Margaret McSweeney's Blog, page 24

Ending Well | Angie Webb

Life is tough. Do you agree?

Personally, I wish at times my life had been a little easier but then I remember all of the lessons I have learned through the fiery trials, tragedies, loss, fear and anxiety.

Where would I be if I had not walked the difficult roads?

Photo used with permission from: P. J. Di Benedetto
Text added by: Angie Kay Webb

Looking back from as early as two or three years old, I was filled with fear, anxiety and stress. I lived in a neglectful, abusive, damaged home that had most material items you could wish for, but was lacking unconditional love, acceptance and encouragement especially when I faced times of fear.

Fear can become such a stronghold in our lives and it definitely became that in my life.

I lived in fear of going to school because that required me to be away from home, yet I didn’t want to be at home either. I lived in fear of making a mistake because that meant harsh, harsh discipline as well as neglect because of the mistake done. I lived in fear of riding in the car, being alone . . . on and on.

By the age of 18 years old, I had left my childhood home as an unmarried, pregnant teenager. I then married my high school sweetheart. Life was not easy. Fear still controlled my life on almost every level. I had no self-esteem, no joy, no happiness, yet life continued on as best as it could. I wasn’t unhappy in my marriage or life with my children, but life was not what I had envisioned for myself.

By 1990, our family had lost a brother to suicide, then in 1991 an uncle to suicide, and then in 1996 my grandparents were involved in a murder/suicide.

All of these situations overwhelmed me, swallowed me up to the once again controlling fear and eventually led to a place of no happiness, depression, anxiety and agoraphobia. I had no idea how to change the situation I found myself in, yet I so desperately wanted some type of freedom, yet all I felt day in and day out was fear, anxiety and panic.

Freedom seemed elusive.

I believed in Jesus Christ at the age of 10 years old, so I definitely knew that God had a big plan for my life, yet achieving all I had dreamed of seemed out of my reach due to the anxiety and fears that controlled my every waking moment.

Let’s fast forward to 2012. By this point, I had lived with fear, anxiety and panic attacks for more than 30 years, yet I also suffered with agoraphobia as well.

My children and family had missed out on many memories throughout the years due to my struggle with traveling away from home. Vacations were not planned and memories were not made.

In 2012, my 95 year old grandmother had not seen me or my family in over ten years but it was something I so desperately wanted to accomplish but really saw no way due to my anxiety and agoraphobia.

Fear continued to control my life so I saw no way of having this dream become a reality.

I had many great strides of achieving employment, driving in town alone, and dealing with the pain of the past, but the reality of traveling seemed impossible. A friend invited me to attend a Women’s Bible Conference in our local town in July 2012, and this is when God did a huge transformation in my life.

The second day of the conference, the Lord began doing a work in my heart and soul concerning the hurtful past, fear and anxiety. Praise was a powerful tool that day, but also the many prayers that were being prayed on my behalf during the conference. My mind, soul and heart changed that day, but I could not understand to the extent or exactly how, but yet deep in my spirit, I knew life would never be the same.

From that day in July 2012 to present day, I have traveled twice to see my 95 year old grandmother who lives over 9 hours away, traveled to see my uncle and cousins who live 11 hours away, but I have also traveled just for “fun” with some great friend to Austin, San Antonio and San Marcos.

Memories were made, fun was had and freedom just gets sweeter and sweeter by the day.

Recently, I made a scrapbook of my “recent” travels so I can see the progress I have made but more importantly to remember where I have been and where I am going.

Photo Credit: P.J. Di Bendetto
Text added: Angie Kay Webb

FREEDOM is SWEET.

The path has not been easy, but even in the darkest moments God was walking along side me. If I had given up and quit praying, look what joy, peace, happiness and freedom I would have missed out on.

I want to offer you hope that no matter what you are facing; God is walking with you, listening to your prayers and has a great plan for you.

Don’t give up.

Isaiah 44:20 He feeds on ashes. His deceived mind has led him astray, and he cannot deliver himself, or say, “ Isn’t there a lie in my right hand?”

