Margaret McSweeney's Blog, page 49

Meet the Pearl Girls: Deb Kalmbach

Deb Kalmcach is the coauthor of “Because I Said Forever: Embracing Hope in a Not-So Perfect Marriage” and the author of a book for children, “Corey’s Dad Drinks Too Much”. She has also contributed to “The New Women’s Devotional Bible” and “Pearl Girls: Encountering Grip, Experiencing Grace”. She speaks to women about the real hope we have in Christ for facing real life issues. Deb and her husband, Randy, have recently celebrated 40+ years of not-so-perfect marriage. They live in a tiny town in eastern Washington State. You can find her online at: www.debkalmbach.com

How did you become a writer?

I’ve always enjoyed putting words to my thoughts and feelings, but it wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I sensed God’s nudging to write for a purpose. While I was “sentenced” to the couch for several months with a fractured kneecap, an invitation to a writers conference mysteriously arrived in our mailbox. A whole new world opened for me as I began to understand what it means to write for God’s glory!

What is your life verse? 

It’s hard to pick one scripture—so many have been an important part of my life. Galatians 6:9 has always encouraged me. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

What motivates you to write for charity?

I feel humbled when God uses my writing to help someone in need—whether or not there is any monetary compensation. It’s a privilege to help support groups such as W.I.N.G.S. and Hands of Hope.

What is your favorite food? 

CHOCOLATE! (M&Ms, Mochas, Chocolate Chip cookies, fudge—all things chocolate!)

If you were stuck on a deserted island what 5 items would you take?

Bible, Randy (my husband), Journal, Pens and Chocolate!

It’s All in the Perspective

When my husband Randy lost his job and career as an air traffic controller almost 20 years ago, we were suddenly thrust into a new world. Where we once had enough money, not only for the basics, but for extras, too, we now found ourselves in a position we hadn’t known in a long time: how to get along on very little.

I look back and cringe when I see the many mistakes we made with managing our money. Until Randy found another job, we lived on his retirement savings. Fear of the financial unknown dictated some poor choices. We attended a job fair and fell for a smooth-talking entrepreneur’s pitch that investing in pay telephones was certain to be lucrative. How could we have known that cell phones were already making pay phones nearly obsolete? It sounded so good. Once you paid for the phones (gulp…a mere $10,000 investment), you had to place them in strategic locations. Then they told us all the money plugged into them was gravy. What could be easier?

Painful Lessons

Now I look back with 20/20 hindsight, barely able to believe we fell for that scam. The business was legitimate, but they neglected to tell us some critical information:

1. It would be next-to- impossible to find places that wanted payphones.

2. The monthly phone bill to support 8-10 phones was astronomical.

3. Forget making any money!

A friend and financial adviser helped us make the decision a few months into this venture, to bite the bullet, get out and never look back. We finally managed to recoup about $1,000 when we found a buyer for the phones. Ouch!

I wish I could say this was our only bad financial decision. Again, fear played a part in investing our dwindling “nest egg” in a company that had rave reviews for its high returns. I should have listened to my dad who wisely said, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” We had our savings in a traditional investment that wasn’t performing as well as this other company. The carrot dangled in front of us–and we bit into it, swallowing the whole thing.

At first, all the numbers looked great. Monthly reports were impressive. Randy and I often sat with a calculator crunching numbers. Wow! This is amazing, we’d tell ourselves, a little too smugly. After several years, we convinced Randy’s dad who was a savvy investor and a good friend of mine to invest her 401K savings in this fund.

Then one day our friend who had referred us to this company called in shock. “It’s all a scam,” he said evenly. “The largest Ponzi scheme in history.” At least we had that distinction until Bernie Madoff came along.

How could we be so stupid? We kicked ourselves for a long time–and felt terrible that we had influenced others to join and lose their hard-earned savings as well.

We have learned from these painful lessons, these situations we wouldn’t have knowingly signed on for. Yet what we have gained is valuable. We’ve been forced to face the difficult reality of how we have handled money.

