Leslie Glass's Blog, page 414

Can A Natural High Prevent Addiction

For some, the natural high is found on a diving board 33 feet in the air, peering over their toes down to the pool of blue water below. Others find their high by thrashing through in the woods searching for this year’s big buck. Tragically many of our loved ones find their high in a dirty alley, with a used needle, a rubber strap, and “Al Capone.” It’s every parent’s nightmare to think their precious children will chose to get high in an alley and not choose the high from life’s healthy pleasures. How do you prevent the nightmare from happening to you and your family?

Children need to experience the excitement of a natural high. It’s not so hard. It’s each family’s own kind of fun. Is it making dinner, hiking, going to the movies for your family. It’s important to bring fun into your life and follow it. Oh yes, and teach your children that there isn’t a drug or substance out there that can produce a feeling you can’t get yourself in a wholesome way.

The Need For A High Isn’t The Problem

It’s merely an outcome of how our brains were designed to work. Loretta G. Breuning Ph.D., from Psychology Today, explains, “The expectation of a reward triggers a good feeling in the mammal brain, and releases the energy you need to reach the reward.” That good feeling is dopamine.

Drugs Change The Way Your Brain Seeks The High

Recreational drugs cause a rush of dopamine to flood your brain, triggering a feel good high. Your brain remembers those warm fuzzy feelings and wants more. Ergo, more drugs. Then more high. (You get the idea.) With addiction, changes to your brain’s natural chemistry cause the cravings for the high to grow more important than anything else.

What About Natural Highs

Studies continue to show that thrill-seeking, impulsive kids have a higher risk for substance use disorder. One way to help prevent drug abuse is to teach them to embrace this innate need for risk and reward, and feed it with healthy adventure. Some healthy activities to try are:

Horseback riding
Zip-lining
Skateboarding
BMX racing
Performing Arts
Hiking
Rock-climbing
Go-carting
Paint-balling
Tag
Fishing
Parachuting
Theme parks
Running
Skating

My son loves the thrill of chasing kids at the playground. I love traveling to new cities on my own, just to prove I can. Something as simple as taking a new way home or dining out at an exotic new restaurant may do the trick. Just as whiskey may be one person’s vice while heroin may be the only thing that works for someone else, the same is true with healthy alternatives. The key is to keep trying healthy ways to meet this need until you find what works for you.

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Why Children Of Alcoholics Become Over-Responsible

My brother Ricky called me, his big sister. Whenever he needed help I put on my hero’s cape and flew to his side. He had been taught there were no consequences to substance use. I was taught to be over-responsible for EVERYTHING.

One time, after a night of binge drinking,  he needed a ride to the ER because he couldn’t stop throwing up. I was more than happy to get out of bed and save the day. I stayed up all night with him and then went to work the next morning at 8:00am with no sleep, but a smile of satisfaction on my face. Yet again, I saved the day – I mean my brother.

Why Was I So Set On Helping Ricky?

Since that night, I’ve found recovery in Al Anon meetings, and I’m learning to question my motives. My desire to help Ricky was fear and my belief I could save him.

Above all – I Want To Save My Brother

I want him to live. I’m afraid he will die, and fear drives me to act first and think later. I was operating under the false pretense I could cure or control Ricky’s disease of Alcohol Use Disorder, formerly called alcoholism. I wasn’t really fighting against Ricky. My opponent was much more formidable and Ricky’s well being hung in the balance. There’s nothing I can learn in recovery that will change the progression of Ricky’s disease. According to my Al-Anon literature:

“What keeps me holding onto the illusion that I have the power to change someone else?”

Until he seeks help, his health will continue to decline.

I Was Also Sick

It felt good to be needed, but I took the role of over-responsible big sister from supporting actress to lead character. It’s a common phenomenon in children of alcoholics. Alcohol Use Disorder is a family disease that affects generations; Ricky and I were both affected, just in different ways. I followed my Mom’s lead of care-taking, rescuing, and resenting, which is otherwise known as codependency. Joni Edelman’s explains in 10 Things To Know About Children Of Alcoholics:

We are in charge of everything — even if we don’t want to be (but we always want to be). This manifests itself mostly in female daughters and especially the oldest female daughters of an addict mother (we have our own books, even). Because these women — like myself — have been forced to take on the responsibilities of the incapable parent(s), they will be the first person to take on everything — to their own detriment. Responsibility is the name of the game. And we will take responsibility for everyone; their emotions, their needs, their lives. In fact, it’s easier to take responsibility for everyone else than even ourselves.