I had let my fear and anxiety become an idol in my life, yet it was a lie. It held nothing good for me; only more fear, loss of freedom and certainly a life that was less than God had planned for me.

God has a plan for you as well. Don’t lose heart. Don’t give up.

I am FREE at last.

God wants us to END WELL.

Have you let fear and anxiety become your idol? @MargaretMcSweeney @Angiewebb65
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Angie Webb grew up in a very unhappy home, which later led to a life filled with fear, anxiety and eventually agoraphobia. Angie married at the age of 18 years old and has been married to her high school sweetheart for 30 years. They have two grown sons and three grandchildren. Angie is totally free from her anxiety and fear after many years which allows her to help others struggling as well. Angie writes for Heartbeat The Magazine and also has a FB group for those that would like to join called Joyful Journey: Out of Fear, Anxiety and Agoraphobia. Angie also has her own website at http://angiewebb.wordpress where she shares her journey. Many articles have been published by Angie at other sites such as Denise in Bloom, Exemplify Online and others. Contact Angie through her website or her Facebook page.

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The Painful Reality of Becoming a Woman of Strength

My Baby Boy James

Ephesians 3:16: I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being

We all want to be women of strength. However, we likely do not desire all of what it takes to become her. Physical strength, emotional strength, spiritual strength and mental strength all require discipline and hardship. We long for the end result but we don’t want to endure the road that leads us there. We pray for God to make our life easy and instead he promises to discipline those he loves. He does this to develop strong characteristics within us.

Proverbs 3:12:  Because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

I can vividly remember three specific times in which I was told that I was a strong woman and they all were birthed out of hardship. The first was after my husband Mark died. “You are so strong!” people would tell me when they would find out the grief I had gone through. People would say that they didn’t think they could survive like I had. The truth is, they likely would have. They would have because they would have no other choice. We must all go on and with God’s help, we can. I wouldn’t have thought it possible myself until I was in the depths and God led me through. Trusting in God and leaning on Him provides the ability to endure.

The second time I was commended for being strong was after running a marathon. My physical strength was built to a level that I had once never imagined possible. I remember watching my best friend’s sister run a marathon many years ago and thinking it was an impossibility for me. I started with a few miles and after much training, I completed 6 marathons in 3 years. This physical strength was built through hours of sweating the many tiresome miles of training. It was not an easy accomplishment and this is why it tasted so sweet to reach the finish line. Discipline leads to achievement.

The third time I was commended for being strong was after the birth of my child this past July. I labored for hours, many without pain relief, and eventually delivered a healthy baby boy. The physical pain that I experienced was worse than I had imagined and my husband, who watched it all, praised me for my strength. Ever since then, I have a new found respect for what women all over the world go through! I have to admit, I felt a bit feminist after the birth as I thought surely there is nothing women cannot do. We endure terrible pains for the outcome of a beautiful child. We endure pain to birth life.

“If you meet a woman of whatever complexion who sails her life with strength and grace and assurance, talk to her! And what you will find is that there has been a suffering, that at some time she has left herself for hanging dead.” -Sena Jeter Naslund

A woman of strength is one who is not merely physically fit, but one who is mentally, emotionally, and spiritually strong as well. Developing strength requires constant discipline and it is often built through hardship. By focusing less on our selves and more on God who gives generously to those who ask, your strength can be built on every day. It is something to strive for daily in prayer and in action.

Are you a #strong woman? @MargaretMcSweeney @SWauterlek
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Blown and Tossed by the Wind | Melanie Dobson

Enter below for a chance to win a copy of Melanie Dobson’s new book, The Courier of Caswell Hall

Twenty years ago I graduated from Regent University in Virginia, ready to embark on a career in journalism. I began sending out dozens of resumes to newspapers across the country, and a stack of rejection letters accumulated in the tiny bedroom I rented from a girlfriend. I needed to get a job right away, but didn’t know what else to do. Fear began to overwhelm me as I continued to send out these resumes, and I felt as if I might implode from the anxiety.

