Todd Perelmuter's Blog, page 17

Path to Peace How to Make the Mind Work with the Heart

What does it mean to listen to our heart? How do we even do that? And how do we resolve the inner conflict between our head and our heart?

We need the mind's critical thinking, but we also need the heart's trust. We need the mind's protection, but we wouldn't be here without the heart's love. For most of us, this creates an imbalance inside ourselves.

In today's podcast, I share the difference between the mind's intelligence and the heart's wisdom. I talk about how to connect the two. And I discuss two simple ways we can make sure they are working together in harmony and alignment.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
If you ever feel like my words brought a change in your life, and want to show your SUPPORT for what I am doing, click here.

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey: https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Go here.

The post Path to Peace How to Make the Mind Work with the Heart appeared first on EastWesticism.

When Someone Fails Us

It can be a hard and unwelcome lesson when someone we idolized shows us their humanness. We want to count on people, we hope we can rely on them, and until we learn this lesson, we expect people to always be there for us in the ways we need them to be.

When someone fails us who we admire, when trust is broken, it can be earth-shattering. It can feel like our legs have been swept out from under us. All the support we thought we had has been knocked away. (When we hurt, we hurt others. When others hurt, they hurt us. To break this vicious cycle, we have to heal ourselves. Here’s how)

As hard as this experience can be, there are some positives in it. For one, we discover we do have legs to stand on. We find we are strong. We learn that we can survive anything. We may have relied on someone out of fear, but now we realize there is nothing to fear. Life is about moving forward, falling and getting up, and facing difficulty and learning how to overcome it.

Sometimes someone is there to pick us up, sometimes we are able to lift someone else up, but we are always there for ourselves. The universe is always there for us. The earth supports us. We each have trillions of microbes inside of us that keep our bodies alive. Life isn’t you vs them. It’s trillions for you.

Every cell in your body is a factory dedicated to supporting you. It looks like a party in there. 

Gael McGill/Evan Ingersoll/Digizyme

The whole universe is supporting you. It exists for you. Quadrillions of lifeforms are rooting for you. Their love is keeping you alive, pumping your heart, digesting your food, enriching the air, and providing everything you need for health and happiness.

If one person let you down, it’s OK. Quadrillions minus one. One moment doesn’t define a person. We can be grateful for the good they’ve done, we can thank them for the lesson in strength that we gained, and we can lovingly either correct them or take some space from them.

 

Here’s what I want you to do this week:

Create an image in your mind of your idealized self.

 

Whenever someone wrongs us or lets us down, we tend to fall into despair, anger, fear and resentment. All we can see is everything going wrong that can possibly go wrong. So instead, break that stream of thought with a conscious, intentional image. The subconscious mind responds very powerfully to images and symbols. So imagine your perfect self, imbue it with the values and beliefs you know deep down to be important to you (i.e. positive, strong, tenacious, joyful, kind, smart, confident, etc…). Create as detailed an image as you can in your mind, and whenever you feel overcome with stress, worries and disappointment, pull this image up in your mind.

This is the key to creating a new self-image when we find ourselves in these times of forced self-evolution. When we have this positive self image, achieving what we want in life becomes effortless and second-nature.

Much love,
Todd

P.S. How can we cultivate a mindset of presence, how can we nurture a positive mental state, and how can we live the best moment of our lives, every moment? I answer it here.

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Am I Destined to Be Forever Alone & Single?

We all (well most of us anyway) want a devoted partner, close friends, and a loving family. But trying to find the right partner, make friends, and build a family can do a number on our psyche.
Relationships are a minefield of rejection and disappointment, betrayal and failure. They wreak havoc on our self-esteem, make us question our lives, and they can leave us feeling completely broken.

But, relationships also provide us comfort and support, love and confidence, purpose and meaning. This back and forth natural drama that takes place when we engage in relationships can be very difficult. We oscillate between hope and hopelessness, and the highs of love and the lows of loneliness. Relationships aren’t easy, and neither is solitude.

So what are we to do?! Here’s the answer.

Why Building Relationships Is So Hard

It is not easy to give someone else our heart. But as difficult as forging relationships can feel from time to time, there is one simple reason why the ups and downs — the rollercoaster — feels too exhausting and draining: you are not anchored to presence.
When we are anchored, centered and still, we can watch and enjoy the ups and the downs. There are many ways to anchor ourselves in the present moment, which I will go into, but first we have to anchor the vision we hold of ourselves. To do this we have to practice no longer seeking confidence — not from others or our own mental chatter.

