Gretchen Rubin's Blog, page 241

"Nature, Which Makes Nothing Durable, Always Repeats Itself So That Nothing Which It Makes May Be Lost."

"Nature, which makes nothing durable, always repeats itself so that nothing which it makes may be lost."

-- Oscar Wilde

* A great way to start the new year is to help someone, and if you want to take a step in the next five minutes to help someone, sign up to be an organ donor. And tell your family, too.

* If your book group is reading The Happiness Project -- or considering it -- I've prepared a one-page discussion guide for book groups. If you'd like a copy, email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com.( Don't forget the "1.")

Video: Happiness-Boosting Resolutions for 2011.

The original book video for The Happiness Project book features many of my favorite resolutions. With the help of the fabulous Maria Giacchino, I've updated the video to highlight some of the resolutions that other people have made. Check it out!

I'm always fascinated to hear about other people's resolutions and add them to my own list all the time. And even when a resolution isn't right for me, it helps me think about what I might try.

Have you tried any of these resolutions? Or have you tried a different resolution that has been particularly helpful?

One thing that has struck me: often, resolutions that point in opposite direction are both helpful -- even to the same person. The opposite of a great truth is also true.

Move. Still.

Say yes. Say no.

Start. Finish.

Take myself more seriously. Take myself less seriously.

Now. Wait.

Think bigger. Think smaller.

If you'd like to see the original video, here it is:

When I feel discouraged about resolution-keeping, which is fairly often, I think of Samuel Johnson's diary entry from 1764:

"I have now spent fifty-five years in resolving; having, from the earliest time almost that I can remember, been forming schemes of a better life. I have done nothing. The need of doing, therefore, is pressing, since the time of doing is short. O GOD, grant me to resolve aright, and to keep my resolutions."

Happy 2011! Good luck keeping your resolutions.

* Sign up here to join the 2011 Happiness Challenge, to make 2011 a happier year. Studies show that taking an action, like signing up for the challenge, will help you hold yourself accountable. I've been astonished by how many people have signed up in just the past two days.

"I Have Sought Rest Everywhere, and Have Found It Nowhere, Save in a Little Corner, With a LIttle Book."

"I have sought rest everywhere, and have found it nowhere, save in a little corner, with a little book."

-- Thomas à Kempis

That's one thing I plan to spend a lot of time doing this vacation -- reading. Never enough time to read! Back in a week.

* If you've never seen my one-minute video, The Years Are Short, you might enjoy it. Of all the things I've written and created, this is certainly one of those that most resonates with people.

What's Your Six-Word Secret of Happiness?

Since I started my happiness project, I've found that when I distill an idea into a short, memorable phrase, I do a better job of remembering and following it. For that reason, I work hard to capture my ideas succinctly. Examples:

The days are long, but the years are short.
Outer order contributes to inner calm.
Happy people make people happy -- but you can't make someone be happy.
Accept myself, and expect more from myself.
Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
Flawed can be more perfect than perfection.
Be selfless, if only for selfish reasons.
Make people happier by acknowledging that they're not feeling happy.
Succeed by failing.
Be serious about play.

Along these lines, I'm teaming up with Smith Magazine, home of the fabulous Six Word Memoir. Now you can Share your six words on the secrets to happiness. How would you sum up what you've learned about happiness in six words (or less)? It's a fascinating, thought-provoking exercise. I just checked out the site (again), and some recent additions include:

Worrying does not change a thing.
The cool side of the pillow.
Life is my canvas. I create.
Patronize only Mom and Pop establishments.
Justice, mercy, humility. Oh, and booze.
Plagiarize Shakespeare. Write yourself a sonnet.
Simple happiness growing complicated every day.
Be completely, absolutely, positively, totally unsure.
Tea, chocolate and a good book.

Lytton Strachey observed, "Perhaps the best test of a man's intelligence is his capacity for making a summary." The discipline of using six words helps make ideas stand out more starkly. Also, this kind of exercise is a terrific way to end the year and to head into 2011. It's a creative, fresh way to think about yourself, your nature, and what's important to you.

