Margaret McSweeney's Blog, page 12

When a Blessing Doesn’t Feel Like It

Every good and perfect gift is from above. This verse from James 1:17, I can really embrace.  This is the verse Tom and I put on our first baby announcement.

A baby is good. A baby is a gift. A baby is a blessing.

My baby is now in her mid-twenties. She has struggled with sexual identity since preschool. She has wrestled with same-sex attraction since puberty. For 6-7 years she embraced this and identified herself as gay.

Recently she declared, because she is drawing closer to God, she  has decided to be celibate. Or in a more common vernacular, she is choosing purity. Or in more spiritual terms, choosing to be holy.

Her struggle has not felt good. It doesn’t feel like a gift or a blessing.

But God says, Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

The Creator of Heaven and Earth could take away her orientation anytime he wants. But he hasn’t.

Why wouldn’t he remove this from her?

Maybe because it is a blessing. Maybe in his mercy she has some things to work through. And  dealing with and understanding the  pain maybe the best and most effective way to heal her heart, mind, body, and soul.

Maybe because the God of all comfort and compassion wants to use her in his mission to reach others who are in a place of struggle or brokenness. Maybe her voice and story gives hope to others.

I struggled with infertility. I wanted a baby so badly. I prayed. Why wouldn’t God allow me to get pregnant, like everyone else? Because he is God and He has a plan.

I became more dependent on him. My faith grew. I understood suffering and heartache.

And…I was to be Courtney’s mom. Not the mom who birthed her. But the mom who raised her. She was our first baby.

God never wastes our trials. He uses our heartaches to help someone else. He can use past pain to develop empathy and a greater love for others.

When we suffer God is near. Having God close  is a blessing, which is a good and perfect gift.  

God never wastes our trials. @loriwildenberg @grit_grace
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Perfectionaholic | Denise Hunter

I have an illness.

No, it’s not a virus, I’m not contagious, and I don’t need treatment (though my husband has suggested otherwise). It’s something I was born with or picked up somewhere along the way. At times it serves me well, but usually, I serve it.

This illness is known as perfectionism, and those who have it know exactly what I mean by that last sentence. The affliction is so popular, there is a game named after it. (“Pop, goes Perfection . . . “) They sing it as if the stress of fitting little pieces of plastic into their slots before the time runs out and the board suddenly pops, scaring the ba-jeebers out of you, is actually fun. Please. As if life isn’t stressful enough. Still, it’s an apropos reflection of real-life perfectionism. I should know.

I was the child whose dolls were lined up shortest to tallest on the shelf, the one whose socks had to be exactly straight (there’s a line across the toes, you know), and who had every bobby pin and barrette in individualized compartments.

Advance 20 years (okay, 40), and I’m the one whose spices are alphabetized, whose face is always made up, and whose sofa pillows must always be in place. I will read this blog at least three times before posting and probably three more after I post it, checking for mistakes. I have been known to remove guests’ plates from under their noses (he said his fork was halfway to his mouth when this occurred, but that is hearsay) in my effort to restore my kitchen to its spotless appearance. My name is Denise, and I’m a perfectionaholic.

I don’t know how I came to be this way, but there it is. My illness. During my early adult years, God sent three remedies to help fix me. They’re named Justin, Chad, and Trevor. I admit their appearance partially healed me. Boys don’t put things away. They don’t line things up and sort clothes by color. At least mine don’t. Apparently the illness is not hereditary.

And I should be glad, because this illness is a pain. The pieces rarely fit, and in my focus to do it right, I’m completely caught off guard when life goes “Pop!” It’s frustrating to lose, and when perfection is the goal, let’s face it, that’s what happens. At times like this, I realize my Milton-Bradley existence is a crazy way to live, but I’m pretty sure there’s only one cure. Heaven. And I have a feeling we perfectionists are going it appreciate it a little more than everyone else.

More About Denise:

Denise Hunter manages her perfectionism in Indiana, where she and her husband are raising 3 boys, one of them half out of the nest.

In 1996, inspired by the death of her grandfather, Denise began her first book, writing while her children napped. Two years later it was published, and she’s been writing ever since. Her husband says he inspires all her romantic stories, but Denise insists a good imagination helps too!

Denise is the internationally published bestselling author of more than 20 books, including “Barefoot Summer” and “The Convenient Groom”. She has won The Holt Medallion Award, The Reader’s Choice Award, The Foreword Book of the Year Award, and is a RITA finalist.

New from Denise | Dancing with Fireflies

Jade returns home to Chapel Springs after years of protecting her fragile heart. Then along comes Daniel, making her long to dance again.

Creative and complicated, Jade McKinley felt like a weed in a rose garden growing up in Chapel Springs. When she left, she thought she’d never look back. But now, pregnant, alone, and broke, she has no other choice but to return.