Starting Over

When Randy had a generous income, we spent most of it. There was always something new we wanted. And when we got that item, something else appeared on the list of “must-haves.” I perused catalogs for the latest home decor or new clothes. We ate out at restaurants frequently and didn’t think anything of taking weekend jaunts and charging everything on our credit cards, which frequently crept toward the maximum allowed.

We were always looking for something to fill the gaps, to make us content. Who would think it would take losing almost everything for us to learn what real contentment is about?

In this more simple way of living, when you only have enough for your needs, (not your “greeds” as one wise author once said), we have discovered freedom. Now I wonder why I thought I needed all the stuff that eventually makes its way to the rummage room?

In God’s economy, He uses these tough circumstances to help us grow; to be wiser stewards of what He has given us and more compassionate in caring for others less fortunate. Without these financial setbacks, I might not have acquired a change in perspective. I have learned that God is our provider. All that we have ultimately belongs to Him. Our security isn’t found in jobs or bank accounts–a timely truth as we face an uncertain economy.

Best of all, Randy and I can offer each other grace for the mistakes we’ve made and gratitude for the richest blessings in life that money can’t buy.

Flurries

The past few school days have been flurries of activity [and flurries of snow, for that matter . . . 1st snowfall here yesterday!]. In part this hectic pace has been due to the fact that I simply have too much to do. But it is also, in part, a forced busy-ness, I think: the kind that comes when I am trying to squeeze every last ounce out of precious few moments left. And the kind that comes when I know that if I stop moving for a second, my emotions will begin to flow and I will be helpless in the face of my weepiness. So at least for workday purposes, the safest bet is to just barrel forward from one thing to the next.

This morning I snapped one quick, early morning shot of the fresh covering, then dashed on with the day.

Wearing a puffy red footie-pajama outfit while reading to 3 classes of the youngest ones? Check.

Explaining to one 1st grader, after spotting her lick her finger and smear the icing around on her cookie, that she could no longer give that particular cookie to the high schoolers, as they were supposed to be doing [a project of making cookies for the purpose of giving a gift and not eating it themselves]? Check.

Telling one group that they were not to throw snow up in the air because it got others wet. Then overhearing one explain to another that they were not allowed to throw it on others, only themselves. They proceeded to shower themselves, laughing gleefully in the process. Giving up on the idea of trying to keep them dry? Check.

Starting a snowball fight myself at the end of the day, when I was tired of trying to monitor snowball throws? Check.

Savoring the hugs instead of just perfunctorily giving them? Check.

Last night I made it through one book of goodbye letters. Today I have picked up the 6th grade book several times only to put it down again. I cannot, just now, afford the luxury of too much sentimentality. Maybe once my work is done here, and time is plentiful. But for now, there are classes to teach, children to hug, coworkers to talk to, holidays to prepare for . . .

We Begin Anew

In November we received news that my oldest daughter has bipolar disorder. We were happy to be able to put a name, a diagnosis to everything that was going on with her. It was good news and bad news all two words. My daughter has a condition that she has to live with for the rest of her life. That’s the bad news. She’s on medication and it seems to be working. I can now see the sweet child I’ve been missing for the past few years. And she says she feels “more normal”. That’s the good news.

Because of this diagnosis our family has some new dynamics. The phrase “we begin anew” comes to mind every day. Here are some of the reasons why.

Sibling Dynamics:

Upon hearing the news, my younger daughter was devastated. These two have had the most contentious relationship since my oldest started middle school. She communicated to me that all these years she thought her sister was just being mean or acting “crazy” just for the heck of it. As a result, she did things to her sister just to be spiteful. Now she realizes she was wrong. She’s learning how to respond differently to her sister. It has made a huge difference. The knowledge of her sister’s condition has changed their relationship for the better. That’s a definite new beginning.

Parent-Child Dynamics:

I’ve had to learn how to respond to my daughter differently. I can’t get frustrated with her. When she’s starting to have a moment, she needs a calm but firm voice to anchor her. I’m trying to be more aware of signs she’s moving from one stage to another because that changes how we need to interact with her. I’ve learned to extend more grace because frankly she needs it. I probably should have been doing this before, but like her sister, I thought she was doing some of it on purpose. Now I know different. And I make it a high priority to extend grace, not just to her but to all members of my family.

