Margaret McSweeney's Blog, page 45

Love it Forward: Day Thirteen

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Buy a few inexpensive stuffed animals and drop them off at the children’s section of your local hospital.

 

Confused about “Love it Forward”? Read this post to get caught up and play along! 

Being a Child of Divorce

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I remember the first time I heard a friend’s parents were divorcing. I must have been seven at the time, and I didn’t understand. Was that possible? I mean people were allowed to do that? It didn’t seem right. More than that, it seemed wrong.

Growing up I didn’t know my biological dad, and my mom married my stepdad when I was four, so I remember little before him. They had a fine marriage, but there were always issues. Even as a kid I was aware of that. Money, church, friends, attitudes, other attractions, the chore of children—these things weighed on my parents. I thought their marriage was over at times, but then they’d come back together again—until the time they didn’t.

I remember the moment my stepdad told me that he’d filed divorce papers. My parent’s divorce wasn’t unexpected, but my heart ached all the same. He’d been waiting to tell me because I’d had a lot on my mind. You see, I’d been planning my own wedding. And the day he chose to tell me was my wedding day. Yes, my wedding day. He didn’t want me to be surprised that when I returned from my honeymoon, he’d be living someplace else.

I can picture your dropped jaw . . . and I felt the same shock and disbelief as I drove away with my new husband. I was eighteen years old and newly married, but something still felt wrong about my parents getting a divorce. I felt like a hurt kid inside.

Another truth is that after divorce, things never seem “right” again. Seeing my mom without my dad at home was weird. To have to go to two Christmases and two Thanksgivings was weird, as well. Affections are split, and it’s the most unnatural thing in the world.



Speaking of truths, no matter how old you are, the divorce still seems partly your fault. I had very rocky teen years and caused my parents stress. During my junior year of high school when my mom wondered if she should get her own apartment, I told her I thought she should. Even though my input had very little effect on their decision, the guilt is still there. It’ll always be there. I always feel that if I’d been a better kid, it would have been easier for my parents to work it out (even though as someone who’s been married for twenty-three years, I know that their decision was their decision).

Yes, during my growing up years, many parents divorced, but the statistics don’t matter. Having my parents make that choice hurt. I would hurt the same if I was the only one on the planet or if it was common (like it was). Just because a million other kids were feeling the same pain didn’t lessen it for me.



The truth about being a child of divorce is that it hurts no matter how old you are. This is not how God created things. A commitment is a commitment, especially one made before God.I’ve been thinking about this lately because if my generation has anything in common, it is our universal exposure to divorce—not only with our parents, but in our marriages. If you’re alive today, divorce has had a profound effect on you financially, emotionally, morally, and spiritually. Our lives are different because of what happened in our country’s marriages.

And where does that leave us? As people who understand the pain and struggle, our job is to help strengthen marriages—those around us and our own. Sure, you might think your friend has a good excuse for divorce, but don’t encourage it. Encourage forgiveness, grace, and reconciliation. Pray. Pray hard.

Pray for the couples out there, and pray for their children. We’ve seen enough hurting kids grow into hurting adults.

And if you’re considering a divorce yourself, I beg you to reconsider. The grass is not greener. Happiness is not found in someone else. Love can be rekindled.

The best thing you can do for yourself and for your children is to give your marriage a second chance. Don’t think that walking away from your commitment will come without consequences. Don’t think you’re not going to break your children’s hearts.

If you don’t want to try again, take your hurt and pain to God. Tell Him that the love is gone and seek His help. Love can sprout where you think only dead, dry ground exists. God can do miracles, and He wants to start in your heart.

I promise.

God promises.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs. Isaiah 61:1-3,7 (NIV)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10 (NIV)

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1 (KJV)

Love it Forward: Day Twelve

Image courtesy of Phaitoon

 

Make cookies or other yummy munchies and take them to your local police or fire station to thank them for keeping the town safe.

 

Confused about “Love it Forward”? Read this post to get caught up and play along! 

Big Dreams

Last weekend my cousin’s daughter got married. I hadn’t been to a wedding in years. It was delightful, all the romance and excitement. The pictures, the flowers, the food, the dress! Wow. But the part I enjoyed the most was talking to all the young people.

This was a big wedding. There were eight attendants. They were all so happy and excited to be a part of the big day. It was my pleasure to visit with them at the reception. After we discussed all the thrills of the day and getting married it was interesting to ask questions about their own lives. The excitement of new beginnings was infectious.

I heard from one young woman about her desire to learn Mandarin and work for the state department. She’s going China this June for a year of study. Another young lady told me all about her love of music and helping musicians with their careers. She is starting a consulting business. And a third fresh face told me about her own wedding plans. In May she’ll be the bride walking down the aisle. Big plans and dreams all round.

