Kurt B. Ellis's Blog, page 2

Do You Feel Emotionally Numb? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

/*! elementor - v3.16.0 - 17-10-2023 */.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}Do You Feel Emotionally Numb? /*! elementor - v3.16.0 - 17-10-2023 */.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-stacked .elementor-drop-cap{background-color:#69727d;color:#fff}.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-framed .elementor-drop-cap{color:#69727d;border:3px solid;background-color:transparent}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap{margin-top:8px}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap-letter{width:1em;height:1em}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap{float:left;text-align:center;line-height:1;font-size:50px}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap-letter{display:inline-block}

As a childhood trauma survivor, do you feel emotionally numb? Did you know that if you suffered chronic childhood trauma, you may have coped by emotionally shutting down so you didn’t feel pain?

I am a child abuse survivor. Beginning at six, I was sexually abused and groomed by my sadistic brother, who forced me to become a child sex worker for a local satanic cult of which he was a member. My abuse lasted for eleven years.

Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing. Stay tuned, and let me share more about my experiences with emotional shutdown.

What is Emotional Shutdown?

Emotional shutdown is a process of shutting out feelings and may be experienced as lows in emotional responses or reactions. This is very common in chronic abuse victims. Some typical outcomes of emotional shutdown are:

Lack of self-confidence and self-esteemCommunication problemsDissociation, a topic I addressed in a previous videoDifficulty with hard decisions, causing one to freeze when facing serious problemsExhaustion due to feeling emotionally worn out and drained from accumulated stress from personal life or workEmotional detachment when one turns off the connections with one’s emotions. What is Good About Emotional Shutdown?

Emotional shutdown or numbness is a protective mechanism often exhibited when experiencing chronic trauma. It allows you to emotionally escape from what is in your world to lessen or avoid perceived or actual pain.

It gives you a means to mentally remove yourself from your trauma and lessen your pain. So, this protective mechanism is good because it helps you survive while enduring chronic trauma rather than going insane.

What is Bad About Emotional Shutdown?

You may be perceived as a withdrawn, uncaring, and unemotional person. For example, my father died suddenly from a heart attack when I was twenty-seven. I did not cry at his funeral, and I felt very guilty about that. And still, thirty-six years later, I have never mourned my father. This was very noticeable by my family, and I took considerable flack from them about my lack of emotion.

You may avoid much-needed confrontations to solve problems, making you perceived as weak. Unfortunately, the situation continues to fester and grow because it was never resolved, leading to anger and anxiety. You may freeze when faced with a threat. Rather than fight or flight, you may be abused and traumatized repeatedly.

You may feel completely fatigued and constantly tired regardless of the amount of rest or relaxation you receive. Your tiredness may become chronic and long-lasting. You may not be able to truly experience the joys, pleasures, goodness, and richness of life you so much need and deserve to feel.

You may become a “glass is half-empty” person rather than a “glass is half-full.” Your world becomes a down, dark, unhappy place. I experienced this array of emotional numbness due to my childhood trauma. I was only able to overcome my trauma with much-needed EMDR therapy when I was an adult.

You can also learn to manage your emotional numbness with support and therapy. Managing emotional numbness is one of the key things I’ve written about in my award-winning novel.

My Award-Winning Novel

My award-winning novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.

My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes. 

Thank You for Your Time

Thank you for your time today. Also, click on the links below and see my published books. Like my video? Hit the subscribe button and give me a thumbs up.

And don’t forget that your feedback is always greatly valued and much appreciated. I enjoy hearing from you. So please leave your comments below, and I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day!

Award Finalist: 2023 global book award /*! elementor - v3.16.0 - 17-10-2023 */.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=".svg"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}

Featuring our medal winners and finalists in each of their categories, the Global Book Awards aim to recognize talented authors that have not received the recognition they deserve in self-publishing.

In this modern age of publishing, books need to be appraised not only by their content and writing style, but also by the way they present and market themselves to the prospective buyer, whether that is in the good ratings it has on important stores like Amazon, its book cover and description, or the number of reviews it has collected. They must also appeal to new readers, so part of the evaluation included a survey asking avid readers to select the top five books they enjoyed the most.

The awards are grouped by category and divided into Gold, Silver, Bronze, and Award Finalists. We congratulate the winners once again and encourage readers to try out their books. Hello Kurt. Congratulations! We are pleased to confirm your book Boy in the Barn won a medal in this year’s Global Book Awards.

Announced on Sept. 6, 2023, Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD was AWARD FINALIST in the

Reviews of my favorite books If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Captivating True Crime Story at Its Best!

This is an incredible true crime story of how an intensely sadistic woman cruelly manipulates her daughters, husbands, stepmother, nephew, friends, co-workers, and so on. Her prey is anyone she meets and can pull into her web of lies, deceit, and coercion. She's even directly involved in murders but always tries to pin them on someone else. She's the master manipulator. She knows no limit to the horrid things she tries to get people to do. When you think it's awful, just blink, and it gets worse. This book was a roller coaster ride with multiple characters and layers of plots and subplots. It was a captivating reveal in the mind of a maniacal, manipulative, self-serving criminal. I found it hard to put down. Another winner by Gregg Olsen!



View all my reviews
Coreyography by Corey Feldman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Gut-Wrenching Expose of Corey Feldman’s Life!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim, I had mixed feelings about reading this book. I did not grow up in show biz or during the Coreys’ generation, yet I found many parallels with my childhood and life. This book was a gut-wrenching expose of Corey Feldman’s life. He does not hold back. He does not paint Hollywood or show business with sunshine, instead tells it like it was and gives the reader a glimpse of the manipulated life that child actors live, manipulation by parents, family and friends, producers, and directors. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and his journey to lifelong recovery. He is careful, however, not to delve too deeply into his sexual abuse. He lightly discusses his abuse and that of the deceased Corey Haim. This was a well-written memoir, a tell-all I found hard to put down. And I was amazed in the end by his mature perspective of life. And how he was able to find solace and show forgiveness, especially to his reckless parents. Job well done, Corey Feldman!


View all my reviews The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon Hertz

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Masterfully Written Novel!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.

Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.

This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.

I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
The Deviant by Adam Sommers

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!

As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.



View all my reviews
I Know Where You Live by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Disturbing and Intense!

I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!



View all my reviews
Fear Collector by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Intoxicating “Who Done It”

I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!



View all my reviews
Paint by Murders by Amanda Jaeger

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerized Until the End!

I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Written With Poetic Color

As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.



View all my reviews
Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. Dowling

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


An Exciting Dystopian Thriller

I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Related Blogs and Resources 1in6.org Childhood Sexual Abuse & Assault Lawyers How to More Effectively Prevent Child Sexual Abuse Keith's Story | RAINN Letting Go Shame About Childhood Sexual Abuse Male Survivor Empowerment Blog Sexual Healing Counseling The Long-Term Harmful Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse The Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse Trauma: Childhood Sexual Abuse Links Website: https://kurt-b-ellis.com

BOY IN THE BARN: JOURNEY OF TRIUMPH OVER HORRIFIC CHILD ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND PTSD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-a

NEW PANGAEA - UTOPIA OF REVENGE: A RIGID DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-a

NEW PANGAEA - TEST OF SISTERHOOD: SHORT STORY - OVERCOMING ARROGANCE WITH SISTER'S LOVE

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-a For the Audio Version

https://kurt-b-ellis.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Abuse-Book-Podcast-153.mp3

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The Good and Bad of Dissociation? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

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As a childhood trauma survivor, have you ever thought about the good and bad of dissociation? Did you know that if you suffered chronic childhood trauma, you are much more likely to be diagnosed with a trauma disorder as an adult?

