Leslie Glass's Blog, page 411

25 lasting effects of childhood emotional abuse

Emotional abuse isn’t always recognized as abuse but leaves lasting scars nonetheless. I was called “girl child and an ugly one,” and told I was too stupid to have a career. When a husband called me thunder thighs, I didn’t eat anything for two years and still thought I was fat. You get confused about who and what you are and what’s happening around you.

People who have experienced emotional abuse are affected in some or all of the following ways.

1. They have commitment issues, probably because they had a hard time trusting anyone as a child.

2. They sometimes go into auto-pilot mode and blank out entire conversations or events. This is due to disassociation, a skill learned in childhood, and it’s often unintentional.

3. They experience mood swings which seem to come at random times are often the norm for them. This is often because they had to deal with abuse as a kid, and the only response they knew was to model the behavior.

Emotional Abuse Can Lead To Self Harm
 4. They may commit acts of self-harm. This often follows from doing the same issue in childhood.

5. They are angry underneath it all, and have outbursts of anger seemingly from nowhere.

6. They are nervous all the time. This may make them seem edgy or startle easily.

7. They don’t feel valid. No matter what they’re doing, they’re unsure if they can do it.

8. They have low self-esteem.

9. They don’t handle compliments well. They doubt their veracity.

10. They are quiet. They don’t feel comfortable using their voice after being worn down as small and wrong throughout their childhood.

11. They may have issues getting close to others, because they may not like people.

12. They may beat themselves up mentally and emotionally, since they were beaten emotionally for many years.

13. Conflict gives them immense anxiety, so they often run from it instead of facing it.

14. Making eye contact is extremely difficult and speaking makes them anxious, making it even more difficult.

15. They fear others abandoning or leaving them. They have attachment issues.

Emotional Abuse Can Lead To Feeling You Have To Defend Yourself…All The Time

16. They are often defensive, perceiving people as negative or offensive because of their previous abuse.

17. Often afraid of contact with people, they may be introverted and try to distance themselves as much as possible.

18. They may be sensitive to loud noises, as they were raised in an environment of raised voices and yelling.

People Pleasing Is One Symptom Of Emotional Abuse

19. Many victims of emotional abuse overdo it because they want to please everyone. They become perfectionistic, tidy, clean and organized.

20. Often they will have trouble making decisions, after hearing throughout childhood that they were not good enough.

21. They are tough, but very sensitive. Because of experiencing a plethora of emotions at a young age, you have considerable emotional sensitivity.

22. The world of emotional abuse leaves them second-guessing everything.

23. They constantly say that they’re sorry.

24. They will often ask questions to which they already know the answer, due to self-doubt.

25. They have addiction issues.

26. They are actually remarkably humble. They sincerely appreciate the good things in their life. They are a strong, grateful survivor of their past.

You Can Recover

Do any of these symptoms apply to you or anyone you know? There are ways to change the patterns and get healthier.

If you need help to deal with emotional scars or addiction, check out Recovery Guidance for a free and safe resource to find professionals near you.

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What Is Religion Addiction

Religion Addiction is not designated as a mental disorder by the Diagnostic Systems Manual for Mental Disorders (DSMV) but the criteria for addiction listed below from the DSM guide how an addiction functions and takes over a person’s mental life.  Faith, religious activities, thoughts and rituals can become a habit and then a harmful compulsion. Religion is an integral part of life, even a way of life in itself for millions of people and is seen as normal and beneficial. Since millions of people practice a variety of religions with varying degrees of faith and intensity, it can be difficult to tell when practice becomes a harmful obsession.

For many it may seem impossible that that belief and practice can get out of control and be harmful. But when passion overtakes responsibility and reason, the result can end up damaging people and their relationships rather than improving them.

History 

The passion for religion leading to destructive obsession goes back to the beginning of time. Differing beliefs and religions that become mass obsessions have been the driving force behind hundreds of wars that ravaged the world throughout history. Examples of faith and religion gone wrong are everywhere from Biblical times, the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, the Reformation when Protestants fought Catholics, to the Witch Hunts of Colonial America, right to the present all over the world. Beliefs that become obsessions, either for political or personal reasons, have made people harm themselves and others in a variety of gruesome ways throughout the ages. Religion can also go bad when leaders in authority within a religion abuse vulnerable parishioners in the name of God. 

Short Term Effects

People’s moods are elevated when engaging in religious thinking, activities, services and rituals. And the mood drops when the activities are over, requiring a boost of more religion to feel okay.

Long Term Effects

Similar to substance abuse, people need more of an activity to feel the same high, and eventually do not feel anything no matter how hard they try. So they strive for more and more, always chasing an elusive high and withdrawing more and more from people and life until the “love” of religion has made life unmanageable.

Withdrawal

Depression, anxiety, fear and other conditions can result when people are prevented from doing whatever behavior they are addicted to.

Method of Abuse

Religion dependence/addiction can be described as practice that is extreme in frequency and duration, relatively resistant to change, and often accompanied by an irresistible impulse to think about, discuss, bring religion into every area of life, attend activities and watch programs and listen to music, and be intensely involved even when such practices interfere with other personal demands and relationships.

