Andrew Moore's Blog, page 60

Debate of the Century

Which is worse, finding out it's all a dream or that it's all a simulation? I'm going with simulation. At least a dream might be prophetic. Meanwhile, over in the simulation thing, you know there's going to be ambiguity about whether the part outside a simulation is also a simulation. Ooh, so tantalizing!

Power of Love, Refreshed

"Ready the Love Cannon," Vice President Perrault ordered. In all the explored galaxy, there were few rivals to Mackenzie Extraplanetary Engineering left, but zero is a handsome number.
"Sir, the remaining love isn't enough to neutralize the target," a nervous engineer reported. "We've used it all up!"Perrault admonished the employee. "Don't get excited. That's why we began manufacturing little candy hearts. We should be distributing already."
"About that . . ." The chief warehouse and logistics officer had just entered, wiping her forehead. "There's been a snag with the first shipment to the principal megalopolis on Earth. There was a minor accident ahead of our trucks, and now the highway is blocked by emergency vehicles and lawyers."
As much as he wanted to get straight to the firings, the vice president prioritized the current situation. "You, engineer. Is there enough love left to vaporize some lawyers?"
"Sure thing, sir."
Perrault made an instant high-level decision. "Change the Love Cannon's target."
Finis

Review of Fantasy Island

Hey, wait a minute! They were using "fantasy" in a different sense from what we use here! Aside from that, I never thought much of it.

Rating: The/Plane

Addendum

Your love triangle, I mean. I know you're all enmeshed in one, you indecisivie little so-and-sos.

A Holiday Explanation

I didn't say anything about Valentine's Day, because when it intersects fantasy, a love triangle is far too likely. I hope it went well for you though.

An Inspirational Speech

You kids think about Dragonlance when you should be taking your Dragonchance. Nothing will happen if you don't make it happen, and no hoard acquires itself. Every one of you has a Dragon Spirit inside.

Addendum

I suppose alien crime-solving technologies made up for the lack, though I wonder how interested aliens who told people to build pyramids were in stopping crime. The whole thing sounds a little new age to me.

The Intersection of Art and Order

Do you think the ancient Egyptians had trouble catching criminals because their portrait artists were so bad? It couldn't have made things easier.

Technology and Desire

After ages of ignorance and stagnation, technology was at last making real, significant progress. The world of children seemed different even from that of their parents, to say nothing of earlier generations. Manufactories produced goods with such speed and consistency that the common man could own a version, albeit lesser, of what before only the elite might enjoy. Imaginations were looking ahead to things far beyond that in both time and space, all the way to the stars above.Then the spaceship landed. Apocalyptic excitement and transcendental panic broke out, both well founded. Had their technology become too threatening, inciting the aliens to eliminate a future threat with the prudence space-faring civilizations must necessarily possess, or had they advanced enough in science and cultural maturity to be welcomed into a great interstellar community?Ports all along the galactic vessel opened. Gunports? No. From each port, a banner was unrolled, and that banner said, "Now Hiring.""For menial labor in the space mines for the rest of our short lives?" people wondered, but their worries were anticipated. More banners rolled out."Tech positions open. No experience necessary. Must be willing to learn. Must not treat modern technology like magic the way these kids today do, as if they can live their whole lives without repairing anything, which it had better not because nobody knows how. I tell you it didn't used to be like this, we took apart machines in . . ." The banner wasn't able to fit the rest of the sentiment, but the natives understood. Their bosses all said the same thing.Finis

Charlemagne

Even Yu-Gi-Oh! knows not to call him Charlemagne, and that's a game where you fight with warships made out of sushi. Such an ugly name. It goes with Charles the Great, and while Karl the Great or Big Karl are better, that's good enough.