Leslie Glass's Blog, page 413

Go Grab Another Glass of Water

What is water? Water is the basis of all living organisms on earth.  Its chemical formula is H2O; one oxygen and two hydrogen atoms. It’s delicious, should be odorless, clear, and refreshing.

Water, Adam’s Ale is the most important element on earth.  H2O is still the best fluid for our body and is the ideal source of fluid for it is calorie-free, caffeine-free and alcohol-free.  58 gallons on average of aqua is consumed per year by Americans.  That is 2.5 cups a H2O per day.  Our body is about 2/3 H2O.  That means we do need to replenish our fluid balance constantly.  Different parts of our body depend on aqua for their healthy function.  So you thought you had enough water?  Go grab another glass of aqua.  For your health!

Helpful Water Tips:


Weight Loss

If you are looking to lose some weight, add that extra glass of H2O to your daily intake.  Drink water before meals.  It will help you feel full.  Next time you feel hungry and you have had your meal, take that glass of aqua and drink it.  It is going to help you ease your hunger which may be a mistake in translation after all.

Energize Your Body

When you are tired during the day, drink couple glasses of H2O and you will feel the difference.

Help Rid Kidneys Of Toxins

Apart from the fact that H2O prevents kidney stones, water also helps flush toxins in our body.  Eight cups per day of water is good, but the Institute of Medicine estimates that men should drink approximately 13 cups of water per day and women should drink 9 cups of water per day.

Skin’s Vitality

Skin cells cannot perform without Adam’s ale.  When it is hydrated well enough it has the healthy appearance.  If you want to work on the sagginess and drooping, drink this glass of water to reach adequate balance for your skin and muscles.  The ones among us who are prone to oily skin, drinking H2O is very important to help overcome acne and breakouts.

Electrical Energy For Brain Function

There is a link between drinking aqua and the brain function.  We experience blurring, mental fatigue, depression, anger and even headaches when we are dehydrated.  So next time you are going through anger spell, hydrate yourself.  You will be in a better mood.

As in any element, it has the negative side effects.  Over-hydration is a problem you do not want to have because it can cause the level of salt in your blood to drop too low.  This condition is very serious.  It is also called water intoxication.

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Leaving A Gaslighting Partner

Have you been in a hurtful relationship for years? Prehaps your boyfriend/girlfriend is gaslighting you…Has this person done despicable things. Why can’t you bring yourself to leave? Your self-esteem is in the dumper, and only getting worse the longer you stay. Why can’t you get out?

If this has happened to you, you should ask yourself drew you to the person at the beginning of your relationship. Often, people who show the world one face while behind closed doors, when the mask comes off, a different picture is presented. Don’t blame yourself. These manipulators are adept at attracting trusting partners. Sometimes it takes a while for the signs to become apparent and by the time it happens, you may already feel comfortable enough to stay.

Gaslighting Is More Than Mere Manipulation

Can you take a moment to make a list of the things that you observe that fall into the category of gaslighting? Has the person tried to make you believe that you are making things up or over-reacting? Does he/she gather others to support his point of view or tell you that no one will believe you?

A behavior common to each of these personality disorders is “gaslighting.” The term comes from the 1944 film “Gaslight,” starring Charles Boyer as a husband so determined to protect a secret that he drives his wife, played by Ingrid Bergman, into insanity.

Although I am not in a position to offer a diagnosis, people who exhibit such traits often fall into the category of personality disorder. To maintain control, those with personality disorders need to make the other people in their lives wrong. Manipulative folks try to gain the upper hand by denying making certain statements, accusing others of disloyalty and encouraging second-guessing.

On the flip side, do you have supportive family and friends? Do you know anyone who can offer you a hand out of the situation? What will it take for you to say adios to this partner who may be feeding her or his own needs at your expense?  Why have you remained in this painful situation as long as you have?  What would it mean for you to go? I encourage you to seek the support of a competent therapist to help you with making the decision about leaving.

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A Co-dependent’s Chocolate Covered Recipe For Love

My son and I aren’t speaking the same love language. I showed him love in the way I wanted to be loved instead of in the way he wanted to be loved.

Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, divides how we give and receive love into the following categories:

Telling me you love me with words (Words of Affirmation)
Doing thoughtful things for me (Acts of Service)
Wanting to hold my hand and hug me (Physical Touch)
Spending alone time with me (Quality Time)
Giving me tokens and presents (Receiving Gifts)

Several weeks ago, my 12 year old son, Alex, brought home a worksheet he did at school that changed my world. It was a simple self-discovery quiz based on The 5 Love Languages using pictures to help children find out what their love language is. The worksheet showed cartoon illustrations paired with child-like acts of love.

In the category of words of affirmation, for example, my son specifically wanted love via a handwritten note in his lunch box. I was set on telling him how much I love him because I want my words of affirmation to be spoken. I told him this first thing every morning and then again when I dropped him off at school. When I corrected him, I reassured him that “I’ll always love him no matter what.”  Thanks to the handout, I now hide notes in his lunch box. It’s the first thing he mentions when he gets in the car after school.

Ways You Can Love Yourself

Alex’s paperwork taught me something else, I can show love for myself in the exact way I need. I don’t need to wait until someone else decides to love me, I can love me well.  Before recovery, I spent all of my time loving others. I knew that these loving beings would some day get around to loving me back. Some did. Some didn’t. When the ones who did returned the love, it was often in their love language and difficult for me to translate.

I can love myself by:

Writing myself a love letter (Words of Affirmation)
Hiring a maid to clean my house (Acts of Service)
Getting a message (Physical Touch)
Going to a movie of my choice (Quality Time)
Buying myself flowers or candy (Receiving Gifts)

To practice giving myself the Love Language of Receiving Gifts I made myself some chocolate covered strawberries this weekend.

Co-dependent’s Chocolate Covered Treats

Ingredients:

One 16 oz. package of fresh strawberries OR marshmallows, pretzels, or candy canes
6 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips (approximately half a bag)
2 tsp coconut oil
pink Himalayan sea salt

Wash the strawberries and then let them dry. They will take several hours to dry. Put the chocolate chips and coconut oil in a microwave safe measuring cup. Microwave for 30 seconds. Stir. Microwave for 30 more seconds. Stir again. Dip the dry strawberries into the chocolate and then place on waxed paper to dry.  Sprinkle the berries with sea salt. Refrigerate until the chocolate sets. Eat with a heart filled with gratitude and self love.

*This sauce also makes a delicious fondue, perfect for dipping nuts, other fruits, cookies, or even pieces of cake. Waiting for the chocolate to dry isn’t necessary. If you choose to dip other fruits, just be sure to pat them dry before dipping. If any juice or water gets into the chocolate, it will change the consistency and be difficult to work with.

Of all the people I have known, I’ve known myself the longest. I’ve never spent a day without me, so it only makes sense that the best love of my life should come from me.

The post A Co-dependent’s Chocolate Covered Recipe For Love appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Farmers hit hard by opioid crisis

A study published recently by the American Farm Bureau Federation and the National Farmers Union shows farmers and ranchers have been hit significantly harder by the opioid crisis than rural populations overall.

Nearly three-quarters—74%—of farmers surveyed say they have been directly impacted by the opioid epidemic, compared to 45% of rural Americans overall. Similarly, 77% of farmers (and 74% of agriculture workers in general) say it is easy to illegally access prescription opioids or painkillers in their community compared to 46% of all rural Americans polled for the survey, which was conducted by Morning Consult, a market research firm.

Understanding the challenge

Three out of four rural adults surveyed recognize opioid abuse can begin with use of what are deemed to be “safe” prescribed opioids or painkillers, and half of respondents say addiction to opioids is a disease rather than the result of a lack of willpower. Still, other findings in the study illustrate one blind spot in rural America’s understanding of the opioid crisis: the extent of it in rural America’s own backyard:

Just 31% of rural Americans surveyed acknowledged “rural communities are impacted the most by the opioid crisis” to be a true statement.
57% of rural Americans says opioid abuse is a major problem in urban communities, while just 47% acknowledge it as such for rural communities.

Pursuing solutions

Respondents showed little confidence in the availability of treatment. About a third (34%) of rural adults say it would be easy to access treatment for an addiction to prescription drugs or heroin, while 38% feel they could seek care that is effective, covered by insurance, convenient or affordable.