When we put our heart out there and become vulnerable in relationships, it’s common for us to go back and forth between feeling amazing and feeling crushed. Love, and not just romantic love, can be like a drug. But it’s a drug that only other people can give us and it can’t be bought. This can make love very dangerous. The loss of love may even be the number one cause of suicide.

To overcome this danger we need to do two things.

Practice universal love. This means loving everyone and everything — especially the hard stuff. Love the person who rejected you. Recognize their humanity, their individuality that may not have been right for you, and their unique past and traumas you may know nothing about.

Love the bad dates and the nights alone. Love the mean people who are hurting themselves. Love the kindness, but also love the rudeness. It’s all just the world. Love it exactly as it is.

Second, instead of fluctuating between thinking “I am great” and “I am terrible,” practice resting in “I am.” It is our desire for confidence that makes us unconfident. Depending on praise or a loving relationship makes us a victim of circumstance. Be content with just being and you will be confident.

Witness your thoughts, good and bad, and just allow them to be. Stay peaceful no matter what random silly thoughts pop in your head. They are not your highest self talking to you. Your highest self knows you are enough, you are the miracle of life, and you are no worse than a mighty oak tree or a majestic lion or a beautiful butterfly, none of which have insecurity or doubt. We often internalize the critical thoughts of people around us, but only a sick society would judge another person. Recognize that like every other species and animal, being alive is enough, it is a gift, and you are worthy. How to Accept That I Will Be Alone Forever?

Are you carrying your entire future on your shoulders? Oh my goodness, that is too much weight to carry. How exhausting! Try just carrying this one moment at a time. Give this moment your full attention. Goals are good and you can set them, but don’t let the future rob you of the bliss that is possible in this very moment.

No one can see the future. That future you dread may not even come. You don’t have to live in hope or fear. You can just live for this moment. Make this moment the best moment you possibly can and the future will work itself out.

When we pay attention to this moment, we become alive. This is how we get out of our head and let go of insecurity and self-conscious thoughts. When this moment becomes joyful, life becomes joyful. When we do things with joy, we create the life of our dreams naturally and effortlessly.

We can wash the dishes with presence and joy, we can talk to strangers without any need of reciprocation. This is the definition of magnetism and attraction. Joy is contagious and people will want to be around it. So the question isn’t how to accept being alone forever. The question is, how can I be happy right now. Answer that and you will rarely be alone.

How to Survive Alone?

It’s a funny thing in our Western society. So many people in relationships want to get divorced, and so many single people want to get married. We can’t stand relationships and we can’t stand solitude. We always have this notion that the grass is always greener. But the truth is, both are beautiful and wonderful.

There is nothing objectively bad about solitude. In fact it is very peaceful. The problem is, we resist peace. We fight it. We avoid it at all costs. This resistance is called stress. Like resistance training in the gym, our inner resistance to solitude is what causes the tension we experience in our bodies. But we can set that weight down. We do that through radical acceptance.

We have no choice but to make the best of whatever situation we find ourselves in. Don’t just like it, but love it. Solitude is an opportunity to work on ourselves, to become more happy, present and peaceful. While monks don’t live alone, their time in solitude or on silent retreat are some of the most transformative and meaningful times in their lives.

Embrace the stillness. Take days off from technological distractions that make you impatient and unhappy. Connect with people in real life instead. All technology does is remove us from the here and now. When we reenter the present moment, we discover a peaceful perfect moment waiting for us.

We’re supposed to be like the chimpanzees, relaxing and thinking, observing and processing our thoughts and experiences. Human society today spends very little time thinking and being. We let other things frequently hijack our very important natural state of being. Play some music, make some art, get into hobbies and interests, meditate and get to know thyself. Having lots of interests makes you interesting, and that will connect you with likeminded people in your community.

Being alone may be scary, but it is actually a blank canvas with infinite possibilities to make your life however you choose.

Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter Newsletter Email Subscribe Why Keep Living If I Will Be Alone Forever?

This is a question that gets asked because consciously we may have dark thoughts, but subconsciously we know that life is too precious to waste. Life itself is a miracle. Life isn’t just about surviving, it’s about beauty and joy as well.

Would you go into a nursing home and tell every widow to kill themselves? Of course not. We are allowed to be as happy as we can possible be. What stops us? Believing our thoughts and having expectations about how the universe should be. Let all that go and you are free.

Freeing our minds is the greatest feeling we can ever have. It is every human’s birthright. It means we discover the inner steadiness to sustain us through all of life’s ups and downs. Being in solitude allows us a greater gift than people in families to do this because we’re able to live like a monk. Nothing can interfere with extensive meditation, introspection and reflection.

