Andrew Moore's Blog, page 117
July 12, 2022
The Characteristics of Nonhuman Races
Do lizardmen just lie on rocks for twenty hours a day? I bet they do.
July 10, 2022
To See the Future Is to Conquer It
The astrologers claimed the world would change, that the heavens would treat them differently, and the great king listened. He thought, he mused, and he pondered till the gods spoke to him.
He commanded a great work. The cleverest designed it, the wealthiest funded it, and the strongest carried it out. For years blocks were cut, hauled, and set in place so that above the groaning plain rose the pyramid, the answer to the certain prophecy.
When the work was done, the great king himself ascended to the very apex. None of his counselors did he permit there to attend him. He waited, he waited, and he waited.
Then, at last, clouds gathered and for the first time gave the land snow. And the great king was the first of thousands to sled down the pyramid, which was so rad he had it written on pillars in order that all who read of his feat throughout the ages might know how totally sick it was.
Finis
He commanded a great work. The cleverest designed it, the wealthiest funded it, and the strongest carried it out. For years blocks were cut, hauled, and set in place so that above the groaning plain rose the pyramid, the answer to the certain prophecy.
When the work was done, the great king himself ascended to the very apex. None of his counselors did he permit there to attend him. He waited, he waited, and he waited.
Then, at last, clouds gathered and for the first time gave the land snow. And the great king was the first of thousands to sled down the pyramid, which was so rad he had it written on pillars in order that all who read of his feat throughout the ages might know how totally sick it was.
Finis
Addendum
I hope the secret isn't just that he's strong. That's boring.
July 8, 2022
Organic Trends Are Smelly
Out: Sand magic.
In: A woodsman with a secret.
In: A woodsman with a secret.
July 7, 2022
Q&A Corner
Q. What would a country without a strong naval tradition call spaceships?
A. Starwagons.
A. Starwagons.
July 6, 2022
Sixth of July
And now, world government. You don't need to do anything about that, but stocking up for the following total breakdown in civilization might be wise. Though insufficient.
Fifth of July
All right, fun's over, time to kneel to the queen again.
July 4, 2022
Fourth of July
See title. But also, remember that people will still be barbecuing in space, unless the dystopian future government stamps it out.
July 3, 2022
The Projceleb List
Alfred Bristow walked into the airlock, or rather the lobby. Department C had attempted for the entirety of his tenure there, and surely before that, to persuade employees not to call it the airlock. One hoped its other projects saw greater success, as indeed they did when Bristow was in charge of them.
"The Unassuming Gentleman is inside," the secretary directed. Bristow nodded, walked into the office, and took a seat. There was indeed an unassuming gentleman inside. Bristow had of course learned the man's name long before, but feigned ignorance on that point. No need to make things awkward, he reasoned. For himself. Besides the man, there was unassuming furniture and objets d'art, the exact amount a comfortable man in a comfortable position would have. A difficult calculation given the ready availability of every possible item in every possible material.
"Modern industry is wonderful, wouldn't you say, sir?"
"What in the world are you talking about, Bristow?" His superior turned around and harrumphed. "We need you to focus on this one. It just came down from Department S. They're hopping mad over there. It seems their database of newborns projected to become famous has been stolen."
"What's the motive?"
"We're operating under the presumption the thieves intend to take pictures of the babies to sell in thirty, forty years." "Well, that's hardly a crime, is it?"
The unassuming gentleman tapped the papers on his desk. "What's important is that said database is absolutely vital for the Department S eugenics program. It simply cannot be replaced."
Alfred Bristow leaned back. "Eugenics program, sir? I never knew they had one of those."
"Yes, well, they like to keep inputs and outputs separate. Get on it, would you?"
"Yes, sir." Bristow rose and left.
Finis
"The Unassuming Gentleman is inside," the secretary directed. Bristow nodded, walked into the office, and took a seat. There was indeed an unassuming gentleman inside. Bristow had of course learned the man's name long before, but feigned ignorance on that point. No need to make things awkward, he reasoned. For himself. Besides the man, there was unassuming furniture and objets d'art, the exact amount a comfortable man in a comfortable position would have. A difficult calculation given the ready availability of every possible item in every possible material.
"Modern industry is wonderful, wouldn't you say, sir?"
"What in the world are you talking about, Bristow?" His superior turned around and harrumphed. "We need you to focus on this one. It just came down from Department S. They're hopping mad over there. It seems their database of newborns projected to become famous has been stolen."
"What's the motive?"
"We're operating under the presumption the thieves intend to take pictures of the babies to sell in thirty, forty years." "Well, that's hardly a crime, is it?"
The unassuming gentleman tapped the papers on his desk. "What's important is that said database is absolutely vital for the Department S eugenics program. It simply cannot be replaced."
Alfred Bristow leaned back. "Eugenics program, sir? I never knew they had one of those."
"Yes, well, they like to keep inputs and outputs separate. Get on it, would you?"
"Yes, sir." Bristow rose and left.
Finis
Frequently Asked Questions in a Parallel Dimension
Q. Can sand magic control time?
A. Can cartographers control geology?
Q. They can in this parallel dimension.
A. Can cartographers control geology?
Q. They can in this parallel dimension.