Two methods of addressing the opioid crisis were supported by a majority of those taking part in the poll:

68% say they are in favor of increasing public education surrounding resources.
57% say reducing shame and/or stigma around opioid addiction is an effective part of solving the opioid crisis.

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What Does an Anxiety Disorder Feel Like? Here Are 4 Signs You May Have a Problem

 

If 2.6 billion people were suffering from an illness, you’d think we’d all be more familiar with it. That figure represents 33.7% of the population of the world, after all. It also represents the share of that population that will at some point experience an anxiety disorder, according to the National Institutes of Health.

For those billions, the experience of clinical anxiety can range from a persistent fretfulness, distractedness and a sort of whole-body clenching, to the paralytic crisis of a full-blown panic attack. All of it feels lousy; all of it is a state you race to escape — which typically only makes it worse. But all of it, happily, is diagnosable, controllable and ultimately treatable. The key is recognizing if your anxiety rises to the level of a clinical condition, and if it does, what to do about it.

Anxiety may, by definition, feel bad, but that doesn’t mean it therefore is bad. It’s a menacing world out there, and your brain needs a way to grab your attention when you’re stumbling into danger. The job of doing that is actually handled by two brain regions: the amygdala, situated deep in the brain’s basement, and the higher, more complex cerebral cortex.

As befits its humble location, the amygdala processes very basic emotions — fear, anger, guilt, envy — and handles them quickly and unthinkingly. The fear you experience from a menacing stranger and the fear you experience from a scary movie set off the same amygdala alarms, and do it within 20 milliseconds — a very good thing if the danger is real. The job of determining whether it is or not goes to the cerebral cortex, which sorts things through more coolly and either responds to the threat or shuts down the siren the amygdala has set off.

Sometimes, however, the alarm gets stuck. The cerebral cortex can get flummoxed trying to sort real risks from exaggerated ones: Doorknobs do carry germs, so how do you know the one you touched didn’t have something deadly? People do suffer social humiliation at parties or while giving speeches; how do you know you won’t be one of them?

The most common recognized anxiety disorders include general anxiety disorder, agoraphobia (or fear of being in public situations you can’t escape), social anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), specific phobias, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and separation anxiety disorder. There is no blood test or brain scan that can conclusively diagnose any of them, but here are four signs that may point to trouble.

You have a high level of distress

Anxiety is a question of degree. It’s one thing to be jittery before an important test or presentation or to worry about your health when an epidemic is in the news. And if you have a particular sensitivity — flying, dentists, working the room at a crowded party — you’re going to be tense as one of those situations approaches. If the tension consumes your day, however, if it crowds out other thoughts or if the psychic pain goes from troubling to severe, that’s another matter.

“Anxiety will prevent people from sleeping; they’ll find themselves crying over it,” says psychologist Golda Ginsburg, professor of psychiatry at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine and a specialist in child and adolescent mental health. “There are students who will vomit in the days leading up to a test.”

In some cases, the emotions become so severe they lead to a panic attack, a sort of weaponized anxiety that hits fast and hard and includes such symptoms as dizziness, rapid heart rate, depersonalization or out-of-body experience and a fear of losing control or dying. “If you suddenly have to slam on your brakes and swerve to avoid a collision, that pounding heart and rapid breath you feel for a few minutes after is a form of panic attack,” says psychologist Anna Albano, director of Columbia University’s Clinic for Anxiety and Related Disorders. “In the context of a disorder, however, you might start to feel the same thing the moment you walk into the office or a party.”

Your panic is persistent

An anxious brain, like a non-anxious brain, is always learning. But the anxious brain sometimes learns the wrong things and has an awfully hard time unlearning them. Once you’ve decided that people at parties are probably judging you, your brain may lock that lesson in and pretty soon generalize it to any social encounter. Ditto an obsessive-compulsive fear of disease or a panic over separation or loss. Sometimes, especially in the case of OCD, it takes just a single traumatic event — a genuinely embarrassing social moment, say, or a legitimate medical scare — for the brain to establish a fixed fear. Left untreated, those anxieties can go on for months and years.