Criteria for Dependence

Tolerance: need for increased amounts of religion to achieve desired effect; diminished effect with continued use of same amount of practice.
Withdrawal: characteristic withdrawal symptom (e.g., anxiety, depression, anger) and more practice is undertaken to relieve or avoid symptoms
Intention Effect: religious practice or events and involvement in church activities is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended
Lack of Control: a persistent desire or unsuccessful effort to cut down or control practice
Time: a great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain practice (e.g., programs, radio, retreats, prayer, church activities and events)
Reduction in Other Activities: social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of religious practices
Continuance: religious practice is continued despite strained or damaged relationships.

Process 

Preoccupation occurs when religious beliefs and thinking constantly about religious activities get in the way of daily life. An example is when religion becomes the topic of discussion no matter what is going on, and inappropriate religious comments and sayings never cease. Looking forward to something that gives pleasure is normal. But generating a chemical high through anticipation—planning and execution to the point that it interferes with personal relationships is part of the preoccupation phase of any addiction.
Rituals and Behavior Patterns Creating rituals around religion outside of services and activities is another way of preparing obsession. An example of this might be a favorite religious show on TV or the radio, having to be there, sit in the same chair, drink the same tea, be exactly on time, plan the entire week around them, and be in extreme pair or discomfort if something or someone gets in the way. If the ritual is interfered, anxiety and depression results. When rituals become obsessive and are played out daily, or even hourly, it can turn into religious addiction.
Participation is similar to any addict’s using. This part of the process is the most intense. It is the act of picking up the drug and putting it into your body. It provides relief, like a sexual relief or a food binge or over exercising, however the addiction is used.
Aftermath is when there is the realization that the way we acted hurt people around us. Or somehow caused us to behave in ways that are against our moral standards. There may be an understanding that we have broken our own rules and feel badly about it. Feeling bad about having done something often leads to the urge to seek relief by engaging in the addictive behavior again.

Definitions from Addiction Treatment Magazine, Process Addictions, The Diagnostic Systems Manual of Mental Disorders and other sources

 

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What Is Bulimia/Anorexia

Often called Food Disorders, eating too much or not enough as in Compulsive Overeating, Bulimia, Anorexia, and Binge Eating are often difficult to detect and to understand. Eating is part of everyday life and necessary to provide the nourishment for good health. The rituals of eating are essential to social and family life. In addiction, many cultures encourage consumption of food as a way of giving love and hospitality. How does one tell the difference between a fully addicted overeater, and someone whose culture is eating, or just does not know when enough is enough?

Food Disorders Are More Than Just Dieting Or Eating A Lot

The question also applies to someone restricting food intake through dieting to be slimmer and someone who can’t stop restricting food to the point of not sustaining a healthy body weight. According to the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) there are many psychological and social reasons for these conditions. Socio-cultural issues including poor body image, junk food culture diet crazes, and unrealistic media presentation of body image are among them. Past trauma and emotional pain can also trigger food disorders. Psychologically, many Compulsive Over eaters describe self-regulation problems and eating for emotional comfort. Also, many overeaters and under eaters are in general susceptible to addiction. 

When Did Food Disorders Start

Food disorders of this nature were rare until 1973, when Hilde Bruch published a book with a number of case studies, called Eating Disorders: Obesity, Anorexia Nervosa, And The Person Within. As the disorder reached public awareness in the 1970s, cases increased, spreading beyond the upper class. 

Bulimia (bingeing and then purging via exercise, vomiting, or laxatives) is first reliably described among some of the wealthy in the Middle Ages, who would vomit during meals so they could consume more. Apparently this behavior did not happen in ancient Rome despite a common conception otherwise. The first clinical paper on bulimia was published in 1979—Bulimia nervosa, an ominous variant of anorexia nervosa. The cases of anorexia and bulimia escalated in the 1970s and 1980s, and though some will say they peaked in that time, the national survey data suggests that bulimia, especially, continues to escalate. While most scholars will point to cultural pressures for thinness, increasing depression and obsessive compulsive behavior, and increased dieting behaviors as precipitants for eating disorders, it is impossible to ignore the fact that the 1970s and 80s is when the rates of obesity in the United States began to increase at an unprecedented rate, and low fat eating began its popular progression through the mainstream. There is a third eating disorder, binge eating disorder, where periodic food binges are not compensated by restricting or purging behavior. While many obese people eat normally, binge eaters will consume up to tens of thousands of calories in a singe day, entire bags of candy, or dinner from five or six fast food restaurants, one after the other. Again this disorder has been described for centuries, but seems to have escalated only recently.  Binge eaters make up about 1/3 of the people who seek medical treatment for obesity. 

Effects on the Brain

Like many pleasurable behaviors—including sex and drug use—eating can trigger the release of dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter in the brain. This internal chemical reward, in turn, increases the likelihood that the associated action will eventually become habitual through positive reinforcement conditioning. There is not enough known on food addictions to be clear whether food itself (fat and sugar to be specific) aid in the addictive process for those who lose control. But evidence is growing that a high consumption of sugar and fat contribute to the cycle of overeating and binge-eating and compulsive eating.

Short Term Effects

To start an addictive cycle, dopamine must be felt, and for that the brain must have ample dopamine receptors. In many substance abusers a low level of dopamine receptors, either from the outset or caused by the behavior, means they increasingly have to seek more dopamine-inducing substances to reach a level of neuro chemical reward they can enjoy. Eating more and more to get the same rewards followed by shame and feelings of worthlessness occur. 

