Andrew Moore's Blog, page 116
July 22, 2022
Has Anyone Done This One Yet?
Diablo Importunate
July 21, 2022
An Example
"You gotta spin out that clingety to spin axles, 'ceive?"
This means, "You perceive, do you not, that I demand to be paid money in exchange for employing my coach in carrying passengers?" A common statement rendered immersive and invigorating by the appropriate terminology.
This means, "You perceive, do you not, that I demand to be paid money in exchange for employing my coach in carrying passengers?" A common statement rendered immersive and invigorating by the appropriate terminology.
July 20, 2022
Proper Terminology
What not to call money if you're trying to sound fantasy-y: Coin.
What to call money if you want to immerse people in your amazing fantasy world: Clingety.
What to call money if you want to immerse people in your amazing fantasy world: Clingety.
July 18, 2022
Imagine Being a Rare Is Complete
The latest, hottest story about the characters of a mobile game jockeying for status in a milieu where nothing matters is done! You can read it for free on Royal Road, which is the correct decision to make. Much better than playing a mobile game or reading anything else. There are gags, hijinks, numbers that go up, and even a plot and characters for the snobs to enjoy. What could be better?
The Case of the Suspicious Syrup
Saccrus lifted a small bottle out of the case. "Take a look at this, if you would." He placed it on the table where the overhead light emphasized how dark and pure the liquid inside looked. "Oh no, none of that," he said, snatching away the bottle when his prospective customer, Liddramnus, reached for it. "They say a single taste of Yggdrasil syrup will satisfy a tongue for a week. I don't believe that myself, but I can't risk my business, can I?"
"I suppose not. No, I quite see what you mean." Liddramnus held his hand over the table and released a string of coins, then another as Saccrus beckoned, and a third. He hesitated before the fourth, but he let it go like a wonderful summer when fall arrives.
"Right, that's it. Everybody out." A man rolled out from under a couch against the wall, another popped out of the decorative sarcophagus, and the chandelier lowered from the ceiling to disgorge the two police officers hiding within its bowl. Neither the buyer nor the seller had any chance to escape that press.
"Well, well, Saccrus, selling counterfeit Yggdrasil sap? I'm shocked at you." Inspector Iagius grabbed the bottle, opened it, and tasted. "Yes, no doubt there. This tastes decent. The real stuff," he addressed that to Liddramnus, "is about as foul as anything you'll ever taste. And there's lots of it, too. Big tree, you know. Cheap as anything, should be. But people just can't help themselves when it comes to name brands."
Custos Falgunus chimed in. "That's why the duties are so heavy. Anyone stupid enough to buy it deserves to be impoverished a little."
"No point moralizing with these gentlemen. We won't see them again for a long time. Hustle along, fellows." The police marched out the pair of future convicts who pulled their coats over their heads to avoid shame, but everyone would know who had been nabbed. Rumors were always true when it came to that.
Finis
"I suppose not. No, I quite see what you mean." Liddramnus held his hand over the table and released a string of coins, then another as Saccrus beckoned, and a third. He hesitated before the fourth, but he let it go like a wonderful summer when fall arrives.
"Right, that's it. Everybody out." A man rolled out from under a couch against the wall, another popped out of the decorative sarcophagus, and the chandelier lowered from the ceiling to disgorge the two police officers hiding within its bowl. Neither the buyer nor the seller had any chance to escape that press.
"Well, well, Saccrus, selling counterfeit Yggdrasil sap? I'm shocked at you." Inspector Iagius grabbed the bottle, opened it, and tasted. "Yes, no doubt there. This tastes decent. The real stuff," he addressed that to Liddramnus, "is about as foul as anything you'll ever taste. And there's lots of it, too. Big tree, you know. Cheap as anything, should be. But people just can't help themselves when it comes to name brands."
Custos Falgunus chimed in. "That's why the duties are so heavy. Anyone stupid enough to buy it deserves to be impoverished a little."
"No point moralizing with these gentlemen. We won't see them again for a long time. Hustle along, fellows." The police marched out the pair of future convicts who pulled their coats over their heads to avoid shame, but everyone would know who had been nabbed. Rumors were always true when it came to that.
Finis
July 16, 2022
A Bold Literary Statement
Genres have no inherent value. "Oh, but it's satire!" That doesn't mean it's good.
July 15, 2022
The New Era of Social Commentary
We've had satire, we've had allegory. What's needed now are books that aren't like anything at all. "You mean magical realism?" That's just what cowards call fantasy. "You mean LitRPG?" No. Getting better at things is far too realistic. "You mean books where the character motivations don't really make any sense, and you think at first it's just to serve the plot, but there doesn't really seem to be much of a plot?" That's right. Complete literary decadence. Once we're bored with that, we can think about writing good books again.
July 14, 2022
Fantasy Map Tip
Before you start sketching out the plates and wind patterns of your world, ask yourself this: "Does this world even have this junk?" Advice about fantasy maps always starts with denying the fantasy part, which is sometimes desirable but not always.
Answer and Question Corner
A. Encumbrance.
Q. How can I make players have less fun?
Q. How can I make players have less fun?
July 13, 2022
Addendum
Once there was a lizardman prince who lay on rocks for only nineteen hours a day. He became the greatest lizardman hero of all time.