You avoid things because of your fears

We all avoid things we fear or dislike: you could go your whole life without roller coasters or cilantro or horror movies. But they don’t really affect your life. Anxieties start to strip away the things that do. “You may dread getting a medical test because of what you could learn,” says Albano. “But if you’re avoiding going to your doctor at all because of it, that’s a problem.”

People with an airplane phobia may, similarly, limit their travel to only places they can drive. People with big dreams may sometimes settle for smaller ones because their anxiety holds them back. “I know people who went to law school and wanted to pursue a career in criminal law but were afraid to be in front of a courtroom,” says Albano. “So they push documents in a law firm instead.”

Your worries interfere with your day-to-day life

Ultimately, an anxiety disorder may become so severe that the basic business of living becomes compromised. People suffering from OCD may need hours to get out of the house in the morning because the pillows on the bed aren’t arranged properly. Schoolwork and job performance may suffer because perfectionism makes it impossible to complete a project or because social anxiety makes it impossible to talk to classmates or colleagues. Things become worse when emotional symptoms lead to physical ones such as headaches, loss of appetite and sleeplessness. “The question I ask first is, ‘Is your anxiety impairing your functioning?’” says Goldberg.

Anxiety responds well to professional care. Treatment may include psychotropic medications like Zoloft or Prozac, which can at least lower the voltage of the pain. That may make it easier to embrace and practice the techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy, in which people learn to talk back to their anxiety, reframe their fears to something less extreme, and practice self-soothing techniques like mindfulness or distraction or breathing. Slow, graduated exposure to the very things people fear also helps the brain break the link between the trigger situation and the terror that follows.

No one can live a life untouched by anxiety. But with the right skills and the right help, no one needs to live one that is destroyed by it, either.

The post What Does an Anxiety Disorder Feel Like? Here Are 4 Signs You May Have a Problem appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Love the Club, Hate the Cocaine (and the Lies)

December 5, 2017




The Sweet Spot
By STEVE ALMOND and CHERYL STRAYED

The “Dear Sugars” podcast is an advice program hosted by Steve Almond and Cheryl Strayed. The audio contains more letters; submissions are welcome at dearsugars@nytimes.com. If you’re reading this on desktop, click the play button below to listen. Mobile readers can find “Dear Sugars” on the Podcasts app (iPhone and iPad) or Radio Public (Android and tablet) .

Dear Sugars,

My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for two. Early in our relationship, he used cocaine casually, and I told him I didn’t want him to use it. It was a nonnegotiable. He accepted that and we were O.K., but recently that’s changed. I’ve caught him using it three times in the past six months. Each time, he’s lied to me about it.

He thinks I’m narrow-minded. He says I’ve turned into a cop. Most of his friends do cocaine frequently, and they don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. To him, I’m a party pooper. I think it’s reasonable to ask him to stop doing something that hurts our marriage and potentially his health. I love clubbing with him! I can go to clubs all night and not do drugs — and so can he, or at least he could in the past.

I’m 35 and at a crossroads. I know he’s not an addict, but I’m still scared and I’m drained by our fights. I love him deeply, but I don’t trust him, and I’m not sure I can start a family with someone I don’t trust. Am I being unreasonable? Is there hope for us?

Snowblue

Cheryl Strayed: You say you “know” your husband isn’t an addict, Snowblue, but you describe a pattern of behavior typical of addicts. Your husband promises he won’t use cocaine but does, even though doing so threatens to ruin his relationship with you. He lies to you, and when you discover his deceit, he justifies his drug use by diminishing its harm. Then he twists the story so you’re the one in the wrong (the party pooper, the cop). Every person reading your words who has loved or does love an addict is nodding his/her head and saying, “Yep. That happened to me too.” It’s because breaking promises and lying and playing down the consequences of drug use and covering up lies with inane excuses and rationalizing it with distorted thinking is what addicts do. These behaviors are symptoms of the disease. Whether your husband is an addict or simply in a destructive relationship with cocaine that could lead to addiction is beside the point. You’re acting like a person caught in a web of the sort an addict weaves. Wondering if you’re being unreasonable even though you know you are not, giving your husband second and third chances after he’s lied about using drugs — these are deeply familiar dynamics found in relationships in which one partner is an addict and the other is struggling with loving one.