I am a child abuse survivor. Beginning at six, I was sexually abused and groomed by my sadistic brother, who forced me to become a child sex worker for a local satanic cult of which he was a member. My abuse lasted for eleven years.

Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing. Stay tuned, and let me share more about my experiences with dissociation and its symptoms.

What is Dissociation?

Dissociation is a mental health condition that involves experiencing a loss of connection between thoughts, memories, feelings, surroundings, behavior, and identity. These symptoms can potentially disrupt every aspect of mental functioning. Some common dissociation symptoms are:

Having “out of body” experiencesGaps in memory and an inability to recall specific events and details of past experiences.Separating yourself from your emotionsBlocking out painDistorted thinkingBlurred sense of identitySevere stress or problems in relationships, work, and other areas of lifeLack of coping and anger regulation mechanismsMental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and behaviors What is Good About Dissociation?

Dissociation is a valuable protective mechanism often exhibited when experiencing chronic trauma. It allows you to escape from what is in your world to a special place in your mind where you can feel safe.

It gives you a means to remove yourself from your trauma mentally. So, this protective mechanism is good because it helps you survive while enduring chronic trauma.

What is Bad About Dissociation?

If dissociation occurs often, it can become habituated over time. And this is when it becomes a bad thing. If habituated, when a threat of trauma is perceived, your mind will immediately go to its safe place. Your mind is then not processing the real danger.

Your perception of the real world becomes blocked, and you are not getting the regular threat warning signals, so your typical fight or flight response is not triggered. You then may be abused and traumatized again and again. This is very common in male and female rape victims.

Since your typical path of regulation was disrupted, you may experience memory loss, a lack of understanding of your trauma, and the loss of words to tell your story coherently. You may temporarily lose perception of your past. And this may affect the way you grow up and manage yourself in society.

I experienced this array of dissociative symptoms due to my childhood trauma. I was only able to overcome my trauma with much-needed EMDR therapy when I was an adult. You can also learn to manage your dissociative symptoms with support and therapy.

Managing dissociative symptoms is one of the key things I’ve written about in my award-winning novel.

My Award-Winning Novel

My award-winning novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.

My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes. 

Thank You for Your Time

Thank you for your time today. Also, click on the links below and see my published books. Like my video? Hit the subscribe button and give me a thumbs up.

And don’t forget that your feedback is always greatly valued and much appreciated. I enjoy hearing from you. So please leave your comments below, and I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day!

Award Finalist: 2023 global book award /*! elementor - v3.16.0 - 09-10-2023 */.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=".svg"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}

Featuring our medal winners and finalists in each of their categories, the Global Book Awards aim to recognize talented authors that have not received the recognition they deserve in self-publishing.

In this modern age of publishing, books need to be appraised not only by their content and writing style, but also by the way they present and market themselves to the prospective buyer, whether that is in the good ratings it has on important stores like Amazon, its book cover and description, or the number of reviews it has collected. They must also appeal to new readers, so part of the evaluation included a survey asking avid readers to select the top five books they enjoyed the most.

The awards are grouped by category and divided into Gold, Silver, Bronze, and Award Finalists. We congratulate the winners once again and encourage readers to try out their books. Hello Kurt. Congratulations! We are pleased to confirm your book Boy in the Barn won a medal in this year’s Global Book Awards.

Announced on Sept. 6, 2023, Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD was AWARD FINALIST in the

Reviews of my favorite books If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Captivating True Crime Story at Its Best!

This is an incredible true crime story of how an intensely sadistic woman cruelly manipulates her daughters, husbands, stepmother, nephew, friends, co-workers, and so on. Her prey is anyone she meets and can pull into her web of lies, deceit, and coercion. She's even directly involved in murders but always tries to pin them on someone else. She's the master manipulator. She knows no limit to the horrid things she tries to get people to do. When you think it's awful, just blink, and it gets worse. This book was a roller coaster ride with multiple characters and layers of plots and subplots. It was a captivating reveal in the mind of a maniacal, manipulative, self-serving criminal. I found it hard to put down. Another winner by Gregg Olsen!



View all my reviews
Coreyography by Corey Feldman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Gut-Wrenching Expose of Corey Feldman’s Life!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim, I had mixed feelings about reading this book. I did not grow up in show biz or during the Coreys’ generation, yet I found many parallels with my childhood and life. This book was a gut-wrenching expose of Corey Feldman’s life. He does not hold back. He does not paint Hollywood or show business with sunshine, instead tells it like it was and gives the reader a glimpse of the manipulated life that child actors live, manipulation by parents, family and friends, producers, and directors. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and his journey to lifelong recovery. He is careful, however, not to delve too deeply into his sexual abuse. He lightly discusses his abuse and that of the deceased Corey Haim. This was a well-written memoir, a tell-all I found hard to put down. And I was amazed in the end by his mature perspective of life. And how he was able to find solace and show forgiveness, especially to his reckless parents. Job well done, Corey Feldman!


View all my reviews The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon Hertz

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Masterfully Written Novel!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.

Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.

This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.

I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
The Deviant by Adam Sommers

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!

As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.



View all my reviews
I Know Where You Live by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Disturbing and Intense!

I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!



View all my reviews
Fear Collector by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Intoxicating “Who Done It”

I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!



View all my reviews
Paint by Murders by Amanda Jaeger

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerized Until the End!

I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Written With Poetic Color

As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.



View all my reviews
Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. Dowling

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


An Exciting Dystopian Thriller

I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Related Blogs and Resources 1in6.org Childhood Sexual Abuse & Assault Lawyers How to More Effectively Prevent Child Sexual Abuse Keith's Story | RAINN Letting Go Shame About Childhood Sexual Abuse Male Survivor Empowerment Blog Sexual Healing Counseling The Long-Term Harmful Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse The Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse Trauma: Childhood Sexual Abuse Links Website: https://kurt-b-ellis.com

BOY IN THE BARN: JOURNEY OF TRIUMPH OVER HORRIFIC CHILD ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND PTSD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-a

NEW PANGAEA - UTOPIA OF REVENGE: A RIGID DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-a

NEW PANGAEA - TEST OF SISTERHOOD: SHORT STORY - OVERCOMING ARROGANCE WITH SISTER'S LOVE

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-a For the Audio Version

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The post The Good and Bad of Dissociation? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD first appeared on Kurt B. Ellis.

Are You an Overthinker? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

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Are you an overthinker? Did you know that overthinking is common in child abuse and emotional neglect survivors? We survivors feel we can think our way to a feeling of safety, to find a better place.

Our mind speeds up to find that special safety zone. We do this often enough; this behavior becomes habitual. Although it is unhealthy for us, it is what we conditioned ourselves to do. And we can become stuck in a vicious cycle.

Why Overthinking is Not Healthy

Too much thinking and overanalyzing can lead to excessive worry, stress, and anxiety, which are bad for your health. This can occur across many parts of your life, including relationships, personal decisions, and work.

It can lead to a downward spiral of out-of-control repetitive thoughts, second-guessing, and dwelling on the negative. If not checked, it can lead to a “glass is half full” or the “world is a very dark place” attitude. Life becomes unproductive and not enjoyable.

What to Do About Overthinking

If you find yourself excessively overthinking, you need to get this under control. Here are some helpful strategies that I used. Become aware of your thought patterns and acknowledge that this is not helpful.

Challenge your thoughts and consider an alternative approach. Redirect your mind to the present moment. Set goals with timelines to complete a task and don’t over-ruminate. Avoid “paralysis by analysis.”

Participate in activities you enjoy, relax your mind, calm yourself down, and give yourself a sense of accomplishment. Seek the support of friends, family, or mental health professionals about your concerns if needed.