A friend’s parents owned an old home along the James River, and I escaped there one weekend. Just like Lydia Caswell in my latest novel, The Courier of Caswell Hall, I sat under the shade of a tree, overlooking the wide river and sought wisdom from God. I desperately needed direction, but wasn’t sure which way to turn.

Leaning back against that tree, I opened my Bible to the book of James since I was sitting along the James River. This is what I read:

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

I stared at the words of James in awe. I was the one lacking wisdom, the one being blown and tossed by the wind, scattered and unstable as I floundered about in my search for a job. That morning along the river, God spoke directly to me and put an incredible peace in my heart. “Trust me,” he seemed to whisper when I asked Him for wisdom. And so I decided to trust.

I returned to my little room in Virginia Beach, but this time I stopped throwing resumes to the wind. I began a slow, deliberate, prayerful search for a job and less than a month later, God opened the door for the perfect position for me. A job in Colorado (where I had always wanted to live), working with an organization I loved. I remained in awe. Looking back, I now see clearly why I had to wait and most of all, why I had to learn to trust Him and His timing.

Last year I had the opportunity to return to the James River to research for The Courier of Caswell Hall. As I visited the old plantation homes with my daughter, God reminded me of His faithfulness over the past two decades. I don’t always understand the way He works, but I’m so grateful that in the midst of chaos and confusion, I can ask Him for the gift of wisdom. And He gives it generously every time, without finding fault.

Are you being blown and tossed by the wind? @MargaretMcSweeney @MelanieDobson
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MELANIE DOBSON is the award-winning author of twelve novels, including eight historical romances for Summerside Press. In 2011, Melanie won ACFW Carol Awards for The Silent Order and Love Finds You in Homestead, Iowa, and in 2010, Love Finds You in Liberty, Indiana, was chosen as the Best Book of Indiana (fiction).

Melanie is the former corporate publicity manager at Focus on the Family, and she worked in public relations for fifteen years before she began writing fiction full time. Born and raised in the Midwest, she has lived all over America, including eight years in Virginia—Lynchburg, Chesapeake, Norfolk, Virginia Beach, and Richmond. Now she resides with her husband and two daughters near Portland, Oregon. Read more at MelanieDobson.com.

Beauty — Can’t Get Enough!

 

A friend of mine hangs out with Beauty…all the time! Beauty goes with her everywhere. Beauty guides her steps, provides wisdom, comforts her, encourages her, and even convicts her.  I know it sounds a  little racy… but  she also sleeps with Beauty.

When I think of the word beauty, the descriptors that pop into my head are: flawless, perfection, pleasing to the senses.

But  Tina’s Beauty is full of wrinkles (She is really old) and She’s all inked up. (Are you picturing an aging pro-basketball player?) Even so Beauty is still flawless and perfect.

Beauty is strange. Even when she is brutally honest, those close to her can’t get enough. But She has been known to create a stir with her message.

The more you get to know Beauty, the more you want to know her.

If it has been awhile since you have spent time with Beauty you are missing out. Schedule a daily appointment with her. And pretty soon, you too will be hanging out with her All.The. Time.  And…  maybe you may even memorize some of her lines!

And the words of the LORD are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay purified seven times.

Psalm 12:6

Which version of Beauty do you read?  When do you typically spend time in the Word?

Beauty is #strange, #wrinkles, and #inked up. @MargaretMcSweeney @Lori520
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Light from Darkness

A young woman lay in her bed. Sleep eluded her for hours as she tossed and turned. She knew what was keeping her awake. Her mind couldn’t stop thinking about her problems at work, her shallow relationships, and, even worse, her complete lack of faith that God still cared about her. But then the moonlight shone through the blinds and illuminated her face, reminding her amidst silent tears streaming down her cheeks, that the Light of the World still watched over her.

Life is sometimes like the night: seemingly no end to the darkness, just solitude and loneliness. Problems appear larger than life, and cries to God seem to go unanswered. Paul explains in Romans 8:26–27 that at our weakest point, the Holy Spirit will speak for us, communicating what we ourselves do not know we need.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

After all, who knows our hearts and our needs better than the One who created us?