The mayor of Chapel Springs, Daniel Dawson, has been an honorary member of the McKinley family for years. While his own home life was almost non-existent, Daniel fit right into the boisterous McKinley family. He’s loved Jade for years, but she always saw him as a big brother. Now that she’s back, his feelings are stronger than ever.

As Jade attempts to settle in, nothing feels right. God seems far away, she’s hiding secrets from her family, and she’s strangely attracted to the man who’s always called her “squirt.” Finding her way home may prove more difficult than she imagined.

You can learn more about Denise through her website www.DeniseHunterBooks.com or by visiting her FaceBook page.

What's the remedy for perfectionism? Having kids! @DeniseAHunter @McSweeney
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Run a Marathon? I don’t think so!

With the Winter Olympics behind us, I’m reminded by a group of women in their 60’s and 70’s who were reported to be preparing to run a marathon,  of what it takes to finish well.

My thoughts:

First, these women are not youngsters
Second – a marathon?
This likely wasn’t their first time out running!

I’m not a runner, so any kind of running competition is not appealing, but considering the time one must invest to prepare for this kind of event – that is really impressive. Whether some of them were in it to win, better their previous time, or simply complete the event – it’s still very impressive. The training, stamina, time, and certainly the desire to see it through is remarkable. We should not be surprised that they are still able to do what they have practiced for years.

I’m a “marathoner” of sorts. I run a race every day that many others probably couldn’t do – not because they wouldn’t be able, but because they haven’t been in training. I care for a son with special needs. Everything I need to do for me, I do for him, as well. I’m hoping to stay in this race until I’m old. But I know, in order to do that, I need to keep practicing my skills.

My husband and I have often been told that we make it look “easy.” What comes easily is how much we love our son – caring for him is just second nature. When one makes the choice to do the right thing, rather than what is easy, comfortable, and fun, and when accompanied with cheerfulness and a good attitude, we can see that the training can be productive. But it does takes stamina, perseverance, dedication, patience, longsuffering, and a few other things – all of which are developed over time – much like the training of an athlete.

As an athlete trains daily, we practice doing what we need to do. As an athlete makes sacrifices to train his or her body to work a certain way, those caring for the needs of others clearly give up a great deal in order to make what they do look easy. They sacrifice their own time, treasures, and talents to be able to do what they feel they are being called to do. An athlete needs to stop and rest to be able to get back in the race, but for this marathon, it’s 24/7. While we’d like to take a day off, unless we plan for someone else to take over our responsibility, there is none. Sometimes the length of this marathon can get tiresome! Some days are weary. Sure, there are breaks and rests, but not always in the way we’d have planned them.

We need to treat this race of life in such a way, that we prepare ourselves for the long haul – the marathon. For us that has meant:

Surrounding ourselves with positive people
Relying on those who are willing to help – so we can rest and get refreshed
Taking mini dates together since a 2-week trip away isn’t always possible
Enjoying friends and family with times of laughter to brighten up life!
Taking walks
Enjoying hobbies (for me it’s watercolor painting)
Watching a good movie at home (and our if the situation arises)
Reading a good book
Offering to let our spouse sleep in on those blissful but few occasions!
Start your list here:

With these “helps” for my marathon of life, I can be “in it to win it” and maybe even better my time. But the true and simple reality is this: I just want to complete the race – well.

Treat this race of life like a marathon! @CindiFerrini @McSweeney
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The Blessing of Girlfriends

Friends are balm for the soul and a HUGE blessing in so many ways!

And our girlfriends are a special gift from God. The benefits of friendship are plentiful! Proverbs 27:9 tells us, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.” When we face difficulties, friends help us though with love, support, encouragement, and empathy. They cheer us on and dry our tears. They also hold us accountable. (Only a very good friend would discourage dessert if she noticed your jeans were getting a little tight!)

Girlfriends are there to celebrate mountaintop experiences and to walk through dark valleys in life. God gives us girlfriends as a present, to be present when accomplishments need celebrating or events are heartbreaking. We are to be there for one another. Scripture tells us, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). We learn through our friends and experiences how to be a blessing to others, to be the hands and feet of our Savior.

When looking at friendships, there are three types: Silver, Gold and, I Need Help NOW. Silver friends are typically short term. They’re those people in life we become friends with for a specific reason or for a specific time in life. Gold friendships are those that have withstood the test of time. You know… the girlfriend you haven’t seen in ages but when you do get together, you pick up right where you left off. Then there are what I call 3:00 AM friends. If I need help in the middle of the night, these are the people I would immediately call. (First, because they love me. Second, because they wouldn’t be irritated by a late night call. And third, because they know I’d do the same for them!)

Friendships need to be intentional. How often do you get together with your good friends? The Internet, long work hours, a transient society, and busy schedules make time for social gatherings difficult. Toss in the responsibilities of being a parent or caring for an elderly parent and it’s even harder to find the time and energy to put into relationships. But don’t let that hold you back. You are the friendship model for your children. It’s good for kids to see Mom enjoying her friends.