Overcoming overthinking is not easy and will not quickly happen. Be consistent with your strategies, practice, practice, and don’t give up. Be patient, celebrate the small wins, and repeat. Eventually, you will improve.

Overcoming overthinking is one of the key things I’ve written about in my award-winning novel.

My Award-Winning Novel

My award-winning novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.

My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes. 

Thank You for Your Time

Thank you for your time today. Also, click on the links below and see my published books. Like my video? Hit the subscribe button and give me a thumbs up.

And don’t forget that your feedback is always greatly valued and much appreciated. I enjoy hearing from you. So please leave your comments below, and I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day!

Award Finalist: 2023 global book award /*! elementor - v3.16.0 - 20-09-2023 */.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=".svg"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}

Featuring our medal winners and finalists in each of their categories, the Global Book Awards aim to recognize talented authors that have not received the recognition they deserve in self-publishing.

In this modern age of publishing, books need to be appraised not only by their content and writing style, but also by the way they present and market themselves to the prospective buyer, whether that is in the good ratings it has on important stores like Amazon, its book cover and description, or the number of reviews it has collected. They must also appeal to new readers, so part of the evaluation included a survey asking avid readers to select the top five books they enjoyed the most.

The awards are grouped by category and divided into Gold, Silver, Bronze, and Award Finalists. We congratulate the winners once again and encourage readers to try out their books. Hello Kurt. Congratulations! We are pleased to confirm your book Boy in the Barn won a medal in this year’s Global Book Awards.

Announced on Sept. 6, 2023, Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD was AWARD FINALIST in the

Reviews of my favorite books If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Captivating True Crime Story at Its Best!

This is an incredible true crime story of how an intensely sadistic woman cruelly manipulates her daughters, husbands, stepmother, nephew, friends, co-workers, and so on. Her prey is anyone she meets and can pull into her web of lies, deceit, and coercion. She's even directly involved in murders but always tries to pin them on someone else. She's the master manipulator. She knows no limit to the horrid things she tries to get people to do. When you think it's awful, just blink, and it gets worse. This book was a roller coaster ride with multiple characters and layers of plots and subplots. It was a captivating reveal in the mind of a maniacal, manipulative, self-serving criminal. I found it hard to put down. Another winner by Gregg Olsen!



View all my reviews
Coreyography by Corey Feldman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Gut-Wrenching Expose of Corey Feldman’s Life!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim, I had mixed feelings about reading this book. I did not grow up in show biz or during the Coreys’ generation, yet I found many parallels with my childhood and life. This book was a gut-wrenching expose of Corey Feldman’s life. He does not hold back. He does not paint Hollywood or show business with sunshine, instead tells it like it was and gives the reader a glimpse of the manipulated life that child actors live, manipulation by parents, family and friends, producers, and directors. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and his journey to lifelong recovery. He is careful, however, not to delve too deeply into his sexual abuse. He lightly discusses his abuse and that of the deceased Corey Haim. This was a well-written memoir, a tell-all I found hard to put down. And I was amazed in the end by his mature perspective of life. And how he was able to find solace and show forgiveness, especially to his reckless parents. Job well done, Corey Feldman!


View all my reviews The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon Hertz

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Masterfully Written Novel!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.

Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.

This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.

I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
The Deviant by Adam Sommers

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!

As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.



View all my reviews
I Know Where You Live by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Disturbing and Intense!

I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!



View all my reviews
Fear Collector by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Intoxicating “Who Done It”

I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!



View all my reviews
Paint by Murders by Amanda Jaeger

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerized Until the End!

I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Written With Poetic Color

As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.



View all my reviews
Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. Dowling

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


An Exciting Dystopian Thriller

I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Related Blogs and Resources 1in6.org Childhood Sexual Abuse & Assault Lawyers How to More Effectively Prevent Child Sexual Abuse Keith's Story | RAINN Letting Go Shame About Childhood Sexual Abuse Male Survivor Empowerment Blog Sexual Healing Counseling The Long-Term Harmful Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse The Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse Trauma: Childhood Sexual Abuse Links Website: https://kurt-b-ellis.com

BOY IN THE BARN: JOURNEY OF TRIUMPH OVER HORRIFIC CHILD ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND PTSD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-a

NEW PANGAEA - UTOPIA OF REVENGE: A RIGID DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-a

NEW PANGAEA - TEST OF SISTERHOOD: SHORT STORY - OVERCOMING ARROGANCE WITH SISTER'S LOVE

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-a For the Audio Version

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The post Are You an Overthinker? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD first appeared on Kurt B. Ellis.

Are your Connections Fake or Real? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

/*! elementor - v3.16.0 - 20-09-2023 */.elementor-heading-title{padding:0;margin:0;line-height:1}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title[class*=elementor-size-]>a{color:inherit;font-size:inherit;line-height:inherit}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-small{font-size:15px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-medium{font-size:19px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-large{font-size:29px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xl{font-size:39px}.elementor-widget-heading .elementor-heading-title.elementor-size-xxl{font-size:59px}Are Your Connections Real or Fake? /*! elementor - v3.16.0 - 20-09-2023 */.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-stacked .elementor-drop-cap{background-color:#69727d;color:#fff}.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-framed .elementor-drop-cap{color:#69727d;border:3px solid;background-color:transparent}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap{margin-top:8px}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap-letter{width:1em;height:1em}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap{float:left;text-align:center;line-height:1;font-size:50px}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap-letter{display:inline-block}

Are your connections real or fake? I use the word ‘connections’ loosely because this can mean many things: relationships, friends, family, work, and acquaintances.

Do you seem to lose these connections when you set healthy boundaries and not allow yourself to be used?

Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.

Stay tuned, and let me share more about discerning the fake from the real connections.

Knowing One's True Character

Do you know the true characters of your connections? Do you learn what people are all about when you are no longer beneficial to them? Do you find they turn on you when you are no longer useful? Their behavior changes, and they become distant and unpleasant.

This person’s true character comes out, and now you can see them for who they really are and what motivated them to be your fake friend. And yes, this hurts, and we don’t like this. But look at the positive. It’s a valuable life lesson, and it’s time to look at yourself.

Healthy relationships should be centered on mutual respect and care, not one-sided, where you give all the giving. You really don’t need these fake people in your life. 

Don’t blame yourself. Instead, use this experience to reevaluate what you want and who you want in your life. Hopefully, you will be able to surround yourself with real people who appreciate you for what you are, not just for what you can do for them.

The bottom line is, don’t let people use you one-sidedly. This is how you separate genuine connections from fake ones, starting by setting healthy boundaries for yourself.

Setting healthy boundaries to prevent yourself from being used is one of the key things I’ve written about in my award-winning novel.

My Award-Winning Novel

 My award-winning novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.

My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes. 

As a reminder, please leave an honest review and rating for my books or audiobook. This helps me to be recognized by other valuable readers like yourself.

Thank You for Your Time

Thank you for your time today. Also, click on the links below and see my published books. Like my video? Hit the subscribe button and give me a thumbs up.

And don’t forget that your feedback is always greatly valued and much appreciated. I enjoy hearing from you. So please leave your comments below, and I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day!

Award Finalist: 2023 global book award /*! elementor - v3.16.0 - 20-09-2023 */.elementor-widget-image{text-align:center}.elementor-widget-image a{display:inline-block}.elementor-widget-image a img[src$=".svg"]{width:48px}.elementor-widget-image img{vertical-align:middle;display:inline-block}

Featuring our medal winners and finalists in each of their categories, the Global Book Awards aim to recognize talented authors that have not received the recognition they deserve in self-publishing.