When we are at our weakess, the Holy Spirt will speak for us. @MargaretMcSweeney @RemixHer
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*Image c/o stock.xchng

Live in the Sunshine

For 6 days I have prayed fervently for sun. The rain has been falling steadily, confining us to buildings that grow increasingly chilly as the wetness cools the air. This is not a place accustomed to cold, so structures [and people, for that matter] are simply not equipped to handle it. Winter is generally so mild that there is no such thing as central heating. And certainly, September does not count as winter . . . not usually. But this past week has been a steady deluge without our usual sun-breaks, and without any relief from the chill in the air.

I know how I feel about the cold. But for some reason I thought I had gotten a bit wiser in my old age: a bit more patient about waiting it out. This week threw me for a loop, though: I could feel my mood darkening by the day, and a sense of panic setting in—an irrational fear that this was it, and that the sun I had grown to love so much in this home was gone forever. What if the tectonic plates have shifted and from now on our climate was going to be forever cold and wet? [yeah, I know—tectonic plates have nothing to do with climate but, hey, I have a point to prove!].

It was humbling to realize how externally motivated my sense of well-being can be, especially as this week has also included significant work challenges, demanding much of my professional resources on any given day.

This weekend we had our annual staff retreat. Envisioning a weekend spent at an outdoor center in this revived my sense of panic, so my prayers were amped up a bit. I called on extra prayers, in fact, recruiting my mother and a friend to pray with me. But the morning of our departure did not look promising, in the slightest. As the day wore on, however, it grew oddly warm. There was still nothing resembling true sunshine, but it was pleasant enough that three of us decided we would spend all our free time outside regardless. I think we were like-minded in our feelings about this past week because as we romped around the lake, we all grew giddy, acting much like the little ones we spend our days with. Eventually we had the inspiration to break out a phone and have a little cell phone dance party. We were dancing to an odd choice of tunes, though, since my play list consists largely of hymns and folk tunes. It worked for us, though. We raised our hands to the sky and laughed as the sun broke through the clouds.

It was, in all respects, a beautiful day. And the weekend as a whole left me heart-filled with a sense of family. Our theme for the weekend was that we were working towards being, and becoming, a community of grace.

This morning we had a closing session. In my small group of four, I confessed my feelings over this past week, using that as an example of a way in which I would like to grow more in a grace-filled approach to my work community and not just eke my way through the days. As I talked, though, I realized something. One at the table said that she had felt the same way about the week, and I suggested that maybe part of being a grace-filled community is have grace for our humanity: our own and that of each other. What if we all are weak-willed, flesh-driven souls striving together in a quest for something greater than ourselves? If that is the truth, then what more can we do, on some days, that simply step forward together, leaning on each other in our baby steps?

Do you long to live in the sunshine? @MargaretMcSweeney @graceannaj
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When Your Strength is Gone

One Christmas Eve, more than 20 years ago, my strength was gone to cope with my husband Randy’s alcoholism. He usually pulled himself together for occasions like holidays or birthdays, but this time he checked out by drinking. He sat on the couch, trance-like, watching TV. He drank vodka all evening while I finished holiday preparations on autopilot. I felt like I was suffocating.

Randy and I went through the motions on Christmas Day, trying to act cheerful, as if nothing were wrong. At some point, you can’t ignore the elephant in the room—even though it was tempting to hang out in denial. We had planned to travel over the snowy North Cascades Mountains after Christmas, to spend a few days at a quiet cabin. I wondered how this would be possible after his drinking binge. I couldn’t pretend everything was fine. Instead, I insisted that Randy check into a treatment facility again. With reluctance, he agreed.

Time-out

Then I surprised myself by calling to make a reservation for one in the small mountain community. Sometimes when you’re at the end of your strength, you need to do what’s practical—take time out to rest. I decided to go to the cabin alone. I braved the mountain passes and arrived in the Methow Valley long after dark. I drove for miles to the Kramer Cabin located at a tiny dot on the map called Early Winters. I wondered about the wisdom of my decision. Here I was out in the middle of nowhere, straining to read the rustic street signs.