Scripture tells us are wired for relationships; first with the Lord and then with others he has placed in our path. We’re to choose our friends wisely. “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray” (Proverbs 12:26). Choose well and cherish deeply those he has given to you as a gift.

In the joyful and the dreadful, reach out to your girlfriends to celebrate or commiserate. Plan a lunch date or a fun night out. Maybe even make plans for an adventure. Most of all be thankful! Each girlfriend is a precious gift, from God to you.

What’s your favorite girlfriend outing?

Friends are balm for the soul. @BeckyDanielson1 @Grit_Grace
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The Blessing

When I was growing up we said the same blessing before every dinner:

God is great. God is good.

Let us thank him for this food.

By his hands we all our fed,

Give us Lord our daily bread.

Amen

We said it so often I didn’t hear it any more. It was just a jumble of words to slide through before I could get to my fried chicken. Lip service, no heart engagement. Yikes. We do that sometimes though don’t we? When we do something over and over it goes from meaningful to rote. We slip into habit.

But it’s just a little thing really, a quick blessing before the meal. Yet I wonder. If I am sloppy with something little, will I neglect big things? If I can’t be bothered to listen when I say thank you for the food keeping me alive. Will I remember to say thank you when I have been blessed in big ways? Making God a part of my daily life with thanks and awe needs to my conscious effort.

I was reminded of all this recently when I had a houseguest. We sat down to dinner. Rather then pull out the tired words of a rote blessing I was compelled with happiness by having a dear friend at the table. So I thanked God for the good food and happy company. I told him how thrilled I was to spend time with my friend. I thank him for his presence in our time together. The meal was delicious and our time was fun around the table.

I will still say the old blessing of my childhood, but I have been shaken up enough this week to really listen to what I am saying. I have a great God who provides the very food I eat with his own hands and he shows up daily to feed me in so many ways. I am blessed.

'Making God a part of daily life needs to be a conscious effort!' Lisa Bogart  @Grit_Grace
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Feed the Birds

This weekend my mood went to the birds. I had spent Saturday morning in a sort of a funk. It was not exactly a bad mood, as I was able to enjoy time reconnecting with a friend I had not seen in a while. And the sun was shining brilliantly—a fact that oftentimes has tremendous uplifting powers for me.

But on a deeper level I was conflicted. I was battling my own moodiness—a darkness stemming from my inability to control my own emotions: an inability to be who I wanted to be . . . to love the way I wanted to love. I was, in short, feeling my fallenness. And this was the self that I brought into an afternoon intended to be spent planning the necessary logistics for a soon-to-come future together.

As we headed out, I couldn’t pretend anything other than where I was, so I just blurted it out, admitting that I was not in a good state of mind to be figuring out details. I ended with a sigh, “I wish there was a pretty place to go . . . somewhere to just be in beauty.” Rather than responding with any hint of disappointment, he just nodded and suggested we go to the lake. “Oh!” I said. “Could we? That sounds wonderful!” So we scrapped the intended destination and, instead, walked along the lake. For a spot smack dab in the middle of the city, I was shocked by how immediately soothing I found the sight of the water and the feel of the breeze.

Then, we fed the birds. I shrieked at the feel of the seagull wings sweeping against my hair, and beaks brushing my fingers. But they were shrieks of joy, coming from a wide-mouthed smile. And, just like that, the fog in my soul lifted. We even ended up carrying on with our intended agenda after all, with positivity.

Since that moment I have been musing on the frailty of my inner workings, and on the futility of placing any sort of confidence in my own skills. There is no goodness in me that can rise to the challenge of what a life can toss in my path. There is no amount of control I can muster to counteract the emotional ups and downs that buffet this brain on any given day. There is no “self” that is worth having confidence in.

But there is One who is.

There is only One who can make your soul soar @GraceAnnaJ  @Grit_Grace
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Pearl Girls Giveaway | Win Three Books!

We’ve had some great guest posts this month on Pearl Girls. We’d love to give you a chance to win a copy of their books!

Leave a comment below for your chance to win a copy of Smitten Book Club by Denise Hunter, Colleen Coble, Kristin Billerbeck, & Diann Hunt, Hopeful by Shelley Shepard Gray, and The Thief by Stephanie Landsem. Winner will be announced next Friday!

Win three great books on #PearlGirls blog @Grit_Grace
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A Miracle You Choose | Tammy Maltby

Several years ago I conducted a television interview with a man who was struggling with cancer. I asked him a fairly typical Christian interview question: “Are you trusting God for a miracle?” And I have never forgotten his reply: “I’ve learned that sometimes the greatest miracle is just a perspective change.”