In this modern age of publishing, books need to be appraised not only by their content and writing style, but also by the way they present and market themselves to the prospective buyer, whether that is in the good ratings it has on important stores like Amazon, its book cover and description, or the number of reviews it has collected. They must also appeal to new readers, so part of the evaluation included a survey asking avid readers to select the top five books they enjoyed the most.

The awards are grouped by category and divided into Gold, Silver, Bronze, and Award Finalists. We congratulate the winners once again and encourage readers to try out their books. Hello Kurt. Congratulations! We are pleased to confirm your book Boy in the Barn won a medal in this year’s Global Book Awards.

Announced on Sept. 6, 2023, Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD was AWARD FINALIST in the

Reviews of my favorite books If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Captivating True Crime Story at Its Best!

This is an incredible true crime story of how an intensely sadistic woman cruelly manipulates her daughters, husbands, stepmother, nephew, friends, co-workers, and so on. Her prey is anyone she meets and can pull into her web of lies, deceit, and coercion. She's even directly involved in murders but always tries to pin them on someone else. She's the master manipulator. She knows no limit to the horrid things she tries to get people to do. When you think it's awful, just blink, and it gets worse. This book was a roller coaster ride with multiple characters and layers of plots and subplots. It was a captivating reveal in the mind of a maniacal, manipulative, self-serving criminal. I found it hard to put down. Another winner by Gregg Olsen!



View all my reviews
Coreyography by Corey Feldman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Gut-Wrenching Expose of Corey Feldman’s Life!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim, I had mixed feelings about reading this book. I did not grow up in show biz or during the Coreys’ generation, yet I found many parallels with my childhood and life. This book was a gut-wrenching expose of Corey Feldman’s life. He does not hold back. He does not paint Hollywood or show business with sunshine, instead tells it like it was and gives the reader a glimpse of the manipulated life that child actors live, manipulation by parents, family and friends, producers, and directors. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and his journey to lifelong recovery. He is careful, however, not to delve too deeply into his sexual abuse. He lightly discusses his abuse and that of the deceased Corey Haim. This was a well-written memoir, a tell-all I found hard to put down. And I was amazed in the end by his mature perspective of life. And how he was able to find solace and show forgiveness, especially to his reckless parents. Job well done, Corey Feldman!


View all my reviews The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon Hertz

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Masterfully Written Novel!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.

Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.

This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.

I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
The Deviant by Adam Sommers

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!

As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.



View all my reviews
I Know Where You Live by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Disturbing and Intense!

I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!



View all my reviews
Fear Collector by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Intoxicating “Who Done It”

I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!



View all my reviews
Paint by Murders by Amanda Jaeger

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerized Until the End!

I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Written With Poetic Color

As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.



View all my reviews
Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. Dowling

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


An Exciting Dystopian Thriller

I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Related Blogs and Resources 1in6.org Childhood Sexual Abuse & Assault Lawyers How to More Effectively Prevent Child Sexual Abuse Keith's Story | RAINN Letting Go Shame About Childhood Sexual Abuse Male Survivor Empowerment Blog Sexual Healing Counseling The Long-Term Harmful Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse The Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse Trauma: Childhood Sexual Abuse Links Website: https://kurt-b-ellis.com

BOY IN THE BARN: JOURNEY OF TRIUMPH OVER HORRIFIC CHILD ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND PTSD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-a

NEW PANGAEA - UTOPIA OF REVENGE: A RIGID DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-a

NEW PANGAEA - TEST OF SISTERHOOD: SHORT STORY - OVERCOMING ARROGANCE WITH SISTER'S LOVE

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-a For the Audio Version

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The post Are your Connections Fake or Real? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD first appeared on Kurt B. Ellis.

Announcing My First Book Award! – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

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Today, I am so pleased to be announcing my first book award.

On September 6, 2023, I learned that my Boy in the Barn novel was recognized as

Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.

Stay tuned, and let me share more about my fantastic news.

About the Global Book Awards

Each year, the Global Book Awards features its medal winners and finalists in each category. The Global Book Awards aim to recognize talented authors who have not received the recognition they deserve in self-publishing.

In this modern age of publishing, books need to be appraised not only by their content and writing style but also by the way they present and market themselves to the prospective buyer, whether that is in the good ratings it has on important stores like Amazon, its book cover and description, or the number of reviews it has collected.

They must also appeal to new readers, so part of the evaluation included a survey asking avid readers to select the top five books they enjoyed the most.

The awards are grouped by category and divided into Gold, Silver, Bronze, and Award Finalists.

We congratulate the winners and encourage readers to try out their books.

My Award-Winning Novel

 My award-winning novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.

My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes. 

As a reminder, please leave an honest review and rating for my books or audiobook. This helps me to be recognized by other valuable readers like yourself.

Thank You for Your Time

Thank you for your time today. Also, click on the links below and see my published books. Like my video? Hit the subscribe button and give me a thumbs up.

And don’t forget that your feedback is always greatly valued and much appreciated. I enjoy hearing from you. So please leave your comments below, and I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day!

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Featuring our medal winners and finalists in each of their categories, the Global Book Awards aim to recognize talented authors that have not received the recognition they deserve in self-publishing.

In this modern age of publishing, books need to be appraised not only by their content and writing style, but also by the way they present and market themselves to the prospective buyer, whether that is in the good ratings it has on important stores like Amazon, its book cover and description, or the number of reviews it has collected. They must also appeal to new readers, so part of the evaluation included a survey asking avid readers to select the top five books they enjoyed the most.

The awards are grouped by category and divided into Gold, Silver, Bronze, and Award Finalists. We congratulate the winners once again and encourage readers to try out their books. Hello Kurt. Congratulations! We are pleased to confirm your book Boy in the Barn won a medal in this year’s Global Book Awards.

Announced on Sept. 6, 2023, Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD was AWARD FINALIST in the

Reviews of my favorite books If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Captivating True Crime Story at Its Best!

This is an incredible true crime story of how an intensely sadistic woman cruelly manipulates her daughters, husbands, stepmother, nephew, friends, co-workers, and so on. Her prey is anyone she meets and can pull into her web of lies, deceit, and coercion. She's even directly involved in murders but always tries to pin them on someone else. She's the master manipulator. She knows no limit to the horrid things she tries to get people to do. When you think it's awful, just blink, and it gets worse. This book was a roller coaster ride with multiple characters and layers of plots and subplots. It was a captivating reveal in the mind of a maniacal, manipulative, self-serving criminal. I found it hard to put down. Another winner by Gregg Olsen!



View all my reviews
Coreyography by Corey Feldman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Gut-Wrenching Expose of Corey Feldman’s Life!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim, I had mixed feelings about reading this book. I did not grow up in show biz or during the Coreys’ generation, yet I found many parallels with my childhood and life. This book was a gut-wrenching expose of Corey Feldman’s life. He does not hold back. He does not paint Hollywood or show business with sunshine, instead tells it like it was and gives the reader a glimpse of the manipulated life that child actors live, manipulation by parents, family and friends, producers, and directors. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and his journey to lifelong recovery. He is careful, however, not to delve too deeply into his sexual abuse. He lightly discusses his abuse and that of the deceased Corey Haim. This was a well-written memoir, a tell-all I found hard to put down. And I was amazed in the end by his mature perspective of life. And how he was able to find solace and show forgiveness, especially to his reckless parents. Job well done, Corey Feldman!


View all my reviews The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon Hertz

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Masterfully Written Novel!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.

Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.

This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.

I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
The Deviant by Adam Sommers

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!

As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.



View all my reviews
I Know Where You Live by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Disturbing and Intense!

I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!



View all my reviews
Fear Collector by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Intoxicating “Who Done It”

I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!



View all my reviews
Paint by Murders by Amanda Jaeger

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerized Until the End!