Check it out, and add your own secrets, here. I can't wait to read more.

I'm working on my Happiness Project, and you could have one, too! Everyone's project will look different, but it's the rare person who can't benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday's post will help you think about your own happiness project.

* If you're looking for ways to track and keep your resolutions, check out my companion website, the Happiness Project Toolbox. Eight free tools to help you start and track your own happiness project.

Video: Revel in Your Accomplishments.

2010 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2010 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2010 a happier year – and even if you never officially sign up for the challenge -- we've reached the end of 2010! Did you try some of the proposed resolutions? Did they help to boost your happiness?

This week's resolution is to Revel in your accomplishments.

Now it's time to think about the 2011 Happiness Challenge. Join here! I've been astonished by how many people have already signed up. Excellent! Studies show that taking an action, like signing up, will help you stick to your resolutions.

Next week, I'll explain at greater length about the challenge, but bottom line: each month of 2011 will be tied to a theme, and each week I'll post a video suggesting a resolution that might boost your happiness in that area of life.

I'm very curious to hear what resolutions are most effective. If you tried a suggested resolution, please consider posting about it -- and whether it helped to boost your happiness or not. For example, I've been struck by how many people say that the very simple, easy resolution to Make your bed has made a real difference. Surprising, right? But people mention that resolution all the time.

* I'm always fascinated to hear other people's resolutions, so I loved paging through the resolutions posted on 43Things. I listed a resolution myself: Get enough sleep. My resolution for today: figure out some wonderful way (forgive the pun) to celebrate 1/1/11 at 1:11 p.m. tomorrow. Any ideas? I haven't thought of anything more original than making #1 cookies.

* Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel. To get the weekly video by email, right in your email in-box, you can:

-- On the GretchenRubin channel page, after you subscribe, click "Edit Subscription" and check the box, "Email me for new uploads." Or...

-- Go to your main drop-down box, click "Subscriptions," find the GretchenRubin channel, click "Edit Subscriptions," and check "Email me for new uploads" there.

I Was on the CBS Early Show!

I was thrilled to be on the CBS Early Show this morning to talk about one of my favorite topics: how to keep New Year's resolutions. (Here are 13 tips for sticking to your resolutions -- didn't have time to cover all these in the interview!)

I can't bear to watch myself on video, but it was a lot of fun to do the interview.

* Sign up for the Moment of Happiness, and each weekday morning, you'll get a happiness quotation in your email inbox. Sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com (don't forget the "1"). I'm thrilled by the response to this -- I started it just a few weeks ago, and almost ten thousand people have signed up already.

"I Know I Can't Outrun That Shadow. It's Part of Who I Am. But I Can Try To Keep It as Small as Possible."

Interview: Alisa Bowman.

Through a mutual friend, I met writer Alisa Bowman -- first online, then, even better, in person for coffee. She has a new book called Project: Happily Ever After: Saving Your Marriage When the Fairytale Falters. Although her book and my book have many of the same words in the title, they're very different -- Alisa's book is all about turning her marriage around. I tore through it, and of course happiness is a a major theme in the book, so I was very interested to ask her about happiness.

Gretchen: What's a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?

Alisa: I meditate. I do it for 10 or so minutes each morning and 5 or so minutes at night. I end each meditation with the same goal: to spread happiness to others as I go about my day.

What's something you know now about happiness that you didn't know when you were 18 years old?

When I was 18, I thought that happiness was an ethereal gift, one that could not be wrangled or manipulated. I also thought that happiness came from money, possessions, respect, prestige, and accomplishments. I now know that neither of those assumptions are true. Happiness is a state of mind, one that is not dependent on what you own, how others perceive you, or on what is going on around you. It's also a state of mind that can be exercised, like a muscle.

