Andrew Moore's Blog, page 115
August 2, 2022
Modern Crossovers Are Really Something
Star Wars x Wheel of Time? I never would have come up with that one.
July 31, 2022
Thrilling Space Commerce
"Approaching the destination, Captain."
"Good. Put it on the viewscreen." Before the crew appeared a celestial body unlike any other, a thing of majesty and ancient rites no product of the modern age could contemplate without terror.
"The mummy planet," an officer breathed. The captain suppressed his irritation and spoke calmly.
"You are not to refer to Ferrande 4 as the mummy planet while on this ship," he reminded the crew.
"But sir! It's covered in bandages!" The officer pointed at the screen, as if none of the others had failed to notice the mysterious wrappings that covered every acre of the world and waved in the cosmic wind.
"And when our company's bid to replace those bandages is accepted, we'll all get a comfortable bonus. That will only happen if we don't offend the locals." The captain leaned back. "If there are any," he muttered, for even he was unable to deny his dread of the bizarre planet's secrets. He was, however, able to overlook it so long as there was a payout at the end. But was there? Find out in next week's episode, "It Turns Out the Mummy Planet Is Evil and We Have to Destroy the Core!"
Finis
"Good. Put it on the viewscreen." Before the crew appeared a celestial body unlike any other, a thing of majesty and ancient rites no product of the modern age could contemplate without terror.
"The mummy planet," an officer breathed. The captain suppressed his irritation and spoke calmly.
"You are not to refer to Ferrande 4 as the mummy planet while on this ship," he reminded the crew.
"But sir! It's covered in bandages!" The officer pointed at the screen, as if none of the others had failed to notice the mysterious wrappings that covered every acre of the world and waved in the cosmic wind.
"And when our company's bid to replace those bandages is accepted, we'll all get a comfortable bonus. That will only happen if we don't offend the locals." The captain leaned back. "If there are any," he muttered, for even he was unable to deny his dread of the bizarre planet's secrets. He was, however, able to overlook it so long as there was a payout at the end. But was there? Find out in next week's episode, "It Turns Out the Mummy Planet Is Evil and We Have to Destroy the Core!"
Finis
July 29, 2022
History Corner
Did you know . . . that shoes were not always divided into left and right feet? But the power elite wants to split us apart so we never realize our strength and topple it.
July 28, 2022
Addendum
Or a fictional narcotic. Or kind of drink. "I'll have the Brass Lizard '84." No, probably some kind of siege engine. "Sir, they're hauling up the brass lizards!" Yeah, that's it.
Clarification
The brassard is not to be confused with the brass lizard, which is a torture device, probably.
July 27, 2022
An Example
"The man's brassard marked him as a member of the Power Elite, the foremost thaumamarchs on the continent."
July 26, 2022
The Latest Keyword
Be sure to insert "brassard" into your story so everybody knows you're cool.
July 25, 2022
On the Future of Political Science
Theo straightened up, smiling. The sunflowers were coming in nicely. They looked as close to the pictures as anything he had ever tried to grow, not counting pictures of bombed-out battlefields. Things were looking up for the old lawnissimus.
He was still watering when the government shuttle pulled up. Sleek and dark, made entirely from one-way translucent material, the vehicle stopped on a penny's small change right in front of Theo's standardized domicile.
A man stepped out with a tablet in one hand and a universal surgical device in the other. "You have been reassigned to District 77509. Where would you like your ID chip?"
"Oh, uh, I think there's room under my left armpit. Ouch! Thanks. Why was I reassigned?"
The official answered as he did his paperwork, sans paper. "You know how we developed the ability to detect human happiness remotely?" "Yeah, sure."
"And reconfigured our political system to choose representatives based on happiness directly instead of by proxies such as voting or riots?"
"Uh huh."
"Well, naturally we started new-style gerrymandering the second that happened. And at a house-by-house level, too. You're a little too happy for District 77498. Larson has sufficient approval as it is. All right, done. Have fun in your new district."
"I'm sure I will." Theo waved at the departing shuttle.
Afterwards he discovered some weeds in his backyard. A government shuttle drove up five minutes later.
Finis
He was still watering when the government shuttle pulled up. Sleek and dark, made entirely from one-way translucent material, the vehicle stopped on a penny's small change right in front of Theo's standardized domicile.
A man stepped out with a tablet in one hand and a universal surgical device in the other. "You have been reassigned to District 77509. Where would you like your ID chip?"
"Oh, uh, I think there's room under my left armpit. Ouch! Thanks. Why was I reassigned?"
The official answered as he did his paperwork, sans paper. "You know how we developed the ability to detect human happiness remotely?" "Yeah, sure."
"And reconfigured our political system to choose representatives based on happiness directly instead of by proxies such as voting or riots?"
"Uh huh."
"Well, naturally we started new-style gerrymandering the second that happened. And at a house-by-house level, too. You're a little too happy for District 77498. Larson has sufficient approval as it is. All right, done. Have fun in your new district."
"I'm sure I will." Theo waved at the departing shuttle.
Afterwards he discovered some weeds in his backyard. A government shuttle drove up five minutes later.
Finis
July 24, 2022
Addendum
The final stage is no warships at all. Your cybermaturgically enhanced warriors fight in the void unaided.
July 22, 2022
Deep Science Fiction Musings
Space strategy games usually start you out with small warships and make you work your way up. I bet it would be the other way around.
