Sam Pink's Blog, page 74

noticed i was staring at a roll of duct tape thinking, 'o...

noticed i was staring at a roll of duct tape thinking, 'oh i didn't even put my hat on today' while imagining me just wrapping it around my forehead and face. 

i encourage someone on a major press to write a serious/'...

i encourage someone on a major press to write a serious/'good' book and then demand it be titled something ridiculous like 'big booty bonerland chronicles'

i want to start doing this thing where i profile dogs/cat...

i want to start doing this thing where i profile dogs/cats in chicago.

if you have a dog or cat and live in chicago or a nearby suburb, and would like me to come hang out with your pet for a day then write a profile on them, email me    sampinkisalive   at  gmail  dot com.

i'm also willing to do this with grandparents, crazy aunts, babies, whatever!!

i'm also serious about this. 

somebody date this girlTHE BREAKDOWN:seems like a solid y...

somebody date this girl

THE BREAKDOWN:

seems like a solid young woman living in ohio.

PLUSES

* somewhat anti-social/introverted
* likes martin heidegger
* seemingly does not have a 'group of friends'

CONS

*likes my books (could be dealing with a truly horrendous piece of shit here fellas...)




anyway, hope everyone's having a blast of a summer!!!
 
i encourage people to email me more links to dating profiles that include me so i can help



also, here's a fun thing to think whenever you're with people you don't like or at a place you don't like:  "paging al qaeda!" (said in 'check please!' voice)


well, there you have it. 

just another bullshit post from a sniveling nitwit.

no, more like a bumbling imbecile.

or like, no, a wretched nincompoop

fucking sniveling ass wretched nincompoop.

just another bullshit post from a bumbling dunderhead. 

it'd be funny to say, 'timeout! timeout!' while getting a...

it'd be funny to say, 'timeout! timeout!' while getting arrested. 

i'm going to be reading here on the 24th of august i thin...

i'm going to be reading here on the 24th of august i think.

just pictured myself crashing in the plane, into the ocean, and i'm cut in half by the crash but i have just enough energy to lift my half body out of the wreckage and lay on a floating wing while i look at the sun and die, probably a line from a twista song in my head, or an image of rontel falling asleep.

also, Spork Press is going to put out the cassette version 'the king cobra ep' with letter pressed cassette art.  

THIS IS THE DUSTJACKET FOR THE COLLECTED WORKS

i think kelly and i found a place to put out the 'king co...

i think kelly and i found a place to put out the 'king cobra ep.'

i made a new song the other night.  if anyone wants to hear an instrumental of it email me   sampinkisalive  at    gmail  dot  com.

seems like a good song to relax to, maybe make love to your baby to, open mail to, sit alone and feel defeated to, eat an orange to, kill your enemy to, make a new friend to, that kind of shit.  

I will fight Don DeLillo.— Scott McClanahan (@scottunedit...

I will fight Don DeLillo.
— Scott McClanahan (@scottunedited) July 19, 2013

donny 'weep like a willow' delillo don't want none of this.  mcclanahan all day.   

kim from texas is looking to date/hook up with a man betw...

kim from texas is looking to date/hook up with a man between 50-60.  the last book she read was 'person.' gentlemen, start your engines.