How I Stopped Being Over-Responsible

I’m learning how to take care of myself whether or not Ricky ever gets help. My go to rule for me and Ricky is, “Live and let live.” Distancing myself from Ricky’s day-to-day activities is a good first step. In the rooms, we call this detaching. I also keep my mouth shut. I don’t ask questions, even simple ones like, “How are you?” Even at this simple, socially acceptable greeting, I must examine my motives. Why do I want to know how he is? Is it so I can weigh in on his pressing problems and rush to his aid.

The most effective tool I have is “Let go and let God.” Ricky’s AUD might end up taking his life. There’s nothing, absolutely nothing,  I can do to stop it, but taking the time to work my recovery “Prevents two drownings,” as my sponsor often says. And in the end, this may let Ricky save himself.

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Alcoholic Dad Raging Mom What Does That Make Me

Raised by a rageaholic mother, I was not only terrified of her; but I was even more afraid to parent like her. Trauma, alcohol, and anger ruined my childhood. I refuse to pass this on to the next generation.

Joni Edelman’s article, Ten Things To Know About Children of Alcoholics, explains:

“We are afraid to have children and when we do, we are afraid to wreck them, like we are wrecked. If we can acknowledge our own damage, we definitely don’t want to inflict it on anyone else. We don’t really know how to be a parent. It’s actually panic inducing. We will second-guess everything we do and may over-parent for fear of under-parenting.”

My Mom Was A Rageaholic

My mom’s anger was intense and unpredictable. One time I didn’t dry the spoons completely and they had spots. I had to re-wash all of the dishes while she screamed at me. One morning before school, I accused my brother of lying.  We sat in the drop-off lane at my high school while she screamed, I sobbed, and my friends stared in disbelief. After I was married, I took an old dresser she was throwing away. She showed up on my doorstep unannounced and accused me of stealing it from her. She ranted for 30 minutes in front of my neighbors. This all left me feeling alone, unwanted, and unlovable.

How I Coped As A Kid

When I was a kid, I spent hours in my room wishing I’d never been born. I tried to hold my breath, hoping to die. Other times, I put anything she gave me in the corner of my closet, determined to never use it. I wouldn’t wear the clothes she bought me. Most of all, I’d dream of running away and even left once. I promised myself when I was a mom, I would never yell at my kids.

My Life As A Mother

To right those wrongs, I promised myself I would never hurt my child the way I was hurt. If only it were that easy. My wishful  dreams of always speaking to my son with a kind tone were just that. When he dashed across a busy parking lot, my gentle tone was gone, and I yelled. I felt so badly about it I immediately recommitted to being super nice. The result was my rebellious child refused to pick up his toys, or get dressed, or do homework. By vowing to never hurt my child’s feelings, I’ve inadvertently raised a spoiled kid who thinks he can get away with anything at all.

I thought loving him and doing things for him was being a good parent, but I was really trying to re-parent myself. I need to care for my inner child. We all do.

Healing Comes With Understanding And Accepting

Through the help of counseling and recovery, I’ve learned four important truths:

My mom mistreated me but didn’t break my spirit or change my inner self.
My mom’s unloving nature didn’t make me unlovable. It reveals more about her character than mine.
My dad’s drinking made her life difficult, too. AUD (Alcohol Use Disorder, or alcoholism) is a family disease that damages everyone.
Children raised in unstable and hurtful environments can learn new ways of coping and become healthy

Instead of giving my son the mother I wanted, I can give him the parent he needs, and take care of myself at the same time.

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Adult Child Of An Alcoholic Searches For Normal

Like most adult children of alcoholics, I don’t know what normal is, so I’m often unaware that I’m in an abnormal, unhealthy situation. How can I solve a problem I don’t know I have?

Growing up, my parents’ anger played out like a game of poker. My mom’s strategy was to start out small, only mildly angry. I’d match her anger. She’d see my anger and then raise the stakes. This back and forth went for several turns, but my Mom wouldn’t be bested. Eventually the argument was too rich for my blood, and I would fold. Those games cost me a lot.