Long Term Effects

A long list of health issues that derive from over-eating, starving or purging. Damage to organs, heart disease, diabetes, obesity, digestion and other problems

Insomnia
Stress
Social withdrawal, isolating, stealing food, hoarding food, lying about food, hiding food
Psychological distress
Low self esteem
Feelings of worthlessness and shame

Withdrawal

Depressed mood
Shame
Guilt

Compulsive Over Eating:

Characterized by eating in a period of time an amount of food that is considerably larger than most people would eat in a similar period of time under similar circumstances. A sense of lack of control over eating during the episode and a feeling that they cannot stop eating or control what or how much they are eating. Extreme Compulsive Overeating can result in Bulimia Nervosa.

Bulimia Nervosa

Characterized by recurring episodes of binge eating as defined above. Recurrent inappropriate compensatory behavior to prevent weight gain that includes

Subtype Purge – misuse of laxatives, diuretics, enemas or other medicines. Also self- induced vomiting.

Subtype Non-Purge – excessive exercise, fasting, starvation. Negative perception of weight, and/or body shape.

Binge Eating Disorder

Recurrent episodes of binge-eating as described above. Distress centered on binge eating 2 days a week for at least two month of binge eating episodes. In general the inappropriate compensatory behaviors listed above do not occur with simple binge eating disorder   DSM

Criteria for Dependence Include The Following

Tolerance: Characterized by more bingeing or eating or starving for feeling of satiety. This means there is a diminished effect over time that creates a demand for more.
Excessive intake/restricting: Episodes are described as extreme or excessive.
Withdrawal: Characteristic symptoms occur (e.g., anxiety, depression) when behavior is slowed or stopped so it must be resumed or increased to relieve or avoid symptoms.
Intention Effect: eating or purging is often increased, and a longer time is spent at it with greater consequence than were intended.
Loss of Control: A persistent desire or unsuccessful effort to cut down or control behavior.
Time: more and more time is spent
Reduction in Other Activities: social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced
Continuance: bingeing, purging, starving is continued despite negative health and relationship consequences.

 Description from Diagnositc Systems Manual of Mental Disorder and  Emily Deans MD Psychology Today

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What Is Digital Device Addiction

Digital device addiction has proliferated in the last few decades as people have become ever more dependent on the technology and applications available on mobile phones. Technology has changed everything about the way people communicate and entertain themselves. It is almost impossible to work and have relationships in today’s society without some type of access to the Internet.

Digital Device Addiction Is Excessive Use That Stimulates The Brain

Digital devices stimulate the brain’s reward system providing exciting activities that become more and more compelling and addictive.

“Internet Addiction is a term defined by extreme or excessive engagement in one or more of a wide variety of digital devices, from cell phones and texting, to all the activities available on the Internet including”

Cybersex Addiction – compulsive use of Internet pornography, adult chat rooms, or adult fantasy role-play sites impacting negatively on real-life intimate relationships.
Cyber-Relationship Addiction – addiction to social networking, chat rooms, texting, and messaging to the point where virtual, online friends become more important than real-life relationships with family and friends.
Net Compulsions – such as compulsive online gaming, gambling, stock trading, or compulsive use of online auction sites such as eBay, often resulting in financial and job-related problems. 
Information Overload – compulsive web surfing or database searching, leading to lower work productivity and less social interaction with family and friends.
Computer Addiction – obsessive playing of off-line computer games, such as Solitaire or Minesweeper, or obsessive computer programming.

The most common of these Internet addictions include

Cybersex
Online gambling
Cyber-relationship addiction.

Internet addiction is characterized by incontrollable, time-consuming and distressful Internet use which results in difficulties with ones job, family or financial stability.

History

Since its inception nearly 40 years ago the Internet is now available to nearly 33% of the world and at least 78% of people in North America (http://www.internetworldstats.com/stats.htm).  Internet addiction is a very new disorder, affecting from 6% to 15% of Internet users.

Effect On The Brain 

The excitemen derived from Internet Activity stimulates the brain’s reward system much like drugs and alcohol. The Internet provides a constant, ever-changing source of information and entertainment and can be accessed from smartphones, tablets, laptops and desktop computers. Email, blogs, social networks, instant messaging, and message boards allow for both public and anonymous communication about any topic. Each person’s Internet use is different. For example, you might need to use the Internet extensively for your work. Or you might rely heavily on social networking sites to keep in touch with faraway family and friends. Or you’re on a dating site that constantly engages you. Spending a lot of time online becomes a problem when it absorbs too much of time, causing neglect of relationships, work, school, or other important things in life.

Short Term Effects

The Internet is a way to escape problems and quickly relieve stress or self-soothe and is an easily accessible tool. Losing yourself online can temporarily make feelings such as loneliness, stress, anxiety, depression, and boredom evaporate into thin air.