I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Written With Poetic Color

As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.



View all my reviews
Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. Dowling

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


An Exciting Dystopian Thriller

I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Related Blogs and Resources 1in6.org Childhood Sexual Abuse & Assault Lawyers How to More Effectively Prevent Child Sexual Abuse Keith's Story | RAINN Letting Go Shame About Childhood Sexual Abuse Male Survivor Empowerment Blog Sexual Healing Counseling The Long-Term Harmful Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse The Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse Trauma: Childhood Sexual Abuse Links Website: https://kurt-b-ellis.com

BOY IN THE BARN: JOURNEY OF TRIUMPH OVER HORRIFIC CHILD ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND PTSD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-a

NEW PANGAEA - UTOPIA OF REVENGE: A RIGID DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-a

NEW PANGAEA - TEST OF SISTERHOOD: SHORT STORY - OVERCOMING ARROGANCE WITH SISTER'S LOVE

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-a For the Audio Version

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The post Announcing My First Book Award! – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD first appeared on Kurt B. Ellis.

Do You Feel Responsible for Your Abuse? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

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Do you feel responsible for your abuse? I hope not because you are an abuse victim; you are not responsible for what happened.

It does not matter what you are, what you look like, where you were, what you said, did, or represented, what you were wearing, or what happened beforehand.

As a childhood trauma victim, I grew up being told that I caused and even asked for my abuse.

Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.

Stay tuned, and let me share why victim blaming is just wrong and is one of abusers’ many manipulation tactics.

The Fallacy of Victim Blaming

It is a blatant lie if you have been told or had it suggested that you are responsible for your abuse. That manipulation tactic most likely arises from the abusers’ distorted beliefs and prejudices. This is very common in cases of rape and sexual assault.

It is conveniently used by the abuser to deter reporting of the crime and to infer shame onto the victim. As if to somehow make you feel responsible for your abuse to keep you from talking.

I was the victim of child and sexual abuse for eleven years, beginning at six and ending at seventeen. Petite for my age, I was slow to mature and had gay mannerisms as a boy. My sadistic brother was my primary abuser, later grooming me to become a sex worker for a pedophilic satanic cult he was a member of.

He and the cult members made me feel responsible for my abuse. They repeatedly sexually abused me and told me that I must have enjoyed, wanted, and asked for it since I had gay-leaning mannerisms. You see, my being gay gave them the license to abuse me at their will.

And as a child, I believed them for a while. But into adulthood and certainly after therapy, I learned how distorted my thinking was. Looking back on it, it angers me to think that a little six-year-old boy could be so manipulated to believe he was somehow responsible for his own sexual abuse.

This subterfuge was categorically wrong. There is no other way to describe it. It was none other than my abusers’ deceptive attempts to shift the accountability, responsibility, and blame for their vile actions onto me.

And victim-blaming is precisely one of the things I have written about in my novel.

My Novel

 My novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.

My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes. 

As a reminder, please leave an honest review and rating for my books or audiobook. This helps me to be recognized by other valuable readers like yourself.

Thank You for Your Time

Thank you for your time today. Also, click on the links below and see my published books. Like my video? Hit the subscribe button and give me a thumbs up.

And don’t forget that your feedback is always greatly valued and much appreciated. I enjoy hearing from you. So please leave your comments below, and I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day!

Reviews of my favorite books If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Captivating True Crime Story at Its Best!

This is an incredible true crime story of how an intensely sadistic woman cruelly manipulates her daughters, husbands, stepmother, nephew, friends, co-workers, and so on. Her prey is anyone she meets and can pull into her web of lies, deceit, and coercion. She's even directly involved in murders but always tries to pin them on someone else. She's the master manipulator. She knows no limit to the horrid things she tries to get people to do. When you think it's awful, just blink, and it gets worse. This book was a roller coaster ride with multiple characters and layers of plots and subplots. It was a captivating reveal in the mind of a maniacal, manipulative, self-serving criminal. I found it hard to put down. Another winner by Gregg Olsen!



View all my reviews
Coreyography by Corey Feldman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Gut-Wrenching Expose of Corey Feldman’s Life!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim, I had mixed feelings about reading this book. I did not grow up in show biz or during the Coreys’ generation, yet I found many parallels with my childhood and life. This book was a gut-wrenching expose of Corey Feldman’s life. He does not hold back. He does not paint Hollywood or show business with sunshine, instead tells it like it was and gives the reader a glimpse of the manipulated life that child actors live, manipulation by parents, family and friends, producers, and directors. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and his journey to lifelong recovery. He is careful, however, not to delve too deeply into his sexual abuse. He lightly discusses his abuse and that of the deceased Corey Haim. This was a well-written memoir, a tell-all I found hard to put down. And I was amazed in the end by his mature perspective of life. And how he was able to find solace and show forgiveness, especially to his reckless parents. Job well done, Corey Feldman!


View all my reviews The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon Hertz

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Masterfully Written Novel!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.

Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.

This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.

I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
The Deviant by Adam Sommers

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!

As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.



View all my reviews
I Know Where You Live by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Disturbing and Intense!

I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!



View all my reviews
Fear Collector by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Intoxicating “Who Done It”

I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!



View all my reviews
Paint by Murders by Amanda Jaeger

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerized Until the End!

I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Written With Poetic Color

As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.



View all my reviews
Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. Dowling

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


An Exciting Dystopian Thriller

I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Related Blogs and Resources 1in6.org Childhood Sexual Abuse & Assault Lawyers How to More Effectively Prevent Child Sexual Abuse Keith's Story | RAINN Letting Go Shame About Childhood Sexual Abuse Male Survivor Empowerment Blog Sexual Healing Counseling The Long-Term Harmful Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse The Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse Trauma: Childhood Sexual Abuse Links Website: https://kurt-b-ellis.com

BOY IN THE BARN: JOURNEY OF TRIUMPH OVER HORRIFIC CHILD ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND PTSD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-a

NEW PANGAEA - UTOPIA OF REVENGE: A RIGID DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-a

NEW PANGAEA - TEST OF SISTERHOOD: SHORT STORY - OVERCOMING ARROGANCE WITH SISTER'S LOVE

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-a For the Audio Version

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The post Do You Feel Responsible for Your Abuse? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD first appeared on Kurt B. Ellis.

How Do You Deal with the Narcissists in Your Life? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

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How do you deal with the narcissists in your life? I am pretty intolerant of narcissists once I discover them.

As a childhood trauma victim, I grew up being controlled, manipulated, and abused by narcissistic family members. As an adult, I now have a short fuse for narcissistic behaviors.

Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.

Stay tuned, and let me share how I deal with narcissists.

Trust vs. No Trust

Narcissists are control freaks. They have to control everything, have the last word, and make all the decisions with it’s my way or the highway attitude. Often with lots of drama, they suck the oxygen out of the room, making everyone else feel irrelevant.

They manipulate situations and people to suit their needs to their advantage. They simply don’t care how you feel or the impact of their decisions on you. It’s all about them.

Healthy relationships are about giving and taking, with a balance over time and establishing trust. They should not always be one-sided.

I’m usually a trusting, generous, and giving person. I readily give up my resources, time, and energy until I feel manipulated and used. I usually put up with a lot of BS until trust is compromised. I then hit my breaking point. And once a narcissist has burned its bridge with me, and there is no more trust, I’m done.

No more having them suck the energy out of me. Over the years, I’ve cut quite a few narcissists out of my life, including family members. And when I’m done, I’m completely done. Goodbye and good riddance! And in the end, I sleep all the better with a clear conscience.

In midlife, I learned through therapy to finally stand up for myself and no longer be the doormat and controlled by narcissists.