Create a peaceful little altar/meditation room/corner, and allow the mind to settle and become peaceful. Inner peace and joy that requires no external temporary circumstance is the greatest feeling on earth. It is real, it is lasting, and it is our true nature.

Remember, there are millions of people who are alone. If we use technology mindfully, it is easier than ever to find them (avoid falling for catfish scams though by making sure you’re able to meet them in person and in a safe setting). Join clubs, take classes, go to the park, and treat everyone as a friend. The world will project back at you what you are putting out.

There is no such thing as being alone forever. We all depend on one another, we are all connected, and we are all one. Tap into this oneness by discovering your true self and you will never feel alone. More about that in my book, Finding Your True Self: A Love Story.

Am I Too Old to Find the One?

You are not too old! Not even if you are a hundred. 100 is the new 60. At 110 years old you can start a new career, learn a new instrument, and find love. Be the person you’d want to date and you will have no problem. Every single thing that you think is a negative is actually positive. Too old? Great! Less competition. Too awkward? Fantastic! Own it. We’re all human. Nothing is more attractive than confidence, which comes from acceptance.

When you embrace any perceived flaws, they immediately become strengths. Nothing about any person is shameful or unlovable. We’re all flawed human beings. We all have quirks and idiosyncrasies. How wonderful! Life sure would be boring without them.

Question Answered in This Blog:

Q: Dear Todd, it’s my own self-esteem that’s been struck once again to prolong this long battle of wondering, will I ever meet that person? Am I destined to be alone? Have I gotten too old? Will I make it through yet another bout? I’m broken right now but fighting.

Award-Winning Aloneness to Oneness Film

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The Feeling of Being Judged is Driving Me Mad. Help

Q: When I feel the separation between us, I become angry. When I feel I am being judged, my subconscious becomes hostile and temporarily loses my normal peace & serenity. Any thoughts?

Todd Answers: It can be difficult when dealing with others as two colliding realities clash. But the separateness is still only an illusion and the best and quickest way to regain serenity is to look closer and really try to see that their response is based on circumstances from their past.

Each person is at a different point in life but we are all on the same path. The more we broaden our perspective and see the causes of a moment, the more empathy, love, and compassion can emerge.

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Path to Peace Self Heal Before You Hurt Others

When we hurt, we hurt others. When others hurt, they hurt us. It's a vicious cycle that has spread its tentacles to every corner of this planet. If we are going to create a more peaceful and loving planet, it's starts with healing ourselves.

In today's podcast, I talk about what causes this unbreakable chain of pain, I share how to see beyond our hurt, and I give two easy ways we can all start the healing journey right now.

Please enjoy other episodes where I share meditation techniques, tips and spiritual lessons from around the world for peaceful and stress-free living. Remember to subscribe to stay up-to-date.

*****
If you ever feel like my words brought a change in your life, and want to show your SUPPORT for what I am doing, click here.

Find all of my BOOKS for wherever you are on your spiritual journey: https://www.eastwesticism.org/spiritual-meditation-books/

Want to gift a book to a prisoner? Go here.

The post Path to Peace Self Heal Before You Hurt Others appeared first on EastWesticism.

Can Spirituality & Meditation Help Me Gain Wealth?

Spirituality cannot gain wealth. But it can do two things. It can increase the quality of your experience of life no matter how rich or poor you are. It can also increase discipline, creativity, clarity, insights, understanding and wisdom so that we can be more successful at whatever we do.

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When the World Disappoints You

Whenever you feel like the world is bad, whenever people are cruel, or whenever you’re just really fed up with people, I want you to look deeper at this problem than ever before. I want you to get to the core of this rot until you realize its source and its true nature. Look until understanding arises instead of frustration and shock. What you will find is that it is all a very understandable and natural outcome. (More on how to heal from the hurt others cause instead of trying to run away from our pain in this video.)

We very much like to point fingers and blame. This keeps us in the good category and them in the bad category. But there is no us versus them. There is just us. We love to criticize a corrupt politician, as long as they’re on the other team. But when they’re on our team, suddenly our reaction is very different.

Why would a person of power take a bribe or cheat on a spouse? Well, for the same human reason. Because human beings have a brutal history and that genetic memory exists inside us. Of course neither acts of deceit are ever acceptable. But only if we are aware of these urges within all of us can we truly defend against them, both personally and as a species. (In my latest podcast episode, I talk about how to avoid making impulsive decisions we’ll regret later.)