Recently I was on an airplane as it made an emergency landing. I asked myself, "Do I want to spend what might be the last three minutes of my life in terror, or do I want to spend them feeling content?" I choose to spend them feeling content. The plane landed safely.

Is there anything you find yourself doing repeatedly that gets in the way of your happiness?

I try to control the future. Many of my meditations are about letting go and acceptance—about being okay with whatever life is in any given moment.

If you're feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost? Or, like a "comfort food," do you have a comfort activity? (mine is reading children's books).

Certain types of music—classical, jazz, Sinatra—evoke a deep sense of contentment in me. If I've had a grueling day, I'll listen as I sip some hot tea and snuggle with my dog.

Have you always felt about the same level of happiness, or have you been through a period when you felt exceptionally happy or unhappy – if so, why? If you were unhappy, how did you become happier?

I come from a line of mentally ill people. Cancer runs in some families. Mental illness runs in mine. I've gone through periods of severe depression—depression so severe that I contemplated suicide. When I look back on these periods, I can clearly see that I was trying to run from problems in my life. For instance, in my early 20s, I was dissatisfied with my career as a newspaper reporter, but I tried to ignore that sense of dissatisfaction. In my mid 30s, my marriage was falling apart. I did my best to ignore it as long as I could. It wasn't until I addressed those problems that I was able to dig myself out of the depression. In my 20s, the remedy was a new job. In my 30s, the remedy was marital improvement (which, thankfully, worked).

Do you work on being happier? If so, how?

Yes, I do. Depression follows me like a shadow. Sometimes it's noon and I can't see that shadow. Sometimes it's twilight and the shadow is long and dark.

I know I can't outrun that shadow. It's part of who I am. But I can try to keep it as small as possible. I do that in three ways.

Chemically: I exercise regularly. I use a light box in the winter. I take fish oil supplements. I make sure to get enough sleep. And I meditate regularly.

Emotionally: I am constantly reframing my thoughts, turning negative thoughts into positive ones.

Physically: Whenever I do have a real problem (like the dissatisfying job or bad marriage), I break it down into baby steps and I work my way out of it.

Spiritually: I give to others as much as I can. I give money. I give time. I start each day with a goal to create as much happiness in others as I can. I've found that spreading happiness to others causes me to feel happier in return.

* The Economist did a great cover story about happiness and age; beyond middle age, people get happier as they get older.

* If you received The Happiness Project as a gift -- or even if you didn't! -- and you'd like a free, personalized bookplate, for yourself or for someone else, email me at grubin at gretchenrubin dot com. Be sure to include your mailing address, and feel free to ask for as many as you like.

Video: Try a Week of Extreme Nice.

2010 Happiness Challenge: For those of you following the 2010 Happiness Project Challenge, to make 2010 a happier year – and even if you haven't officially signed up for the challenge -- this is the penultimate video for the year! Hard to believe that it's almost time for the 2011 Happiness Challenge.

This month's theme is Boot Camp. Last week's focus was to Do a 24-hour boot camp. Did you try to follow that resolution? Did it help to boost your happiness?

This week's resolution is to Try a Week of Extreme Nice.

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…

An extreme sport you can do in your own home: Extreme Nice.

6 questions to help you stay serene.

Have you ever tried anything like the "extreme nice" exercise? Was it useful in shaping your behavior?

* The 2010 Challenge is ending -- and now you can sign up here for the 2011 Happiness Challenge. Studies show that taking an action, like signing up for the challenge, will help you yourself accountable. Join now, sign up.

5 Questions To Help You Make Effective New Year's Resolutions.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day -- or List Day, or Quiz Day.

This Wednesday: Five questions to help you make effective New Year's resolutions.

Forty-four percent of Americans make New Year's resolutions, and I know I always do. I'm more inclined to make resolutions than ever, in fact, because if my happiness project has convinced me of anything, it has convinced me that resolutions – made right – can make a huge difference in boosting happiness.

