Tedder's Blog, page 14

WWW | Wednesday Words of Wisdom | OPEN THE DOOR

Have you ever stood on the outside of a closed door and heard something bad happening on the other side?

I have.

And I didn’t open the door.

What is that fear that stops us from confronting the truth? I don’t know, but I do know that there isn’t a day that goes by that I wish I hadn’t opened that door and confronted that situation.

Instead, I let my terror of reality stop me — COLD fear.

Today, I believe I would open that door in the same situation, but — would I? Doesn’t cold fear stops us from looking at realities time and time again?

Why?

If I believed with all that I am that God will stand up with me, would I open the door then?

Letting Go …

Your trauma doesn’t make God uncomfortable. Nobody is too damaged for Him to relate to.

In fact, meeting God when I was on my knees brought me closer to him. He was there was I was being abused by my father and later, when I was abusing myself. And although I was angry for years …I always knew he was watching over me.

God helped me grow even when I felt stuck. When I chose death, he gave me life.

Learning to Trust God and trust ourselves we can see more clearly the light that can shine through our own broken places and ultimately heal us: body, mind, and soul.

B

Fear Not Friday

Remember these words today:

I can go from despair to hope.Gut-wrenching, internal wrestlings to complete trust.From Deep sorrow to rejoicing! I am more than a conqueror!“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Have a beautifully blessed weekend!

Trigger Happy

Triggers are confronting. They happen to everyone to a certain degree but especially to those who suffer from past trauma.

They happen to us at work, in relationships, and in interactions with complete strangers.

A trigger is basically an unhealed emotional wound. The level of emotions you experience gives you insight in to how long the trigger has gone suppressed.

They come on fast, unrelenting and often, without warning. You can feel it spreading through your body — the feeling of adrenaline and dyscombobulation, maybe feeling numb in your hands or your face, or having trouble expressing your thoughts.
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But what if instead of avoiding our triggers, we became curious?
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What is this trigger teaching me? ⠀
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What event or memory from my past does this trigger remind me of? ⠀
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What unhealed pain inside me is yearning to be seen?⠀
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Our triggers can be our greatest teachers. It’s an invitation to observe what needs to be healed within us. ⠀
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In healing triggers, we change the way we perceive the world around us and our interactions with the people in it. If we can identify triggers and separate ourselves from the emotional reaction, we gain insight.

B

Gorged on Intelligence

“Brilliant!” We all like to claim. What I’ve learned is that knowledge without wisdom is useless.

Gathering information like squirrels gather nuts, we all run around trying to protect ourselves with it. Our stomachs are bloated with knowledge and our souls are sick from lack of rest.

“Learn more about your pain, do more self-care, promote your well-being,” and the list goes on and on.

Want your pain to end? Pray the prayer of Jabez. It is a little gem hidden in the book of Chronicles.

The name Jabez means “he causes pain,” so it is assumed that something about his birth was exceptionally more painful than the usual birth – either physically or emotionally. In Bible times, a name was very important. A name often defined a person’s future – what they would become. So perhaps Jabez’s mother was predicting her baby’s future.

Jabez defied his hopeless name and dysfunctional beginning to become a man who believed fervently in the power of God. He prayed with urgency and vulnerability. He cried out to the Lord with boldness!

I will not let my past define me nor will I let it predict my future.

Lame, But Not Disabled

I entered adult life lame. I was weak and fell behind the others around me. I married my first husband at 18 to get away from my parents. He, of course, was a classic abuser and royal asshole.

My attempts to keep myself and my children safe around him, never seemed to work. I was ill-equipped at defense and terrified of him.

Oh, I tried time and time again to get away from him but nothing seemed to work. I was also a student of my parents’ charlatan Christian façade. This kept me bound to my marriage and wrapped in deceitful, ungodly ways. They were all frauds, but I couldn’t see it then. I was just being a good student – you know, a good girl.

What God would ever want a person to suffer at the hands of an abusive person? Before I had children, my face had been left scarred by a glass he’d thrown at me in a fit of jealousy. Would God really have said, “return to him?”

I don’t think so, but I returned to him time and time again.

He would hit and verbally abuse my children right in front of me, but I had no courage to stand against this man; sadly not for me or for my children. I despised him and wanted to protect us, but my attempts seemed futile.

