When a Blessing Doesn’t Feel Like It

Every good and perfect gift is from above. This verse from James 1:17, I can really embrace.  This is the verse Tom and I put on our first baby announcement.

A baby is good. A baby is a gift. A baby is a blessing.

My baby is now in her mid-twenties. She has struggled with sexual identity since preschool. She has wrestled with same-sex attraction since puberty. For 6-7 years she embraced this and identified herself as gay.

Recently she declared, because she is drawing closer to God, she  has decided to be celibate. Or in a more common vernacular, she is choosing purity. Or in more spiritual terms, choosing to be holy.

Her struggle has not felt good. It doesn’t feel like a gift or a blessing.

But God says, Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

The Creator of Heaven and Earth could take away her orientation anytime he wants. But he hasn’t.

Why wouldn’t he remove this from her?

Maybe because it is a blessing. Maybe in his mercy she has some things to work through. And  dealing with and understanding the  pain maybe the best and most effective way to heal her heart, mind, body, and soul.

Maybe because the God of all comfort and compassion wants to use her in his mission to reach others who are in a place of struggle or brokenness. Maybe her voice and story gives hope to others.

I struggled with infertility. I wanted a baby so badly. I prayed. Why wouldn’t God allow me to get pregnant, like everyone else? Because he is God and He has a plan.

I became more dependent on him. My faith grew. I understood suffering and heartache.

And…I was to be Courtney’s mom. Not the mom who birthed her. But the mom who raised her. She was our first baby.

God never wastes our trials. He uses our heartaches to help someone else. He can use past pain to develop empathy and a greater love for others.

When we suffer God is near. Having God close  is a blessing, which is a good and perfect gift.  

God never wastes our trials. @loriwildenberg @grit_grace
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