Long Term Effects

Losing track of time online, irritation if someone interrupts
Having trouble completing tasks at work or home.
Isolation from family and friends
Feeling guilty or defensive about Internet use.
Feeling euphoria only while involved in Internet activities.
Unable to stop despite consequences
Stress

Physical symptoms of Internet addiction

Internet or computer addiction can also cause physical discomfort such as:

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome (pain and numbness in hands and wrists)
Dry eyes or strained vision
Back aches and neck aches; severe headaches
Sleep disturbances
Pronounced weight gain or weight loss

Withdrawal

Anxiety, depressed mood, irritation, guilt, shame

Conditions That Can Trigger An Internet Or Digital Device Compulsion

Anxiety: An anxiety disorder like obsessive-compulsive disorder may also contribute to excessive email checking and compulsive Internet use.
Depression: The Internet can be an escape from feelings of depression, but too much time online can make things worse. Internet addiction further contributes to stress, isolation and loneliness.
Other addictions: Many Internet addicts suffer from other addictions, such as drugs, alcohol, gambling, and sex.
Lack of social support: Internet addicts often use social networking sites, instant messaging, or online gaming as a safe way of establishing new relationships and more confidently relating to others.
Unhappy teenager: You might be wondering where you fit in and the Internet could feel more comfortable than real-life friends.
Lack of mobility For example, a new disability that limits ability to drive. Or you are parenting very young children, which can make it hard to leave the house or connect with old friends.
Stress: While some people use the Internet to relieve stress, it can have a counterproductive effect. The longer you spend online, the higher stress levels will be.

Methods of Abuse

Internet addiction (any one of the activities listed above) is characterized by the uncontrollable urge to keep engaged the device it despite the toll it takes on your life. Compulsive Internet use means that you find more interest and pleasure and excitement in the Internet activity of your choice than anything else. It preempts work, family, friends, even meals. And you cannot stop no matter how much it disrupts life.

Criteria for Dependence include the following

Tolerance: there is a need for increased amounts of Internet activity to achieve desired effect. This means there is a diminished effect over time that creates a demand for more.
Withdrawal: characteristic symptoms occur (e.g., anxiety, depression) when Internet use is stopped, so whatever activity it is must be resumed to relieve or avoid symptoms.
Intention Effect: Internet activity is often increased, and a longer time is spent doing it than is intended.
Lack of Control: a persistent desire or unsuccessful effort to cut down or control Internet activity.
Time: more and more time is spent in Internet activities.
Reduction in Other Activities: social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of Internet activity. Even meals and eating are skipped.
Continuance: Internet activity is continued despite loss of relationships and diminished effectiveness at work and school.

Ever Wonder If Your Use Of Your Internet, Social Media, Gaming, Or Other Device Use Is An Addiction Test Yourself

You love it, can’t stand to be away from it. You’d rather do it than eat or sleep. Test yourself to see if every answer is a yes.

Do You Have An Addiction To Internet/Social media/Video games/cell phone

Test Yourself

1               Have you ever thought you needed help for your Internet or behavior?

2               That you’d be better off if you didn’t keep “giving in?”

3               That your internet/social media/video/games/cell phone are controlling you?

4               Have you ever tried to stop or limit your use?

5               Do you resort to your devices to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can’t cope?

6               Do you feel guilt, remorse or depression when you use it too much?

7               Has your pursuit become more compulsive over time?

8               Does it interfere with relations with your spouse, children, or friends?

9               Do you lose time from work for it?

10             Do you feel anxious and depressed when you are away from your device?

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What Is Gambling Addiction

Gambling  addiction is when the lure of the bet is all someone can think about. Gambling is defined as any risk of losing money or belongings, and when winning or losing is decided mostly by chance. Gambling is a $4 billion dollar industry in the US, and its growth is likely to continue. There are many different ways to gamble, including: casino games, slot machines, roulette, blackjack, poker, baccarat, bingo, lottery tickets, sports betting, internet gambling, and the stock market.

People gamble for different reasons: to win money, to socialize, for excitement or to pass time. For some people, gambling may become a serious problem that affects all aspects of their lives. And as gambling becomes more accessible, the number of people affected by problem gambling also increases.

 “Problem gambling is gambling behavior which causes disruptions in any major area of life: psychological, physical, social or vocational.” – National Council on Problem Gambling

Gambling Addiction Is As Old As The Hills

Gambling is one of mankind’s oldest activities, as evidenced by writings and equipment found in tombs and other places. It was regulated, which as a rule meant severely curtailed, in the laws of ancient China and Rome as well as in the Jewish Talmud and by Islam and Buddhism, and in ancient Egypt inveterate gamblers could be sentenced to forced labor in the quarries. The origin of gambling is considered to be divinatory: by casting marked sticks and other objects and interpreting the outcome, man sought knowledge of the future and the intentions of the gods. From this it was a very short step to betting on the outcome of the throws. The Bible contains many references to the casting of lots to divide property. One well-known instance is the casting of lots by Roman guards (which in all likelihood meant that they threw knucklebones) for the garment of Jesus during the Crucifixion. This is mentioned in all four of the Gospels and has been used for centuries as a warning example by antigambling crusaders. However, in ancient times casting lots was not considered to be gambling in the modern sense but instead was connected with inevitable destiny, or fate. Anthropologists have also pointed to the fact that gambling is more prevalent in societies where there is a widespread belief in gods and spirits whose benevolence may be sought. The casting of lots, not infrequently dice, has been used in many cultures to dispense justice and point out criminals at trials—in Sweden as late as 1803. The Greek word for justice, dike, comes from a word that means “to throw,” in the sense of throwing dice.