Steve Almond: The most telling sentence in your letter is this one: “I’m 35 and at a crossroads.” It travels to the heart of your dilemma: If you listen to your instincts, you’re likely to upend your life. This is the reason you’re able to discount all the obvious signs of addict behavior Cheryl cites. You’ve spent a decade with this man. You’re clearly thinking about having children with him. Which brings us to this: “I love him deeply, but I don’t trust him, and I’m not sure I can start a family with someone I don’t trust.” Take a long look at that last clause, Snowblue. Are you really “not sure”? One way of reframing this letter (a scary but necessary way) would be like so: I no longer trust the man with whom I planned to have kids. The next question then becomes: How can I begin to rebuild that trust? Unfortunately, you’re not the one who can do that work. It’s up to your husband.

CS: Please go to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting. Do this even if the thought of going mortifies you. It mortifies most people who walk into that room for the first time, and then they’re so glad they went. The people you meet there will be both comforting and enlightening to you as you navigate through this difficult time.

SA: They will also provide you with many stories of what happens when someone chooses to ignore their mistrust of a partner with a drug or alcohol problem. Some of those stories, I suspect, will involve children. Some of them will come from children. You may need to hear these stories to fully grasp the danger of starting a family with a man who lies and manipulates when it comes to his drug use.

CS: You do not have control over whether your husband uses cocaine. I know that seems like a hard thing to believe, but it’s true. No matter how much he loves you, he will stop using cocaine only if and when he chooses to. He has made this clear to you at least three times already — and probably more often that that (unless you believe that you happened to have busted him every time he broke your agreement). The thing you do have control over is your own life and, in particular, the choices you make in relation to him. The people you meet at Nar-Anon and Al-Anon can help clarify what your boundaries are with your husband and also how you can hold them with a greater sense of peace.

SA: Part of seizing control of your life resides in focusing on your desires. It sounds like you still enjoy clubbing. But my hunch is that, at 35, you’re thinking less about partying all night and more about kids. Does your husband share that desire? Is he willing to confront the behaviors that have eroded your trust? Whatever else may be in doubt, please be clear on this: you deserve to have children with a partner whom you love and trust.

CS: You ask if there’s hope for you and your husband. There are divergent ways to think about what hope means. Is it that your husband will stop using cocaine so you can continue building the life you’ve built together or is it that you will be strong enough to decide you want a life that’s free of deception and manipulation, even if it means leaving the man you love? They are both my hope for you, Snowblue — one or the other. Both are beautiful. Only one of them is up to you.

We’re interested in your feedback on this page. Tell us what you think.

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Study seeks to identify effects of marijuana edibles on children

A study published last month in the Annals of Internal Medicine suggests that effects of accidental consumption of edible cannabis products in children include lethargy, dizziness and abnormal vision. The study analyzed a case series in which children were unintentionally fed THC-infused candy at a birthday party in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Other symptoms present among the affected children who were treated at local hospitals included rapid breathing and heart rate, as well as hypertension, the researchers reported. In some cases, THC levels were not confirmed until after children had been discharged from the hospital.

“Children—and even some adults—can have trouble differentiating between candy and marijuana-infused edibles,” said Kathy T. Vo, MD, lead study author and assistant professor of emergency medicine at the University of California San Francisco. “Child-resistant packaging requirements are getting stronger in some states, but the close resemblance to familiar candies still poses significant risk to children.”

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12 Steps Of Christmas

The 12 steps are used daily by many on their journey of recovery. During this festive time of year, I wanted to use them to help myself and help others navigate the pitfalls, chaos, and relationship conflicts that so often accompany family celebrations, office parties, and other holiday get togethers. Here are my 12 steps of Christmas.

Step 1. Admitted my Holiday Season had become unmanageable

You bet it has. Between the endless temptations and additional stresses, I need to admit this season has become unmanageable. Just like my recovery, my holiday season needs to begin with my admitting things have gotten out of control.

Step 2. Found a Higher Power that could restore Joy to my life

What do I do if I can’t manage the chaos in my life? I find someone who can. That would be my Higher Power. He is able to turn my hectic season into what it was intended to be: a time of peace, sweet fellowship, and authentic relationships.

