Andrew Moore's Blog, page 57

An Avant-Garde Idea

A set of novels such that, no matter what order the individual person reads them, they're all really boring.

Science Fiction Warning and Informational Labels

Please post any of the following relevant items on the cover of your science fiction novel.

"Nothing actually happens"
"Something actually happens"
"A planet explodes"
"Humans only"
"Thinly veiled analogy for current societal problems which loses all applicability because of the aliens to which it's attached"
"Two planets explode"

Cover Design Philosophy

You publishers should probably put how many dragons are in the book right on the cover. What's that you say? A race of increasing dragon numbers will follow? Yes, exactly.

The Shepherd and the Egg

Once there was a shepherd who had fallen into lamentable poverty. He could barely do his job in the end, weakened by hunger as he was. Then, one day, he came across an egg unlike any other he had seen, for it was of many colors and shone as if made of gold. What more need be said? He cracked the egg with his crook, or tried to. It resisted his feeble first strike.
"Here is my second strike," he said, and struck it again. The egg wobbled.
"This is my third strike!" Summoning all the strength he had, the shepherd shouted and brought down his staff on the shell, which shattered. He hurried to collect as much of the egg as he could, but much soaked the ground. Sad, he sat down to eat, and as his sheep grazed around him, their wool changed into those many colors. Their wool became a prized item, and he was rescued from poverty at last.


The End


-- 500 Years Earlier --
"Grah!" The demon god roared as the mighty warrior's blade broke through its terrible hide and made an end of it.
"I have defeated you all here, all you demon gods," the warrior proclaimed.
"I cannot deny it," the demon god answered, and indeed the corpses of its several brethren were around it. "But for this we curse you! Your descendants will be of lowly station because of this curse. We meanwhile are gods. One day we will revive and attain the fullness of our power, a woeful day for all living things!"
"It may that your curse is sure to have its effect," the warrior said. "Do not think that my descendants will not shed your blood regardless. By this sword that has slain you, I swear that what I say has no falsehood in it."
Finis

How to Release a Novel

Rent a stadium and spray everyone with slime. You can tell them about your book after that, I guess.

Survivor Bias in Adaptations

Look around at poor adaptations, regardless of which medium to which other medium, and you'll see they have one factor in common: They're all based on stuff that came out. That's what holds adaptations. Adapt something that got cancelled if you want to produce something with real imagination.

An Analysis of the Sales of Final Fantasy VII: The New One

On day one, people had just looked up what it was called and therefore knew what to buy. By day two, everyone had forgotten which was which. Hence the dropoff.

Proper Philosophy

Readers! Never forget that time is strictly linear, no matter what tricks scoundrels come up with to shake your conviction.

Incurable Mischief

Writers! Make sure to copy the first four pages of your book as the last four pages in reverse order so that people who flip to the end will learn about the cyclical nature of time.

Elaboration on the Current Literary Spirit

As established, right now is the action scene, but there's more to any story than just one thing. For instance, feel free to fill your story with lots of love. Love of fighting strong opponents! Love of defending the weak! Love of plunder! Romance is fine, too. The romance of the sword.