Andrew Moore's Blog, page 119
June 21, 2022
James Bond Rankings of Power
I've now seen all but one James Bond movie, which is the perfect number to devise the summoning ritual that involves saying the names of James Bond actors in the correct order. This is too dangerous for mortal knowledge, but this is the internet, so here goes.
1. Sean Connery
2. Pierce Brosnan
3. Woody Allen
4. Timothy Dalton
5. David Niven
6. Barry Nelson
7. Roger Moore
8. Joanna Pettet
9. George Lazenby
10. Daniel Craig
11. Terence Cooper
12. Peter Sellers
Some might claim I'm missing a few, but those ones don't count for reasons of hermeticism
1. Sean Connery
2. Pierce Brosnan
3. Woody Allen
4. Timothy Dalton
5. David Niven
6. Barry Nelson
7. Roger Moore
8. Joanna Pettet
9. George Lazenby
10. Daniel Craig
11. Terence Cooper
12. Peter Sellers
Some might claim I'm missing a few, but those ones don't count for reasons of hermeticism
Moderation in All Things
"Yeah, this book is good, but it would be better if it were bad."
June 19, 2022
Difficult Moral Questions
The hero and his wary companions crouched down to pass through the portal, half-blocked by a half-fallen column. The space within, once a chamber of a tall and sprawling palace but now more appropriately called a den.
"What kind of sage lives here?" the warrior wondered.
"This kind!" The dust itself seemed to lift from the floor's cracked tiles and became a mist. Out of it walked a man, robed and menacing in his dark power. "I am the sage you seek. The last sage of evil in all the world. And the wisdom you are to hear from me is to be careful of your actions and how far you go. There is a balance in this world, a balance of good and evil. You must not wipe out evil from the world!"
The hero gasped. "Why?"
"Because I would get lonely. There are hardly any evil people around as it is. Imagine if nobody else used swords. Nobody would understand why you think better swords are a big deal. Shops would stop selling them!"
"That does sound bad for you, but I think the world as a whole will get by," the healer mused.
"And, on top of that, can't you just get a hobby?" the lovable rogue asked. "Like gardening or polo. People are doing a lot with astronomy these days, right? You can have interests other than just being evil. That actually sounds pretty boring. Do you really talk about how evil you are with other people?"
The sage of terror examined his nails. "I used to, but you killed most of them. Not that they didn't deserve it, but you know how it is. Besides, I have no need for advice from you. I'm a sage. Obviously I already attended several meetings of a society of percussion enthusiasts, but I had to stop. I feared I was becoming less evil."
"Isn't that good? To be good?" the healer asked.
"No, because of the balance."
And when all the evil power was destroyed and the recreational glassblowing scene grew so big that it was all the last evil sage could do to keep up with it, leaving him no time for evil, the world did just fine. Better than ever, as it happened.
Finis
"What kind of sage lives here?" the warrior wondered.
"This kind!" The dust itself seemed to lift from the floor's cracked tiles and became a mist. Out of it walked a man, robed and menacing in his dark power. "I am the sage you seek. The last sage of evil in all the world. And the wisdom you are to hear from me is to be careful of your actions and how far you go. There is a balance in this world, a balance of good and evil. You must not wipe out evil from the world!"
The hero gasped. "Why?"
"Because I would get lonely. There are hardly any evil people around as it is. Imagine if nobody else used swords. Nobody would understand why you think better swords are a big deal. Shops would stop selling them!"
"That does sound bad for you, but I think the world as a whole will get by," the healer mused.
"And, on top of that, can't you just get a hobby?" the lovable rogue asked. "Like gardening or polo. People are doing a lot with astronomy these days, right? You can have interests other than just being evil. That actually sounds pretty boring. Do you really talk about how evil you are with other people?"
The sage of terror examined his nails. "I used to, but you killed most of them. Not that they didn't deserve it, but you know how it is. Besides, I have no need for advice from you. I'm a sage. Obviously I already attended several meetings of a society of percussion enthusiasts, but I had to stop. I feared I was becoming less evil."
"Isn't that good? To be good?" the healer asked.
"No, because of the balance."
And when all the evil power was destroyed and the recreational glassblowing scene grew so big that it was all the last evil sage could do to keep up with it, leaving him no time for evil, the world did just fine. Better than ever, as it happened.
Finis
June 18, 2022
June 17, 2022
History Corner
People used to put up rings of big rocks. They thought that was a good use of their time. So don't feel bad about putting together model airplanes.
June 16, 2022
Big Dragon's Dogma News
Is it true the next Dragon's Dogma game will take place in space and have jetpacks, space lances, and astral trolls?
Their kind hates lasers and missiles both!
Their kind hates lasers and missiles both!
June 15, 2022
Big Fire Emblem News
Is it true the next Fire Emblem game will take place in space and have jetpacks, space lances, and survivors of supersoldier experiments with high HP?
I know that isn't what the alleged leaks say, but I thought it would be more fun to make up my own. It's not as if knowing about the next game changes it. The matter does not wait upon our approval or fear our condemnation.
I know that isn't what the alleged leaks say, but I thought it would be more fun to make up my own. It's not as if knowing about the next game changes it. The matter does not wait upon our approval or fear our condemnation.
Addendum
When James Bond dies, he'll go to a special heaven where there are parades of double-taking pigeons all day. Let's all live worthwhile lives and earn wondrous rewards such as that.
June 14, 2022
The Latest James Bond Scholarship
After the extensive research of watching most of the James Bond movies, including all three Casino Royales, I have a startling observation: These movies sure cut to parades a lot. Can't get enough of it.
June 13, 2022
The Case of the Impervious Perpetrator
The detective looked over the corpse, which had been separated from its animating spirit as neatly as any ever had. "Tough break, rookie. You get to come in on what's shaping up to be the most mystifying case of my career."
"I don't see how. That guy did it, right? He's standing right there." He pointed at a man standing nearby who cleaned his starfurymetal sword, humming. That man had filled every gear slot with an item cheaper than a palace made of diamonds and not much else.
"Yeah, so what do we do about it? He must be level 70 if he's 7."
"Gentle persuasion, sir."
"His Persuasion stat is so high he might convince us to take the blame for it. Start running if he opens his mouth."
The killer looked over and winked at the cops, who thought over the situation as hard as they could. Was it necessary to solve every death in the country? Acts of nature happened, and the average hurricane was level 48 at most.
"I'm unutterably disappointed in the two of you."
"Sorry, chief. We'll watch how you take care of it."
"Now I'm disappointed in myself. You know, acts of nature do happen."
"Can't disagree there, chief."
Finis
"I don't see how. That guy did it, right? He's standing right there." He pointed at a man standing nearby who cleaned his starfurymetal sword, humming. That man had filled every gear slot with an item cheaper than a palace made of diamonds and not much else.
"Yeah, so what do we do about it? He must be level 70 if he's 7."
"Gentle persuasion, sir."
"His Persuasion stat is so high he might convince us to take the blame for it. Start running if he opens his mouth."
The killer looked over and winked at the cops, who thought over the situation as hard as they could. Was it necessary to solve every death in the country? Acts of nature happened, and the average hurricane was level 48 at most.
"I'm unutterably disappointed in the two of you."
"Sorry, chief. We'll watch how you take care of it."
"Now I'm disappointed in myself. You know, acts of nature do happen."
"Can't disagree there, chief."
Finis