The passion for gambling has grown over the centuries and escalated in the United States when gambling became legal in Nevada in 1931 and later in Atlantic City in 1978. Since then casinos have proliferated in other states and areas and gambling became more accessible. Gambling became even more popular when gaming became available on the Internet.

Effect On The Brain

The excitement derived from gambling can stimulate the brain’s reward system much like drugs and alcohol. On rare occasions, gambling becomes a problem with the very first wager. But more often, a gambling problem progresses over time. In fact, many people spend years enjoying social gambling without any problems. But more frequent gambling or life stresses can turn casual gambling into something much more serious. During periods of stress or depression, the urge to gamble may be especially overpowering, serving as an unhealthy escape. Eventually, a person with a gambling problem becomes almost completely preoccupied with gambling and getting money to gamble.

Short Term Effects

A growing preoccupation with taking risks, and always thinking about gambling when not actively engaged in gambling. Talking about gambling exploits from the past. Spending time gambling instead of working or being with the family. Lying about where you are or what you’re doing. Lying about how much you lost. Feeling bad after gambling but not quitting. Gambling with money needed take care of the family. Getting a thrill from taking a big gambling risk and progressively needing to gamble more with bigger stakes. For many compulsive gamblers, betting isn’t as much about money as it is about the excitement. Sustaining the thrill that gambling provides usually involves taking increasingly bigger risks and placing larger bets.

Long Term Effects

Unlike most casual gamblers who stop when losing or set a loss limit, compulsive gamblers are compelled to keep playing to recover their money — a pattern that becomes increasingly destructive over time.

Sleep Disturbance/insomnia
Shame
Stress
Anxiety
Lying
Denial of the problem
Fear of being exposed
Rationalizing behaviors social withdrawal, isolating,
Psychological distress
Other addictions like food, drugs, alcohol, people
Preoccupation with gambling to crucial mistakes in work and at home
Physical illness colds and upper respiratory illness resulting from stress
Depression

Withdrawal

Anxiety
Depressed mood
Irritation
Guilt
Shame

Methods of Abuse

The uncontrollable urge to keep gambling despite the toll it takes on your life. Compulsive Gambling means that you’re willing to risk something you value in the hope of getting something of even greater value. If you’re prone to compulsive gambling, you may continually chase bets, hide your behavior, deplete savings, accumulate debt, or even resort to theft or fraud to support your addiction. Compulsive gambling is a serious condition that can destroy lives.

Criteria for Dependence include the following

Tolerance: there is a need for increased amounts of gambling to achieve desired effect. This means there is a diminished effect over time that creates a demand for more.
Withdrawal: characteristic symptoms occur (e.g., anxiety, depression) when gambling is stopped, so gambling must be resumed to relieve or avoid symptoms.
Intention Effect: gambling is often increased, and a longer time is spent at it and greater losses than were intended.
Lack of Control: a persistent desire or unsuccessful effort to cut down or control gambling.
Time: more and more time is spent in gambling activities
Reduction in Other Activities: social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of gambling
Continuance: gambling is continued despite unbearable losses of money and relationships. 

Other names

Compulsive Gambling
Pathological Gambling
Gambling Disorder

If you or someone you know has a problem with gambling, check out Recovery Guidance for a free and safe resources to find addiction and mental health professionals near you.

Another free resource for help is Gamblers Anonymous

 

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6 Ways to Practice Hygge, the Danish Secret to Happiness

There isn’t an exact translation for the Danish word hygge (pronounced HOO-GA), but you’ve definitely felt it before—maybe while playing a board game with friends on a snowy night, or curled up in front of a fireplace with a cup of tea and a really good book. Hygge has been described as “coziness of the soul,” and for the Danes—who are considered the happiest people on the planet (despite their long, hard winters)—it’s a way of life, says Meik Wiking, chief executive officer of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen.

In his Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living ($20; amazon.com), Wiking outlines practical ways to embrace the buzzy philosophy (“hygge” made the shortlist for Oxford Dictionaries Word of the Year in 2016) and its key ingredients: togetherness, presence, indulgence, relaxation, and comfort. “[Hygge] is basically like a hug, just without the physical touch,” he says. What it really comes down to is making the most of little, daily pleasures, especially when it’s dark and freezing outside. Below are six of Wiking’s tips for adding more hygge to your everyday life.

Create a cozy atmosphere

“Danes are obsessed with interior design because our homes are our hygge headquarters,” says Wiking. The one thing every hygge home needs? A “hyggekrog,” or a cozy nook where you might enjoy your coffee and newspaper. You can also bring hygge to your space through candlelight, nature, and rich textures. “Danes feel the need to bring the entire forest inside—leaves, nuts, twigs, animal skins,” says Wiking. “Letting your fingers run across a wooden table or a warm ceramic cup is a distinctly different feeling from being in contact with something made from steel, glass or plastic.” In other words, log cabin chic has hygge written all over it.

Stock a self-care emergency kit

Instead of coming home after a particularly rough day and veging out in front of Netflix, try a self-care ritual that increases the R&R you get from your downtime. Wiking recommends creating a kit that contains comfort things like candles, quality chocolate, herbal tea, a soft blanket, warm wool socks, a page-turner, or a notebook and pen, or a photo album. All of these things allow you to wind down in a more mindful way.