My childhood had rendered me lame.

I reached out time and time again for help.

Once me and my siblings attempted to flee our abusive husbands. It was a complete shit show and ultimately I went back to him even after my oldest daughter told me about some inappropriate touching.

What the fuck was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I get away from this abuse?

I went to a church we were attending and signed me and my husband up for counseling. What a joke! We showed up at our assigned time and the counselor had lost our paperwork. The guy remember enough to tell us we were in a trauma V. A trauma V – we were in severe abuse and needed guidance and help.

My past had put such a thick layer of denial over my eyes, I truly could not determine the right way to go or the right person to listen to. It seemed I listened to every wrong voice and never my own.

I couldn’t stand watching the agony in myself or my children any longer and I finally found the courage to leave.

You know how I started getting on in life? I began trusting myself. I trusted my failures. I listened to the voice guiding me inside myself. I turned off all the noise of the outside world and all the sudden, I was beginning to see more clearly.

I wasn’t disabled – I needed to turn off the voice of my abusers.

Unanswered Prayers

I’ve had a lot of prayers answered in my time and I’ve had a lot of unanswered prayers too.

Unanswered prayers serve the purpose of leading me to the ultimate gift—peace of mind and heart. A peace that comes from trusting God with EVERY aspect of my life.

I’m not saying that this is easy to do. It’s a constant battle of my will vs. His best. But when I stop fighting, there is a peace and an absence of fear. Peace of mind and soul is much better than a temporary “yes.”

And if there’s one thing I have learned by now it’s what God says in Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.”

God knows what’s best for us far better than we do. He even withholds “good” things from us because He sees the bigger picture. He knows what’s coming down the road in our lives. He knows how to help us grow. He knows what experiences we need so we can help others in a deeper way.

I have learned :

If you can’t be content with what God had given you today, you won’t be content with what he will give you tomorrow.

B

Mirror Mirror | Peace

Introspection — what better way to start a week.

Question: How do you describe peace?

Traversing childhood traumatic experiences leaves my soul wandering sometimes. It is as if it took all the stillness out of my being.

Relearning? Relearn what?

I was never taught anything about stillness. Sure, I had to sit still. I had to be calm for my father, but stillness – internally, you know the thing that peace is made from – yeah, I had none of that.

It has taken my lifetime to unlearn the packages that were left with me from my upbringing. Oh, I ain’t mad at nobody, but my gosh — the wreckage that was left in me has been tremendous.

My soul is challenged when it comes to peace.

As I look back over the course of my life, I see that the deepest times of healing were when I began to rock steady, still my boat, remove habits that disturbed my peace, and chill.

No wonder I ran! The many childhood memories I’ve discovered by slowing down kept my feet moving at a steady pace.

I didn’t think that would happen, but now my legs are a bit more peaceful, my mind a bit more calm, my habits are aligning to goodness, and my heart is much more open.

#UCU

Jewels, Gems & Gunpowder

I would love to hear from you! Sharing Saturday with you.

A Jewel: Healing is truly a journey — not a destination. In other words, there is no end to getting and being better, right?

So often I hear stories from victims of childhood sexual crimes and they are just at the beginning of opening the door to the memories, the chaos surrounding them, the pain and loss. What I see is that most will stop their minds from further exploration believing they have enough of the story to survive.

I believed that — once. Until my mind, heart, and soul carried me on. God’s purpose for me was further exploration.

Why?

Because His love longs for my freedom.

A Gem: I would not be the adult woman that I am today without releasing the broken child that was hiding inside me. I no longer fear like I once did. I see the paths before me and I smile at my future.

Metaphorical Gunpowder: I know that there are rape scenes in my past that I haven’t yet explored, physical abuse that happened to me that I’d rather forget, and the pain and anguish of hurtful people filling my mind with insults and injury. That’s okay. If I need to go there, I’m fine with that. Today I have tools and skills that help me surf right on past them.

Please comment below by leaving your jewel, a gem or something you keep yourself free from with metaphorical gunpowder.

All love!

Fear Not Friday | Do you fear those that choose darkness?

On the discussion of fear, I have a very healthy fear for those that delight in wrongdoing. Trust me when I say that there are many who like their choices of bad. They have no guilt but actually take pleasure in bringing and giving pain.

Fear these folks!

Nuff said.