I finally found the cabin. My heart pounded as I looked out into the pitch black, no lights anywhere. My imagination ran through a kaleidoscope of scenarios. I regretted every scary movie I’d watched. I fumbled around trying to locate a light switch. When I flicked on the lights, I couldn’t believe the incredible setting. The décor looked like something out of an L.L. Bean catalog. Log furniture with comfy overstuffed cushions gave a warm welcome. I flipped another switch and a cozy propane stove danced to life. I took a deep breath and felt peace.

I sensed the Lord’s presence. I had no doubt that He had prepared a much-needed oasis of rest for me. During those few days, I soaked in God’s goodness—that He cared for me in such tangible and even amazing ways.

I spent unrushed hours reading the Bible, praying, and marveling at the beauty of God’s creation, right outside the cabin windows. I drove into town for the weekly Al-Anon meeting where I felt an instant bond with the women there. I wasn’t alone, even in an unfamiliar town.

The Basics

I love the way Jesus cares for weary people. There are at least two accounts in the gospels (Mark 6 and Luke 9) of Jesus feeding people, thousands of people, with only a few loaves of bread and a couple of fish. In fact, there were baskets of leftovers. Jesus showed compassion. He didn’t tell them to “buck up” and eat later. He was genuinely concerned about them, about their needs, their comfort. His priority was meeting their basic needs of nourishment and rest. I believe Jesus cares about our basic needs as well.

You might not be hungry for food like Jesus’ weary followers, but like me, you may be hungry for rest, compassion, caring, comfort, and understanding.

Jesus says to those who are weary, Come right where you are and bring all the pieces of your life—the good, the shameful, the heart-breaking ones. He says all who are carrying heavy burdens should come. He promises to give you rest and life. Life that’s full of hope and possibilities—no matter what is happening around you, no matter what choices others are making.

The next time you feel like your energy needle is registering empty and you don’t have any strength left, consider that Jesus might be directing you to a time-out—a time to rest and regain your strength and perspective.

Will you give yourself permission to take a time-out?

Do you need a time-out from life? @MargaretMcSweeney @DebKalmbach
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Who do you need to forgive?

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The moment comes in a talk with the villain of the story. I have to be careful what I say here as to not write to many spoilers! My hero, Dare, is talking to about forgiveness while Paul, the teenager, and his mother Glynna, the heroine, are listening in. Dare tells someone (wow, I can’t say much without giving a lot away) that Jesus asked God to forgive the men who were crucifying Him. And this ‘someone’ says something like “God couldn’t have loved his son very much or He could never forgive such a thing.”

Dare references Matthew 27, the part right after Jesus died. This is paraphrased and shortened. Dare says, “A curtain in the church was ripped in two. There was an earthquake and rocks split. Graves opened; and dead men arose and appeared unto many.” Then Dare says, “I reckon God was mighty upset to do all that, but He forgave them anyway.” As Dare is explaining just how upset God was about Jesus’ death, Dare realizes that he himself hasn’t forgiven evil done to him. Later, Paul asks, “How can you forgive someone who would spit on you if you said, ‘I forgive you?’ How can you forgive someone for hitting you who will hit you again the next time they’re mad and blame you for it every time?”

Writing this helped me explore the anger Paul and Glynna and Dare, as well as so many of us, carry around inside. Paul’s anger was hurting only him because the man he hated so much was dead. But that anger was spilling over on everyone he was near, hurting them and hurting Paul. The forgiveness God calls us to in a situation like this isn’t for those we forgive, it’s for us.

I’ve been remembering that when I think I’ve got a lot to forgive, just how enraged God was over Jesus’ death and how heartbroken and how forgiving. How can we do less?

Who do you need to #forgive today? @MargaretMcSweeney @MaryConnealy
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Mary Connealy writes fun and lively “romantic comedy with cowboys” for the inspirational market. She is the author of Swept Away and Fired Up, books 1 & 2 of the Trouble in Texas Series, and the bestselling Kincaid Brides, Lassoed in Texas, Montana Marriages, and Sophie’s Daughters series, and she has been a finalist for a Rita, Christy and Inspirational Readers Choice Awards and a two time winner of the Carol Award. She lives on a ranch in eastern Nebraska with her husband, Ivan, and has four grown daughters.