 

This week I want you to do this:

See if you can remove the word “I” from your thoughts whenever you catch yourself using it. So instead of, “I hate that,” try, “That wasn’t ideal.” Our situation may not be ideal, but we can always change it, accept it, or leave it. There’s no need for the draining, negative feeling of hate to enter the picture at all.

 

The deepest part of you, the part that is pure awareness and love, doesn’t hate anything. That’s just an ego trick to get you to identify with it. When the identification stops, true freedom begins. 

Much love,
Todd

P.S.  Before my spiritual journey, my life looked very different. I was addicted to just about everything. I was addicted to work, smoking, alcohol, food, materialism, screens… I did everything to extremes. I must have been addicted to stress — although I didn’t know it at the time — because my life was a mess. In my latest YouTube video, I share my story of transformation, and I show how we can all develop that love for life that requires no addictions to provide relief or escape.

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Need Someone to Care About Me

Sometimes in our lives we can feel like there is nobody there to care about us. Other times, the people who are supposed to care about us are trying to take advantage of us. So what can we do when we just need a hug, when we need the love and support of the outside world, and when we find ourselves lost in loneliness. Here are two essential things that can help:

1) Be there for someone else who needs some support. This is the quickest way to create that connection we long for. This will not just create a deep connection at record speed, but when we hug someone else, we are also getting a hug. When we help others, we get a boost of oxytocin (the love drug) and a million other benefits. Compassion for others helps us immediately forget about our problems by focusing on the good we can bring to someone else. When we give to others what we need, we often get it back tenfold. Being of service instantly aligns us and ingrains us within a community.

2) Turn loneliness into sacred solitude. It is my sincerest wish for everyone to be surrounded by countless loving people, but when that isn’t the case, my second wish is for everyone to be so peaceful and positive that they love whatever situation they find themselves in. To do that, we need to practice embracing and making the most of our alone time. 

 

This week I want you to do this:

Strike up a conversation with one stranger everyday.

 

It doesn’t have to be more than one comment and getting one reply. Just look someone in the eyes and say something. That’s it.

We often have a lot of fear about approaching people. But the more we do it, the easier it gets. Give a compliment, ask a question, comment on something. Most people have a fear of approaching people, but almost everyone loves the interaction. Side effects include boosted confidence, a more interesting day, and a restoring of faith in humanity.

Remember, we are all one. Beyond the thoughts and ideas in our minds, beyond our memories and beliefs, we are all the same consciousness peering through these physical bodies. So spend a little time stilling the mind, either in meditation or just taking a conscious breath (where we put all our focus on our breath), and see the oneness that is there. (More on how to use the breath to explore the deepest parts of ourselves, and how to turn every moment into a mindful moment, in this video.) Separateness, isolation and division may be an elaborate illusion, but oneness is the truth. Tap into that and you will feel instantly connected to everyone and everything. I talk more about how to enjoy the show of life in this video.

One of the biggest reasons for the loneliness epidemic in our society is because of the internet and social media. It connects us to billions of people, but there is no substitute for human in-person connection. In my book, Digital Ego: A How-To Survival Guide for the Internet, I go into depth about finding peace and meaningful relationships in a digital world. Get your copy before May 31st for just $2.99 in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month.

Much love,
Todd

P.S.  All of us to some degree have a fear of being seen, truly seen. We put up walls, we build barriers, and we project an outward appearance that we think will be the most universally accepted. In my latest podcast, I share the reasons why we put up these walls of inauthenticity, and I share some simple ways we can tear them down so we can live true to ourselves and to what makes us truly happy.

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Are Your Thoughts Bothering You?

Just the other day, I had a ton of work to do and my mind went, “Ugh, work.” Immediately, my head slumped down, my shoulders slouched, and heavy emotions started to come over me.

Thank goodness I noticed that thought. Because I was paying attention, I witnessed the thought and emotions, observed my resistance to the workload, and I saw how the resistance was causing me stress, not the work. 

I was able to catch myself before getting too low by reminding myself how much I love my work, which I really do. Quickly, I became excited for the day’s challenges. I was my own motivational coach in that moment. (In this video, I lay out the blueprint for building a solid spiritual foundation that can withstand any challenges life throws your way.) 

Over the next few days I paid extra close attention to my thoughts surrounding work. I planted the seeds for positive thoughts by repeating mantras in my head about how much I love my work — thoughts that my higher self knows, but sometimes my ego forgets. I spent some time each day visualizing myself achieving my goals with joy and excitement. And it worked! 