I smiled, they all seemed to have the world by the tail. Rushing out to follow their dreams and conquer any obstacles in the way. I could see they had put much hope and thought into their plans. Some times as an older gal I dismiss youthful ideas as untested or foolish. But at this wedding I was reminded of the excitement of dreams and the potential for all things bright and beautiful to begin.

I was glad they had shared their excitement with me. It is a good idea to follow a dream while you are young after all you don’t know what you don’t know. If you are wise you forge ahead learning as you go. However the lesson I received from these lovely ladies was it’s not too late for me to follow dreams too.

Their enthusiasm was contagious. A fantastic journey starts at any age. Youth shows the way fearlessly. I could have said their dreams are so big or hard to accomplish instead I reveled in the lesson they were teaching me: Go for it! Take a chance! Follow your heart! See where it will all lead!

This old heart is thanking the wide-eyed thrill of youth for the reminder of new beginnings.

Love it Forward: Day Eleven

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Make something special for your mailman, garbage man, etc.

 

Confused about “Love it Forward”? Read this post to get caught up and play along! 

The Economics of Love

  Jesus said no. Jesus said wait.

Peter said he should wash Jesus’s feet. Jesus said, No. A messenger is sent to bring Jesus back to minister to a sick Lazarus. Jesus says wait.

Love has boundaries. Love does not always jump and it is not always agreeable.

Love knows when to say yes, no, and wait.

 Is it because love is also wise and respectful? I think those may be two overlooked components of love. I had a friend…at least a person I thought was a friend. I LOVED being with her. We laughed all the time… she was a blast.

  I slowly began to realize this relationship was full of red flags.

 Overtime I figured out I was being used. The realization of that hurt. When I began to say no or when I stopped jumping to the rescue, the friendship faded. I noticed I was only contacted if she needed something from me. At first it was a price I was willing to pay because the fun was… well.. sooo fun.

Eventually the cost in the emotional department became too high.

As painful as it was to have the friendship dissolve, I learned a lot. I don’t have to be liked by everyone. I don’t have to provide “goods” and “services” to be liked. And…friendship should cut both ways.

  Love is not proved. It is given.

Love it Forward: Day Ten

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Send a letter or card to a friend who lives far off.

 

Confused about “Love it Forward”? Read this post to get caught up and play along! 

Love it Forward: Day Nine

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Pay for someone else’s drink at Starbucks.

 

Confused about “Love it Forward”? Read this post to get caught up and play along! 

Love it Forward: Day Eight

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Write a note of encouragement for someone struggling at church, then place it on his or her chair during break.

 

Confused about “Love it Forward”? Read this post to get caught up and play along! 

Meet the Pearl Girls: Charissa Steyn

Charissa Steyn lives in awe of God’s love. After searching desperately for her identity – in work, relationships, outer appearances-she is learning to find her heart at home in Jesus Christ. While doing ministry in Austria for four years she met her South African sweetheart, Michal. They fell in love {several times!} and finally got married in August 2009. They now reside in South Africa with a dream to serve Jesus on the continent of Europe someday. Charissa received her Master’s degree in Human Services Counseling and loves teaching women of all ages about the abundant life and freeing love found in Jesus Christ. Her favorite things include, waking up early in the morning for a run, loving her husband, baking fattening {but yummy! } cookies, and writing about the life’s little lessons on her blog, Everyday Adventures

Please share a little about how you became a writer.

I have always loved journaling about what the Lord is teaching me through every season and experience in life. Then, I began to feel Him tell me to share the lessons I was learning with anyone and everyone, particularly women, and now, new mommies. As I am open, honest, and vulnerable with my life, God allows me the privilege of speaking into others’ lives, bringing them hope and comfort, and passing on the little treasures He has given me.

Favorite Scripture or Life Verse?

It has always been Matthew 6:33. I crave and seek after this simple truth everyday- to seek first His kingdom.

What motivates you to write for charity?

I read recently that our gifts are, “Ours for others.” It brings me so much joy to know that I can be a part of something bigger than myself, and to be able to use my gift of writing to do that is a definite bonus!

Favorite Food:

Cereal! Wheaties, fruitloops, chex, cornflakes with bananas, hot malt-o-meal, oatmeal with brown sugar…you get the picture I love it all! I could honestly eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Pretty sure I’ve done that a few times in my life.

If you were stuck on a deserted island, what are 5 things that you’d have to have with you?

If my hubby and my son count- definitely them! Then I would have my journal, running shoes, camera, and a water filter