Learn a craft

Knitting is super hygge, since its slow, steady rhythm is calming for many people, says Wiking. It helps you focus in a laid-back way. But if you can’t see yourself with knitting needles, there are plenty of other hygge pastimes. “Crafts in general are hygge, especially if you do them with a friend,” says Wiking. “It’s a chance to slow down and make something handmade.” Try painting, making a collage, or quilting during a night in.

Make a hygge treat

Hygge foods are all about pleasure. Think cookies, cake, and pastries. (“Danes love freshly baked goods,” says Wiking. “They don’t have to look professional. In fact, the more rustic the better.”) Slow, rich food—like stews and chili—are also hygge. Even more hygge than eating these foods is making them with friends and family. Wiking suggests starting a cooking club instead of throwing traditional dinner parties. “When everyone gathers and cooks together instead of one person hosting, it maximizes the hygge. It’s a relaxed and informal evening,” says Wiking.

Start a new tradition with people you love

Togetherness is a big part of the hygge concept. To facilitate more time with friends and family, create a new tradition that involves a hygge activity (that is, one that encourages everyone to connect and feel comfortable). That could mean organizing a game night, renting a cabin, going apple-picking, or taking a ski trip. “Any meaningful activity that unites the group will knit everyone more tightly together over the years,” says Wiking. “Hygge is making the most of the moment, but it’s also a way of planning for and preserving happiness. Danes plan for hygge times and reminisce about them afterwards.”

Practice gratitude

Hygge and gratitude go hand in hand. The philosophy entails feeling thankful for the little things, like a bike ride on a beautiful day, or a cup of hot chocolate, or re-watching your favorite movie. “Research shows that people who feel grateful are not only happier but also more helpful and forgiving and less materialistic,” says Wiking. “It’s all about savoring simple pleasures.”

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What Does It Mean to Have OCD? These Are 5 Common Symptoms

This article originally appeared on Time.com.

Having obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) isn’t easy. The condition, marked by uncontrollable thoughts and behaviors, strikes about 2% of the general population—a figure that in the U.S. alone means nearly 6.5 million people. If you’ve made it past young adulthood without developing any symptoms, you’re likely in the clear.

You wouldn’t know that to hear people talk, however. In recent years, OCD has become the psychological equivalent of hypoglycemia or gluten sensitivity: a condition untold numbers of people casually—almost flippantly—claim they’ve got, but in most cases don’t. Folks who hate a messy desk but could live with one for a day do not necessarily have OCD. Nor do those who wash their hands before eating but would still have lunch if there was no soap and water nearby. Yet the almost sing-songy declaration “I’m so OCD!” seems to be everywhere.

Some of the confusion is understandable. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM)—the field guide to psychological conditions—lists OCD among the anxiety disorders, and nearly everyone has experienced anxiety. The thing is, though, you’ve experienced headaches, too, but that doesn’t mean you know what a migraine feels like unless you’ve had one. Same with the pain of OCD, which can interfere with work, relationships and more.

“The brain is conditioned to alert us to anything that threatens our survival, but this system is malfunctioning in OCD,” says psychologist Steven Phillipson, clinical director of the Center for Cognitive-Behavioral Psychotherapy in New York City. “That can result in a tsunami of emotional distress that keeps your attention absolutely focused.”

No single fear defines the condition. There are familiar obsessions like washing your hands or checking the stove. But there’s also hoarding, hypochondria or a terrible fear you’re going to harm somebody. People with a common type of OCD can even have paralyzing anxiety over their own sexual orientation.

As with any mental illness, only a trained clinician can offer a reliable diagnosis. But here are a few behaviors that experts say can be genuine symptoms of OCD.

Bargaining

It’s common for people with OCD to believe that if they check the stove just once more, or Google just one more symptom of a disease they’re convinced they’ve got, then their mind will be clear. But OCD typically reneges on the deal. “The brain becomes biochemically associated with the thing you fear,” says Phillipson. “Performing the ritual just convinces it that the danger is real and that only perpetuates the cycle.”

Feeling compelled to perform certain rituals

Could someone pay you $10—or $100, or whatever is a relevant sum of money to you—not to do a ritual like checking the front door twenty times before leaving for work? If your anxiety can be bought on the relative cheap like that, you may have an idiosyncrasy—you worry about burglary a little too much, perhaps—but you probably don’t have a disorder, Phillipson says. For the person with OCD, he explains, the brain is signaling what feels like a life and death risk, and it’s hard to put a price on survival.

Being tough to reassure

For people with OCD, the phrase “yes, but” may be a familiar one. (Yes, your last three blood tests for this or that disease were negative, but how do you know they didn’t mix up the samples?) Since absolute certainty is rarely possible, almost no reassurance clears the yes, but hurdle, and that keeps the anxiety wheels spinning.

Remembering when it started

Not all people with OCD can point to the exact instant the disorder first struck, but many can, says Phillipson. OCD is a sort of free-floating anxiety before the initial symptoms strike, but then it alights on a particular idea—the fear you’re going to lash out at somebody with a knife when you’re making dinner, for example. These experiences tend to roll off of most people. But for someone with OCD, the bottom falls out, Phillipson says. “It’s the moment when a panic marries a concept,” he says. Like most bad marriages, it’s hard to end.