I expect there will be more things we’ll encounter as time goes on. For now we take each day as it comes. We don’t revolve everything around my daughter but her condition does now play a big role in how we run our family. I think the thing I appreciate most about that is that it has made us a more tight-knit family. It is truly helping us live out “Love suffers long and is kind…bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4,6-7 NKJV)

A New New Years Resolution

Change, it is inevitable. We are all aware of this. However, most of us fight it and we become upset when it happens in our lives. We act as though we have been betrayed, even though the Bible and life in general promises change.

We don’t want change and we don’t want instability. We want what we know and trust. We value stability: stable jobs, stable relationships, and that which we know and trust. These things can be and are often good. However, change is good too. If we lived completely predictable lives, wouldn’t we be bored? Wouldn’t we limit ourselves? It is certainly confusing and when left to ourselves, I have to wonder if what we really “want” is what is best for us? Do we really know what we even want? Do we really know what we are truly capable of?

I love to read biographies. It is my favorite genre and those men and women who have been successful, those men and women that have books written about them, have been those who have actually embraced change. Many of us would probably view them as unstable and unpredictable at some point in their life. At least up until the point in which they do something wonderful or until they have a book about their life on the shelves of Barnes and Noble.

Those who went before us and who made a difference in this world were those who brought about or embraced change. Whether they created the change or moved with the change that was imposed on their lives, they learned to live in it. The Bible is full of stories of God changing lives. He wants us to change the world for Him. He wants us to make big, bold changes and He has done it by changing the lives of countless men and women before us. Think of David, Paul, Mary or any other of the many men or women who embraced, even if reluctantly, the change God brought about in their lives. If they hadn’t, they would have missed out on the huge blessing of seeing God moving in their lives.

The New Year is the time in which perhaps most of us take the time to think about and make changes. Change in one’s weight is perhaps the most common New Year’s resolution. Others identify goals to make changes in relationships, careers, and life goals. These goals of change are ones that give us the control. That said, what if your goal this year was simply to embrace change? To look for where God is changing your life and then move with it and move with Him? It could be your most exciting year yet!

Hidden Grit or Transparent Grace? | Julie Klassen

I love that the Pearl Girls exist to share stories of “grit and grace.”

Grit and Grace–it’s who I am.

I didn’t become a believer until I was in my twenties. When I went away to college, I left behind my parents’ religion and dabbled in the foolish pleasures and excesses of youth hoping to fill the emptiness inside of me. None of which worked, of course. Thankfully, God continued to woo me until I was ready to listen. I sometimes still feel sorry for the two brave college students who tried to share the gospel with me all those years ago. Perhaps I’ll have the opportunity to meet them again in heaven—won’t they be surprised to learn the young woman who so coldly rejected their message accepted it not long after they “failed”?

I had much to be forgiven for then, and am nowhere near perfect today, which is likely the reason my novels seem to deal with the redemption of past mistakes and God’s forgiveness and mercy–gifts I’m very thankful for in my own life.

As an author, I endeavor to write novels about imperfect characters who make mistakes, but are offered second chances by our perfect heavenly father. For example, in The Girl in the Gatehouse the main character has been seduced by a dishonorable man (a terrible scandal in the early 19th century) and has been sent away–exiled from the rest of her family. She is resigned to live a quiet, lonely life with only one loyal servant for company. Thankfully, God has other plans. But will the handsome naval captain she meets abandon his own plans to pursue a woman shadowed by scandal? Or will he decide she is beneath his notice, as others in her acquaintance have done?

What about you and me? Are we quick to judge those who have fallen, or quick to offer mercy and aid? Do we gloss over our own faults and sins in the light of someone else’s more obvious failings? I hope not.

As we begin 2013, I hope to be more transparent about my own imperfections, and more outspoken about His perfect gift. Will you join me?