So how do you resolve well? This is trickier than it sounds. Here are some tips for making your resolutions as effective as possible. Remember, right now, you're in the planning stage. Don't feel like you have to do anything yet! Just start thinking about what would make 2011 a happier year.

1. Ask: "What would make me happier?" It might having more of something good – more fun with friends, more time for a hobby. It might be less of something bad – less yelling at your kids, less nagging of your spouse. It might be fixing something that doesn't feel right – more time spent volunteering, more time doing something to make someone else happier. Or maybe you need to get an atmosphere of growth in your life by learning something new. (These questions relate to the First Splendid Truth.)

2. Ask: "What is a concrete action that would bring about change?" One common problem is that people make abstract resolutions, which are hard to keep. "Be more optimistic," "Find more joy in life," "Enjoy now," are resolutions that are hard to measure and therefore difficult to keep. Instead, look for a specific, measurable action. "Distract myself with fun music when I'm feeling gloomy," "Watch at least one movie each week," "Buy a lovely plant for my desk" are resolutions that will carry you toward those abstract goals.

3. Ask: "Am I a 'yes' resolver or a 'no' resolver?" Some people resent negative resolutions. They dislike hearing "don't" or "stop" (even from themselves) or adding to their list of chores. If this describes you, try to find positive resolutions: "Take that dance class," "Have lunch with a friend once a week." Or maybe you respond well to "no." I actually do better with "no" resolutions; this may be related to the abstainer/moderator split. A lot of my resolutions are aimed at getting me to stop doing something, or to do something I don't really want to do -- such as Don't expect gold stars. There's no right way to make a resolution, but it's important to know what works for you. As always, the secret is to know your own nature.

4. Ask: "Am I starting small enough?" Many people make super-ambitious resolutions and then drop them, feeling defeated, before January is over. Start small! We tend to over-estimate what we can do over a short time and under-estimate what we can do over a long time, if we make consistent, small steps. If you're going to resolve to start exercising (one of the most popular resolutions), don't resolve to go to the gym for an hour every day before work. Start by going for a ten-minute walk at lunch or marching in place once a day during the commercial breaks in your favorite TV show. Little accomplishments provide energy for bigger challenges. Push yourself too hard and you may screech to a halt.

5. Ask: "How am I going to hold myself accountable?" Accountability is the secret to sticking to resolutions. That's why groups like AA and Weight Watchers are effective. There are many ways to hold yourself accountable; for example, I keep my Resolutions Chart (if you'd like to see my chart, for inspiration, email me at gretchenrubin1 [at] gmail.com--don't forget the "1"). Accountability is why #2 is so important. If your resolution is too vague, it's hard to measure whether you've been keeping it. A resolution to "Eat healthier" is harder to track than "Eat salad for lunch three times a week."

If you want to make 2011 a happier year, please consider joining the 2011 Happiness Challenge! I'm having trouble getting the link to work properly, but I'll get it! By officially signing up, studies show, you help yourself better stick to your resolutions. More info to come -- soon, I hope.

Have you found any strategies that have helped you successfully keep resolutions in the past?

* Of everything I've done for my happiness project, nothing has made me happier than my kidlit reading groups, where we read children's or young-adult literature. I'm now in three of these groups, and yesterday, one of our members, Marshall Heyman, wrote about the groups in the Wall Street Journal. Fabulous!

* Want to get my free monthly newsletter? It highlights the best of the month's material from the blog and the Facebook Page. Email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com -- don't forget the "1". More than 50,000 people get it.

Snow!

Because of the blizzard that hit New York City, we ended up staying an extra day in Kansas City (and were extremely lucky to get tickets with such a short delay). The city is digging out from the snow, and I'm digging out from the backlog on my desk. I'm running late! Back tomorrow.

* Sign up for the Moment of Happiness, and each weekday morning, you'll get a happiness quotation in your email inbox. Sign up here or email me at gretchenrubin1 at gmail dot com (don't forget the "1"). I've thrilled by the response to this -- I started it just a few weeks ago, and almost ten thousand people have signed up already.