Feeling consumed with anxiety

OCD is a matter of degree, especially since there are real-world risks associated with nearly all obsessive-compulsive triggers. Houses do burn down, and hands do carry germs. If you can live with the uncertainty those dangers can cause—even if they make you uncomfortable—you likely don’t have OCD, or at least not a very serious case of it. If the anxiety is so great it consumes your thoughts and disrupts your day, you may have a problem. “The D stands for disorder, remember,” Phillipson says. “OCD causes your life to become disordered.”

There are proven treatments available for OCD. Medications, including certain antidepressants, are often a big part of the solution, but psychotherapy—especially cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)—can be just as effective. One potent type of CBT is a protocol known as exposure and response prevention (ERP). As the name suggests, ERP involves gradual exposure to increasingly provocative situations—under the guidance of a therapist—while avoiding any rituals to undo the anxiety. Begin by touching a doorknob without washing your hands, for example, progress up the ladder of perceived danger—a handrail on a bus, a faucet in a public bathroom—and slowly the brain unlearns the fear.

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Like This Jedi Smoothie You Will

The Last Jedi opens this week, and anticipation is palpable. Star Wars licensed merch is everywhere, but when I watch any one of these epic movies, I see the principles of recovery everywhere.

In case you haven’t been affected by the latest Star Wars premiere, you should know:

People dress up like Star Wars characters.
People also binge watch the movies.
At home, people make Star Wars themed food. I am serving crescent rolls wrapped around hot dogs. It’s a Jar Jar link. I am a hero.
Yoda is a furry green Jedi Master who switches up his sentence structure: Up to speed now you are.

Yoda’s wise messages taught Luke Skywalker how to use his mind to battle the dark side. Here are my five favorites.

“Fear Is The Path To The Dark Side. Fear Leads To Anger. Anger Leads To Hate. Hate To Leads To Suffering.”

I am impacted by the generational sins of AUD (alcohol use disorder, formerly called alcoholism). This disease poisoned my family of origin, distorting our frame of reference. Before I found recovery, I was paralyzed by fear, people-pleasing, and anxiety. I know the power of that dark side.

“In A Dark Place We Find Ourselves, And A Little More Knowledge Lights Our Way.”

In the rooms of recovery, I met people whose happiness didn’t depend on someone else’s addiction, relapse, or sobriety. Learn more new Jedi ways I must.

“You Must Unlearn What You Have Learned.”

Recovery renews my mind, and each new slogan is as cryptic as Yoda’s wisdom. The messages are life changing. I’ll never forget the first time I heard I can only change me.

“You Will Know (The Good From The Bad) When You Are Calm, At Peace. Passive. A Jedi Uses The Force For Knowledge And Defense, Never For Attack.”

I came to recovery looking for peace. My co-dependency tools of controlling and manipulation were rusted and broken. They never led to peace. I’ve replaced those with The Serenity Prayer:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”

At any time, I can ask my Higher Power, who is “The Force” to me, for serenity, courage, and wisdom. Only three tools a Jedi needs.

“Train Yourself To Let Go Of Everything You Fear To Lose.”

When my emotions are in an uproar, fear is the root of the problem. This is a common issue for adult children of alcoholics. Before recovery, I was alone and terrified. Like many others, I found peace in someone bigger than me. My Higher Power restores my sanity. This spiritual side of my recovery, reminds me of Luke Skywalker’s training with Yoda. Luke was blindfolded and had to use his light saber to hit a training droid. This is how I feel when I ask my Higher Power for guidance. Yet works it does.

“Clear Your Mind Must Be, If You Are To Find The Villains Behind This Plot.”

To recover, I must heal my body, mind, and soul. This week, I am increasing my potassium intake because potassium moves nutrients into cells and takes toxins out.

1/2 avocado – it’s Yoda green, high in potassium, healthy fat, and fiber
1 banana – also high in potassium and a good natural sweetener
10 frozen peaches – my favorite – because recovery is all about me, and they are a good source of potassium
20 frozen green grapes – again, Yoda green, naturally sweet, and
1 cup coconut milk – it has magnesium which may help combat stress (Per Dr. Axe)

Blend all ingredients in a food processor and serve. Surprised I was that my young Jedi loved this. We had them for breakfast while watching The Empire Strikes Back.

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People Who Live to 100 Have These Traits in Common

This article originally appeared on Time.com.

If you’re looking to live to 100, you may want to watch more than your diet. A study of people in remote Italian villages who lived past 90 found that they tended to have certain psychological traits in common, including stubbornness and resilience.

The study, published in International Psychogeriatrics, analyzed the mental and physical health of 29 elderly villagers, ages 90 to 101, from Italy’s Cilento region — an area known for the prevalence of people older than 90. The participants filled out standardized questionnaires and also participated in interviews on topics such as migration, traumatic events and beliefs. Younger family members were also asked their impressions of their older relatives’ personality traits.

The younger adults tended to describe their older relatives as controlling, domineering and stubborn. But the 90- and 100-somethings also displayed qualities of resilience and adaptability to change, the authors wrote. One respondent who recently lost his wife told interviewers, “Thanks to my sons, I am now recovering and feeling much better … I have fought all my life and I am always ready for changes. I think changes bring life and give chances to grow.”

The research demonstrates how adults who live to 90 or 100 have learned to balance these somewhat contradictory traits, says Dr. Dilip Jeste, senior associate dean for the Center of Healthy Aging at the UC San Diego School of Medicine and senior author on the study. “These people have been through depressions, they’ve been through migrations, they’ve lost loved ones,” he says. “In order to flourish, they have to be able to accept and recover from the things they can’t change, but also fight for the things they can.”