Step 3. Turned my holiday parties over to my Higher Power

For me going to a holiday party is a landmine of temptations. Food I shouldn’t be eating in quantities I am embarrassed to admit I consume. I am also tempted to behave like my old self, telling jokes that are at someone else’s expense or gossiping about a missing relative in order to win a new friend. By turning my parties over to my Higher Power I am able to breathe a sigh of relief that I am not facing this alone. My Higher Power can do for me what I can’t do for myself.

Perhaps I will get a cold and not be able to attend a gathering. Maybe I will find the courage to stop talking and just listen. Hopefully, I will finally eat before I go and remind myself that this is a meal and not my last meal. Either way I will trust my Higher Power to guide me so I do it better than I did last year.

Step 4. Checked my inventory list and checked it twice

One of the most powerful lessons I have learned from recovery is that I can be completely wrong and that is ok. I’m not my story. I am safe as I explore what I have done no matter how truly wrong my choices and actions have been. I no longer need fear my looking at my list. This gives me the freedom to be honest and brave while feeling loved and safe. This is a far cry from the threat of having Santa leave me only coal if I messed up before Christmas morning. Now I look bravely at my naughty/nice list. I am not my list.

Step 5. Admitted to someone why I was an angry elf

During the holiday season I can become a little cranky because I am being stressed by my own expectations of what it should be.  After I took an honest look at my inventory in Step 4 I look for three things: another person to be my witness, a Higher Power to listen to my confession, and a mirror to see my reflection. By sharing my nice and naughty list with these three I have cleaned my side of the street. This seems to help me stop being angry at myself and others.

Step 6. Were ready to have God remove my Bah Humbug

Once I have shared my naughty list in Step 5 I begin to get ready to say goodbye to all the things on it. My Higher Power gives me many gifts and one of the best is time to grieve when people and things are taken from me. I may miss some of these items on my list, but they have outlived their usefulness and as I get ready to live a life without them I am reminded that often in life we must make room for new by getting rid of the old. All I do here is tell my Higher Power I am finally ready.

Step 7. Asked God to remove my name from the naughty list

Finally, I am ready to say my final goodbyes and ask God to remove everything I had listed on my naughty list. This is how my Higher Power helps me to grow in my recovery journey. He removes all those broken, useless toys that are no longer working for me. It is a great feeling to walk in a Winter Wonderland knowing you are not bogged down with old habits and ideas.

Step 8. Made a list of where I had been a Grinch

How often I would rationalize my actions because of what someone else had done. It was easy to excuse myself when hurt and anger were my compass. In recovery I learn that I can live a life based on doing no more harm and going forth not being a Grinch to my loved ones. If I had harmed someone I simply wrote their name down. Now I had an idea of where I had done harm. I quit making excuses for my actions and started adulting.

Step 9. Revisited the Ghost of Christmas Past

Many memories seem to accompany the holiday season. Some pleasant and some not so pleasant. With this step I am asked to revisit the Ghost of Christmas Past and to make amends with anyone I had harmed.  This allows me room to build new memories free of my past mistakes. I no longer fear the Ghost of Christmas past visiting me after taking this step. I have done all I can.

Step 10. Continued to see if I was being a Scrooge

This daily step asks me to look at my daily life during the holiday season for any signs of falling back into my grumpy ways of handling life. This step is my constant reminder that allows me to clean up my day no matter what a disaster I have made of it. No matter what time of day it is I can start my day over.

Step 11. Took time for myself to sit and meditate in nature

While the crazy pace of this season can sweep me up into it quite easily I am able to detach by slipping outside and allowing nature to calm my frazzled nerves. The North Pole will be fine without me running it so I can go outside and breathe deeply. The message of nature is always, “Slow down. Sit. Be still.” I need to stop and sit with my Higher Power. Being outside calms me and brings me back to a place of serenity, no matter what is happening with the other elves.

Step 12. Gave the best gift of all by sharing my recovery

This is truly where the spirit of giving shines through best. Sharing my recovery with others is the best gift I can give anyone this time of year. It costs me no money to spend a few minutes with someone after a meeting or stop and have a cup of hot cocoa with another member who is struggling. My recovery isn’t perfect or complete. It is simply mine and I want to share it this Holiday Season.