It doesn’t matter if our thoughts are judging our workload, life, ourselves, or others. These steps can work for any thoughts that cause us anything other than pure joy.

 

Here’s What I Want You to Do This Week

In meditation, when your mind naturally wanders, before turning your attention back to your breath or mantra or body, make a little note in your mind of what you were just thinking about, what distracted you in the first place, and how the train of thought went from getting distracted to catching yourself.

Whatever thoughts come up, allow them to be, don’t judge them, simply take note. The thinking mind wants to judge and label everything as good or bad. (Check out my latest video for more on how to stay calm through life’s ups and downs.)

The more we watch the mind, the more we create a distance between the mind’s contents and who we truly are — consciousness itself. The greater that distance, the broader our perspective becomes, the more we can see the big picture, and the less space our chaotic thoughts take up in the field of our peaceful awareness.

In these modern times, nothing hijacks our mind and thoughts quite like social media. We’ve always had chaotic monkey minds swinging wildly from thought to thought. But social media has given our mental monkeys steroids. I talk about how to combat the effects of our screen-addicted world in my book, Digital Ego: A How-to Survival Guide for the Internet, now just $2.99 in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month. It’s an important read for everyone touched by technology, and a must-read for the young people in your life. I hope it helps you and your family as much as these tools have helped me and mine.

Much love,

Todd

PS – If you ever feel like you’re not good enough, check out my latest podcast.

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Stop Escaping Negative Emotions

It is Mental Health Awareness Month, and this year let’s remember that true mental health is not just the absence of illness. It is the presence of Mental Wealth, which comes from tapping into the infinite abundance of joy and peace within. 

At times we may feel like we are in a bliss deficit, but there is a surplus inside every single one of us. Yes, it may be covered up with tragic life circumstances. It may be buried under the weight of negative thoughts and mental habits that we’ve picked up from others. But if we peel back the layers, if we remove the grime and dirt, the light inside us will shine brightly through once more.

The thing we have to remember is, everything we do to make ourselves feel better — junk food, drinking, shopping, gossiping, smoking, gambling, binge watching, scrolling on social media, etc… — is actually making us miserable. We think these things relieve stress, but they really rob us of our innate ability to become joyful and stress-free on our own. They are like happiness crutches, but they don’t work in the long run and they hobble our emotional regulation. 

It’s still OK to enjoy those activities if you want to, but they will cause problems if we start to rely on them for our lasting peace and happiness. According to the latest research, no activity destroys our mental health more than social media. It is the addiction that is the most universal, most acceptable, and most destructive. Social media use is not only directly tied to anxiety and depression, but it also leads to other addictive behavior like excessive drinking. (More on how to live authentically in an increasingly fake and digital world in my latest podcast)

 

Here’s What I Want You to Do This Week:

Notice what kind of emotions arise in you when you use social media.

 

Usually when we are on our phones, we are hypnotized by the content. We lose all self-awareness and we become entranced. It’s why we are living through what is called the attention economy, because our focus and awareness are the prize. So take back your power by bringing back some of your awareness onto yourself.

Notice while you’re scrolling what it’s like to be fixated on the phone. Notice how you’re breathing. Is it long, slow and deep breaths? Or is it shallow, choppy, irregular, and holding your breath? What are your thoughts? What are your feelings? Is there tension anywhere in the body? Can you release that tension? Is the content you’re watching valuable to you? What does it provide you? Will you remember it tomorrow, or is it just wasting time? Do you even remember what you were just looking at five minutes ago?

The human brain is not designed for screens 24/7. Worse yet, trillion dollar companies are spending billions of dollars to figure out how to hijack your brain and keep your attention despite your intentions. But there is hope, we can fight back, we can resist.

In my book, Digital Ego, I lay out how we can overcome mindless scrolling. In this book, which is especially important for the young people in your life, I talk about:

What the digital ego is and how to dissolve itHow to take a digital detox to reset your brain’s happiness chemicalsHow to release the stress we accumulate from social media distractionHow to live authentically in a world of filters, bots, frauds and phonies

Technology is a tool to serve us, not the other way around. Together with a little bit of wisdom, awareness and practical steps that we can all take, hopefully we can make Mental Health Awareness Month a thing of the past. (Here are the 13 most loved quotes from the book, Digital Ego)

Much love,
Todd

P.S. In my new YouTube video, I talk about how to view time beyond the memory and imagination of our brain. I talk about how we can step out of our head, step out of our clinging mind, step outside of time, and surf the waves of presence.

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