Unlike my mom’s anger, my dad’s temper was consistently hot. While we were all playing poker for pennies, he’d put a thousand dollars down on the table. We would all fold immediately. We knew better than to call his bluff.

When I was 18, I left home thinking everything that happened to me happened to everyone else too. When my first serious boyfriend screamed and yelled at me for the first time, I didn’t like it, but I it was a game I knew how to play. Since my boyfriend and I were “equals” as opposed to the unequal balance in a parent/child relationship, I thought I could maybe win a few hands. I never won anything. He always seemed to win.

It never occurred to me to discuss this with my girlfriends because I thought their boyfriends were yelling at them for the same things. I thought this was normal.

I Discovered It Wasn’t Normal

I started asking co-workers and friends what their relationships were like. I wanted to know how they resolved disagreements. What did their holiday meals look like? How did their family treat them? As I listened to their answers I found myself surprised again and again how different my life was from theirs. I was beginning to see there was another way, and I began to think maybe I wanted what they had.

Would I Even Like Normal?

My quest to find normal seemed fruitless because even if I found it, I was afraid it would be boring. My life was exciting even if it was frightening. There was an adrenaline rush with every screaming episode. There was the apology and maybe even flowers. To me this was how passion looked. If there was no yelling would I even feel anything, but bored?

I Began Searching For Normal

I didn’t see my “normal” as problematic until a close friend began recovery work in Al-Anon. I saw her change. She began to smile and say what she really felt. She wasn’t afraid anymore. She got divorced. This made me wonder what behaviors were unacceptable to me. What did I want in a relationship? I had no idea, but I wanted to find out.

Finding Normal

I began to attend Al-Anon meetings and seeing a therapist. They gave me the much needed confidence to stop pretending I was OK with being verbally abused.

I learned I could leave the room anytime someone began yelling at me
I found I could say, “NO” and without explanation
I learned how to practice telling safe people what I wanted
I started saying baby no’s

It’s not glamorous, but it’s training me for the next step in my recovery – speaking out against the abuse I called, “Normal” for most of my life. These days, I spend much of me free time figuring out what I want and how I feel about things. I’m learning to accept my feelings anger or sadness without judgement. Read Elephant in the room.

If you are in an abusive or “normal” relationship that isn’t working please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 for help.

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Fear Stalks Adult Children of Alcoholics

Why is fear such a common bond among adult children of alcoholics? More importantly, how do we overcome the terror of so many things that stalk us throughout life?

Safe Fears

Heights, spiders, tight spaces – they all make me break out in a sweat. Most people would run away from a tarantula-filled glass elevator. Also easy to understand are fears relating to my younger brother, Ricky, who struggles with alcohol use disorder (AUD) and being bi-polar. There are many aspects of his behavior to fear.

I’m often afraid:

That he will start drinking again…
That I’ll become an alcoholic …
Of saying the word “Whiskey” around Ricky
Of planning a family celebration near a bar

Other fears I have are also common among family members of substance users. Before Ricky went to rehab, I was afraid he would call me in the middle of the night to telling me he’s killed someone.

Even that fear is something I’m comfortable sharing because it’s not about me. It doesn’t make me vulnerable.

More Fears That May Arise From My Past

Last week, I woke up from a horrible nightmare in which my husband, Peter, was leaving me for another woman. The dream was so real that I was bothered by it for most of the day. This nightmare made me realize that Peter’s leaving me is secretly one of my greatest fears. It controls what I say and how I say it to Peter. I feel as if I am walking on eggshells. Is fear of rejection and abandonment normal?

As a kid, I was afraid of everything – the dark, coyotes, being yelled at, being spanked, and getting kidnapped. I would lay awake at night reading my Bible, too scared to leave my room and ask for help. I just thought this was part of being a kid. What are normal fears for healthy adults?

The Benefits of Fear In Active Addiction

Addiction in my childhood taught me that I had to be good all the time so as not to upset the dangerous people in my life. It made me a people pleaser, not a me pleaser. As a grown-up, I’m learning that being co-dependent as a default way of behaving has given me a false sense of safety. I can’t really control other people’s behavior. Old habits of mine that have nothing to do with the present, like letting Peter pick the restaurant every time so he won’t be upset, gives me an ongoing excuse to be play the victim. Making sure Ricky isn’t tempted to drink gives me the idea I have some control over this disease.

