the coming year.

Celebrate Jesus tonight and welcome the dawn with joy, knowing that He will greet you every morning in the year ahead.

Believe in yourself and the world will believe in you too.

Happy New Year! And Happy New Beginnings!

B

Jewels, Gems & Gunpowder

I would love to hear from you! Sharing Saturday with you.

A Jewel: God holds me in the palm of his hand. He knows me by name. He’s counted the numbers of my hair. He calls to me in my lonely places and acknowledges my pain. He knows my weaknesses. He also knows my strengths. What would I do without him.

A Gem: Each day we make choices. Each day those choices will count towards the next day. I pray I make my choices wisely.

Metaphorical Gunpowder: God came to me when I was three. His love never left me in midst of great abuse and despair. His love is what I pursue. His love is what changes me. His grace is sufficient for all I need, all I’ve lived through, and whatever next steps I take.

Please comment below by leaving your jewel, a gem or something you keep yourself free from with metaphorical gunpowder.

All love!

Fear Not Friday | Who Are you Aligning Yourself With?

On the discussion of fear, who do you keep with you in your inner circle?

I have learned through the years that those around me matter. I’m not talking about causal acquaintances. What I am talking about here are those relationships or connections that mean something to you.

Do you fear those connections?

Maybe you should.

Have you asked God what he thinks?

There is a bible story in Joshua 9 that talks about the Gibeonite Deception. Joshua and his men had just taken Jericoh (you know the city where the walls fell down after God’s people marched around the city for six days). War was imminent with surrounding regions. The Gibeonites took the matter into their own hands by putting together a way to decieve Joshua.

“However, when the people of Gibeon heard what Joshua had done to Jericho and Ai, 4 they resorted to a ruse: They went as a delegation whose donkeys were loaded with worn-out sacks and old wineskins, cracked and mended. 5 They put worn and patched sandals on their feet and wore old clothes. All the bread of their food supply was dry and moldy. 6 Then they went to Joshua in the camp at Gilgal and said to him and the Israelites, “We have come from a distant country; make a treaty with us.”

Joshua 9:3-6

What does Joshua do? He asks them for their story. Verse 8: “But Joshua asked, “Who are you and where do you come from?”

9 They answered: “Your servants have come from a very distant country because of the fame of the Lord your God. For we have heard reports of him: all that he did in Egypt, 10 and all that he did to the two kings of the Amorites east of the Jordan—Sihon king of Heshbon, and Og king of Bashan, who reigned in Ashtaroth. 11 And our elders and all those living in our country said to us, ‘Take provisions for your journey; go and meet them and say to them, “We are your servants; make a treaty with us.”’ 12 This bread of ours was warm when we packed it at home on the day we left to come to you. But now see how dry and moldy it is. 13 And these wineskins that we filled were new, but see how cracked they are. And our clothes and sandals are worn out by the very long journey.”

Joshua 9:9-13

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON:

14 The Israelites sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the Lord.

All relationships are not good. Sometimes people mean to deceive you.

Do yourself a tremendously good favor — ASK GOD WHAT HE THINKS of aligning with the people in your life! An abuser that deceives — he won’t want you with.

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Take Your Power Back

I overcame so many dark moments with the realization that I didn’t want my father to win—in the midst of all the pain (much of it caused by him), I didn’t want him to win.

I wanted to take my power back.

At some point, something inside me shifted into a determination for me to win, to live, and to make choices for myself that would give me freedom and the opportunity to live a life that I wanted, on my terms.

Every time I feel guilty, yearn for the connection of a father, question myself, my memory, my integrity… & travel back and forth to the land of self-doubt… I remind myself that someone will see this, know it wasn’t their fault, and recognize they have every right to demand outrage from themselves and others, outrage that exists because of having to hide such a defining moment.

But, this also is about strength and becoming stronger than the pain you have suffered. This is about normalizing the strength that your trauma gave birth to and becoming more. More of everything, but especially more power to those whose voices were ignored for too long.

B

Words of Wisdom | Acting is Reacting

In a home of incest I always felt like I was acting. I was given a role in the cast but I was never given a script. It’s a terrible way to live unless your reality is miserable and cannot be talked about.

Performers of the grandest kind often come from homes of neglect and abuse. We have been taught acting our entire lives.

When you feel miserable –smile. When you hurt — pretend you don’t. We you are writhing with intense pain — stuff it down and block it.

You have to get real good at it or you will not survive abusive homes.

Acting without a script.

Method acting is not used in criminally abusive homes. Growing up you never rely on personal experience and memory! Both your experience and your memory are thrsupposed to be thrown away.

To live authentically today is the hardest part of healing. I liked acting because it was what I was taught. No matter who I met, I could pretend.

Today, I’m Jodie. I don’t want to pretend and I don’t want to be around pretenders.