Todd Perelmuter's Blog, page 13

Is It Wrong to have Hopes & Desires?

Q: Dear Todd, I had a full laryngectomy & had my thyroid removed. It all happened really fast. I believe I can restore everything. I want to talk again! Is it wrong to want this?

Todd Answers: It is not wrong to want that. It is not even wrong to want it so badly that your happiness depends on it. However, that can create suffering. But, desire without attachment can help you achieve your goals without suffering. There’s nothing wrong with hope at all. There’s an old Hindi expression: the world was built on hope.

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How Can I Overcome Feeling Alone and Misunderstood?

Q: Dear Todd, some kid in my high school class is talking bad about me, and I don’t even know them. I don’t get it. I even showed my own mother, and she said, “What do you want me to do?” I feel like everyone is just against me. I feel like such an outsider everywhere I go. I’m always in the wrong, and I wish I could say I was a kind soul. I’m a mean person, and I’ve realized this and am trying to change, but when things like this happen, it makes it hard. I just want to be a better person who people actually love and respect. I just feel so alone. I really don’t feel like I have anyone, not even my own family. I’m trying to find out how to get over this feeling. I think as I’m getting older, I’m getting more emotional and understanding. I realize how arrogant I was when I was younger and how I didn’t appreciate enough. I just want a second chance, but no one is coming around. Any advice?

TODD ANSWERS: First, go easy on yourself. You’re only in high school. I am still evolving and learning every single day. And when I was in high school, I was not even as wise and self-aware as you.

I do understand how hard it is to feel all alone and to even not have family provide the support that families are supposed to give. What worked for me was recognizing how my desires and expectations were causing my suffering, not the circumstances. So I decided to embrace being a loner. I got to find out what I actually liked. But, I also made every stranger my best friend. I was super friendly with everyone, talked extra to baristas and waiters and anyone else I was near. This way I was still being social, even if those deep connections were missing. The more I just embraced reality, the happier I was and the more people wanted to be around me. As difficult as solitude can be, it is also a great opportunity to pursue your passions, to discover the peace and happiness within, and to become the person you know you are meant to be.

Weekly Writings from the Desk of Todd Perelmuter Email Stay Updated The Art of Gratitude

 This film shows us a new way of seeing, and being in, this perfect, magical universe

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13 Inspirational Quotes About Not Giving Up

The only failures are people who believe the story of failure they tell about themselves.

Failure is only a person who is down at the moment. But we can all get back up. Unless we give up and stay on the floor, there’s no such thing as failure.

Many of us are too afraid to think we can achieve big dreams, so we don’t even start. Fear of failure is the most debilitating fear there is because it almost guarantees failure. And it’s a near guarantee that we won’t even start and try.

Failure can also be framed as a learning opportunity, as an experience that was necessary to get to where we want to go. A difficult challenge can be looked at as either an obstacle or an opportunity.

Humans mistake nearly every situation we find ourselves in as permanent.

Only reason we think life is not perfect is because we’re living in the world of “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts.”

Take a step back, give yourself some mental distance from what is happening, and simply enjoy all the change that happens in your life.

True confidence is knowing that what is meant for you will come, and what isn’t meant for you is none of your concern.

Progress doesn’t happen in a perfectly smooth line.

There is no such thing as a failure. You might catch Michael Jordan on a bad day, missing every shot, and looking like a real failure on the court. But if you were to stop watching, you would think that was the end of his story.

We don’t have to let learning from the past come with feelings of inferiority or failure. Learning is beautiful. No one was born a genius with all the answers.

There can be no success without failure and there can be no achievement without defeat. These are the stepping stones, and the stumbling blocks, on our path to greatness, love, peace and joy. Sometimes our greatest difficulty is our greatest gift.

Failure and success are nothing more than stories we tell ourselves. They are ways we frame our situations. And if we can frame a situation, we can also reframe it. Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter Newsletter Email Subscribe The Art of Gratitude | Short Film

Gratitude is the most important human emotion because it alone determines the quality of our life. This film is a roadmap back to our grateful hearts.

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You Can’t Be at Peace in a City

Q: I really, really want to see one spiritually awakened person who has a family, a 9-5 job, is financially constrained with aging parents, and still remains spiritual while doing all the mundane tasks. If I’m away in the Himalayas alone, being spiritual is automatic, not in the life described above.