What Can I Do About My Fears

Now that I am aware of my fear, where it comes from, and associated behaviors, I have some decisions to make. Am I latching on to this unhealthy tendency because I don’t know how to voice my needs and wants? Am I using my past’s alcohol-induced childhood as a crutch for letting other’s wants and needs come first? Most importantly, will I do something different? Can I do something different. Can I stop being afraid of being me?

Facing My Fears

Several months ago, I walked across a bridge in a 5K race supporting Breast Cancer Awareness. Up until that moment, crossing bridges had been another one of my fears. That day my breath was shallow; my eyes focused only on the friend who was with me; and I walked as far from the edge as possible. I didn’t like it, but I made it.

Facing that fear gave me a sense of power and confidence that perhaps I could face other fears.

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Healthy Relationships By The Numbers

Do you know the difference between healthy relationships and unhealthy ones? Many people have not had enough exposure to what a healthy relationship looks like to know. What is different about a healthy relationship as opposed to an unhealthy one. Here are some answers.

5 Hallmarks Of A Healthy Relationship

Can Speak Up For Yourself: You’re not afraid to voice your thoughts or let your partner know if something is bothering you
Partners Respect Each Other: Your wishes and feelings have value. You respect what the other person feels, but value your own feelings equally
There Is Compromise: You find a way to compromise in a safe and healthy way when dealing with issues on which you don’t agree
Each Person Is Supportive: You build each other up. Neither puts the other person down. You encourage each other to try new things when inspiration strikes
Respect The Other Person’s Privacy: You don’t feel the need with to know or to share everything, including your password or other private information

10 Freedoms Found In Healthy Relationships

Go out with your friends without your partner
Enjoy activities and hobbies alone
Not feel the need to share texts or emails
Feel heard and respected for who you are
Don’t feel the need to give in if there is a disagreement
Eat and prepare foods you like, even if your partner doesn’t want them
Call anyone, anytime
Drink or not drink
Not feel pressured to check in, but will do so as a courtesy
Set a boundary and know it will be honored

8 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

Your partner acts possessive and jealous
You feel as though you are walking on egg shells at times
Your partner breaks your things or threatens to
She or he threatens to harm him/herself because of you
Your partner has big mood swings, goes from raging to complimenting you
Your partner texts or calls you constantly and seems obsessed with you
He or she forces you to have sex, or go farther sexually than you want
You have to follow unspoken rules in order to keep the peace

If you are unsure whether your relationship is an unhealthy one take this quiz. Be sure to connect with your support system and understand that a person can only change if they want to. Take a minute to be sure your relationship is healthy and worth your time and effort.

Content sourced from Loveisrespect.org

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Is Your Spouse’s Disease Hurting You?

Pat loves donuts, and over the years, Pat’s love for donuts has brought on weight changes, headaches, and has occasionally passed out. Pat’s doctor has questioned Pat about the love of donuts, which Pat vehemently denied.

Pat’s Doctor Has The Tough Talk – It’s A Disease

“Per the DSM-V, Pat has a disease, called diabetes. Pat needs to give up the donuts and commit to a complete lifestyle change to live a long and healthy life. Pat should also consider attending a support group. While support from Pat’s family would help, Pat is the only one who can put down the donuts and make these changes.”

Pat refuses to change. Pat says,”It’s fine, and a doughnut now and then won’t hurt.” You suspect Pat’s addicted. Meanwhile, Pat gets sicker. It’s gut wrenching to watch Pat pass out and waste away. Frightened, you begin to yell. Desperate, you condemn and hide the donuts. You cry, beg, and make outlandish promises because you love Pat soooo much. You know this disease is killing Pat. Pat’s life is being wasted.

Pat grows angry at your anger. The situation becomes a vortex of anger, and your relationship spirals out of control. You become jealous and accuse Pat of loving the donuts more than you.

Now, Let’s Replace The Donuts With Alcohol

Let’s say your spouse, Pat, has a problem. Pat loves alcohol, and over the years, Pat’s love for alcohol has brought on weight changes, headaches, and has occasionally passed out. Pat’s doctor has questioned Pat about the love of alcohol, which Pat vehemently denied.

