Andrew Moore's Blog, page 64

Addendum

The language of the gods, sure. A language embedded in our genetic code by the life-seeding civilization, of course. A newly developed language that was refined by linguistic engineers so that everybody understands it instantly in a clear improvement over old models. But don't forget about alignment languages!

Keeping Up With Trends, I Tell You

Rickety: Someone who has lived his entire life on a spaceship.
Victory: A language people understand without having learned it.

The Explosive Planet

"Captain, our initial analysis is complete."
Captain Stenrugger leaned forward and propped his powerful chin on his practiced fist. "Give it to me. No need for the qualifications."
"Yes, sir." The officer consulted his datapad. "Sir, it appears an unknown civilization has laced the planet with a network of machines that, well, they've turned the whole planet into a bomb, sir."
Even the veteran explorers on the vessel were shocked, to say nothing of the newbies. Sternrugger closed his eyes in thought, more to spare them from the embarrassment of being seen disconcerted by their commander than as an aid to concentration.
"Hm. I think we'll . . . just not go there." The captain nodded, sure of his decision.
"It sure is nice that space is so big," the officers and crew all agreed later.
Finis

The Quandaries of Fantasy

Every fantasy writer sooner or later runs into the problem of whether he can call Chantilly lace that given that Chantilly is one of our Earth locations. On the one hand, it's a reference to non-fantasy stuff. On the other, so is lots of stuff. Getting hung up on that is like trying to cut off somebody's skin without getting any of the blood. Here are some points to consider.
- Who's the narrator? Even if you have an omniscient third-person thing going on, think about what kinds of references the narrator might make.
- What's the feel of the thing? Does everything have to be contained within the world, creating a sense perhaps of tension or urgency, or is it a breezier sort of story where digressions are allowed?
- Is there another way to communicate the information? Suppose someone has a pretty face and a ponytail, hanging down, a wiggle in her walk and a giggle in her talk. The reader will get the idea.

Word Frequency

I have the impression "droplet" is used more frequently in fantasy than elsewhere. Check that out, data dogs. By the way, I've just decided to call you data dogs. I think it sounds pretty tough.

Decapolice Corner

Remember when that was supposed to come out in 2023? It didn't. The whole thing is very mysterious.

Mythology Corner

Janus is the god of doors, so make sure to buy new doors and prop them against a wall somewhere. "I'll install those eventually," you say, knowing it to be a lie.

Addendum

Did the kingdom's financial difficulties have to do with all the bedding replacements and excessive soap costs? Probably. But that only raises the issue of how little we, by which I mean I but I bet you two, know about the budgets of pre-modern states. That means no matter what outrageous financial arrangements you invent for your fantasy kingdom, nobody can say a word about it. Go wild in the coming year which already has come.

The Great Auction

The kingdom's financial difficulties forced it to auction off the right to name the next year, but good came out of it. There was much entertainment had by the people as the wealthy put forth publicly the names they intended to give it, whether reminders of their glorious ancestors or sentimental tributes to their present-day families. Brotherhoods scraped together all the promises they could from multiple members in the hope of attaching some reference only members of a particular occupation understood. The king tried not to discourage anyone by giving his opinion, but court-watchers reported his every expression when he heard of the latest proposed name.
The day of the auction came too soon for the public's liking but just in time for the treasury. As the event began in the grand hall, the king himself watching though not presiding, the great door burst open and there stood a man. It was Aldis, the great hero who had saved the kingdom countless times, outfitted in his magical armor of blue and armed with his adamant-cleaving sword. No one expected him, for he had left the kingdom to seek more adventure and beside that was no rich man, having the custom of giving away wealth as soon as he took it as he did.
"I have slain the wicked dragon Tyvithoda!" he declared to the wondering gasps of all there. "And plundered all that vast hoard. None, I think, will outbid me now."
The people begged to hear what he had chosen as the name, but to judge by the king's grimace, he knew already. Neither was Aldis mistaken about his superiority in wealth, and accordingly was the year entered into the annals as the Year of the King Still Wets His Bed.
Happy New Year!
Finis

The End Approaches

It's your last chance to make something of the year. Too late, you say? That's where you're wrong. You can still beat a child at Trivial Pursuit. The satisfaction . . . the sense of superiority . . . it's what modern society is keeping from us. Take back your birthright.