[image error]JULIE KLASSEN writes novels set in “Jane Austen-era England.” Her sixth book, The Tutor’s Daughter, has recently released to enthusiastic reviews. A graduate of the University of Illinois, Julie worked in Christian publishing for sixteen years and now writes full time. Three of her novels have won the Christy Award for Historical Romance. She also won the Midwest Book Award and been a finalist in Romance Writers of America’s RITA Awards and ACFW’s Carol Awards. Julie and her husband have two sons and live in St. Paul, Minnesota. For more information, visit www.julieklassen.com or on Facebook .

Fresh Tracks

What are your resolutions this year? Have you made a promise to yourself you will be a better parent, a better spouse? Did you decide to show more love and less anger?

I’ll admit I struggle with my emotional outbursts (my husband will concur).

So it’s a new year…just like a fresh blanket of snow I can begin again. The old tracks are covered and the fresh snow is waiting for a new path to be plowed.

The great thing is I can resolve to do things differently any time of the year, any day, any moment.

So join me in some self-evaluation. (Notice I said self…not spouse. I’m sure your spouse would be happy to assist you if you draw a blank!) Determine the things that tend to trigger a big reaction. Mine is feeling disrespected. If I’m speaking and the person I’m talking with walks away or responds with a curt reply- it takes me no time at all to get MAD. But…my MAD doesn’t solve my problem of not feeling respected. It only serves to complicate and cloud the issue.

I need to rise above my strong emotions and voice my concern.

“When you walk away from me, while I’m talking, I feel disrespected. I would really appreciate it if you would hear me out before walking off.” By doing this I own the issue and have provided a logical solution to my concern.

I’ve noticed, my anger helps me pinpoint a problem but it does nothing to help solve it.

So… rather than reacting and following the same ol’ path- I’m going to make fresh tracks and create a new response to an old frustration.

How do you handle your mad?

A fool gives full vent to his anger.

Proverbs 29:11

That’s How I Feel About You | Rhonda Schrock

He’d wriggled and squirmed in anticipation of the event. Several weeks before, he’d received the news with gladness, happy that Grandma wanted him to come over during Christmas break.

“Who will take me?” he’d wondered aloud, sitting beside me in a darkened auditorium. “Shall I walk?”

I’d laughed. “Oh, no. Daddy or I can take you. We’ll make sure you get to Grandma’s house.” He’d relaxed, then, larking his way through the remaining school days ’til vacation.

The day before he was scheduled to go, he’d asked me over and over, “Should we start getting ready?” No, I assured him, we’d have “plenty of time tomorrow.” And then tomorrow came, and he set his heart to the packing.

His father, when he heard about the sleepover, had grimaced. To say he was attached to his smallest son was wholly inadequate, having fully embraced the unexpected gift that’d come to us later in life, forever changing our family unit.

Then there he went, suitcase packed with a monkey pillow pet, toothbrush, pajamas, and his best-best, well-loved Blanket.

It was his face the next day that spoke. There he came, Mother eager, waiting to see her boy, anxious to hear his stories. Up the steps, one, two, three, and ’round the corner. “I’m so happy to see you!” I said, smile cracking wide, arms open to gather him in.

And there it was. The innocence of childhood; joy at the welcome; a glad and happy heart that knows it belongs; is seen; is wanted; is loved–all of these shone upon his countenance.

Then the whisper. “That’s how I feel about you.” Looking at my boy, I heard Him speak. “When you come to Me, that’s how I feel.”

Today, may I include you in that whisper? “That’s how He feels about you.” Whenever you come, weary, discouraged, stepping toward Him, He beams. Every time you turn in your busyness and distraction, raising your gaze, He feels just like that.

Can you see it, that smile on His face? The joy at your coming? The glad welcome He offers?

Can you feel it, such happiness and joy, knowing you belong? That you’re seen? That you’re wanted? That you, dear one, are loved? Just as I waited for Little, so He waits for you, for me, eager to see us, to hear our stories, to listen, to be.

