Andrew Moore's Blog, page 5

Genuine Contributions of Ancient Astronauts

Everybody's always going on about pyramids and such, but what are the chances those helpful old aliens imported chickens, horses, wheat, and good stuff of that sort? And durian as a prank. I think parsley is probably native though. It's nice to have, but who would think to move it around?

The Giants' Fingers

What caused the trembling? Two giants disputed and rocked the earth with their wrestling. They carried on for some time.
"Brother, enough of this."
"I know it. How is this? I see a man there, five miles away. He has a clever face."
The giants Aiks and Eiks gave the man their problem. "We must know who is mightier between us. You know that for giants there is no question of older or younger; we cannot learn from that. We thought to wrestle, but if we use all our strength, there will be no mountains in this country a day longer, a shame!"
"It is lucky you asked me, for I am a blacksmith. Now give me one finger, each of you."
Aiks and Eiks did so. The smith wrought two swords, Aiksfinger and Eiksfinger. He told them to lower their heads, which they did, and hewed them off, each with the sword of the other. Aiksfinger cut through the neck of Eiks in two blows. Aiks lost his head to Eiksfinger in three. The giants set their heads back on their necks and thanked the smith for his help.
The story has wide fame. The man who gains Aiksfinger rejoices greatly. He who has Eiksfinger is cheered little less, for it is keen and good.
Finis

Addendum

And Artifact, but you know. We all know.

The Fundamental Dishonesty of Crossovers

If Spider-Man played any card game, it would be Duel Masters. Whom are these jokers trying to fool?

Addendum

In general, nautical terms suffer from the fact that sailors customarily refuse to line up spelling and pronunciation. "Gunwale" should mean one thing, "gunnel" another, and both should be cool. Well, cool-adjacent; "gunnel" sounds like a low-ranking criminal thug.

Words That Mean Something Less Cool Than They Should Corner

Gunwale.

How to Shake Things Up

Try out these powerful words and phrases you've never seen before:
Willforce
Power of will

Apology for the Maligned

Everybody's always treating arrogant young masters like real foul dudes, but I just want to say if they're both young and masters, maybe they aren't actually arrogant.

Secrets of the Star Master

Rarely was a cargo transfer performed with such jollity. Even considering the extensive use of robotic assistance, the habit of the laborer is complaint. The special consideration which delighted those workers who were facilitating a transfer from the great drone freighter, half a mile long, to their own fleet was that none of those goods belonged to them according to any laws contemplated by an orderly government.
Greater than their good humor at the prospect of the customary piratical division of plunder was their dismay and confusion when their flagship abruptly disengaged, sending many tumbling through space, though not to an irretrievable distance. The consternation extended to the ship's bridge where entrepreneurs unaccustomed to deference demanded an explanation for the captain's intemperate behavior.
His explanation satisfied. "Our guys came through with a warning. The Star Master is already past the outer peepers."
The only objection to that dealt with referring to a person as "the" anything, and that was muttered so as to be heard by nobody but an adjacent officer who replied he had always believed the Star Master to be the ship, not the captain. Soon even the quietest speech died that was not relevant to ship operations.
After the missile exchanges, the electronic rakings and counter-sweeps, and the insulting impacts of DeMarten pellets which did more in alerting the recipients about the failures of their defenses than in damage, the pirates yielded to the notorious pirate hunter. Reduced to suffering from gratitude to their attacker for allowing them to live, the conquered struggled to preserve a pellet of pride by gaining information, trivial as it was.
"So which is Star Master? The ship or the man?"
The grand figure beyond the screen did not hesitate to answer. "It's no wonder you lost, if you think a distinction exists!"
Finis

Compelling Fantasy Mythology

The main problem with crafting detailed mythologies for your setting is that you could have just set the story in those instead. That's why you should include a brief conversation along the following lines:

"'This reminds me of that possibly legendary story.'
'I know just the one you mean, and of course there is no need to elaborate.' He looked at the camera and winked."