The oldest adults had other qualities in common as well, including positivity, a strong work ethic and close bonds with family, religion and the countryside. Most of the older adults in the study were still active, working regularly in their homes and on their land. This gave them a purpose in life, wrote the study authors, even after they reached old age.

The researchers also compared the health of these older residents with 59 of their younger family members, ages 51 to 75. Not surprisingly, the oldest adults had worse physical health than their younger counterparts. But they had better mental well-being, and scored higher on measures of self-confidence and decision-making skills.

Jeste calls this the paradox of aging: Even as physical health deteriorated, mental health quality, at least for the people in the study, remained high. (Volunteers for the study had to sign a consent form and participate in an hour-long interview, he says, which would have ruled out anyone with significant dementia or age-related cognitive decline.) “Things like happiness and satisfaction with life went up, and levels of depression and stress went down,” Jeste says. “It’s the opposite of what we might expect when we think about aging, but it shows that getting older is not all gloom and doom.”

There have been plenty of studies on populations known for their longevity, many from areas called the Blue Zones — in Italy, Greece, Japan, Costa Rica and California — where people, on average, live much longer than normal. But most research has focused on these groups’ genetics, diet and physical health, says Jeste, rather than their mental health or personalities.

Studying adults who live long and healthy lives can help enhance scientists’ understanding of the aging process, says Jeste, and help them determine how age-related health issues can potentially be mitigated or avoided. It can also give adults of any age — anywhere in the world — more insight into what traits may help extend their own lives.

“There is no one way to get to 90 or 100, and I don’t think it requires a radical change in personality,” Jeste says. “But this shows that there are certain attributes that are very important, including resilience, strong social support and engagement, and having confidence in yourself.”

Next, the researchers plan to compare specific biological associations, like insulin resistance and biomarkers for inflammation and oxidative stress, with the participants’ physical and psychological health. “There’s no single factor that contributes to longevity,” Jeste says, “and we want to know how the different aspects of lifestyle — like personality, diet and daily activities — influence each other and affect overall health.”

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7 Sneaky Ways You May Be Abused

Are you lavished with love one minute and raged at the next? Abusive behavior is a way to manipulate and control. And it’s so confusing. On one side you want to be loved and loving, and those are great qualities. But controlling people who become emotional abusers are not able to manage or understand their feelings. Instead, they use their feelings to manage others.

Abusive Behavior Confuses And Punishes You

Manipulators are often narcissists who believe they are sensitive and good, while the other people in their lives are thoughtless, unkind, and angry and cause things go wrong in their world. If you live with a manipulative person, you may be in constant fear of punishment for something you’ve done wrong, or might do wrong, and are always trying to prevent or fix it. You become controlled by fear that your loved one will hurt or accuse or confuse or punish you. Here are 7 qualities of people who emotionally abuse their loved ones

1. Chronic Anger

Is someone you love seething with rage almost all the time and finds any reason at all to let the feeling loose on you? The abuser controls you by fear that he/she will erupt with anger over absolutely nothing, even a smile on your face.

2. Projecting His Or Her Negative Feelings On You

Does someone say, “You’re always mad at me. You’re so critical, you’re so controlling,” or a dozen other things to make you believe you’re the negative one. The abuser is actually the one who feels these emotions and projects them on you. That way you’re the bad one and he is the good one or the victim in the relationship.

3. Hypersensitivity

Does she/he make you feel you have to walk on eggshells? He/she tells you you hurt his feelings. You did something on purpose to ignore or bother him. This sensitivity makes you wonder if you are unkind, cold, mean and you are on the defensive about every action you make and everything you say.

4. Confusing The Issue

Are you lawyered to death. Does someone twist everything you say into something you didn’t mean? This is actually turning your own words against you. You say one thing, and your abuser repeats these words as something else. It’s another kind of lying, but again puts you in the wrong and on the defensive. You may end up being the one who blows up or feels guilty.

5. Lying About Things In the Past Or That’s Happening Now

Does someone lie to you about what happened in the past, and even set up situations that repeat the same kind of incident over and over, but insist these things aren’t happening? This is sometimes called gaslighting. If you’re abused like this, you can feel you’re crazy. Whatever you think is reality is actually shifting sands. When you doubt yourself, the abuser is in control.

6. The Silent Treatment

Are you given the silent treatment as a form of punishment and have to beg for forgiveness. The silent treatment is withholding and punishing. The is also a common way of controlling someone.

 7. Playing The Victim

Does he/she make you feel you’re the reason things go wrong? Playing the victim means the abuser manages his/her anger by creating a world in which you have consistently let them down, failed them, done the wrong thing. Playing the victim makes you feel responsible for another person’s failures, mistakes and problems in life. This makes you feel guilty and motivates you to work harder at fixing your abuser’s problems.

Troubled relationships are not just love or marriage relationships, you can be abused by friends, family members, siblings, even your children at any age.

If you believe that you are in an abusive relationship with a spouse or lover be sure to get legal help and stay safe.

 

If you are at risk in an abusive relationship, check out Recovery Guidance for a free resource to locate mental health professions near you. You can’t change along.

 

 

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