Happy Holidays

Save

Save

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What Parents Need To Say About Teens And Pot

Do teens and pot go together like peanut butter and jelly? When your teens say “Yes”, here’s four ways you can say “No”. It’s a great opportunity to look at the facts together.

Kids of all ages need to hear from their parents regularly to learn what’s good for them and what’s not so good; what are the healthy behaviors that they should work on, and what behaviors and activities they need to avoid. You do this when they are toddlers, keep up the conversation about tough subjects too. You’re still the parent and their guiding light.

No Scare Tactics Allowed

It is tempting, in the case of pot, or other substances, to simply express your fears by telling your child/teen frightening stories of what might happen if they use marijuana. Don’t fall for it. That makes the argument about you and not the issue at hand. Your child will simply say you are a worried, hysterical parent. A more productive approach is to join them in their perspective and look at the facts together.

Studies show that parents have an enormous amount of influence on their children, so the younger they are when you start talking to them about tough subjects, the better the outcome for them, and for you.

Always remember that every conversation you have is related to social issues they face as well as the specific topic you’re addressing. So give them the facts while keeping the following things in mind.

It’s not easy being a kid these days. Kids receive information from many sources that is often not accurate. Parents are the very best people to set the tone for receiving the facts. Our kids also have pressures we didn’t have. Compassion and understanding of what’s happening around them helps your kids know we’re are on their side.
It’s your home. You have the right and responsibility to tell your children what’s not acceptable to you. First, explain you won’t let them do something you know is harmful to them, or illegal. You wouldn’t let them smoke, or drive, or drink, or do other adult activities while they are living at home.

Four Comebacks For Teens And Pot
Teen:

Now that Marijuana has been approved for medical use, and recreational use in so many states, it must be safe to use.

Parent:

That’s a good point. Just because a state approves a drug or activity doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful. Adults do unhealthy yet legal things like drinking too much alcohol, going to tanning beds, smoking cigarettes and vaping. They choose whether they want to do it anyway. And none of those are legal for children and teens because we know it will hurt them.

Teen:

Come on. I bet you used (or I know you use) marijuana and it didn’t (doesn’t) hurt you.

Parent:

Marijuana has been around for a long time. The natural plant may not be harmful in itself. But it’s been weaponized and is much stronger now. What’s being sold on the street is no longer the natural plant. Now marijuana is 14 times more potent than it was in my day. So there are more health hazards especially for children and teens:

Today newer strains of marijuana have different effects than those of the 1970s and 1980s, when THC averaged roughly 3 percent according to National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA).
In the early 1990s, the average THC content in marijuana was about 3.74 percent.
In 2013, it was almost 10 percent, and much higher in some products such as oils and other extracts. Smoking extracts and resins from the marijuana plant with high levels  of THC is on the rise.
There are several forms of these extracts, such as hash oil, budder, wax, and shatter. These resins have 3 to 5 times more THC than the plant itself. (NIDA)

Teen:

If it’s approved for medical use, it must have some benefits.

Parent:

Maybe. There are cases where medical marijuana helps, but the research is still out on how much benefit there is for which disease. THC reduces nausea. In fact, two FDA-approved drugs with THC are prescribed in pill form to people who feel sick or have no appetite as a result of chemotherapy or AIDS. And there is some indication that it helps with seizures. But not enough research has been done to show the benefits. There are a lot of studies that show the harm marijuana can do.

Teen:

A lot of kids at school do it. How can it hurt?

Parent:

I’m sure a lot of kids at school do a lot of things you don’t want to do. Some of them may be drinking alcohol, or taking pills, too. Or maybe these kids tell you pot is less harmful that alcohol. The fact is pot is not safe for a lot of reasons. Here are some facts about marijuana and the brain from the National Institute on Drug Abuse.

As marijuana enters the brain, THC (that we talked about before and is heightened in the new pot) attaches to cells, or neurons that are called cannabinoid receptors. Certain parts of the brain have a lot of cannabinoid receptors and these are the areas most affected. 

