Andrew Moore's Blog, page 8

Forget YA, It's Time for Junior Versions

With the power of AI, we can easily have cyber-scholiasts produce commentary for our fantasy and science fiction so that never again will a reader have to struggle with subtext. The only question is whether the AI commentary should be more or less expensive. On the one hand, it's an extra feature. On the other hand, the unadorned versions will now be premium items which make the reader feel smarter, an eight-dollar value at least.

Addendum

Specifically, all intellectual property will be protected for twelve years except for Pac-Man, which is protected in perpuity and the penalty for infringement is exile from the solar system. Twelve years is a highly scientific number which reminds us of clocks, which are ticking as we wait for a space monster.

The Biggest Potential Disaster

What happens when most of us have moved to an array of space colonies spread throughout the solar system and then a big space monster comes through and chomps us all up like Pac-Man? The only solution I can see is to have Bandai Namco sue the menace, and for that to happen we might have to change our intellectual property laws.

Linguistic Shifts

Does anything whizz nowadays? I have the impression things used to whizz constantly, but now they hardly ever whizz. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places.

On Vanity

If a kingdom minted coins that have a picture of a dragon on them, does that make dragons more or less likely to want them? Or no change? This is the principle question the writer must ask when deciding the nature of dragons in the setting.

One Horsepower

The only two things keeping horses alive are rich people and racing. Once we have cheetahs genetically engineered to have a little staying power and congenial personalities, it's all over.

Progress and the Losses Incurred Thereby

Lights came on to illuminate the stage opposite the speaker. On it stood a bewildered horse, an distracted turkey, a stoic mule, and a guinea pig in a cage.
"There are the guests of honor folks, but what's this? Party crashers?"
While the crowd laughed, another of each species came out (the guinea pig had to be wheeled by an assistant). The animals were of course kept separate to prevent incidents.
"There they are, and don't they all look lovely? Just like the real thing. In fact, they are real! The cloning process is as good as it's going to get and cheap too. That means, heh, we don't need to keep these fellows around! Get your bibs on!"
Thus began the feast to commemorate the first four species people decided to get rid of on purpose, not that there were many more, for few species are so easy to replace and to cook both.
Finis

Cultural Fragmentation

Soon books will be so optimized that each of them will be readable by only a single person. We will no longer share cultural references. When that day comes, I'm going to tell all you chumps how bad your literary opinions used to be and how glad I am they don't matter any longer.

Holiday Proposal

We, and by we I mean the citizens of the United States of America, need a second holiday in July (provisional name: Big July) for people to use up all their leftover fireworks so they don't do it in dribs and drabs for weeks after, and curiously before, the 4th.

Addendum

As far as I can tell, here are the appropriate occasions to use asyndeton:
Never
I'm open to persuasion.