Pat’s Doctor Has The Tough Talk – It’s A Disease

“Per the DSM-V, Pat has a disease, called Alcohol Use Disorder. Pat needs to give up the alcohol and commit to a complete lifestyle change to live a long and healthy life. Pat should also consider attending a support group. While support from Pat’s family would help, Pat is the only one who can put down the alcohol and make these changes.”

Pat refuses to change. Pat says, “It’s fine, and one now and then won’t hurt.” You suspect Pat’s addicted. Meanwhile, Pat gets sicker. It’s gut wrenching to watch Pat pass out and waste away. Frightened, you begin to yell. Desperate, you condemn and hide the alcohol. You cry, beg, and make outlandish promises because you love Pat soooo much. You know this disease is killing Pat. Pat’s life is being wasted.

Pat grows angry at your anger. The situation becomes a vortex of anger, and your relationship spirals out of control. You become jealous accuse Pat of loving the alcohol more than you.

Tough Talk To The Caregiver

I am so sorry you are in such a tragic situation. I too know how hard it is to watch a loved one die from cancer, diabetes, and Alcohol Use Disorder. Whatever the disease, we all share similar feelings of anger and helplessness.

Fortunately, I know how to save a life, but the only life I can save is my own. My best attempt at helping my loved one is to take care of myself. Recovery programs like Al-Anon and Celebrate Recovery are two great places for me to start. People in these recovery rooms greet me with a smile and concern. Meeting by meeting, they share their strength, hope, and experience. As I listen to their sharing I am learning to take better care of myself. While I wish I could get rid of the disease I know I am giving my loved ones a healthier version of me and that is the best thing I can do for them today.

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Do you have ADHD

Everyone is talking about ADHD, and so many people believe the term applies to them. Trouble concentrating, anyone? Trouble sitting still? Have difficulty learning Greek or Latin, you’re not alone.

Having ADHD or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is more than being impatient or twitchy. It’s not being able to listen or concentrate on what people say. It’s more than putting things off, it’s not finishing ever. See where you stand on the assessment test. We won’t score you.

 How Do You Rate On The Scale

How often do you have difficulty concentrating on what people say to you, even when they are speaking to you directly? 0-5
How often do you leave your seat in meetings or other situations in which you are expected to remain seated? 0-5
How Often do you have difficulty unwinding and relaxing when you have time to yourself? 0-5
When you are in a conversation, how often do you find yourself finishing the sentences of people you are talking to before they finish them themselves? 0-2
How often do you put things off until the last minute? 0-4
How often do you depend on others to keep your life in order and attend to details? 0-3

Making use of an advanced machine-learning algorism, a team of physicians and researchers has developed a DSM-5 based tool to screen adults for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

If you understand what these scores mean any better than we do, you’re a professional.

(DSM-5 A1c, scored 0-5)

(DSM-5 A2b, scored 0-5)

(DSM-5 A2d, scored 0-5)

(DSM-5 A2g, scored 0-2)

(Non-DSM, scored 0-4)

(Non-DSM, scored 0-3)

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Angry Son Bans Mother And How She Deals With It

I just learned Marvin, my angry son, has not invited me to an upcoming family event. I like being with my five adult children, and most of them like being with me. So missing out hurts.

I had to think about this today to calm down. After all, I am not a victim; and I have choices. There is an irony here, too. I uninvited Marvin to my birthday party last month so there is some bad blood between us that goes way back. (Read article here.) So many of us find ourselves in these unexpected places of being surprised, one more time, by the lingering painful effects of a damaging disease. Alcohol use disorder in a parent has impacted how my children and I relate to each other even years later. This is how it goes. Marvin thinks I hurt him, so he hurts me. Then I, without meaning to, hurt him. Now he hurts me back. Surprise. As a widow raising 5 adult children affected by the disease of alcohol use disorder, this is how I handle recurring family crises.

Step One: Breathe Awareness

I take a deep breath. I immediately feel a little better. When a problem finds me I often try denial first, but have quickly learned to just look at the truth and not be afraid of my reality. Even as I admit what is happening, my heart is still beating too fast. I take another deep breath. Breathing deeply is a great stress reliever. It works whenever I remember to do it. I remembered today and I am glad.