How Pot Effects The Brain

Learning and memory. The hippocampus plays a critical role in certain types of learning. Disrupting its normal functioning can lead to problems studying, learning new things, and recalling recent events,
Coordination. THC affects the cerebellum, the area of our brain that controls balance and coordination, and the basal ganglia, another part of the brain that helps control movement,
Judgment. Since THC affects areas of the frontal cortex involved in decision making, using it can make you more likely to engage in risky behavior,

How Pot Effects The Body

Increased heart rate. When someone uses marijuana, heart rate—normally 70 to 80 beats per minute—may increase by 20 to 50 beats per minute or, in some cases, even double.
Respiratory (lung and breathing) problems. Smoke from marijuana irritates the lungs, and can cause a chronic cough—effects similar to those from regular cigarettes.
Increased risk for mental health problems. Marijuana use increases depression and anxiety, as well as suicidal thoughts among adolescents.

 

Centerstone co-authored this article.

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The post What Parents Need To Say About Teens And Pot appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.

Constantly Hurt Feelings Is A Form Of Manipulation

One of the most painful forms of relationship stress is walking on eggshells with someone you love and want to please. Not feeling safe to tell the truth for fear of setting someone off means that person is successfully controlling your behavior for his/her benefit. It’s a form of manipulation.

It takes two to make a relationship, whether it’s a healthy one or not. When one person constantly has hurt feelings, he/she may be using so-called “sensitivity” to guilt-trip and control. Here’s an example.

 Sensitivity Or Manipulation?

Josie was married to Fred, a man who was offended by everything she said, and pretty much everything she did. His “sensitivity” to insult and discomfort would erupt without warning and made her life a misery.

“Sometimes Fred would come home from work, find me happily playing with the kids and feel hurt. Just seeing us happy without him put him in a angry mood. He was always looking for reasons to be offended, and I was always the one at fault.”

You Don’t See It Coming

Josie never knew what was going to “hurt” Fred. Her playing with the kids at the end of the day seemed innocent to her, but Fred raged because no one paid enough attention to him. He wanted to be included no matter what they were doing. He felt left out if others were happy. Talking on the phone with her mother or a co-worker or friend after dinner seemed innocent to Josie. But this activity hurt Fred’s feelings because he felt ignored even if the call was short.

Fred felt he had to be the center of attention all the time. Going to a movie when Fred was at a meeting or out of town seemed innocent to Josie especially if it was a movie she knew he’d hate. To Fred, Josie was depriving him of the experience of seeing it with her. She was showing disrespect by going to something without him.

Wearing a red dress seemed innocent to Josie. To Fred, it meant she was disrespecting him by looking temping or adorable to others. Josie was a fair person, eager to please. She tried to figure out what was going wrong every time it happened, and thought at first it might be her. Fred habitually took offense at anything Josie did that gave her happiness not attached to him, or expressed her own views or wishes. Fred felt these actions were direct hits to his emotional well being. Josie was powerless to assure him that wasn’t the case.

Destructive Conditioning Wears A Person Down

Josie worked hard to anticipate Fred’s reactions and consider his feelings so he would stop erupting, but she could never anticipate enough. Josie found that she was walking through a mine field of Fred’s sensitivity–constantly apologizing, trying to smooth things over and make him understand that she hadn’t meant anything by whatever had offended him. In his eyes she was the bad guy. He was the victim. She began seeing herself as a hopelessly insensitive and unlovable person.

Super Sensitivity Is Also A Red Flag For Addiction To Drama

In reality, though Fred claimed he wanted peace and tranquility, he loved feeling offended. He loved the drama and the fights. He’d be energized by them while Josie would be shattered. Fred used his “sensitivity” to dominate and control Josie. Fred made it appear that Josie had the power to hurt him, but he was always the one pulling the strings.

Recognizing Someone Will Never Be Happy

Over time Josie began to understand that no matter how perfect she tried to make things for Fred he would never be satisfied. It was up to her find a solution. Ultimately her solution was to leave him. It took more than a year to prepare for her exit and a new life. Josie made her transition carefully and with the help and support of those who truly love her.

Making the decision leave a controlling person who can’t change requires a plan, support from therapists, lawyers, family, friends, and others who can back you up, help you cope with reality, and protect you. If you are at risk for violence, call the national victims of abuse hotline.

The post Constantly Hurt Feelings Is A Form Of Manipulation appeared first on Reach Out Recovery.