TODD ANSWERS: My friend, if only you knew my life. The tools may come from the mountains but they are designed for us struggling in the cities

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Path to Peace Is Expressing Anger Always Bad?

Anger is like pumping air into a balloon. When it starts to get overinflated, little leaks sprout up. Most of us try to cover those little holes with band-aids, such as alcohol, food, screen time, etc… But that only causes new holes to spring up. We must learn to turn off the air pump if we want to get to the root of the problem.

But is anger always bad? Is it ever justified? Can it be good if we use it to fuel positive change in society? And isn't it worse if we try to stuff our anger down?

In this podcast, I discuss the two different kinds of anger. I share how to use anger wisely, how to be angry without letting our blood pressure skyrocket, how to let it out in a healthy way so that we don't explode, and how to turn off the tap of anger altogether.

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If you ever feel like my words brought a change in your life, and want to show your SUPPORT for what I am doing, click here.

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey: https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Go here.

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Are Anger Issues Genetic?

Q: Dear Todd, is there any part of anger issues that are genetically linked or is it more of a learned behavior? The reason I ask is because my ex’s anger was intensely explosive and my 3 boys display the same type of behavior when angered. My 2 girls manage their anger really well. All five kids had the same exposure to their father’s outbursts, which were modeled for them, which makes me curious as to why.

TODD ANSWERS: We have natural tendencies, but our unique experiences, as well as our personal efforts, have a much greater impact on who we become. No two siblings ever have the same parents because every year parents are growing and changing.

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This spiritual film takes viewers on a journey back to the natural gratitude we all have inside us.

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Can Peace Protect Against Tyranny?

Q: Dear Todd, in my eyes, peace doesn’t always protect, especially against tyrant leaders and overlords. We might fight alongside justice and love, with actions like those of war veterans. We do this to preserve and protect what we have built with love for those we love, so we may be at peace and in harmony. What are your views on this?

TODD ANSWERS:This is an excellent point and I am glad you brought it up. For an answer here, my mind always turns to those great spiritual martial arts of the past. They are the epitome of external action with inner stillness and peace. Spiritual warriors do not lose themselves to anger, hatred or vengeance.

By staying present and holding the intention of peace, they will always make the choice that will lead to the greatest long term outcome. Inner rage blinds us to peaceful solutions, resolutions, and reconciliations.

First and foremost, we must protect and defend ourselves and our families. But we do not need to do so with hatred and anger in our hearts. We do not need to prolong conflict indefinitely. Only with calm and clarity can we see how to turn enemies into friends.

Weekly Writings from the Desk of Todd Perelmuter Email Stay Updated The Art of Gratitude

With gratitude, everyday is a gift.

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How Come We Are All God When I Am Better Than a Rapist

Q: Dear Todd, how does your teaching of “we are all God” apply to people living in a tough city where people will rob and kill another person? That is not what a “Godly”, or spiritual, person would do. Am I not a better person (to know) than the rapist, the thief, or the murderer?

TODD ANSWERS: We must see these people beyond their acts of cruelty. We must see their trauma, their extreme poverty, their abuse or neglect, their role models and the examples others set for them. We must see the sickness in society that breeds this disease in our fellow humans. And yes, we can show even them the love and care we would show any other sick person.

We all have the potential to be better, but it usually only happens when others show #kindness and love. I’m not saying invite every murderer to live with you. That would be quite foolish –we must protect ourselves and our loved ones first. But, we can see that safety and protection, in the long run, depend on us having a more loving society, not a less-loving one.

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How’s Your Spiritual Health?

You may get your annual physical. You may see a therapist from time to time for a checkup from the neck up. But we rarely, if ever, check in with that deepest part of who we are. Some call it soul, others spirit. It has many names: source, prana, life-force energy, consciousness, essence, Atman, and Self.

Spiritual health is more important than mental and physical health because from our state of being flows our thoughts and our actions and behaviors. When we feel a deep connection to the peace and love at the center of our being, beautiful thoughts flow naturally. When we are tapped into the wellspring of joy within us, we do not engage in harmful behaviors to bring us temporary relief. Nor do we engage in laziness.

Making sure we remove all blocks from our heart’s center is essential for having the energy, courage and optimism to tackle all of the challenges life can throw our way. When the blocks are removed, our deepest reservoir of energy can flow freely. 

So, what does it mean to listen to our heart? How do we even do that? And how do we resolve the inner conflict between our head and our heart? I answer all these questions in my latest podcast.