With love this day,

Rhonda

P.S. – Little Schrock, the happy overnighter, reported a wonderful time at Grandma’s house. He loved playing with her cats, watched cartoons, and ate like a trencherman when she took him to Pizza Hut (his choice), wolfing down two large slices, per her report. He did, however, report that, “There was a problem. The cat was wiggling (under the bed) and ‘m’owing,’ and I couldn’t get to sleep.” He is quite eager to do it again, though it’s not certain if Snuggles and Linus feel the same.

Rhonda Schrock lives in Northern Indiana with her husband and 4 sons, ages 22 to 6. By day, she is a telecommuting medical transcriptionist. In the early morning hours, she flees to a local coffee shop where she pens “Grounds for Insanity,” a weekly column that appears in The Goshen News. She is an occasional guest columnist in The Hutch News. She’s also blogged professionally for her son’s school of choice, Bethel College, in addition to humor and parenting blogs. She is a writer and editor for the magazine, “Cooking & Such: Adventures in Plain Living.” She survives and thrives on prayer, mochas, and books. Her new home in cyberspace is at http://RhondaSchrock.com.

Pathway Through the Wilderness

New Year’s brings a time where we all want to start something new. A new diet, new resolutions, a new skill to learn. There are more “Read the Bible in a Year” plans than I can count. When I start something new I charge ahead full throttle. Years ago when digital scrapbooking was new, I joined several creative teams, spending hours learning how to design beautiful layouts. I am glad I did, but now I don’t do it as much. Then I got a new camera and dove into learning f-stop, ISO, and aperture. This skill is handy today while taking pictures, but this has waned also.

Last year I had my bible study plans laid out, I got up early for quiet time, and was ready to meet any challenge the Lord placed in front of me. I was living Proverbs 31:15, “She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family…” So what happened? Unexpected challenges came my way, I grew weary emotionally and spiritually, and finally I found myself up in the morning telling God, “I am up, but that is all I can bring to you right now.” I felt like a failure. All my plans seemed to dissipate. So many other Christians seem to be able to do it all, but not me, I failed.

Know what happened? That is where God met with me the most. I shed the expectations of what I thought I should be doing, stepped back from activities, and allowed God to minister to me when I was at my weakest. He humbled me by providing blessing I knew I did not deserve. He brought struggles my way only He could handle, and gave me peace in the midst of the storm.

I failed in completing my bible study plans in 2012. I did not accomplish everything I planned to do, instead I found grace, forgiveness, mercy and faithfulness. As I enter 2013 I have some exciting plans, I still have bible study plans I would like to complete, but this year I am allowing God to lead instead of charging ahead full throttle. This year I am strolling into 2013 hand-in-hand with Christ making sure I do not charge ahead of the lessons and blessings he has planned. And if I fail, I know that Christ will pick me up offering grace, mercy and forgiveness that can only be found in Him.

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isa. 43:19 (NLT)

Root Ripping

Before you can have a new beginning, an ending must happen. The demise of this tree was a great big wind. It grabbed a hold of the tree, forced it down- ripping the out roots. If the tree had feelings, this experience would have been excruciatingly painful.

New beginnings can hurt.

When I think of a new beginning, Abram (Abraham) comes to mind. God called him to leave his country, people, and his father’s household. That means he left behind his comfort, culture, and company. Not an easy calling.

New beginnings are difficult.

In spite of the difficulties he believed and trusted in God’s promise to make him a great nation, make his name great, and that he would be a blessing. God also said He would bless those that blessed Abram and curse those that cursed him. God’s final promise was all people will be blessed through him.

New beginnings have the potential to bring big blessings.

When the Lord has relocated Tom and me (three times so far), it has always been a bit painful and difficult. It’s hard to leave a place and people you know and love. But the blessing comes in finding another location to call home and finding new folks to call friend. In every move our faith has increased because we have had to rely more on the Lord.

Abram wasn’t really looking for a new beginning yet God gave him one. I thank God Abram followed the call. If he hadn’t there would be no Jesus.

New beginnings can have many faces.

A new beginning doesn’t have to be a physical move. It can be a new job, a change in people you typically associate with, a behavior, or a habit.

New beginnings call for strength, courage and forward focus.

Be strong and courageous.

Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,

for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1: 9

What needs to be ripped out from your life so you can have a new beginning?