Step Two: Slogans

There is a reason that the Al-Anon slogans are so short, only 2-4 words; because when you are in crisis your brain can’t comprehend more than those few words. The slogans that are coming to me right now are:

How Important Is It?,  Easy Does It, Live and Let Live, It Is What It Is.

These small phrases are working their magic on my racing heart. I can stop here and pause and just let these simple sayings continue to help me decompress. This step helps a lot, but I need to be brave and find out what is really going on.

Step Three: What is Really Bothering Me?

Often when this baffling disease strikes, I am thrown off course. I try to figure what other people are thinking, and that is honestly a huge waste of energy and time. It is better to uncover what is really bothering me? If I were honest, I’d have to say it’s embarrassing to be left out, but the deeper truth is I am so sad to be reminded one more time my family is not able to be together.  I am the Mom, and I am not invited to my own family’s get together. Once I realize I am just sad, it seems to help. Now what?

Step Four: I Can Ask For Help

I suffered alone for decades, too embarrassed to ever tell anyone what was happening in my family. My husband’s out of control alcohol use was our family’s dirty little secret.  I learned in Al-Anon that to ask for help is a sign of strength. Now when I ask for help from another member of Al-Anon I am being brave and wise. I may text my Sponsor later today to see what thoughts she has. I may text another friend to see if this has ever happened to her. It brings me great comfort just knowing no matter what is happening I can ask for help with it. Life may not be easy, but I don’t have to handle it alone, ever again.

Step Five: Acceptance

This last step takes me some time. The problem isn’t that my children are about to have a great time without me or my wounded pride. The problem is Marvin and I can’t resolve our conflict. We can’t be together. That is an ongoing painful reality. Each time we make the choice not to be together where others are having fun, one of us is going to be hurt and angry. I should not expect it to be any different today than it was last month when I elected to leave Marvin out of my event. This for me is accepting life on life’s terms. I can’t change the situation for now. I must move on with my day, and plug positive thoughts into the equation, like being grateful for everything good that’s happening right now. There’s always plenty to be grateful for no matter how badly I might feel. That is perspective.

These 5 steps are my game plan for handling most of the crises my children and life send my way. It isn’t complicated or even that clever, but they work beautifully for me. When I am stressed, I am often not able to think clearly and Keeping It Simple is often my best plan.

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Children of Alcoholics and Addicts Have PTSD

You may think that only soldiers at war experience Post Traumatic Stress symptoms, but that is far from the truth. Parents and children of alcoholics and substance users also experience recurring trauma that causes lasting damage.

It’s a buzz word for military veterans, but millions of us, especially those dealing with substance use disorder have it. The addiction specialist and author, Gabor Mate, believes trauma is the root cause of substance use. Trauma from living with someone else’s substance use also causes lasting emotional problems that need addressing.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can be described as a mental health condition that’s triggered by a trauma. Whether experiencing it or seeing it. The symptoms include flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, depression and confusion. 

Trauma comes in many forms.

Stressors Of Family Members In Homes With Substance Use Include:

Experiencing recurring anger and violence when a loved one is using
Dealing with injuries and overdoses that require medical assistance when a loved one is using
Dealing with law enforcement when incidents occur
Having to cover up when substance users can’t make it to school or work
Dealing with financial problems resulting from a parent or child’s substance use
Being overwhelmed by fear about what will happen next
Feeling helpless, yet responsible, to fix their loved one

Children Raised In Homes With Substance Use Disorder Experience Lasting Emotional Trauma

They do not know what a normal, loving, supportive family life is like
They do not know what life is like without drama and emotional pain
Manipulation of the truth makes them unable to exercise critical thinking to understand and deal with what’s happening
They are bound to secrecy about negative or dangerous events happening at home
They experience physical violence either against themselves or loved ones, like a mother or sibling
On a regular basis, they experience verbal or emotional abuse
They are expected to care for substance using parents
Their own needs are ignored

Millions of adults do not recognize the source of their anxiety, depression, confusion, as well as attachment and trust issues.  They stem from traumatic experiences they had from living with the substance use of loved ones. More than 26 million adult children and 6 million children under 18 affected are affected by parents’ substance use. They, as well as the tens of thousands of parents now coping with the substance use of their children, need help. With support and treatment, they can recover. Click here to find a local support group that helps to heal families that have been traumatized by addiction.

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