Here’s the spiritual health test: sit with yourself. No phones, no TV, no headphones or music. Just you and your Self. Notice what you’re feeling after 5 minutes. Then 10 minutes. And then again at 20 minutes (if you can go for an hour even better, but no pressure). Observe your thoughts and attention. Are they peaceful or disturbing? How long can you just focus on your breath before you lose focus?

This is how we measure our spiritual health. This determines if we can relax, or if our mind constantly pulls our attention away from us against our will. The mind is a servant to our higher Self, but for most of us the mind has become our master. This is why we do not feel free. More on how we can cultivate a mindset of presence, and nurture a positive mental state, in this video.

Next week, I’ll share some simple ways we can boost our spiritual health, regain control of our conscious awareness, and open up the floodgates that have closed us off to our true selves.

If you or a loved one are currently experiencing grief, my newest book has just been released on Amazon, Grief and Spiritual Healing: Surviving Life After Loss. I share in the book my own story of grief that I went through last year, as well as the teachings that helped me get through it. May it bring you and your family some comfort, healing, and light in these dark times.

Our newest film, Finding Your True Self: A Love Story, will be out next month, so keep an eye out for it. This touches on the themes laid out in my book of the same name, which is now available as an audiobook on Amazon and Audible. This audiobook delves into all of the spiritual teachings in great detail and provides a roadmap for reaching our best selves.

Be sure to leave reviews for any books and audiobooks as your honest words really help so many others find these life-changing teachings.

Much love,

Todd

Sometimes life is a comedy, and sometimes it is a tragedy. But it is always interesting. When we can step out of identification with the main character, ourself, we can enjoy the entire show. In this YouTube video, I share how we can stop obsessing over past moments of our life story, stop worrying about where the story’s going, and just sit back and enjoy the show.

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How to Go From Spiritual Health to Spiritual Wealth

Last week I talked about how to do a spiritual health check-up. This week, let’s talk about how to go from spiritual health to spiritual wealth.

We all have spiritual wealth already, but it gets obscured by incessant thinking, traumatic events, and a chaotic and negative mind. So here is how we can expand our consciousness, raise our awareness, and prolong our presence.

It’s first important to realize that from awareness and focus, wisdom naturally emerges. A fool simply cannot focus and is oblivious to what is going on around them. Someone like Einstein on the other hand, who according to himself was not special in any way, could merely observe and focus on a problem longer than anyone else.

So this is what we need to practice and develop — focusing our attention on our mind, our body, and challenging situations. Usually, when we feel hurt or stressed, we turn to an escapist activity to take our mind off of things. But I want you to notice how this escapist tendency, whether it’s through phones, shows, work or intoxicants, only stuff down and mask our feelings. When we avoid something difficult, it persists and percolates. More on how to get through life’s difficult situations in this new podcast episode.

Instead of turning away, turn towards. Give yourself as much time as it takes to focus on what you’re thinking, feeling, and experiencing. Look at it from all angles, perspectives and interpretations. Don’t add stress to your stress through destructive and addictive behavior (More on that here.)  It’s very hard at first to see our own situations from other people’s perspectives, but doing so can free us from our negative mental story we’ve told ourselves.

Look from as many angles as you can until you see reality emerge. Choose the mental story that best serves your interests and the interests of your loved ones. Choose the one that creates the most freedom, joy and peace. 

Wherever you are, you belong as much as anyone else. No matter who you are, you deserve happiness as much as anyone else. You are as worthy as a president or a king. You’re allowed to be as confident as Robert Downey Jr. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, especially your own mind. 

One more thing. I know there’s a lot of confusion about what it means that all suffering exists in the mind. This is such an important topic that I am giving away the chapter from the book, Aloneness to Oneness, titled, “Suffering Exists in the Mind.” You can get the free chapter here. This concept is very counterintuitive. We feel certain that negative experiences cause our suffering. But just by looking closer at the previous sentence we can see that negative is a subjective opinion created by the mind. 

In this free chapter, I explain in detail how nothing can truly happen to us, they only happen in our presence. When we understand our true nature as the witnessing presence, we become the peaceful companion that is always there to support our mind and our body with love and nourishment.

Love,

Todd

P.S. Secondhand stress is very contagious. Before we know it, we become stressed and then we pass that stress onto others. This is how you can avoid internalizing other people’s stress.

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