Andrew Moore's Blog, page 65

2023 Is Still Here

I've been catching a lot of heat from the year after those things I said, so let's all say what we like about 2023. 0 is pretty classy, I think. There's mystery and intrigue in it, but also the chance for a new start. No wonder all those villains keep trying to return the world to it.

Goodbye to 2023

Now that the year's almost over, I can finally say something important. I think 2,023 is an ugly number. That 3 at the end is just no good. There's nothing on the front to balance it. 2,022 and 3,023 are both much better numbers, and 2,024 will be as well. 2,025 isn't great, but it's a small improvement.

Merry Boxing Day!

But don't give out any festive boxes. People will be so disappointed when they don't contain coupons for boxing lessons. That doesn't mean you can punch them and get it over with, though if you did, they would understand your soul through your fist. But only if you do it right. Maybe you're the one who needs boxing lessons, especially with all that eggnog and figgy pudding you've been throwing back, not to mention the wassail your beautiful voice earned you.

It Continues to be Christmas

Merry Christmas still!

The Too-True Meaning of Christmas

One winter, the priests of Wessario and the people all joined together in supplication, chanting, "Great Farden, the sun in the day and the sun in the night, the bridge across every chasm, the inventor of what is good and imprisoner of what is improper, answer our prayer and our question."
Farden stepped among them, glittering, and said, "What is your question, mortals?"
Everyone knelt except those who fell prostrate. "Great Farden, this wonderful celebration, this Christmas, what is it? Why do we celebrate it?"
Farden smiled at their simplicity. "Christmas is simply the day we choose to commemorate the birth of the Savior, the Son of God.""You have a son, O Farden?"
"Uh . . ."
"Where is he? What is his name? What are his powers?"
Farden looked upon the radiant faces of the mortals as they pressed closer and closer. He gulped. "Uh, well, you see . . . Here, drink from this flask. Be merry and whatnot."
As the people passed around the miraculous flask Farden gave them, they forgot all about that stuff he really, really shouldn't have said. He listened to a bunch of carols later and hoped Santa wouldn't mind a little memory-erasing, though the bigger problem was probably reaching other worlds like his in the first place.

Merry Christmas!
Finis

Christmas Musings

Could it be that all our stories about Santa's sleigh are really about a spaceship and Santa lived his whole life on it? The North Pole workshop is also on the spaceship. You can upgrade it with currencies your elves collect through dispatch missions. Rudolph is a product of genetic engineering, of course.

Language Corner

Did you know . . .
. . . people used to write "phantasy?" On purpose and everything. Don't that just beat all?

All-Out Galaxy Battle Tempest! Begins!

This is our last chance to enjoy democracy before the robots take over, and always remember that the best revenge is to make your enemy write a silly story.

The all-powerful supercomputer Centralizer has decreed a tournament among the galaxy's most skilled champions, but what happens will be decided not by weapon or technique, but by a bunch of AIs responding to reader votes. Vote today, before AIs kill us all!

New Book Technology

Even now engineers are designing books that can eat other books right there on the shelf. Do you have a plan to deal with that? Watch out which gifts you open this Christmas.

Ultima Lore Question

Why didn't the Avatar just call the Guardian "The Fartian" in public? He would have gotten everyone on his side. Also, what kind of villain is a big face? How did he even get followers? At least Andross was a genius scientist, and yes, I am saying Star Fox has a better story than Ultima VII.