Find me online:

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In God’s Strength—or Ours?

How often we try to do for ourselves what only God can do—or what God can make easier for us to do if we simply ask Him for direction. But our pride gets in the way, and we fuss and fume as we attempt to work things out in our own power.

Ross M., a Christian school principal, illustrated this point well. He had been concerned about a number of single-parent families he knew who were struggling. In an effort to encourage them to depend on God rather than on their own strength, he called a parent-teacher meeting to talk to them about his own experience.

“As most of you know, I’m a single dad,” he said. “For years I tried to do things on my own strength. In fact, I took pride in being mother and father to my boys. I did everything. I cooked and kept up the house. We camped, and the kids played soccer and took music lessons. I enjoyed telling anyone who’d listen what a great dad I was!”

His face changed then as he took a deep breath and continued. “But it was a facade. My emotional life was a mess. The doctor said I had an ulcer. I had no time for myself, and I never made time for God. I stopped praying.

“And church? It was hit and miss—mostly miss. By Sunday I was always exhausted. I went on this way for several years until an elder from our church came over one evening and said, ‘Let’s talk. You look like you could use a friend.’

“I remember shrugging him off. ‘Who me?’ I asked. ‘I’m fine.’ He looked me square in the eye.

“‘No, you’re not fine,’ he said. ‘When are you going to let God take over?’ I can still remember my feelings as we sat there: pride, anger, resistance. I nearly choked on them. ‘Brother,’ he said softly, ‘Let me pray for you. You need God. There is no more time or room in your life for pride. Let it go. Let God do what you cannot do. Do it for your kids, if not for yourself.’

“I had nothing to say. I broke down and cried. We prayed. I’m telling you this tonight because I know that some of you are trying to make it on your own strength. Stop! God wants to carry the weight for you. Let Him have your worry and fear and pride.”

That parent-teacher meeting turned into a prayer meeting as parents came forward to acknowledge their needs before the Lord. According to Ross, “It was one of the most powerful and profound experiences I’ve had in all my years of education.” What a great God we serve. He meets each one of us exactly where we are. How worthy of our praise and thanks He is.

Does your pride get in the way of God? @MargaretMcSweeney @KarenOconnor
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I Don’t Need To Be Strong

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I sat in church listening to the beginning of a new sermon series entitled, “Your God Is Too Small”. It really hit home. I was sitting there fending off fretful thoughts about situations and problems either I or someone in my family were facing. Yep, I was sitting in church trying to fight worry.

My pastor reminded me I believed in a God with many names. Those names tell much about who He is. The three names Pastor Chuck used for the beginning of this series were Elohim, Adonai, and El Shaddai. Put together they mean “The Almighty Master of Power and Strength”. Wow!

So if my God, who loves me and cares for me, is the almighty master of power and strength, what the heck was I worried about? Really, worrying seemed dumb now. Didn’t I read that if I need something I can ask and receive? The things I needed worked on and worked out were things that weren’t frivolous. No, they were things I knew God wanted resolved too.

Here is what I knew:

1. I was worrying about stuff

2. I had no power to fix any of it

3. God did have the power to fix everything

4. I believed in God

5. I had prayed to Him about it all

6. Therefore . . . I could stop worrying because The Almighty Master was on it

If I didn’t stop worrying it meant my God was too small. But I knew long ago my God was big. I was reminded me of the song I taught second graders some years ago on a Sunday morning, “Our God Is A Great Big God”. So right there in my seat I said to myself, “Mari, stop making God out to be a midget. He is and always will be more than capable of handling any and every situation you bring to his attention.”

God has all the power and strength. I don’t. But that’s okay. I don’t need to be strong. I just need to trust and know that God is.

Marietta Taylor asks "Is your God too small?" @MargaretMcSweeney #PearlGirls
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