Narcissistic family members are precisely one of the things I have written about in my novel.

My Novel

 My novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.

My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes. 

As a reminder, please leave an honest review and rating for my books or audiobook. This helps me to be recognized by other valuable readers like yourself.

Thank You for Your Time

Thank you for your time today. Also, click on the links below and see my published books. Like my video? Hit the subscribe button and give me a thumbs up.

And don’t forget that your feedback is always greatly valued and much appreciated. I enjoy hearing from you. So please leave your comments below, and I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day!

Reviews of my favorite books If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Captivating True Crime Story at Its Best!

This is an incredible true crime story of how an intensely sadistic woman cruelly manipulates her daughters, husbands, stepmother, nephew, friends, co-workers, and so on. Her prey is anyone she meets and can pull into her web of lies, deceit, and coercion. She's even directly involved in murders but always tries to pin them on someone else. She's the master manipulator. She knows no limit to the horrid things she tries to get people to do. When you think it's awful, just blink, and it gets worse. This book was a roller coaster ride with multiple characters and layers of plots and subplots. It was a captivating reveal in the mind of a maniacal, manipulative, self-serving criminal. I found it hard to put down. Another winner by Gregg Olsen!



View all my reviews
Coreyography by Corey Feldman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Gut-Wrenching Expose of Corey Feldman’s Life!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim, I had mixed feelings about reading this book. I did not grow up in show biz or during the Coreys’ generation, yet I found many parallels with my childhood and life. This book was a gut-wrenching expose of Corey Feldman’s life. He does not hold back. He does not paint Hollywood or show business with sunshine, instead tells it like it was and gives the reader a glimpse of the manipulated life that child actors live, manipulation by parents, family and friends, producers, and directors. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and his journey to lifelong recovery. He is careful, however, not to delve too deeply into his sexual abuse. He lightly discusses his abuse and that of the deceased Corey Haim. This was a well-written memoir, a tell-all I found hard to put down. And I was amazed in the end by his mature perspective of life. And how he was able to find solace and show forgiveness, especially to his reckless parents. Job well done, Corey Feldman!


View all my reviews The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon Hertz

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Masterfully Written Novel!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.

Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.

This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.

I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
The Deviant by Adam Sommers

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!

As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.



View all my reviews
I Know Where You Live by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Disturbing and Intense!

I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!



View all my reviews
Fear Collector by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Intoxicating “Who Done It”

I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!



View all my reviews
Paint by Murders by Amanda Jaeger

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerized Until the End!

I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Written With Poetic Color

As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.



View all my reviews
Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. Dowling

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


An Exciting Dystopian Thriller

I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Related Blogs and Resources 1in6.org Childhood Sexual Abuse & Assault Lawyers How to More Effectively Prevent Child Sexual Abuse Keith's Story | RAINN Letting Go Shame About Childhood Sexual Abuse Male Survivor Empowerment Blog Sexual Healing Counseling The Long-Term Harmful Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse The Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse Trauma: Childhood Sexual Abuse Links Website: https://kurt-b-ellis.com

BOY IN THE BARN: JOURNEY OF TRIUMPH OVER HORRIFIC CHILD ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND PTSD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-a

NEW PANGAEA - UTOPIA OF REVENGE: A RIGID DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-a

NEW PANGAEA - TEST OF SISTERHOOD: SHORT STORY - OVERCOMING ARROGANCE WITH SISTER'S LOVE

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-a For the Audio Version

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The post How Do You Deal with the Narcissists in Your Life? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD first appeared on Kurt B. Ellis.

Why Do You Self-Isolate? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

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As a childhood trauma survivor, do you find at times that you prefer to be alone? Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do you self-isolate?” Self-isolation is a typical result of childhood trauma. And it’s one of the things I still battle with, even after years of therapy.

Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.

Stay tuned, and let me share how I deal with urges to self-isolate.

The Roots of Self-Isolation

My biggest reason for self-isolation was learning early on that I had to depend on myself. Being repeatedly lied to and continuously manipulated by my abusers, I developed deep trust issues as a child.

Everything came at a price. I learned to trust no one. I was constantly dealing with the embarrassment and shame associated with sexual abuse. So, I would not confide in anyone. What if they exploited me, too?

I withdrew into my introverted world, avoiding toxic relationships to protect myself. I would not let others in. Keeping to myself, I kept limited supposed ‘friends’ at arm’s length with distance, coldness, and detachment.

I also became hyper-vigilant of situations that could potentially bring me harm. I was always avoidant of my trauma triggers. My emotional distress with crowds led me to lack the development of healthy relationships and any form of solid social network.

Through adolescence and into my early twenties, my fear, got the best of me.

Adulthood

As an adult, I developed my own system of protection. Don’t get too close to anyone. And don’t share your innermost thoughts and secrets. I kept friends, colleagues, and co-workers at a distance.

My first marriage was a failure. We had huge communication issues. My wife grew up in a safe and sheltered world. I wanted to share my life story, but she could not process my past. It was too much for her to understand and cope with. And if I pressed her, she withdrew from me.

So we didn’t talk about my past. And in some respects, I felt my partner did not support me. But I did not hold that against her. I accepted it and tried to make the best of my marriage. In time, however, we grew apart. And after fourteen years, we divorced and moved on with separate lives.

In my second marriage, I have been able to share with my husband. He is more accepting and understanding of my past but struggles with some horrid details. He tells me it pains him to hear these terrible parts of my past. But at least I now have someone to confide in and open up to, even if the facts are sometimes limited.

I’ve learned over my lifetime that having trusted friends and developing a social network outside of family and marriage is essential. We are social beings. We all need to be and to feel connected to others. Being antisocial is quite unhealthy.

So, recently, I have been making a concerted effort to go out and socialize more often. Although a little uncomfortable at first, I can already tell it is becoming easier and now something I look forward to.

So if you are in the same situation as me, I hope you will do the same. Give it a try. I’m sure you’ll find it most rewarding.

My struggles with self-isolation are precisely one of the things I have written about in my novel.

My Novel

 My novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.

My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes. 

As a reminder, please leave an honest review and rating for my books or audiobook. This helps me to be recognized by other valuable readers like yourself.

Thank You for Your Time

Thank you for your time today. Also, click on the links below and see my published books. Like my video? Hit the subscribe button and give me a thumbs up.

And don’t forget that your feedback is always greatly valued and much appreciated. I enjoy hearing from you. So please leave your comments below, and I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day!

Reviews of my favorite books If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Captivating True Crime Story at Its Best!

This is an incredible true crime story of how an intensely sadistic woman cruelly manipulates her daughters, husbands, stepmother, nephew, friends, co-workers, and so on. Her prey is anyone she meets and can pull into her web of lies, deceit, and coercion. She's even directly involved in murders but always tries to pin them on someone else. She's the master manipulator. She knows no limit to the horrid things she tries to get people to do. When you think it's awful, just blink, and it gets worse. This book was a roller coaster ride with multiple characters and layers of plots and subplots. It was a captivating reveal in the mind of a maniacal, manipulative, self-serving criminal. I found it hard to put down. Another winner by Gregg Olsen!



View all my reviews
Coreyography by Corey Feldman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Gut-Wrenching Expose of Corey Feldman’s Life!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim, I had mixed feelings about reading this book. I did not grow up in show biz or during the Coreys’ generation, yet I found many parallels with my childhood and life. This book was a gut-wrenching expose of Corey Feldman’s life. He does not hold back. He does not paint Hollywood or show business with sunshine, instead tells it like it was and gives the reader a glimpse of the manipulated life that child actors live, manipulation by parents, family and friends, producers, and directors. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and his journey to lifelong recovery. He is careful, however, not to delve too deeply into his sexual abuse. He lightly discusses his abuse and that of the deceased Corey Haim. This was a well-written memoir, a tell-all I found hard to put down. And I was amazed in the end by his mature perspective of life. And how he was able to find solace and show forgiveness, especially to his reckless parents. Job well done, Corey Feldman!