That man said a lot of insightful things that day, but it was that one phrase that kept echoing in my mind. It’s still echoing, in fact, because it has proven true so often in my life. I’ve learned never to underestimate the power of changing the way I see. And I’ve come to believe that often in our lives, we won’t be able to perceive the God who sees us until we’re willing to see things differently.

I believe it’s perfectly possible to spend an entire lifetime looking at ordinary things and events—family, friends, fear, and disappointments—and never have the smallest hint that God is there or that He is active in our lives.

It’s easy. Happens all the time.

It’s possible to look back on a life—all the things that have happened up till now—and not see any kind of pattern. It’s also possible to look into the future and see more of the same. It’s even possible to have an occasional glimpse into another dimension, a one-time spiritual awakening, then lapse back into the ordinary and never really be changed.

But here’s the alternative: We can choose to spend life in the same circumstances, the same places, among all the same people, and continually be struck by the wonderful truth that God is there, that He’s in control, that He loves us and is aware of us and wants us to be part of what He’s doing in the world.

There’s a kind a miracle, in other words, that we can choose. We can choose the miracle of a perspective change.

Does that mean that seeing God is just a matter of personal choice?

Not exactly.

It’s always a little difficult to sort out what we can choose and what we can’t choose in this life. Theologians have been trying to sort it out for centuries, juggling concepts of God’s sovereignty and human free will, delving into the mysteries of what is up to us and what is up to God.

It’s a mystery, a paradox—that God is in control of the entire universe, yet He gives us freedom of will. And that paradox is fully in play when it comes to seeing God.

Because ultimately, it is God’s choice to reveal Himself to us.

But we must choose to see what God reveals. We must have what the Bible calls eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart to perceive what the God who sees us is doing in our lives.

We can choose the miracle of a perspective change. @tammymaltby @grit_grace
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Adapted from The God Who See You by Tammy Maltby (with Anne Christian Buchanan). Copyright 2012 David C. Cook. Used with permission. Permission required to reproduce. All rights reserved.

More about Tammy Maltby:

Tammy is a speaker, author, and media personality with a heart for helping women to live rich, authentic lives. Her multifaceted life can be summed up in one word “encouragement”. Tammy’s graceful and transparent style of communication inspires women to live a more honest and real lifestyle. Her passion for beautiful living and relationship-centered hospitality shines in her recent book, The Christmas Kitchen: A Gathering Place for Making Memories. Tammy is also the author of Confessions of a Good Christian Girl, Lifegiving: Discovering the Secrets to a Beautiful Life, and A Discovery Journal to a Beautiful Life, is coauthor (with Tom Davis) of Confessions of a Good Christian Guy, and has just finished her newest book The God Who Sees You released in April of 2012.

A ten-year cohost of the two time Emmy-winning NRB TV talk show of the year Aspiring Women, Tammy is spearheading a movement encouraging women to “Start Simply but Simply Start!” Tammy is inspiring women to use food and faith as a tool to create community and connection. It’s not just about how to cook, more importantly it’s about why we cook!

Tammy is the married, mother of four grown children, two of whom are adopted internationally. She is a doting grandmother to four grandsons and makes her home in Colorado.

Learn more about Tammy and The God Who Sees You at tammymaltby.com.

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The Ugly Side of Love

Love is such a glamorous emotion. There are songs written about it. There are feature length films about it. We all wish we could experience it more deeply. Many of the images we hold of love are filtered through starry eyes. Puppies, babies, sweet candies, spring meadows. Glowing and wonderful things happen when we are in love. All very nice. But there is another side to love. The side that rolls up it’s shirtsleeves and gets dirty. The ugly side of love.

Love gets ignored. It takes love to do the laundry for a family week after week. It takes love to cook meals day after day. It takes love to go to a job and work hard to provide for the family. It takes love to tend to the ordinary side life. We don’t always acknowledge this. We take it for granted sometimes.

Loves gets it’s hands dirty everyday with the mundane. Washing up after dinner. Cleaning out the fridge. Doing the taxes. Balancing the checkbook. Disciplining the children. Staying late to finish a key presentation. Love shows up to keep life going.

Love gets filthy when it steps in where others may not go. Airlifting aid to countries in need. Battling human trafficking. Fighting for political freedoms. Saving endangered species. Love tackles these and more to keep the world going.

The things love works at are beautiful. It takes a lot of hard work to keep pouring love into the life you lead. And when love gets tired and dirty from all the hard work, we have a renewal resource to call on. The power of prayer and God’s grace fills us up so we can get back to work.

Loving the work you do, whatever it is, makes it easier to dig in and give your very best. May the love you offer your world today drain you so you need to be filled with the Spirit again. Ask for the strength to love the world deeply. You’ll need it, you may get dirty.

'Loves gets it’s hands dirty everyday with the mundane,' Lisa Bogart @Grit_Grace
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