Andrew Moore's Blog, page 3

The Second Accord

Nobody was quite sure what to call the celebration, but that one should be held was a matter of galactic consensus. Referring to "peace" seemed inappropriate since there had never been a war; indeed, the determination of every analyst and computation on both sides that there never would be was what prompted the present relief. Till the moment itself, none could be honest in claiming he knew whether an encounter between intelligent species would result in the extermination of one as many predicted against the theories of approximately as many.
The formal ceremony to confirm eternal non-agression took place in a space installation constructed for that occasion, a trifling endeavor for a pair of interstellar civilizations. Numerous heads of state attended (the investigations following first contact provided another point of reassurance in that neither species had united into a single nation, a cause of anxiety). Lesser politicians considered themselves either lucky to be invited or else took it as a portent of a continued rise, but as for the deal-makers whom few of the public knew for all that everyone there did, they regarded their inclusion as nothing exceptional. A smattering of celebrities enlivened the event, less from their charm and more from the attempts of either species to explain the sources of their fame.
That procedure as well as much additional conversation impinged on the main disappointment of the historic encounter. Just as the two species had no cause for conflict, neither did they have any for less-violent intercourse.
"This music, I am sorry to say, is discordant to my human ears."
"Your 'pineapple' is not displeasing in shape, but it is quite inedible for us."
"Humor barely survives differences in language. I am unsurprised that none of yours makes it across."
"I have no reason to denigrate your archery, nor any to prefer it over our own."
"I expect you have no culinary use for this garlic. It is only a shame you have no vampires!"
Amid laughs, the other party requested an explanation, out of politeness merely until he heard it.
"Those exist among you?"
"They do. It was once thought they were fiction, but the fact has become unpleasantly evident. There is some speculation that colonization of the moon has led to an increase in their power and numbers."
"How curious that we have a similar monster! It can transfix a man with its horrible eye before feeding.""That is, it can transfix a man of your species. Is that not so? Likewise for ours, I believe."
"An experiment does suggest itself."
Vampires and other unsavory creatures had cause to lament the swift creation of the monster hunter exchange program.
Finis

Legibility

Some people have trouble getting into fantasy, what with the invented terminology and exotic names. In other words, the greatest contemporary fantasy universe is online drama. It's a cooperative work too, like Thieves' World.

Social Discomfiture

Imagine announcing your Switch 2 Roguelike releasing today only for another company to do the same thing. How mortifying!

If You're Looking for Sword Names

That Saxo Grammaticus fellow names about five thousand swords in his factual and accurate Danish history, stuff so obscure only Shin Megami Tensei games have cottoned to them.

Addendum

Some might protest that making convicts live inside a whale is essentially a death sentence. Those people go in the whale.

Incarceration Solutions

Prisoners often end up inside whales, but fantasy governments should consider sending them there directly. It's like exile except nobody gets mad at you for sending your worst junk.

Everyone Knows, But Nobody Wants to Be the First

Every single work of fiction should be printed in two versions: Furry and non-furry.

The Laws of Dead and Living

Who carried the grumblings of the owners to the king, and what was done about it? Taums it was, the son of Aums, and he told the king this, that the men of the kingdom had become few in number, not enough to see the harvest done, the farmers feared.
King Hadwis was not deaf but heard it all, not slow to war either but swift in it. He mustered strong men, as many as there were, to march on the underground kingdom. Who led the center? He did, proud in his armor and hard to look upon. Who led the right? It was Count Hemma, unbending and wise in war, the king's brother by oath. Who led the left? Count Kyvring led it, whose hall and whose riches were the greatest any had, but he disdained comfort when foes enjoyed life.
The host seized the caves that were the porch of that realm and dared to go farther. Count Hemma slew men that had horns and were huge, Count Kyvring overcame giants that killed three men by stamping once, and more than one hound of manly size learned the king was too strong for them. The slaughter was great on both sides, but more on the one, and the country below became the king's.
Hadwis made all submit and left them afterward in ownership of their land but under his law that never again should the underground steal away living men from their landly toil but only the dead that both countries might thrive.
Finis

Declaration of Science Fiction Principles

1. "Wormhole" is a terrible term.
2. Spaceships! Woohoo!

Examining the Tail

We all know swords are cooler than bows which are cooler than many other things, gardening for instance, but are we misguided in looking at the items alone? The fact of the matter is that blacksmiths are a thousand times cooler than fletchers. The swordsman goes to a dwarf or huge guy and gets his meteorite-derived blade, but whom does the archer patronize? A workshop filled with grumbling children overseen by a sweaty man who considers manual labor beneath him.