View all my reviews The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon Hertz

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Masterfully Written Novel!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.

Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.

This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.

I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
The Deviant by Adam Sommers

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!

As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.



View all my reviews
I Know Where You Live by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Disturbing and Intense!

I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!



View all my reviews
Fear Collector by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Intoxicating “Who Done It”

I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!



View all my reviews
Paint by Murders by Amanda Jaeger

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerized Until the End!

I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Written With Poetic Color

As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.



View all my reviews
Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. Dowling

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


An Exciting Dystopian Thriller

I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Related Blogs and Resources 1in6.org Childhood Sexual Abuse & Assault Lawyers How to More Effectively Prevent Child Sexual Abuse Keith's Story | RAINN Letting Go Shame About Childhood Sexual Abuse Male Survivor Empowerment Blog Sexual Healing Counseling The Long-Term Harmful Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse The Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse Trauma: Childhood Sexual Abuse Links Website: https://kurt-b-ellis.com

BOY IN THE BARN: JOURNEY OF TRIUMPH OVER HORRIFIC CHILD ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND PTSD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-a

NEW PANGAEA - UTOPIA OF REVENGE: A RIGID DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-a

NEW PANGAEA - TEST OF SISTERHOOD: SHORT STORY - OVERCOMING ARROGANCE WITH SISTER'S LOVE

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-a For the Audio Version

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The post Why Do You Self-Isolate? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD first appeared on Kurt B. Ellis.

Will You Be a Better Version of Your Parents? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

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As a child abuse trauma survivor, did you ever ask yourself, “Will you be a better version of your parents?” Now we all know that parenting is not easy. Still, this fundamental question is something that we should all challenge ourselves.

Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.

Stay tuned, and let me share how I became a better, improved version of my parents.

Abusive Childhood

I grew up in southestern North Carolina during the repressive 1960s and 1970s. Life was hard. We, children, were treated like chattel used for the betterment of our farm.

We were no more to our father than mere field hands or day laborers. He never showed us an ounce of fatherly love.

Our mother was not as extreme. We knew she loved us but with strict conditions. We would only be praised if we did her bidding and made ourselves look good to her family, church, and the larger community. She was all about appearances. So, making her look good was critical.

Religion was used to justify their overbearing parenting style, and harsh corporal punishments, of course, ‘justified by God,’ were swift and often. We got no warning and had no understanding of why we were punished.

Our childhoods were stolen. In our parents’ eyes, we were to be seen but not heard. We were never to complain, speak up, or speak out. Simply comply and blindly obey.

This oppressive environment lent itself to something more sinister. My parents did not sexually abuse me. However, the environment I was raised in was a perfect setup for sexual abuse. I was sexually abused by my sadistic brother for eleven years, beginning when I was six and ending at seventeen.

Positive Change

As a teenager, I remember vowing to myself that if I ever had the opportunity to be a parent, I would do better than how I was raised.

Now I was not the perfect parent. None of us ever are. We can all look back and ‘Monday morning quarterback’ what we should have handled better with our children. However, I introspectively looked at my upbringing when my first child was born. I was steadfast and determined that there would be change.

No more harsh religion or corporal punishments. No more not allowing my child to have a voice. No more not feeling unconditionally loved. No more not allowing my child to learn how to pick themselves up when mistakes are made. No more not giving my child a happy childhood and a sense of well-being.

My children were raised with healthy and supportive boundaries that helped mold them into the well-developed and responsible adults they’ve become. I am in my sixties and very proud of my children and my loving fatherly relationship with them.

And if I can take the horrible childhood that I grew up with, and turn it around to stop the cycle of abuse, then you can too. You just have to be determined to do it and not copy your parents’ negative behaviors.

And this is precisely one of the things I have written about in my novel.

My Novel

 My novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.

My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes. 

As a reminder, please leave an honest review and rating for my books or audiobook. This helps me to be recognized by other valuable readers like yourself.

Thank You for Your Time

Thank you for your time today. Also, click on the links below and see my published books. Like my video? Hit the subscribe button and give me a thumbs up.

And don’t forget that your feedback is always greatly valued and much appreciated. I enjoy hearing from you. So please leave your comments below, and I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day!

Reviews of my favorite books Coreyography by Corey Feldman

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Gut-Wrenching Expose of Corey Feldman’s Life!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim, I had mixed feelings about reading this book. I did not grow up in show biz or during the Coreys’ generation, yet I found many parallels with my childhood and life. This book was a gut-wrenching expose of Corey Feldman’s life. He does not hold back. He does not paint Hollywood or show business with sunshine, instead tells it like it was and gives the reader a glimpse of the manipulated life that child actors live, manipulation by parents, family and friends, producers, and directors. He reveals his struggles with drug abuse and his journey to lifelong recovery. He is careful, however, not to delve too deeply into his sexual abuse. He lightly discusses his abuse and that of the deceased Corey Haim. This was a well-written memoir, a tell-all I found hard to put down. And I was amazed in the end by his mature perspective of life. And how he was able to find solace and show forgiveness, especially to his reckless parents. Job well done, Corey Feldman!


View all my reviews The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon Hertz

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Masterfully Written Novel!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.

Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.

This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.

I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
The Deviant by Adam Sommers

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!

As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.



View all my reviews
I Know Where You Live by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Disturbing and Intense!

I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!



View all my reviews
Fear Collector by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Intoxicating “Who Done It”

I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!



View all my reviews
Paint by Murders by Amanda Jaeger

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerized Until the End!

I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Written With Poetic Color

As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.



View all my reviews
Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. Dowling

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


An Exciting Dystopian Thriller

I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Related Blogs and Resources 1in6.org Childhood Sexual Abuse & Assault Lawyers How to More Effectively Prevent Child Sexual Abuse Keith's Story | RAINN Letting Go Shame About Childhood Sexual Abuse Male Survivor Empowerment Blog Sexual Healing Counseling The Long-Term Harmful Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse The Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse Trauma: Childhood Sexual Abuse Links Website: https://kurt-b-ellis.com

BOY IN THE BARN: JOURNEY OF TRIUMPH OVER HORRIFIC CHILD ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND PTSD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-a

NEW PANGAEA - UTOPIA OF REVENGE: A RIGID DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-a

NEW PANGAEA - TEST OF SISTERHOOD: SHORT STORY - OVERCOMING ARROGANCE WITH SISTER'S LOVE

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-a For the Audio Version

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The post Will You Be a Better Version of Your Parents? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD first appeared on Kurt B. Ellis.

Did You Become a Perfectionist? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD

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As a result of your child abuse, did you become a perfectionist? Did you ever feel like you were not good enough and that if you just worked harder, you could improve?

Hi, this is Kurt B. Ellis, an author who self-publishes with Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing. I became a perfectionist because of my child abuse.

Stay tuned, and let me share how I have struggled with perfectionism.

My Overbearing Parents

As early as I can remember, I always felt that I was not good enough in my parents’ eyes.

My father was an overbearing taskmaster who expected perfection in himself and his family. We, children, were constantly being criticized for not working hard enough. He never praised us. We were no more to him than common field hands. We were always told to work even harder.

My mother was not as extreme as my father, but she also instilled a strong work ethic in us. She would praise us, sometimes, trying to instill confidence and compensate for our father.

But her love was entirely conditional. We would only be praised if we did her bidding and made ourselves look good to her family, church, and the larger community. She was all about appearances. So, making her look good was critical.

This was apparent to me at a very early age, even before school. And I had started a course on overachieving in preschool. By the first grade, I was already performing way beyond my grade level.

Coupled with Sexual Abuse

My sexual abuse began when I was six and lasted eleven years, ending at seventeen. My brother was my primary abuser. And as a teenager, he pimped me out to a satanic sex cult he was a member of.

I was traded for sex with older men and goods like cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs. And this occurred often, sometimes multiple times a week.

I grew up with very low self-esteem and felt dirty, inhuman, like discarded trash. Ashamed and embarrassed, I wanted to become someone else, to be someone better.

Compounded Perfectionism

So, I withdrew into my little world and became a book nerd. I felt that an education was the only way to escape my hell. I became so obsessed with grades that I felt like a complete failure if I came home with anything less than ‘AAA’ grades.

My mother praised me for my excellent grades and later an academic scholarship to university. And, of course, she got a lot of bragging rights mileage out of that. My father remained indifferent.

This obsession with overachievement followed me throughout my life. I got my undergraduate degree and achieved my master’s and Ph.D. But deep down inside, I still did not feel adequate or good enough.

And my need for overachievement followed my career. However, after therapy and realizing my true self-worth, I managed to curtail this misguided need. But it was not until my mid-forties that I came to this realization.

I now have more satisfaction and contentment in life. And this is precisely what I have shared in my latest novel.

My Novel

 My novel’s title is “Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD.” It’s an inspiring LGBTQIA+ coming-of-age story about hope, courage, and the resilience of the human spirit.

My novel is for sale on Amazon in Kindle, paperback, and audiobook form. The audiobook is also distributed on Audible and iTunes. 

As a reminder, please leave an honest review and rating for my books or audiobook. This helps me to be recognized by other valuable readers like yourself.

Thank You for Your Time

Thank you for your time today. Also, click on the links below and see my published books. Like my video? Hit the subscribe button and give me a thumbs up.

And don’t forget that your feedback is always greatly valued and much appreciated. I enjoy hearing from you. So please leave your comments below, and I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day!

Thank you for your time today. Also, click on the links below and see my published books. Like my video? Hit the subscribe button and give me a thumbs up.

And don’t forget that your feedback is always greatly valued and much appreciated. I enjoy hearing from you. So please leave your comments below, and I will respond to you as soon as possible.

Have a wonderful day!

Reviews of my favorite books The Lookback Window by Kyle Dillon Hertz

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A Masterfully Written Novel!

As a childhood sexual abuse victim by male abusers, I agreed to review this book with feelings of reserved curiosity. Nevertheless, I was quickly impressed with the writer’s style. Hertz demonstrates a mastery of English with his colorful use of words to set the theme and plot and convey his characters’ thoughts and feelings.

Hertz takes you on the painful journey of Dylan, the main character, to find peace with his traumatic past of horrific childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a duplicitous boyfriend who pimped him out to a group of pedophiles. In addition, this boyfriend introduced him to a world of severe drug use and sex addiction. Dylan struggles through it into adulthood, making many mistakes while trying to get justice against his abusers. Yet the clock is ticking, with the statute of limitations against crimes committed many years before. Ultimately, Dylan obtains much-needed evidence to cinch his case with the FBI.

This was a book that I found hard to put down and compelled to keep reading. As a sexual abuse victim, I empathized with Dylan, understood his many struggles, and wanted justice for his abusers. I loved this novel until the end, and I’m sure you will too.

I received an ARC of the Kindle and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
The Deviant by Adam Sommers

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerizing Until the Last Page!

As a male sexual abuse victim of male abusers, I had ambivalent feelings about reading this book by Adam Sommers. But I was intrigued to read this story about male sexual abuse victims of a female abuser. This twisted narration does not disappoint. Sommers lays out the journey of an extremely wealthy woman who uses her position in life to take advantage of and sexually victimize her male employees. The characters were well-developed, and the story was spellbinding. I was mesmerized until the last page.



View all my reviews
I Know Where You Live by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Disturbing and Intense!

I was reeled in by Gregg Olsen’s hook in the first chapter. And I didn’t want to stop reading until the end. This was a disturbing story and intense to read. Olsen used his platform to bring to light the common problem of the long-lasting effects of child sexual abuse and how it impacts families for a lifetime. I loved how Olsen headed up chapters with different characters' views. It helped me to keep track of all the main- and subplots. Amazingly, this book had an unexpected twist at the end with one of its sub-characters. It created an ending I did not expect. An engaging thriller to read, for sure!



View all my reviews
Fear Collector by Gregg Olsen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Intoxicating “Who Done It”

I describe this book as an intoxicating “who done it.” Olsen masterfully pulls you in with a series of unresolved murders of young women in Tacoma, WA. Some subplots steer you in one direction, making you think you’ve resolved the murder mysteries. Yet, it is not until the last chapters that the real murderer is revealed, a person unsuspected from the beginning. Once I got into it, this book was hard to put down. A captivating thriller to the last page!



View all my reviews
Paint by Murders by Amanda Jaeger

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mesmerized Until the End!

I was pleasantly surprised to read this thriller by Amanda Jaeger. I am not interested in art or paintings, so I started this book with ambivalent feelings. But Jaeger masterfully uses this backdrop to draw the reader in and hold their attention. Once I started reading, I didn’t want to stop until I finished; I was mesmerized until the end. Jaeger ends her book on a cliffhanger, and it begs for a sequel. Dive in and hold on! You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Written With Poetic Color

As a southerner, I read this book with initial mixed feelings, only to find myself drawn to it in the middle and couldn’t put it down. Owens does a magnificent job of writing with colorful, almost poetic, imagery of the North Carolina coastline depicting a time during the 1900s when the south transitioned from old to new. Linking nature to human frailty, this is a captivating murder mystery with a surprise at the end that shows all is not as it appears. An intriguingly entertaining book to read.



View all my reviews
Mandate Thirteen by Joseph J. Dowling

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


An Exciting Dystopian Thriller

I was pleasantly surprised to read this dystopian thriller by Joseph Dowling. Dowling takes you along the perilous journey of Michael Randall and his daughter, Hope, to escape their rigidly controlled English government. A country where thirteen-year-old girls are forced to submit to fertility tests for government-run baby factories. She finds refuge in Scotland with her father’s brother. Yet, it is unclear what will happen to Michael. This book is ripe for a sequel. Jump in! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the ride. You will not be disappointed.

I received an ARC of this book and voluntarily submitted this review.



View all my reviews
Related Blogs and Resources 1in6.org Childhood Sexual Abuse & Assault Lawyers How to More Effectively Prevent Child Sexual Abuse Keith's Story | RAINN Letting Go Shame About Childhood Sexual Abuse Male Survivor Empowerment Blog Sexual Healing Counseling The Long-Term Harmful Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse The Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse Trauma: Childhood Sexual Abuse Links Website: https://kurt-b-ellis.com

BOY IN THE BARN: JOURNEY OF TRIUMPH OVER HORRIFIC CHILD ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, AND PTSD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/bibjtohcasaptsd-a

NEW PANGAEA - UTOPIA OF REVENGE: A RIGID DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/npurrdspaw-a

NEW PANGAEA - TEST OF SISTERHOOD: SHORT STORY - OVERCOMING ARROGANCE WITH SISTER'S LOVE

Kindle: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-k Paperback: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-p Audiobook: https://kurt-b-ellis.com/nptsssoasl-a For the Audio Version

https://kurt-b-ellis.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Abuse-Book-Podcast-126.mp3

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The post Did You Become a Perfectionist? – Boy in the Barn: Journey of Triumph Over Horrific Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, and PTSD first appeared on Kurt B. Ellis.